voodoobarbie Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Hi, all. I'm back with another problem. I have been with my boyfriend for a little more than a year. In the beginning of the relationship, he cheated with his ex girlfriend. As we hadn't met when this happened (originally met via the internet), I tried to accept his apology and move on in the relationship. (yes we have met now - have had a physical relationship since April of 2003) I love this guy. I want him in my life... but I can't pretend that I trust him anymore. I go crazy at the thought that he could be seeing someone else. It hurts me to be with him and think about what happened. I don't know if he could ever earn my trust again... Never date someone you wouldn't marry, right? I mean...at the first sign that they aren't long-term material... I think you should break it off. I don't think I can continue much of a relationship with him anymore because a future with him would be more worrying and heartache than its worth. I don't know how to tell him this.. it will be a complete shock because for the most part, he thinks our relationship is going fine. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
ukgirl28 Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 I think you should tell him how you feel...communication is the most important in a relationship whether its going well or bad...you need to let him know how you feel if you are having doubts. Like you said, he thinks eveything is fine, but in truth it isnt... if he is aware of how your feeling, then its up to him to work on your trust again, if he really loves you and wants to stay with you.. Link to post Share on other sites
voodoobarbie Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 I have told him how I felt (when I first found out)... but now 8 months have passed and I still don't trust him any longer. I can't keep bringing it up... it only frustrates him. But at the same time... I can't stay in the relationship if I can't get it all out!!!! I don't know what to do. Other than this issue, he is an amazing guy and like I said I really don't want to do without him - but what else can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
ukgirl28 Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Well they say that trust is like a white shirt - once you get a stain on it, you wash it out but you will always be constantly aware trying to keep it clean but it will never be the same white in the beginning. Trust is like that, once someone has betrayed you, then you are constantly aware of it happening again... He is with you now, and that is the main thing, but obviously if your unsettled about what might or could happen in the future then it will never go away.. Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Originally posted by voodoobarbie Hi, all. I'm back with another problem. I have been with my boyfriend for a little more than a year. In the beginning of the relationship, he cheated with his ex girlfriend. As we hadn't met when this happened (originally met via the internet), I tried to accept his apology and move on in the relationship. (yes we have met now - have had a physical relationship since April of 2003) Did you two agree verbally to not see anyone while you were communicating via the internet? Was that made clear to each of you? I guess I'm having a problem making this seem like cheating if it was in the beginning of your relationship and you hadn't even met yet. I love this guy. I want him in my life... but I can't pretend that I trust him anymore. I go crazy at the thought that he could be seeing someone else. It hurts me to be with him and think about what happened. I don't know if he could ever earn my trust again... You should never pretend to trust someone. It sounds like this was a deal breaker for you and you just have not admitted it to yourself yet. You say you don't know if he could ever earn your trust -- well, if you don't know how he could do that then he certainly won't know how. If it is a trust issue with you, then you need to think about what it would take for you to trust him again and then communicate that to him. Never date someone you wouldn't marry, right? I mean...at the first sign that they aren't long-term material... I think you should break it off. I think people should date a lot and get to know different people and have a variety of relationships -- I don't mean sleeping with everyone - I am talking about communication and emotional attachments and having fun. If the whole goal of dating is to find a spouse or life-long commitment then yes, break it off as soon as you know he or she is not the right one. But there are a lot of people who date for the enjoyment of dating and don't approach each new person as a possible life-mate. I don't think I can continue much of a relationship with him anymore because a future with him would be more worrying and heartache than its worth. I don't know how to tell him this.. it will be a complete shock because for the most part, he thinks our relationship is going fine. You don't "think" you can continue the relationship... then you should think about it and make a decision. Either yes you want to continue or no you don't. Make sure you know the reasons behind your decision and then just share that with him. He may have his own agenda as far as the relationship is concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
doniker Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 Originally posted by voodoobarbie Never date someone you wouldn't marry, right? If I would have thought this way I never would have dated anyone!! Link to post Share on other sites
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