Separated and happy

[just_some_guy]

I guess I have a little different perspective on this board than most. I'm the one that has left the house.

 

But the tension in my life has greatly reduced. I'm happy. I'm rediscovering me. I'm working out a lot and dropped a pants size. Started working with a new therapist, a "Jung" adherent. It seems kind of hokey, but I'm playing along with the animus archetype thing. At least it is a new perspective on stuff.

 

Got some more kitchen stuff today and hope to be cooking real food in a few days. Bought a half bottle of a nice cabernet and had a couple of glasses of good wine with my dinner tonight and finished with a cookie and a cup of decaf from my press.

 

Had a pleasant dinner with my wife last night. She wants to "go back" to something that was "good. I told her I'm not going back, that I'm only going forward. Going back means returning to the bad stuff for me. It was good for her, but for me it was draining. I got pushed more and more over time into the "good father" role. I want to be a husband, not a parent to an adult woman. She kept making me her "everything" and counted on me to be there "no matter what." No matter what turned into watching while she killed herself a forkful at a time and "her everything" meant isolating herself from everyone in the world. Not much of a life for me though. I ran out of energy, drained, tired, empty, nothing left to give and not getting anything in return.

 

I am a little lonesome sometimes and I don't have a sex partner. Stuck in limbo between marriage and divorce. I don't want to be with her, but I can't go out and pursue a girlfriend. For now, that's a decent trade off for everything else.

[TaraMaiden]

Good.

What you're basically doing is getting to know the whole person you used to be , before becoming the half of another whole...

 

Sometimes to people are meant to be together, and they couldn't imagine life apart.

But that's frankly rare, and not easy to sustain....

Two people are still two people, even though they might make a couple.

The worst thing in a relationship is when a person loses sight of who they really are, and resorts to thinking, saying and doing things that do them no justice, and that do the marriage no favours.

 

I'm sure my partner's ex-wife is still in love with him, or at least has feelings for him.

She told him once "I love you, I just can't live with you", but if she could turn the clock back, she would.

I'm certain of it.

But if living with someone, means changing yourself until you're utterly unrecognisable, and a shell of what you once were, then it's not worth being there.

Sometimes, leaving someone can be the biggest favour we could do them.

And ourselves.

[LisaUk]

I guess I have a little different perspective on this board than most. I'm the one that has left the house.

 

But the tension in my life has greatly reduced. I'm happy. I'm rediscovering me. I'm working out a lot and dropped a pants size. Started working with a new therapist, a "Jung" adherent. It seems kind of hokey, but I'm playing along with the animus archetype thing. At least it is a new perspective on stuff.

 

Got some more kitchen stuff today and hope to be cooking real food in a few days. Bought a half bottle of a nice cabernet and had a couple of glasses of good wine with my dinner tonight and finished with a cookie and a cup of decaf from my press.

 

Had a pleasant dinner with my wife last night. She wants to "go back" to something that was "good. I told her I'm not going back, that I'm only going forward. Going back means returning to the bad stuff for me. It was good for her, but for me it was draining. I got pushed more and more over time into the "good father" role. I want to be a husband, not a parent to an adult woman. She kept making me her "everything" and counted on me to be there "no matter what." No matter what turned into watching while she killed herself a forkful at a time and "her everything" meant isolating herself from everyone in the world. Not much of a life for me though. I ran out of energy, drained, tired, empty, nothing left to give and not getting anything in return.

 

I am a little lonesome sometimes and I don't have a sex partner. Stuck in limbo between marriage and divorce. I don't want to be with her, but I can't go out and pursue a girlfriend. For now, that's a decent trade off for everything else.

 

Edit-thought better of it.

Edited April 4, 2010 by LisaUk

[nobmagnet]

Hi,

 

im really pleased youare in some kind of decent place:)

 

Eating disorders come with baggage be it over eating or undereating. Moodswings and self worth issues are hard to be with and its multiplied when its a disorder.

