Unapologetic Married Man

[anne1707]

We have discussed the benefits of polygamy.

 

Has he had a similar conversation with his wife?

 

He would have, if it was legal in our country.

 

Therefore your discussion was pointless.

[jennie-jennie]

Therefore your discussion was pointless.

 

It might have been to you and your husband, but it was not to us.

[anne1707]

But if it is not possible to have such a relationship, what was the point?

 

And how does my husband come into this?

[jennie-jennie]

Therefore your discussion was pointless.

 

You stated this as a fact.

 

It might have been to you and your husband, but it was not to us.

 

I replied that for you as a couple it might be a fact, but what applies to one couple does not apply to another.

 

But if it is not possible to have such a relationship, what was the point?

 

And how does my husband come into this?

 

So all theoretical discussions are pointless and lead to nothing?

 

In my opinion it is very interesting to ponder whether the problem would be non-existant in a different type of society. Does that not indicate then that the problem rather lies with the society than the individual?

[Ella whispers]

To take a stand means to stand on your own.

A MM or MW having two people to stand on does not equate.

[bentnotbroken]

He is not faring well at all having us both.

 

 

Maybe he will do his wife and favor and keel over since he isn't fairing well. She isn't doing to well herself, maybe she would do better with him completely out of the picture with his unapologetic self.

[bentnotbroken]

A lot of knee jerk reactions around here.

 

It is a challenge actually to back off from your own point of view and try to understand that of another, especially if you are one of those who suffer from the consequences of the other's decisions.

 

I would never have handled things like my MM does. For me to think that he might still be handling things the best way possible is challenging.

 

To not remain the victim of his actions. To not put blame on him.

 

You should try that, you who so frequently use derogatory words about the MM. An experiment, a new approach - you might learn something.

 

I unapologetically blame him for his crap and the misery of his wife's life.

[NoIDidn't]

We don't bring things to the board simply to have others agree with us. And its hogwash to imply that the only people not agreeing with you are ones that have been in the position of the betrayed. JT is a former OW. And Anne is a former WS.

 

I basically took his being an unapologetic MM to mean that he won't apologize to you when he throws you under the bus. I mean, you knew the situation when you entered it.

 

That's what it sounds like.

 

Sounds like he likes to say whatever you like to hear.

 

You are proud to be his hidden woman on the side. So, it follows that he is glad to have you in that position.

 

Remember, unapologetic isn't the operative word in his situation. Its the "married" part.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Jennie, in this society are people asked to base and live their lives on falsehoods? Some people, that is. Others choose those deceptions for people they deem unworthy to live a life based on reality? I can't imagine thinking that is fair in the 21st century. We've abolished most act which discrimante and limit peoples choices and freedoms.

[PhoenixRise]

Jennie

 

The thinking behind this notion of the unapologetic married man just doesn't compute for me.

 

I want to ask you..

 

 

Do you see a difference in Jennie Jennie declaring herself an unapologetic other woman when Jennie ended her relationship with her SO and does not hide her relationship with MM from her family, friends etc.

 

VS

 

MM declaring himself an unapologetic married man when MM is staying married and lying, deceiving and gaslighting another person every day. He does hide the relationship with his OW from his family, friends etc.

 

I am not one who believes that AP's are not responsible for harming the BS, but I do see why some AP's might think that way. The AP didn't make or break any promises to the BS and so might not see a reason to be apologetic about the relationship. But the married person IS breaking promises, IS taking actions that harm the ones who trust them. If you are a decent person, isn't that something to be apologetic about?

 

And, doesn't this declaration of being UMM just further cement the status quo?

[Ella whispers]

I just have to say that the posts after mine are priceless.

I adore this forum.

Thank you all so much!

[datura_noir]

If he can find a good enough excuse to cheat, he can find a good enough excuse to divorce. Or, at least start a conversation.

[bentnotbroken]

If he can find a good enough excuse to cheat, he can find a good enough excuse to divorce. Or, at least start a conversation.

 

 

You got that right.

[jennie-jennie]

We don't bring things to the board simply to have others agree with us. And its hogwash to imply that the only people not agreeing with you are ones that have been in the position of the betrayed. JT is a former OW. And Anne is a former WS.

 

I haven't implied this at all. Where did you get that from?

 

Of course I knew that the majority of posters, perhaps even all, would not agree with the concept of an Unapologetic Married Man. It is a new idea to me as well. Somebody has to be the pioneer, you know.

