Woggle Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 I am sitting here thinking and I can't seem to find one reason why my wife would stay in this marriage. She makes her own money, is attractive and would have no problem getting a man. She does not need me which is what worried the crap out of me. I really think I would have been better off getting a stepford wife that depended on me. At least than I would know why she was here but this marriage is just a big question mark to me. I am struggling to not kill her attraction to me which is why I decided to cancel cooking for her on her birthday. I don't want her going to work the next day and having her laugh at me for being weak? How do you keep a woman like this attracted? Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 It sounds like you have a wonderful wife who genuinely loves you. Why does she need some sinister, cynical motive? You are a lucky guy. Stop worrying so much. And cooking a meal for someone on their birthday is kind, it isn't "weak." You seem to have some pretty retrograde attitudes. Get some counseling before you mess up your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 Woggle If you had married somebody who had to depend on you financially, you would then probably be moaning about that, saying she is a golddigger or lazy because she has no job. You can't have it both ways. Fact is she is with you because she chooses to be with you. Just as it should be. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 She is with you because she loves you Woggle. And you know what? That's awesome. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 Maybe she is only with you because she thinks you are going to cook for her on her birthday. So maybe you had better. btw a one of the signs of a relationship being healthy is that wanting to be in it is stronger than needing to be in it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted April 2, 2010 Author Share Posted April 2, 2010 Woggle If you had married somebody who had to depend on you financially, you would then probably be moaning about that, saying she is a golddigger or lazy because she has no job. You can't have it both ways. Fact is she is with you because she chooses to be with you. Just as it should be. Yes but then I would have piece of mind. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 I decided to cancel cooking for her on her birthday. Take it from an old fart....mistake. You have a good woman. Don't blow it... Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 Yes but then I would have piece of mind. It's "peace" Wog. Or was that maybe a Freudian slip up? Not to be mean...I'm just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 I can tell you that if she ever does get to see the real Woggle than she probably won't be staying in the marriage, but it doesn't matter because you will still lame her for the failed marriage. You can never do any wrong. Its always the womans fault. You still have time to change and save your marriage. I already know you won't listen to any rational advice on here, so like others have already suggested to you, go see a professional. There are some good one out there, so don't assume that just because you didn't like the one you saw that they will all be that way. You have a habit of making excuses for everything and at 31 years of age that needs to stop. Start acting your age and take control of your life and start living healthy. *Every single person who has been in a relationsip takes a risk by opening themselves up to that person. Some will get hurt and some will live a happy and healthy life. You can increase your odds of living happy and healthy by opening up to her and taking a risk* Link to post Share on other sites
BettyBoop Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 I am struggling to not kill her attraction to me which is why I decided to cancel cooking for her on her birthday. I don't want her going to work the next day and having her laugh at me for being weak? How do you keep a woman like this attracted? You think so little of your wife after all this that she would laugh at you for cooking for her birthday? Whenever my boyfriend has cooked me dinner for my birthday it makes him look even more attractive because it shows that he cares for god's sake! Cooking isn't a sign of being weak - it's a sign of affection, wanting to make the other person happy, Woggle. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 I am sitting here thinking and I can't seem to find one reason why my wife would stay in this marriage. She makes her own money, is attractive and would have no problem getting a man. Sad that you don't think she has one now. I am struggling to not kill her attraction to me which is why I decided to cancel cooking for her on her birthday. And thus begins another cycle of you provoking, prodding, challenging your marriage as some kind of a twisted test because you don't trust it, you don't trust her. And you'll keep doing it until you break it, at which point you'll have the certainty you are looking for, because you will be certain that its demise proves all of your theories, validates all of your fears and stereotypes. You'll be reassured with the certainty that every one of 'them' is the enemy. I don't want her going to work the next day and having her laugh at me for being weak? You know, it used to seem like you thought negative things about all women, but that you considered your wife an exception. However, if you have so little understanding of her, so little trust in this one individual who you should know best in the world, that you can even imagine that she was capable of this, then you have truly lost your last grip on reality. Link to post Share on other sites