 

My brothers wife is annorexic. They have been married for 19 years now and for about 4 weeks in the year she is OK to live with. The rest is hidious. Her mood swings bought on by starvation are awful. She is ill. She knows it too but her cycle of starvation, grumps and are engrained now. My brother would like to leave but fears she will actually die if he does. He couldnt live with that and loves her but her illness consumed him too along the way. She is clever. She understands that here in the UK you can be sectioned under the mental health act if you get below 5stone (if i remember correctly) and she is proud to be 5 oz above it. Why dont they have one for overweight people too?? taken in, educated, helped and encouraged?? why should it be for the annorexic and not the other eating issues?? Its wrong.

 

Im sorry your wife is ill with overeating but i do understand you leaving.

 

either extream for a career is hard when they wont accept help.

 

Nobby xx

[You Go Girl]

Hey justsomeguy, I'm in a similar situation. I'm still in this house as a roommate a little longer, but I do own a cottage I am moving into within the month (crosses fingers that I make it this month financially).

 

My roommate H is not huge, but is overweight, along with his alcoholism and other issues. Any extra weight slows a person down considerably. I've lost 15 lbs before and found I could move so much easier!

But the bigger problem was that she was isolating and destroying what makes life worth living, yes?

9 months or so on the couch, and only one extreme crush that recently mostly vaporized. Most of the time I've been able to ignore those feelings, but sex can be a powerful intoxicant, and not having any can be cause of an inappropriately strong crush.

But sanity living! Peace! Calm! Harmony with yourself!

It can be difficult living alone, the lonliness. When I go to my cottage for a few days I immediately feel it, wondering how to live alone, as I never have in my life. The silence can be defeaning. I guess an active social life is key. And this cat might help on lonely evenings, to not feel utterly alone.

For me the best thing is getting away from the illness. Not being surrounded by insanity. I've been uncomfortable everyday for these 6 long years because of this black cloud of mental illness that is him. Over-eating, alcoholism, whatever the issue--they're mental illnesses first, and the food is just the result of that illness.

I've started rearranging and planning some decorating to my cottage. I haven't painted any rooms yet, so making the place mine will certainly add to it feeling like "coming home".

That's what I suggest you do. Make your new house a home. And keep being untouchable by the part of her that is ill.

[just_some_guy]

Thank you for the responses.

 

It is all about rediscovering 'me' for sure.

 

And yes, the disease is the worse part. I recognize it as every bit as deadly as shooting up drugs or drinking oneself to death. The emptiness, the pulling away from friends and activities outside the home and marriage. The negativity and incessant criticism of other people for whatever their real or perceived shortcomings are. The worst part is the self-destruction.

 

There's a deeper hunger on her part that remains unfulfilled, which are father issues. With some distance, I can see that now, how I got swept into filling that hunger and why my pulling away from the relationship was so devastating for her. It was as though she was being abandoned by her father, since I was increasingly being used to fulfill that emptiness.

 

But it is a black hole from which no external light can escape. I let myself get pulled into the darkness. No man though, can ever fill that hole for another human being. It is too much burden and it left me empty, drained and broken. I have a tendency to indulge that under the banner of "doing the right thing." But when it becomes burdensome and damaging for myself, that's my part in it.

 

But I'm happier now. My dishes are washed and my floors are clean, I bought a set of pots and pans and will be planning a menu for myself and buying food to cook. Instead of the low-calorie frozen food I've been living on. I'm also on the prowl looking for consignment furniture. Decided I'm going to furnish myself with high quality, but used stuff. Takes time to go prowling for it though.

 

It's kind of funny that I bought pots, pans and other kitchen stuff. At the marital home, we own literally 3 of every kitchen utensil, cooking vessel, tool, accessory, gadget known to man. Mostly top of the line Williams Sonoma and Sur La Table stuff, along with a metric ton of QVC and HSN merchandise, since she never had to leave the house to order those. But she only saw fit to "allow" me a couple of dented and stained pans and a few other odds and ends of dubious condition or usefulness to take with me. It's funny because she doesn't cook that much either.

 

On the sex and companionship thing, it isn't like I had a sex partner anymore in the marriage either. Although she was willing, the physical issues and the emotional burdens simply killed off all attraction.