[jennie-jennie]

Jennie, in this society are people asked to base and live their lives on falsehoods? Some people, that is. Others choose those deceptions for people they deem unworthy to live a life based on reality? I can't imagine thinking that is fair in the 21st century. We've abolished most act which discrimante and limit peoples choices and freedoms.

 

I believe the reason my MM considers himself to be unapologetic is because he is working towards a solution, working towards having only one woman. It just is a decision that can not be forced.

[NoIDidn't]

It is a challenge actually to back off from your own point of view and try to understand that of another, especially if you are one of those who suffer from the consequences of the other's decisions.

 

 

 

The bolded is where I feel it was implied.

 

And my opinion isn't changing.

 

Why don't you try backing off of your point of view and trying to see why the others feel the way they feel?

[awkward]

I haven't implied this at all. Where did you get that from?

 

Of course I knew that the majority of posters, perhaps even all, would not agree with the concept of an Unapologetic Married Man. It is a new idea to me as well. Somebody has to be the pioneer, you know.

 

Jennie just don't lose yourself or your point of view in MM's justifications. You don't have to buy it just because he is selling it.

[bentnotbroken]

I believe the reason my MM considers himself to be unapologetic is because he is working towards a solution, working towards having only one woman. It just is a decision that can not be forced.

 

 

Sure it can be forced if you have the balls to do so.

[NoIDidn't]

Jennie just don't lose yourself or your point of view in MM's justifications. You don't have to buy it just because he is selling it.

 

Exactly!

 

Its like he basically said he's staying a MM regardless of any protestations to that fact. In the OP, jennie says even she's guilty of making him feel guilty. Sounds like he's tired of everyone making him feel guilty, while he keeps the status quo.

 

Unapologetic MM = Big Time Cake Eater.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Jennie, If your MM was legitimately unapologetic then there would be no reason for him to lie. I can promise you that if the A was exposed tomorrow, he would become apologetic. Maybe we could call him a conditionally unapologetic MM.

[awkward]

I believe the reason my MM considers himself to be unapologetic is because he is working towards a solution, working towards having only one woman. It just is a decision that can not be forced.

 

It is a very difficult decision but how much more time does he need. He has been with you for 4 years and he still doesn't know what he wants?

 

Are you going to be ok if it takes him 2 more years to make a decision? What if he decides he'll just continue with the status quo. Will you be ok with that?

[JoyDevine]

Unapologetic Married Man. It is a new idea to me as well. Somebody has to be the pioneer, you know.

 

I know an Unapologetic married man. He has 4 or 5 "wives". Polygamy isn't legal where I live either but they're doing it. Each wife has her own home, her own children and he goes from home to home. (he is legally married to the first wife)

Every one is aware of everyone else so no apologies necessary.

 

Jennie I think your guy is just polygamous, like a lot of guys are.

Yours is just lucky enough to get away with it. He has no motivation to change. Why should he change anything? Really, what's your argument to him about why he should change anything about his life?

[datura_noir]

JJ, have you done anything with your life in these four years that doesn't relate to MM? Have you gone back to college, or gotten that last degree, or taken classes that interest YOU (not psychology/figuring out MM classes)?

 

I only ask this because you seem to be WAY too wrapped up in this man and his angst, and I never see you post about your outside life. I am probably your age or close on either side, and I just don't get why you are so interested in his infantile behavior. You should be investing in yourself 100%. You seem to be very intelligent and yet you are wasting that resource on some mind-trip of a man who is "split"-let him go figure out his split-azz self, and if he is free in the future, tell him to look you up!

[JoyDevine]

You seem to be very intelligent and yet you are wasting that resource on some mind-trip of a man who is "split"-let him go figure out his split-azz self, and if he is free in the future, tell him to look you up!

 

 

Jennie, you are one of my favorite posters. I really identify with your situation. You were my cautionary tale!

I still can relate to you. I think with you, it's a case of managing expectations. You're in a situation that meets your needs and you don't have very high expectations.

That might be the key - adjusting what you expect to get out of the relationship.

[NoIDidn't]

 

Jennie, you are one of my favorite posters. I really identify with your situation. You were my cautionary tale!

I still can relate to you. I think with you, it's a case of managing expectations. You're in a situation that meets your needs and you don't have very high expectations.

That might be the key - adjusting what you expect to get out of the relationship.

 

Wow. I'm not sure what to make of this.

 

I don't know whether to be insulted for Jennie or what?

 

Is anyone really getting their needs met when they don't have very high expectations?