Why is my wife with me?

[Woggle]

I don't know what to do that will not cause her to lose attraction for me.

[JBelle]

Well, then, move on. Personal attacks (e.g. stupidities) are not welcome here. Capisce?

 

Yup. (But, honestly, it had to be said. None of the rest of you are getting through, are you?)

[carhill]

Doesn't matter. It's not allowed, by men or women. Do you know that Wog's ex is in prison for attempting to kill him with a gun? You're new. Go read a bit. Or, if you're a recycled poster, help us so we can put you on ignore. Thanks

[Mme. Chaucer]

Woggle,

 

How about putting your wife FIRST for her birthday? Cooking dinner for her, or doing any other special or nice thing for her, could come BEFORE your own feelings and your need to protect and control what happens to them. Forget about yourself for one day a year.

 

Do you know your wife? Did you marry a heinous wench who would laugh at you for cooking on her birthday? Then I'm sorry. I doubt that's the truth though.

 

Even if you've married a saintly woman, you are probably on the road to proving yourself "right" once again. Nobody would be able to tolerate a man who acts like you talk for long. When you finally drive her away, revel to your heart's content in how she proved all of your theories about the duplicity of women to be correct. Fantasize all you wish to about how she has been planning it all along, and how she has been cheating with more "guido-like" dudes.

 

I am kind of new here but I get that you have pretty much worn out the regulars on these fora with your hate towards women and your constant lashing out in your effort to "protect" yourself from nonexistent threats.

 

You've been told this 402,874,884 times already, at least, but let me tell you again:

 

"Real" women in wonderful relationships LOVE when their men do kind, caring things for them. A man who feels comfortable and safe enough to reveal his own vulnerability in a good relationship is doing a lot towards the nurturing and survival of the relationship.

 

My boyfriend is the manliest man who ever manned, and he LOVES to "take care" of me. Our work lives and finances are completely independent and we got together when each of us had full lives behind us (i.e. we're old).

 

Also, sometimes "stepford wives" have epiphanies and wake up. They leave the ******* husbands in the dust.

 

 

A safer bet for you, since you obviously are not interested in working on changing your self, is to get a lifelike fake woman. Check out this link:

 

http://www.kanojotoys.com/candygirl-jewel-rosa-japanese-love-doll-p-167.html?a_aid=d18a4d0b

 

Physically superior to any of us real folk, and they will never annoy with talking, personality, wayward behavior of any kind ... nor will they get saggy or fatter.

 

Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder?

[JBelle]

Doesn't matter. It's not allowed, by men or women. Do you know that Wog's ex is in prison for attempting to kill him with a gun? You're new. Go read a bit. Or, if you're a recycled poster, help us so we can put you on ignore. Thanks

 

No, I didn't know that. (How is that a wonderful woman?) How far back is that post? And why is everyone here in agreement that she's wonderful, if she has done this?

[Woggle]

No, I didn't know that. (How is that a wonderful woman?) How far back is that post? And why is everyone here in agreement that she's wonderful, if she has done this?

 

She is my ex and not my current wife and she did her time for trying to kill me. Now she is facing trial for armed robbery and possession of drugd with intent to distribute.

 

She is not the reason I feel this way. Everyday I work with two women who ridicule their husbands for doing nice things then I go on this boared and I see women cheating on and leaving good men all the time so what makes my wife any different?

[JBelle]

Doesn't matter. It's not allowed, by men or women. Do you know that Wog's ex is in prison for attempting to kill him with a gun? You're new. Go read a bit. Or, if you're a recycled poster, help us so we can put you on ignore. Thanks

Edit: Oooh, ex...

I guess you are saying that he's damaged from his previous relationship? Ah, well, then I apologize. I guess, I can see that now.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Woggle, why don't you concentrate on the posts here from ALL the women who love their husbands / boyfriends and who are doing all they can to keep their relationships blossoming? I think there are more of us than the "bad" cheaters posting here.

[JBelle]

She is my ex and not my current wife and she did her time for trying to kill me. Now she is facing trial for armed robbery and possession of drugd with intent to distribute.

 

She is not the reason I feel this way. Everyday I work with two women who ridicule their husbands for doing nice things then I go on this boared and I see women cheating on and leaving good men all the time so what makes my wife any different?

 

Aah! Well, then, I'm sorry for what I said. My context of the situation was bad. I'm sorry for saying that to you.

 

You may not think your ex has anything to do with your current feelings; but things pile up on you.....

[Woggle]

Woggle, why don't you concentrate on the posts here from ALL the women who love their husbands / boyfriends and who are doing all they can to keep their relationships blossoming? I think there are more of us than the "bad" cheaters posting here.

 

Where are they?

[carhill]

Wogs, thanks for the update on the ex. I realize some posters have lost patience over the repetition, as I do in some cases here on LS. When that happens, the healthy thing to do is step back. I personally feel you're going to make this marriage work so that's why I'm still in here, even as I'm divorcing myself.