WalkInThePark Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 You have such a warped way of thinking. If my partner would cook me a meal for my birthday, even something really simple, I would boast about it the next day to my colleagues because I would feel one happy woman. Be glad that you have a wife who makes her own money and is attractive. Whenever you will be seen with her people will have a higher opinion of you because they will think: "This guy must have something special if this woman has chosen him." You know what? Read Gerhard's post about his golddigger woman. Do you really want to be married to someone like that. You are the typical man who is actually afraid of a capable woman. Probably because you have selfesteem issues. Why don't you try to be happy that your wife wants to be with you and let yourself be influenced by the positive way in which she leads her life? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 Agreeing with all the above. Women brag about H's who cook special dinners for them! Weak?! There is so much strength in kindness. There is weakness in fear, however. Is your decision about the dinner based in kindness or fear? Woggle, you sound painfully insecure. That can cause marital problems, but primarily is a personal problem. Have you considered IC to explore your own self esteem and trust issues? Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmasMuse Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 I guess its just to good to be true for you huh Woggle? Hard to believe there are good women out there. If you haven't done so, maybe seek some help for why you feel you are so insecure and why you sabotage your own happiness. And if you already know why, then maybe find out why you keep doing it. I guess you get some kind of pay off from it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted April 2, 2010 Author Share Posted April 2, 2010 If women love it when men cook for them why is it that I hear two women everyday laughing at their husbands for things like that. I just wish that I got myself a stepford wife who depended on me. Women don't just stay with men because they love them so what is her deal? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 .....Are you SERIOUS????? Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 .....Are you SERIOUS????? Yup, OCD looping again. It will never end. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 If women love it when men cook for them why is it that I hear two women everyday laughing at their husbands for things like that. I just wish that I got myself a stepford wife who depended on me. Women don't just stay with men because they love them so what is her deal? Woggle, women DO stay with men because they love them. "Stepford wives" don't exist. It is a stereotype, not a real woman. Listen closely to the lyrics of Landslide if you think that is the answer. Love is the ONLY reason to stay forever. Those women you hear laughing do NOT love and appreciate their husbands They are bottom of the barrel. Is your wife truly like them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted April 2, 2010 Author Share Posted April 2, 2010 Woggle, women DO stay with men because they love them. "Stepford wives" don't exist. It is a stereotype, not a real woman. Listen closely to the lyrics of Landslide if you think that is the answer. Love is the ONLY reason to stay forever. Those women you hear laughing do NOT love and appreciate their husbands They are bottom of the barrel. Is your wife truly like them? Deep down I feel all or at least most women are truly like them. Maybe stepford wives don't exist but I wish I could be like these old school guido types who pretty keep their women under their thumbs. They are the only men I know who are not getting cheated on left and right and being treated utter garbage by the women in their life. The so called progressive men are being rolled over in the name of feminism. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 She doesn't 'have' to depend on you. She 'chooses' to depend on you. Healthy interdependence by choice is a cornerstone of a healthy and loving relationship. Cook her the d@mn dinner.... Link to post Share on other sites
Luv2dance Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 I don't know you, but I know I would LOVE it if my husband would cook a meal for me. He doesn't cook never has, well except for the grilling, and it would be a great surprise. I would never make fun of him or consider this weak. You can't be sure of anything in life, but sounds like she's with you because she loves you. All women are not the same and it drives me crazy that a lot of men seem to think this way! Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 You need to relax and enjoy the ride. Your fear and insecurity will wind up being your worst enemy, and the the base reason for many of your problems. Trying to keep a hold on love is like holding a fistful of sand. The harder you grip it, the more of it that slips between your fingers. You can't chase down happiness Wog. You have to be secure, calm, and at peace. Then it will find you. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 You don't know. You have to trust that she respects and values your marriage. A woman/man who respects and values her/his marriage does not discuss her/his marital relationship with others IRL. 'Hubby cooked me a wonderful dinner last night'. Healthy. 'Yeah, what a pathetic loser. He thinks cooking me dinner will get him some. Fat chance.' Unhealthy. Do you think your wife is unhealthy? Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 Personally, I'm not so worried about what other people think or say about me. If I feel like doing something nice for someone, I do it and don't worry about it. If she says she'd rather I didn't, or I find out she doesn't appreciate it, then I'll quit. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 I am just going to concentrate on the cooking for her birthday issue. I am in my early 40's and I have NEVER EVER heard woman mocking their husbands for cooking ?!? Bragging yes, woman DO brag about the nice things their men do for them. I just can't even picture the scenario. EVERY woman I know would be like "Cool, send him my way if you don't appreciate it " ! My GF just posted a FB update bragging about the great dinner her hubby cooked her. So, if you DON'T cook for her on her B-day do you plan to do ANYTHING ? Is a card " weak" ? Is a gift " emasculating" ??? Link to post Share on other sites
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