buran Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Dear Friends, Has anyone read the book "How to Get Your Lover Back" by Blase Harris? I've read the book multiple times, understood the ideas, but could not manage to do the necessary things. Any ideas or reviews about the book and the principles? Link to post Share on other sites
GoldfingerCymru Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 In my striving to be a better person in a relationship, I sadly read this book. I think the problem with the book are the use of case histories that show what went wrong etc. Unfortunately, it doesn't discuss really how to apply them for yourself. Yes, it helps a little on bettering yourself with some good ideas. The chapter on sex is completely out of context. Personally the last thing on my mind is sex with my ex lover, trying to get her back by showing improvement in myself is foremost in my mind. I like sex, but the love of a good woman comes first (no jokes from the ladies and don't say your not tempted). Anyway overall IMHO it didn't really help me. The contacting a resistant lover etc. was all based on a case histories with only a few days apart. If anyone knows of a better book though let me know too. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Maybe I should read one of these types of books....because I really don't see how anyone can get anyone else back. I truly don't see how that is possible. You can't make anyone love you 'again' or 'more'. I can't even make my OWN heart do it....much less force someone else's heart. You could pull some guilt trip, some ailment, some pity call...in order to keep them around a little longer and prolong the misery.... BUT...you CAN'T make their heart change. I wouldn't want someone to stay with me unless they really wanted to. So, either I'm REALLY in the dark regarding this issue.....or there are some people out there writing books...taking emotional and financial advantage of those who are hurting. This is just my opinion though.....I could be quite wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldfingerCymru Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Arabess, You might be right regarding the financial aspect. I think you might be wrong regarding 'trying' to get the love back though. Sorta like a car really. You don't always need to buy a new one, if the old one breaks. Sometimes fixing it, or even installing a new part can make it better than it was before. Then in years to come you will keep it with the love and respect of a classic car. Rubbish analogy, I know. Your right though, you can't make someone love you, but the split may have come due to other reasons that need to be addressed and improved, not necessarily from the lack of love. I can't make my ex come back - but I can at least show her that all the baggage I had that made her leave has gone and been addressed by me for my own betterment. If she does come back, then I will not make the same mistakes again and would always be consciously aware that to keep the love you have to keep showing it and addressing minor problems befor they grow. Borrow the book from a library - some bits are interesting, others you will laugh at. I bought it to improve my understanding of what I did wrong in the relationship and because my ex is worth that much effort even if she never comes back into my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Originally posted by GoldfingerCymru Sorta like a car really. You don't always need to buy a new one, if the old one breaks. Sometimes fixing it, or even installing a new part can make it better than it was before. Then in years to come you will keep it with the love and respect of a classic car. What a sweet analogy. Too bad more people don't view relationships like that. I personally don't even like my exhusband.....I would send his A$$ to the car crusher place.....LMAO~! Link to post Share on other sites
RobertoPNW Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 I have "How to get your ex back", has some good suggestions for the one who was dumped. Basically states: 1)no contact for at least 30 days 2)better yourself thru self-help books, counseling, what not 3)excercise, get in shape, dress better, find happiness 4)after the 30 day no contact period, invite ex out to a casual date, nothing romantic, just a catch-up on events, kinda feel the waters 5)umm, I forget the next step, I'll have to read that again so far, for me it seems to be working but I'm thinking of waiting at least 60 days before trying to contact my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Marty_McFly Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 I agree with Goldfinger's assessment. (Funny, I also thought the sex chapter was totally out of context, it's nice to see I wasn't alone). The main thing about that book is that it seems to gloss over the really hard part of getting a relationship back, which is getting your ex to actually want to hang out with you as friends. It seems to make the assumption that you are still speaking to each other at least occasionally. Once you're able to do that, I think you're more than 75% of the way there, assuming there really was love in the first place. Arabess, the main premise of the book is exactly what you said, that you're not going to get them back using guilt, pity, being needy, etc. Instead, you are supposed to spend time with them acting the way you did when you first got together, having great conversations, etc. And also not to pressure them, but to let them know that you're there for them if they need anything, and not getting into arguments and stuff, making them realize that you can live your life without them but that you would prefer being with them and supporting them, and being very patient. I think the book is spot on if you can ever get to that point, but I just don't even know how I'm going to ever get to talk to my ex again, let alone spend time with her, and the book really doesn't help much there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author buran Posted January 19, 2004 Author Share Posted January 19, 2004 Yes, you're right. If it's been very long time since last contact, it would be very difficult to get into contact again and then spending some time together. It may be possible but it requires really strong patience. You have to develop psychological strength.I don't know whether I can do it. If it's not been very long since the last contact, the ideas are worth trying. I think it's a very good book whether or not one can get his/her lover back. