Would you REALLY want them back?

[Nikki Sahagin]

I've been thinking a lot lately about my life and where I want it to go and this thinking has made me realise, in times of doubt and fear, we always turn back to what we know, literally or mentally. If there was an ex that was once a support, we naturally turn back to that because at the time it was solid and stable, the present is a muddle and the future seems uncertain.

 

But I think many of us comfort ourselves with the thought of the ex returning because it is safe to us. Or because we want the chance to reject them the way they rejected us. Sometimes I think I want my ex back...but then I realise, I honestly could not trust him. Everything he said I would doubt. I would always wonder when he would leave again, who he was talking to, what he thought of me. I would diminish myself and consume myself with anxieties all revolving around him. If being single is lonely and sometimes frightening, at least all my fear and baggage is my own. I don't have another person tearing me down or lying or flirting with other girls and making me feel worthless. I think we should all be greatful for that.

 

And remember, if your ex ever broke your trust, lied, let you down or hurt you...and didn't admit to it, didn't say sorry, didn't come running back to pick you up and make it up to you...can you ever trust that person? REALLY love that person? Be yourself with that person? Will you ever trust they came back for the RIGHT reasons or just because they were lonely and you are so tolerant of them? Or will you always remember how they let you down? Of course you will. You can forgive the ex and you should, but you'll never forget and you shouldn't.

[Tamia78]

Thank you Nikki for that. I wonder than myself, whether I would really want him back if he came begging. Like others have said before, I guess I just want the person I thought he was back. The lying, selfish scumbag part of him can go jump off a cliff for all I care. But "safe" isn't a synonym for "happy", I know that now.

 

Thanks for the encouragement!

 

--T

[skydiveaddict]

I think I would be too weak to say no

[just1guy]

I know I shouldn't because of how she ended and the red flags that were all over the place near the end. The trust is gone, and she'lll have to work her ass off to make it back to me. Even with all this, I know that I still have feelings for her so I'd probably take her back under certain conditions...eventhough I know it's not the right thing to do.

 

I guess I am weak as well..

[dreamingoftigers]

I was so unhealthy when I chose my exes, so not a chance.

[bluz73]

My heart says yes, but my head says NOOOOOO!

 

exactly how I feel, Knowing he chose a teen over a stable woman that treated him like a king thru his hardest times in life and loved him unconditionally..I say NO NO NEVER AGAIN...I know he loved me but not enough to walk away from something fun and new. My heart would melt if I saw him and if he told me he still loved me SO thats why I will AVOID HIM the rest of my life whatever it takes and he already knows he could get me back but ITS been 6 months too long

[Chitowngirl]

No. Only (and this would never happen) if he went to therapy for years and was a changed person.

 

 

I've been thinking a lot lately about my life and where I want it to go and this thinking has made me realise, in times of doubt and fear, we always turn back to what we know, literally or mentally. If there was an ex that was once a support, we naturally turn back to that because at the time it was solid and stable, the present is a muddle and the future seems uncertain.

 

But I think many of us comfort ourselves with the thought of the ex returning because it is safe to us. Or because we want the chance to reject them the way they rejected us. Sometimes I think I want my ex back...but then I realise, I honestly could not trust him. Everything he said I would doubt. I would always wonder when he would leave again, who he was talking to, what he thought of me. I would diminish myself and consume myself with anxieties all revolving around him. If being single is lonely and sometimes frightening, at least all my fear and baggage is my own. I don't have another person tearing me down or lying or flirting with other girls and making me feel worthless. I think we should all be greatful for that.

 

And remember, if your ex ever broke your trust, lied, let you down or hurt you...and didn't admit to it, didn't say sorry, didn't come running back to pick you up and make it up to you...can you ever trust that person? REALLY love that person? Be yourself with that person? Will you ever trust they came back for the RIGHT reasons or just because they were lonely and you are so tolerant of them? Or will you always remember how they let you down? Of course you will. You can forgive the ex and you should, but you'll never forget and you shouldn't.

[Toki]

If I could say no with so much emphasis it would cause the world to skip forward a week I would.

[ingridh]

I know one thing for sure, he would definitely NOT want me back.

 

So no, I would never ever forever.

[Engadget]

No. She's completely different and actually disgusts me now.

[spriggig]

I want a whole family for our son. It would take a lot of work and trust to rebuild our marriage, but I think it's possible.

[HeavenOrHell]

8 1/2 months post break up for me. For the first 6 months I wanted him back, then I went NC and started to let go, a few weeks later started having feelings for someone else, now if my ex wanted to try again I feel I would rather know if things will work out for me and the new person, sometimes I even feel it was maybe for the best we split up although I'm not sure about that.

So no, now I really wouldn't want him back.

But I do want us to be friends in time if possible

[nobmagnet]

Lowly worm would require a full labotomy and maybe a lottery win too for me to even consider having him back :lmao::lmao:

 

So the answer is no. Never ever ever. Unless i could perform the labotomy myself with no anesthetic...............now theres a thought!

 

 

Muhahahah

 

Nobby x

[spriggig]

I want a whole family for our son. It would take a lot of work and trust to rebuild our marriage, but I think it's possible.

 

So, today I'm at the TOP of the roller coaster and I think it's impossible for us to reconcile.

[spriggig]

But I do want us to be friends in time if possible

 

Why do you want to be friends with him?

[LovelyDaze]

I want my ex(any of them) like I want a long and winding mauling by a bloodthirsty jaguar.

[nobmagnet]

lovley daze,

 

if i provide the dirty operating table with unhyginic tools would you operate too?? :rolleyes:

 

sprig,

 

rollercoaster is a vomit indusing ride and welome on board. we all get a day off or two if we are lucky a month off! we will always be at your side.

 

 

from a chick only been here since november last year........i wouldnt be as good as I am now. i still step on the rollercoaster from time to time but not as often and i always have a buddy here to hold my hand when i scream:)

 

my hand is held out if you need it:love:

 

nobbyxx

[USMCHokie]

It'd be like meeting her all over again if we were to ever get in contact again...

 

But yes, I would give it a try...

[paleblue]

no way as much as i would have liked things to work out before it was too late, it didn't happen, and now its too late. i can not, and do not trust her.

[monkeymaid]

in short. ..yes

 

i would take her back, but she would have to come to me.

[CaliGuy]

Nope. Once they decide to walk away, they don't get to stay in my life or come back. It's a simple choice they made, but I am not an open door more than once. You get in once, you leave again and NOT get to come back.

[cdt76]

Honestly, I do not know the answer to the question. I would think it would depend on how she came back. If she became accountable for her actions without excuse 100%, recognized her errors, made every effort to repent and fix what went wrong, then maybe. Can she change like that? I don't think so. I don't think she is capable of changing herself to better herself. She is the type to changer herself to fit whoever she is dating. She hides her issues until she is capable of running away. So, I don't know. I love her so much that I would probably be willing to risk myself again, IF she could do all that I have written here.

[ingridh]

Nope. Once they decide to walk away, they don't get to stay in my life or come back. It's a simple choice they made, but I am not an open door more than once. You get in once, you leave again and NOT get to come back.

 

EXACTLY. Thank you.