Why can't she make up her mind?

[Drewy1888]

Please here me out. Okay, so I met this girl about 2 years ago. We met over the internet and flirted for a few weeks but i really didn't think much of it. It turned out that she only lived 2 hours away. I began visiting her on weekends and we fell madly in love with eachother. We were together for about 2 years. I was the person making most of the trips down there on weekends because she didn't have her license or a car yet.

 

She had an extremely tough childhood with the divorce of her parents. Her dad ended up gambling all the money they ever owned so they lost the restaurants that they owned. So she was really happy to meet someone that mad her feel so much better. A couple months ago, she got a job at her aunt's diner. She was making pretty good money. She got her license and saved up to buy a car. They used to have a lot of money when shewas younger until the dad blew it all, so she has nooo problem spending money that she doesn't have. After working for a few weeks she had enough money to put a down payment on a car. She bought a 2010, toyota for $19,000!!! It didn't bother me too much because she said the reason she got a brand new car was to make sure she was safe to drive down here. I thought this was going to be great for us!! It would make it easier on me. This did the complete opposite. She began going out everynight with her friends and partying. Not over doing it but with her working it really cut into the time we had to talk to eachother.

 

We began talking about it and i noticed a change in her. She knew I didn't like it when she drank too much and I feel like she didn't want to be tied down in a relationship anymore. So we ended it a few months ago. We talked for about a week but it seemed like she wanted me to be a friend to her but that she still loved me? She was saying that she has too much going on with her full time job. Her aunt dropped her paycheck so she had to work more hours to pay off her monthly payment. After about 2 weeks of no contact. She reached out to me on facebook and also called me. She told me that she didn't want to lose full contact with me.

 

She told me that she was not looking for anyone else and that she was still in love with me. She said if I wanted that we could even hang out. I was a little skeptic about this because I wasn't totally sure if I wanted to begin talking to her again. I was making the attempt to get over her but i just couldn't do it. I'm so deeply in love with this girl and I can't let go. So we began talking here and we began flirting again. I didn't want to push anything. I decided that the next weekend I was going to drive down there and surprise her. I didn't know how this was going to go but I had to get to the bottom of things. There had to be a deeper reason because we had no problem only seeing eachother on weekends. When I got there she was extremely shocked/happy that I was there. We began talking like friends but only after a few hours she was already sitting on my lap.

 

We began talking about the relationship and I told her how I saw a huge change in her. We hugged and kissed eachother so I thought the chances were good of us working things out. Be she continually said that there was no way for it to work right now. It seemed like although her excuses were understandable, there had to be more behind it. We slept together the whole weekend. She catered to me like she did when we were going out. Everything seemed like it was fine. We hugged and kissed and everything. We also found out that neither of us hooked up with anyone since we broke up. It was clear that we both had a great connection with eachother. I didn't want to put pressure on her because I think the pressure I put on her was one of the reasons she pushed me away.

 

She told me that she just wanted to go with the flow right now and not push anything. I agreed knowing that there was already a great deal of pressure on her. When I got home she surprisingly texted me, it was a short convo, but better than nothing. She flirts with me and tells me that she loves me all the time on facebook. We flirt on the phone also but it seems like I always have to make first contact. Sometimes she tells me she is going to text me and she doesnt. It is deffinetely not the same girl I fell in love with. But when we are together it is like nothing else matters. Now my instincts are just to give her space right now a work on myself. I have become a lot more layed back and she has seen that.

 

I'm not sure if she is testing me, or it really is the stress. I just don't know. She told me when can hang out again next weekend but this weekend she had plans. I thought I was golden but it seems like she is going back to kinda blowing me off again. Shes not the type of person to tell someone she cares and loves someone if she didn't mean it.

 

What do I do. Please let me know what you would do in this situation. Now we are both young (19) and have a whole life ahead of us but I really feel like we are meant to be. Thank you for hearing me out.

Edited April 3, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[TaraMaiden]

Ok, I've read it.

Dump her.

She's keeping you on a backburner and throwing you breadcrumbs.

 

What you don't realise is that she HAS mad up her mind. She's keeping her options open, and not committing to anything because she's young, doesn't have to and wants to play life a bit and freewheel.

 

And you know what?

She's right.

19 is waaaaaay to young to be getting serious and she showed this when she was so shocked when you turned up out of the blue, because frankly, she was happy with the way things were running....

 

Ease off, get out, enjoy yourself and don't make her a priority, when she's just making you an option.

[Drewy1888]

Thanks. Prolly the best advice I've heard thus far.

[Drewy1888]

Would it be more effective to tell her in person iyo?

[Drewy1888]

Anyone else who can help me?