 

Being alone isn't so bad. I've been used to it for the most part for quite some time already.

[stillafool]

I don't understand. If you are moving forward with your life why are you having dinner with your wife?

[TaraMaiden]

Because he can.

The fact that she declared she wanted to go back to something they had, would suggest that this was either at her request, or that it was a mutually agreed meeting to discuss matters pertaining to their divorce....

They're married, so legally, there is still an obligatory connection...

BF and GF separation is different. No legal stuff to go through.

Divorce has to be negotiated.

 

But I'm jumping in and answering for the OP.

Which may be inappropriate or even wrong.

I'm just commenting really, so I hope you'll forgive the presumptuousness.....

[just_some_guy]

We have not started divorce proceedings at this time. I agreed to marriage therapy and counseling as part of the separation. Part of that process are structured times together.

 

I have not excluded the possibility of reconciliation, but it seems unlikely to me. A lot of bad dynamics got us here and it would take a long healing process and a lot of work to overcome that in both of us. So moving forward to me allows for this process to unfold. I also agreed to help her recover after gastric bypass surgery, if she chooses to go with it. She's been too hurt and irrational to discuss big decisions, but seems to be accepting the reality of it lately.

 

My imminent departure led to her making some positive steps, starting with looking into the gastric bypass, therapy and also a 12-step program. But it didn't happen until I was already on the way to leaving her.

 

She's lost a lot of weight in the last couple of months. But I looked in the fridge and it still packed to the gills with food. How a single woman can fill an entire 26 cubic foot side-by-side is beyond me. Her disease is in something of a remission, but it is there waiting to come back to life.

[stillafool]

Oh, I don't know your story. Did you leave your wife because she is obese?

[You Go Girl]

She's lost a lot of weight recently?

So she's making an effort. She's trying at least...so many spouses with addiction problems don't even try, and the ones who aren't trying are the ones to eventually leave, like mine.

Her mental disease that has led to this obesity isn't going to be a quick fix overnight. She has to see a psychologist probably, (has to anyway to get a gastric bypass) and needs to learn new ways of thinking, new ways of living.

Bad habits are tough for us all to break. Don't you have one, op? Ever tried to quit smoking or some other behavior?

She's trying...but is it too late?

She has to lose the weight to get the bypass. They won't give her one without effort on her part to show that she is serious about changing her lifestyle. So that was forced upon her, if she's determined to get the bypass.

Only you can answer if it is too late.

So ask yourself, if she loses the weight and rejoins society, could I love her again?

There's your answer I bet.

I'm biased toward anyone who is making an effort to address their addiction issue, as my spouse is not.

I'm throwing in the towel this month.

[just_some_guy]

I've been through someone else's addiction-to-recovery wringer once in my life. I cannot do it again. 1st W had an addiction issue that surfaced after a miscarriage. She was dry when I met her, got married, had a miscarriage a couple of months after, and 90 days later, I checked her into a rehab hospital. Turned out this was not her first brush with drugs and she had white knuckled it in the past a few times. Family in complete denial. Persisted in the marriage for about another 1.5 years. She worked a program and stayed clean, but it was brutal on me.

 

Here I am again, this time with an out and out food addict. I have tried for the last few years to get her to take this seriously but she would not. Only by the marriage failing and me saying I was leaving and then following through with it, did she begin to make any real positive steps.

 

So that leaves me with a dilemma. I have a proven bad track record with addicts and recovery. They are bad for me and I have a hard time saying no, especially if she "needs" me and is making progress. Had the 1st W drugged again, I would have walked. Boundary. But I wound up really hurt anyway, even though there was no repeat substance abuse for the remainder of (1.5 yr) of that marriage.

 

Now I am faced with second W, who is making motions at recovery from food addiction, but seems to be motivated primarily by "save the marriage" rather than to save herself. The disease is still active in her. She's swinging from eating to much to not eating at all when she is supposed to. Her fridge is absolutely packed with food. She's losing weight thanks to diet and thyroid prescription. But that is not truly the measure of whether the disease is active. She's got years of therapy and twelve step to get through this.

