donnist Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 I got a text message on my cell phone of a conversation my girlfriend and a guy who she says is her friend. The conversation was: My girlfriend: Happy New Year! Enjoy 2004 Be safe Luv Sandy. The guy: You're going to live long I was wondering if you were going to email me. Where are you? My girlfriend: You know you are my heart of course I'm reaching out to you.... Im in Tampa. The guy: Enjoy.. When you get back I will give you your 1st. break off for 2004. I asked her who is this guy and where do they stand... and she says they are friends. That is just the way she texted it as... But of course the last text from him doesn't imply that. So I asked her does he know that you are seeing me? and she says no... does not. I then told her that I don't find that her message appropriate to send. I said it sounds like you and this guy has or had something going on. She says, since we have been together she and this guy has not had anything going on. So I ask her have you guys ever had something going on? and she says thats none of my business... I feel like she is hiding something from me by not telling me if anything went on between them. Becasue first off he is only her friend but are these the kind of messages you send to a friend??? Somebody help me... what could I ask her??? I am losing my trust for her... or it may already be lost. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Originally posted by donnist She says, since we have been together she and this guy has not had anything going on. Maybe they haven't YET.....but it sure sounds to me like it may be a future plan.....and not that FAR into the future. Now, I've got male friends who have been email buddies for years....we DO flirt and use language with means nothing. However, we didn't and don't plan "meetings". I'm not sure how serious you are with your girlfriend.....but I think it's safe to assume....YOU are more serious than SHE is. If she is doing this while you are dating....I would suspect....she may have the same characteristic were you to marry her. I know situations like this makes your heart feel like crap....so, maybe it's a good idea to think about moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author donnist Posted January 15, 2004 Author Share Posted January 15, 2004 Yes we are very serious involved.. we've been together for 2 years now. But what do I do about the question that I asked her and she not wanting to tell me??? Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 People have various viewpoints on what they need to 'share' from their past relationships. I would prefer to be with someone who feels free to openly admit their past....as I would.....but it doesn't mean she's a dishonest person because she doesn't. However, since they are in contact.....I think you have a right to know. That's just MY PERSONAL opinion though. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetartedcoco2002 Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 if it bothers u that much try to talk to her about it, warning this might upset her n piss her off, some girls just like to put things aside, but i see it as if she has nothing to hide she shouldnt be to upset, but she will be upset no matter what, she knows already that ur thinkin about it, n that u probably lost some trust, all i can say is try to move past it, if she seems distant try to talk about it, no matter how u handle this it will most likely end up w a lil fight or more, either way u cant be w someone u cant trust, try to work past it, if shes cheating she will get caught, u always get caught, just follow ur heart not ur brain n what others say, btw yes it possible they are just friends, i joke around w guy friends like that all the time, its just teasing but my man knows i belong to him, u have never joked w a chick like that before who was a close friend,either way life will work its magic n things will be alright, just do what u think n feel is right... Link to post Share on other sites
Author donnist Posted January 15, 2004 Author Share Posted January 15, 2004 Thank You For the Advice Sweetartedcoco2002... You shed some light on my ignorance. It wont hurt to try to trust her again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author donnist Posted January 15, 2004 Author Share Posted January 15, 2004 Thanks for the insight... I love to hear responses from a womans perspective... just wish she could be as open minded like me too. Link to post Share on other sites
Marty_McFly Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 I must admit that I'm a little suspicious here. Like Arabess, I also have a few girls that I joked around with like that while I was with my ex. However, they were girls that she knew as well, I had no past history with them other than friends, and she knew that I talked with those girls that way sometimes, and that I had also before I had met her. Finally, I would have had no problems telling her anything she wanted to know or stopping it if she became uncomfortable. In your situation, two things raise a flag. One, that she has a history with this guy. It seems that even if she is only joking, when you have already been there with someone, it's easier to go there again, and easier for the joke to go a little too far. Also, if you are dating seriously and have been for quite a while, it IS your business, regardless of what she says. In a loving relationship, there are no secrets, and everything about each other is the other's "business." If there's truly nothing to worry about, she should have no problem telling you everything. The second flag is that you don't know this guy, and he doesn't know you nor does he know that she's dating someone. No matter what her views are, I promise that HIS motives are not purely joking, though he may be making it sound like a joke as a tactic to actually make it happen. If they really are good friends, why does he not know about you? There are a few details not in your original post that could affect this analysis. One, how long have you been together? If not very long, it's legitimately possible and acceptable that he doesn't know about you and that she doesn't yet really have an obligation to tell you or him all of that stuff. The second is why she used your phone. It appears that if she did use your phone, she knew you would see it and truly didn't think of it as anything bad or she would have been more clandestine in her communication. It also sounds like he's far away, so it's very possible that he really is just an old friend (even boyfriend) that she hasn't talked to in a while (explains why he doesn't know about you) and while he may truly want to give her a "break-off in 2004," he's saying that because he doesn't know about you. I guess I've kind of contradicted myself in this post! I think there's reason to want to know more from her, and she shouldn't have a problem sharing more, but you definitely have to approach it nicely and not confrontationally or in an accusing manner. Let her know you really like being with her (maybe more, depending on how long you've been together) and that you want each other to be able to share everything with the other. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Even more than her not wanting to tell you about HIM......why doesn't she want to tell him about YOU??? It seems odd. Link to post Share on other sites
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