brandilynn222 Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 so if anyone read my other post you know what is going on....(if not short story we were toghether 6 monthes great relationship still love each other...got orders for alsaka has kid with wife(legally sperated) wants to take kid to alsaka which means taking her) but will be back in three years and he promised we have a chance to meet again and that we will keep in touch while he is gone even when he is deployed to iraq what i was wondering is how to go about getting my ex of my mind....i serious cant stop thinking about him... ive hung out with other guys that are really sweet but i cant let myslef get involved with anyone and all i think about is my soulmate....ive tried keeping myself busy but everything i do or see somehow in one way or another relates back to him.....i miss him so much..but i can say im proud i havnt talked to him since his bday 3 days ago......i know its not long but def a record for me im trying the no contact rule in hope he might get scared about if i still care or what i am up too...... i starting to get insomnia..i cant sleep till 7 or 8 in the morning and then i have to force myself to fall asleep....and i get up at 9 or 10 so i am def not getting enough sleep. seems as though as soon as i lay down all these thoughts flood to my head and i CANT get them out......im goign insane i swear...... HELP!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Oh GEE.....military men and their damnable 'legal separations' .....yet NO DIVORCE! I screwed up with one of those AssClowns and wasted over two years of my life. We were ENGAGED even. He got deployed to Iraq and pulled his separation papers. To this day....he can't understand why this upset me. I know you love him Brandilynn.....but if you don't get the hell out of this relationship....it'll break your heart in a million pieces. He's LYING to you! Yes, he wants you....but not enough to divorce his wife. He isn't going to divorce her. He is going to take her with him and tell you some stupid story. If nothing else, while he's gone, he can get some cyber and phone sex from you. How romantic for you! Meanwhile, his wife gets all the other benefits. Keep this in mind....if he gets killed or hurt....YOU WON'T KNOW! All you'll know is that the emails stopped. If he truly loved you.....he wouldn't put you in that type of position. You are right. Getting him out of your heart and mind will take A LOT of time. Just put all his crap in a box, hide it in your closet, don't email him, don't respond to his phone calls.....and keep your mind occupied elsewhere. Post till your fingers hurt.....but don't get in any deeper. I SO WISH I would have listened to the people who told me all this so long ago. I continued to believe him.....and it tore my world apart! Tell him you'll only resume the relationship the day he returns to you with his divorce stapled to his forehead. I'm sorry....I KNOW how you feel. But GIRL.....you've got to do this for yourself. PM me if you want....I'll do anything I can to help you. Arabess Link to post Share on other sites
Author brandilynn222 Posted January 15, 2004 Author Share Posted January 15, 2004 hi abress, Thanks for the post it actually made me cry.....b/c i realize thats what my brain is telling to do abut of course my heart is telling me never to let go..... about the divorce thing i do have to clear up that he had planned to go straight to divorce but couldnt...they were married in new york and new york doesnt have no fault divorces...and noether him nor his wife had grounds for divorce. so as you know i tried the no contact thing and well it worked sort of...he actually contatcted me via email.....this is what it said hey its me just wanted to write you to let you know that you may think i never loved you or that i dont love you now but there are certain circumstances that are keeping us from being together and you know what they are,so dont ever think i meant to do any of this stuff to you b/c i never did i did not know i was going to get orders for alaska.i am so sorry i ever hurt you . we just cant be together right now maybe in the future because i will never forget you plus we will keep in touch through our e-mail ok that is if you still want to?just know that you are always on my mind and in my heart. O know he thinks about me all the time he is with the wife he even told me ...and he swore up and down he doesnt love her and that he is doing it for his son......he said he doesnt want be 3000 miles away form him and not be able to see him whenever he wanted....but as soon as he gets back then he will only be 2 hours so he will be able to get him like every other week.... i know he loves his son and me truely and i thik its unfair that he cant have both of us.....unless he gets custody...which thier might be a way to show she is unfit but right now he doesnt have the time or money b/c he is going to alaska. i just dont know what to do.....i know i have to see him one more time before he leaves to go to alaska.....i have soem of his stuff and he has soem of mine plus i kinda want to say see ya later or something.......its a waitign game now and all i can do is wait to see if he remains true that he will keep in touch and all.... i just wish i could stop thiking about him. every second of the day pretty much is thinkign about him and at night when i do get to sleep he invades my dreams....no kiddign last night i had 3 vivid dreams(that i rem when i woke up ) and they were all about him. it makes me want to scream..... do you think i shouldnt respond to his email and see if i get another one back...maybe he'll start worrying that i found someone else or that i dont care Link to post Share on other sites