 

Perhaps repetitious, but have you ever tried accepting these two ladies perspectives as who *they* are? You have an example of a different perspective, that of your wife. That's who *she* is. Do you see the difference? If you can't trust yourself enough to know your wife isn't two-faced, since you post how loving she is to you, then *you* shouldn't be married to her. Look in the mirror. The solution is in the mirror. And, yes, I will keep on repeating it

 

I don't know what to do that will not cause her to lose attraction for me.

 

After dinner, ravish her in a different and unconventional way. New and mysterious is what fuels attraction. Change it up. You can enjoy both sides. Do it

Edited April 2, 2010 by carhill

[Holding-On]

The kind of man you hate is the kind that does the best with women. If I cook for her how do I know she will not be telling her friends at work how pathetic I am the next day.

 

Remember when you posted that you happened to read what she wrote about you on a message board and it was all good? There is your answer.

 

As a person from a negative family situation such as yourself, I have found cognitive behavioural therapy to be very helpful. PP are right, you are going to end up causing the very thing you dread.

 

I liked "Love is Never Enough" by Beck. Very pragmatic. A lot of truth in that book about common negative thinking patterns in married life. Also anything by the Gottmans (very scientific, well researched, and the two of them are still together after 30+ years).

[xxoo]

I don't know what to do that will not cause her to lose attraction for me.

 

You can't do anything that will guarantee she'll never lose attraction for you. That is true for all of us. There is a risk in loving, but it is usually worth the risk. You have to trust that you will be ok no matter what happens.

 

But you CAN nearly guarantee she'll lose attraction for you by treating her badly, distrusting her, and acting extremely insecure. The fear and insecurity is not attractive

 

Where are they?

 

:::waves hand::::

 

To be honest, I am in a marriage that appears "traditional" from the outside. He works a lot more than I do; I do a lot more home and kid care than he does. But I'm no stepford wife, and I'd be out of there if he didn't trust me and treat me well. I'm not helpless, and I wouldn't tolerate a bad example for our kids (mom accepting bad treatment from dad).

 

Do you tell your wife about these women you talk to? What does she say about them?

[blind_otter]

If women love it when men cook for them why is it that I hear two women everyday laughing at their husbands for things like that.

 

I wonder if these women are really laughing at their husbands or just joking around?

 

It's just that, when I was living with my ex and his older son, who is 12, I noticed that preadolescent and adolescent males tend to be very very sensitive, and will sometimes misconstrue things as insults or mocking them because they are so hypersensitive.

 

I think that maybe you might be looking for this type of behavior, so that even if you only catch snatches of conversation, you assume that they are putting men down.

 

This is normal for you, I think, because you heard this on endless repeat during your most formative years. You know that your childhood, and worse you experience with your ex, have warped and twisted the way you view reality ENTIRELY.

 

Many people out there have suffered issues with a similar dynamic. Part of the healing process means that you must accept that you are slightly handicapped when it comes to viewing the world objectively, and you must constant challenge your assumptions because they come from a defective basis.

 

This is something that cognitive behavioral therapy can help with a lot. But so few people understand that you must keep trying new therapists until you find a good fit. It will rarely be great right from the get-go, especially if you are just looking in the yellow pages.

[sally4sara]

Doesn't matter. It's not allowed, by men or women. Do you know that Wog's ex is in prison for attempting to kill him with a gun? You're new. Go read a bit. Or, if you're a recycled poster, help us so we can put you on ignore. Thanks

 

At some point tho, the actions of others wear thin as justification for our own poor behaviors. Children get to be petulant and reactionary for their immaturity. Adults ain't cute enough to get a pass on this.

 

His ex screwed up and hurt him true. She went to jail and lives a hell worthy life - justice served. Where is justice for his wife?

And his ex had drug to blame for her behavior. What is his current excuse? What sound reason is there for his wife being denied love? I can't see one. I see only irrational imaginings.

[carhill]

Still doesn't matter. Disagree with the poster on the subject matter. I get frustrated with Wog's sometimes and I say that not having too keen of an opinion of women myself these days. He still deserves respect and honest feedback/support, not an attack on his perspective using pejoratives like 'stupid'. He's not a child. I don't get away with calling women names here, so that sword cuts both directions. I don't use the alert button, rather challenge people directly.

 

Wog's, what's your wife's favorite meal?

[Woggle]

I wonder if these women are really laughing at their husbands or just joking around?

 

It's just that, when I was living with my ex and his older son, who is 12, I noticed that preadolescent and adolescent males tend to be very very sensitive, and will sometimes misconstrue things as insults or mocking them because they are so hypersensitive.

 

I think that maybe you might be looking for this type of behavior, so that even if you only catch snatches of conversation, you assume that they are putting men down.