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 19, 2004 Share Posted January 19, 2004 Originally posted by Marty_McFly And also not to pressure them, but to let them know that you're there for them if they need anything, and not getting into arguments and stuff, making them realize that you can live your life without them but that you would prefer being with them and supporting them, and being very patient. I think that would make me feel like a doormat. Plus, if they KNOW you are there waiting for them with open arms eternally....then there is no rush for them to run back to you before it is too late. I firmly believe in giving a 'time frame' for them to make a decision....and after that....it's FLAT DAMN OVER! No excuses....no apologies...accepted. This is MY LIFE....and no one else is going to control it due to their indecision or whatever the hell else in their problem. I've posted this before....I'd much rather have a painful end....than a pain with NO end. I've tried and tried to understand.....but I can't see any logic in trying to get someone back who already screwed up your heart once. Link to post Share on other sites
Author buran Posted January 19, 2004 Author Share Posted January 19, 2004 I think you should get a copy of this book. It talks about take-aways after getting closer and experiencing some success. It also has a good section about whether the ex-lover is worth trying to get back. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelly Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 Originally posted by Arabess I think that would make me feel like a doormat. Plus, if they KNOW you are there waiting for them with open arms eternally....then there is no rush for them to run back to you before it is too late. I firmly believe in giving a 'time frame' for them to make a decision....and after that....it's FLAT DAMN OVER! No excuses....no apologies...accepted. This is MY LIFE....and no one else is going to control it due to their indecision or whatever the hell else in their problem. I've posted this before....I'd much rather have a painful end....than a pain with NO end. I've tried and tried to understand.....but I can't see any logic in trying to get someone back who already screwed up your heart once. I have to agree with this! I was dumped about two weeks ago by a guy who dumped me once before early into our relationship. He then came back into my life after about a week and decided I was what he wanted. This guy is a classic fence sitter with some major issues and although this last breakup was really hard on me, I can honestly say that if he called up today and wanted to get back together, I'd be more likely to say no than yes. One of my favorite song lyrics applies here: "What kind of fool do you think I am, I ain't fallin' for you all over again." People who dump you do it for a reason. I'm not saying the problem is you, it's more likely them. But either way, getting back together is something to be done VERY carefully if at all. I so agree with "I'd much rather have a painful end....than a pain with NO end. " During my relationship, I lived with a pain with no end because it always felt like the other shoe was going to drop. Well, drop it did and with a vengence! However, were I to get back together with my ex, it would simply be a repeat of the same crap. I'd rather work through this pain now and move on to something much healthier than live with the pain I was in with him. Link to post Share on other sites
AshleyB Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 I know it's been a while since this has been discussed but I am new here and still want to discuss this with all who is still up for it. Ok, I have both How To Get Your Ex Back by Brian Caniglia and How To Get Your Lover Back by Blase Harris. I have found them both to be pretty helpful to me and by using the techniques expressed in both books, I did get my ex back! But just today, and only after a week of being back together, he broke it off again. The problem that we had before that was the reason for the last break up was fixed, but a new problem has arose and it is not really discussed very well in either books. So, and this might seem a little crazy, I want to try and get a hold of Blase Harris (and I just emailed Brian Caniglia) personally and talk to him about my situation also. Does anyone know how I can get an email adress, phone number, or mailing address of Blase? If so, please let me know. Also, does anyone know of any other book or references that are good pertaining to getting an ex boyfriend back? I am looking for new material and if anyone knows of any, please tell me asap, thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 You do know that posting ur email is against the rules. Link to post Share on other sites
AshleyB Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 No I didn't. I'll take it off. Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Try using the contact information for the publisher. If the publisher is not a familiar name, there is a chance it was self-published, in which case you would be contacting him directly. In any case, if the publisher doesn't provide contact info for the author themselves, they will most likely pass your inquiry directly to him. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
tenderhearted Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 And for those of you who want to do just the opposite, there's a great book that I'd recommend: "Letting Go" by Dr. Zev Wanderer. I'm reading it now It's a 12 week personal action program to overcoming a broken heart. I don't think overcoming a broking heart can be accomplished in just 12 weeks but the suggestions in the book are great for getting started. Link to post Share on other sites
eye Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Yeah, I'd rather read a "letting go" book then "getting back ex" books. Take a look at this site if your lost, letting go is the answer http://www.loveadvice.com/CAT1.HTM Link to post Share on other sites
orlando_bloom_is_hot Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 what if ur lover left for another woman? would the book still work? Link to post Share on other sites
Dixiecron Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Ummm... If your lover left for another woman why would you want him back? Kind of like he's saying: Gee honey, let me go bang a few chicks from the clubs while we're "on a break", and when I'm done with that I'll share my new case of herpes with you since I really love you and was such a fool to leave you in the first place... Link to post Share on other sites
orlando_bloom_is_hot Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 i'm just asking.. Link to post Share on other sites
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