cdn Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 When I read between the lines of his email it seems that he is very much telling you that your relationship is in the past. Listen to Arabess. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 B, I KNOW how you feel. The truth is though...he is LYING to you about the divorce deal. Check this site out: http://usmilitary.about.com/library/weekly/aa121700a.htm?termmilitary+domestic+problems most states have laws which allow a member or spouse to file for divorce in the state the member is stationed in, even if the member or spouse are not residents of that state. Many states even exempt a "minimum residency" for military divorce actions. He can file for a divorce where-ever his Permanent Duty Station is. They ALL have JAG offices for assistance. I fell for the same damn crap!! On top of that....if he gets joint custody....his child would still be able to see him.....unless it's a combat zone. On top of that.....the reason he's dragging the ball & chain and kid along....is cause he wants 'family housing status'....and when he goes to Iraq....he'll then also get additional 'family separation pay' and 'combat pay'. Sure, he wants you in his life....but not so he can make YOU happy....but because you make HIM happy. This was never 'about you'....it's 'all about him'. He probably doesn't give a rats ass about his wife either....all she is - is fodder for additional funds. I knew that I knew that I knew my boyfriend was in love with me......he STILL swears he does .....but when I checked ALL the facts.....I also knew that I knew that I knew....he was a great big LIAR! I know....she's also fat, lazy, takes all his money and doesn't give him sex. She may even have a physical ailment or two needing the 'military insurance' coverage. He's such a nice guy....he doesn't know what to do. I've heard it ALL! Every day you stay in this relationship.....another piece of you will die....until you will be too bitter to ever love again. PLEASE don't let this happen to you!!!!! Our stories are so incredibly similar....if MINE wasn't in Iraq now...I'd think he was the same damn person!!! (Just to be safe....does his name start with an 'R'?? LOL!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author brandilynn222 Posted January 15, 2004 Author Share Posted January 15, 2004 hi again, the link did not work..... I thought that you have to divorce in the state you were married in...actually both of thier residency is ny...she has lived there pretty much her whole life and he has been there for five years....... he knows that is they have joint custody he can see him whenever but its finiancally hard for him to do that....plane tickets for alaska are really expensive and he would have to fly her up there as well being that the son is only 7 monthes old...... also when they went for the speration the judge told him he prolly wouldnt get custody b/c he is in the army (unless she proved unfit) the same thing happened to my dad when my mom and him divorced. also he had to be caeful about me b/c of the adultry charges which are way different in millitary law than civillian law. even right now he isnt getting any money form the army b/c the last time he was in iraq he came home early b/c his son was beign born but they never stopped paying his hazardous duty pay and all and so now they are taking it out of him now...... i know i shouldnt ask for advice when i am strongly leanign towards one side...im just not sure i can agree with you that he never did anything to make me happy...he travelled many miles to see me every weekend and i was up there (ft drum) when i had breaks from school.....he even took me to meet his mom and family and i dont think he would have done that if he never loved me....also i dont think he would introduce his child to me if he didnt think that we had a future.....he had sent me an email when we were togethr saying that he was glad i loved his son b/c he wants him to be a part of my life when he gets old enough to understand..... also he got the seperation while we were together so that we could move on with our lives. and i dont think he would have doen that if he didnt see something with me i guess im just trying to be one up on the wife.....the last time he was in iraq she didnt support him as much as she should have...and i plan to write him frequently so that he knows that he has someone at home who truly cares about him and so that he should do everything in his power to come home safe.... he said he would try to get custody by means pf requesting a drug hair follicle test for her b/c she has drug problems but that he doenst have the money or time right now b/c he is getting things closed where he is at for his move. its hard to believe all that....and i know i shouldnt.....but my heart is tellign me too........i guess thats my problem i go with my heart more than my mind...is there any way you can change that b/c its has caused and is causing me so much grief. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brandilynn222 Posted January 15, 2004 Author Share Posted January 15, 2004 oh and no his name starts with a "c" LOL Link to post Share on other sites
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