 

This is normal for you, I think, because you heard this on endless repeat during your most formative years. You know that your childhood, and worse you experience with your ex, have warped and twisted the way you view reality ENTIRELY.

 

Many people out there have suffered issues with a similar dynamic. Part of the healing process means that you must accept that you are slightly handicapped when it comes to viewing the world objectively, and you must constant challenge your assumptions because they come from a defective basis.

 

This is something that cognitive behavioral therapy can help with a lot. But so few people understand that you must keep trying new therapists until you find a good fit. It will rarely be great right from the get-go, especially if you are just looking in the yellow pages.

 

These women are dead serious. I know for a fact that they cheat left and right and when one of them brought her husband to a company event she spent the whole night putting him down in front of everybody.

 

I might be handicapped but I think I actually have a healthier and more realistic view than most men.

[sally4sara]

Still doesn't matter. Disagree with the poster on the subject matter. I get frustrated with Wog's sometimes and I say that not having too keen of an opinion of women myself these days. He still deserves respect and honest feedback/support, not an attack on his perspective using pejoratives like 'stupid'. He's not a child. I don't get away with calling women names here, so that sword cuts both directions. I don't use the alert button, rather challenge people directly.

 

Wog's, what's your wife's favorite meal?

 

Oh I agree just; weighing on on an advise forum just to call someone stupid is pointless. But when someone is insulting in every post they make and actively seeks to be crappy to their spouse with no cause - it is going to draw some strong reactions.

 

In a household where the poster has claimed that it is common for both he and his wife share cooking duties, is it not conveniently odd that the day of her Bday, he finds an excuse to not do what is common place in his home?

 

This is someone who envies the player lifestyle. Someone who thinks about leading it. It seems he is manipulating the marriage underhandedly to get it. This isn't about his fear that she will mock him behind his back. If he was truthful in the past about both of them cooking - he would have already been mocked if his wife were going to mock him. Using the two woman at his job as an excuse to not cook on this particular night is a ploy with intent to harm. Either that or this is an attention seeking post.

 

I look at it this way, his views about women will have him seeking the kind of woman he expects to find popping up on his radar. If he chases off his wife, he will most likely be out exacting revenge on a particular kind of woman. So let him be just like his wife and mother. Let him keep gravitating to those kinds of people. If his wife is as good as he says, she will be dropping dead weight when he bounces.

 

But this post, in light of who he is? He might as well have titled it "The sun came up today".

[threebyfate]

I might be handicapped but I think I actually have a healthier and more realistic view than most men.

Straight up Woggle, you have a twisted view on women.

 

You use misogyny to strengthen yourself but it actually sinks you, just like hard drugs.

 

In creating a bogiewoman, you create something to fight against, hence stiffen your spine. But it's no good jousting with imaginary monsters. It's just draining and stupid.

[Woggle]

Straight up Woggle, you have a twisted view on women.

 

You use misogyny to strengthen yourself but it actually sinks you, just like hard drugs.

 

In creating a bogiewoman, you create something to fight against, hence stiffen your spine. But it's no good jousting with imaginary monsters. It's just draining and stupid.

 

I think I just see gender relations for what they are.

[threebyfate]

I think I just see gender relations for what they are.

I think you see nothing that's real. What you see is a molehill, blown up into a mountain.

 

I mean seriously. Are you a woman who has to create relationship drama when all is going well?

[White Flower]

I am sitting here thinking and I can't seem to find one reason why my wife would stay in this marriage. She makes her own money, is attractive and would have no problem getting a man. She does not need me which is what worried the crap out of me. I really think I would have been better off getting a stepford wife that depended on me. At least than I would know why she was here but this marriage is just a big question mark to me. I am struggling to not kill her attraction to me which is why I decided to cancel cooking for her on her birthday. I don't want her going to work the next day and having her laugh at me for being weak? How do you keep a woman like this attracted?

Aw, Woggle! You really help me understand the male mind, thank you!

 

She is there because SHE LOVES YOU. She doesn't need you so this proves it! Also, there is a difference between needing someone and being needy. If she were needy chances are that you'd run out on her or at least get tired of her clingyness.

 

Why did you feel you would look weak by cooking for her? It would have been the sweetest thing in the world.

[carhill]

Wog's, cook that dinner and make the CBT therapy appointment ASAP. Ask your wife for her support. She's lived your 'stuff', including the ex shooting at you. She's still there. She's got your back. You can do this

[blind_otter]

I might be handicapped but I think I actually have a healthier and more realistic view than most men.

 

I can't understand how you could have this point of view if you are always tortured with questions like this. That is not healthy. Psychologically balanced people do not have questions like this when they have no evidence to indicate that their partner is not trustworthy.

[White Flower]

Wog's, cook that dinner and make the CBT therapy appointment ASAP. Ask your wife for her support. She's lived your 'stuff', including the ex shooting at you. She's still there. She's got your back. You can do this

Sorry, what is CBT?