 

My part in the failure of the marriages is both women had father-figure issues and I let myself be cast in that role. Then I became the thing that fills the emptiness, rather than drugs or in this case food. Since it is an emptiness that can never be filled from outside, I got sucked dry and blamed as the source of the dissatisfaction. Paraphrasing, "If only you would do this for me, I would feel better. Obviously you don't love me enough. What kind of man are you?" Both relationships had that element.

 

I cannot live like that. I cannot live with self-destruction, no matter how subtle. I cannot be the substitute source of fulfillment for an internal emptiness for anyone, ever.

 

I just want to be a man, take care of myself, get enough sex, give and get love and appreciation, live in a peaceful and pleasant home, chase the occasional spider out of the bath tub, tend to the cars and handyman jobs around the house. I need a woman who's willing and able to take care of herself and is ready to be a partner in a healthy, equal relationship.

 

If W can be that, then there's a chance. My gut feel is there is years and years of healing before that can happen. There's also a history of bad dynamics between us. Far too easy to fall into a bad pattern with her. Seems like a recipe for unhappiness and suffering for me.

 

At least, that's how I see it right now.

[TaraMaiden]

That's a very honest, 'stripped bare' and insightful response.

Just Some Guy had become an enabler, not a husband.

 

I see his point entirely, because he has recognised that the only happiness and fulfilment a person can truly nurture, is the one they have in themselves.

we cannot expect, nor be dependent upon, anybody else creating a happy state for us.

 

Until this woman realises this, she will never be the person she could be.

 

How many times has the advice on these boards been "They have to want to do it, and they have to want to do it for themselves, nobody else."

 

and

 

"you can't fix them, you can't change people to your ideal".....

 

Seems to fit both bills, here.

 

[You Go Girl]

Tara--excellent points.

 

just some guy--yep. It WILL take years for her to recover. I understand exactly how you feel--being married to an alcoholic myself.

She will always have a little bit of that disease inside her, no matter how much she recovers.

There's something about her personality that is something she can never cast off--it will always be there, an innate part of who she is.

You know this--you know that by staying with her you will always be living with her disease, even if she mostly overcomes it.

Sad, I know.

My H could stop drinking tomorrow, but the part of his personality that is the drinker will always be a part of him.

And its' a mental illness that I don't want to live with anymore than you want to live with hers.

It makes those of us who see it from a distance sad, and unable to live a life without a black cloud of distorted reality always hanging around. We look up at a beautiful sunny day--and as long as we are with them--there's still this huge black cloud somewhere in the sky.

Which leads us to want clear skies, to feel we can breathe in clean air, to chase sanity without mental illness hanging around us forever.

Oh yes I understand.

 

I will keep up with your post--it's so similar to my situation, and hopefully, by the end of this month, I'll stop feeling guilty for leaving this person alone with their disease, and be able to finish moving out.

[You Go Girl]

Oh--and I forgot to say--

discovering that part of you that is for some reason attracted to being a "hero" or "savior" to needy ill people...

that's going to take some work, isn't it?

 

I find my problem is that for some reason I am attracted to sexual pervs.

Funny, but horribly sad too.

I have a history of that, this is my first alcoholic.

I also need to uncover what attracts me to these men. I certainly don't want to go through it again...

how do we go about it, finding out what attracts us to them?

How do we change what we are attracted to?

How do we see the red flag before we become attached?

There's much work to be done in that regard.

All I know for sure is that the sexual pervs are very charismatic personalities, confident, outgoing, and gregarious, to the point of being narcisstic. Personality traits that are very attractive, to anyone I would think...

I'm learning, but slowly.

[tnttim]

I was going to bash you for being a bad husband, but I'm on the fence with this one.

 

The facts:

 

You have an ex wife and a separated wife both suffering from an addiction that was only small but grew over time, after you got married.

 

You tried to force change, didn't succeed, and bailed on both.

 

Current wife is doing better but we all know a backslide is inevitable.

 

You took your overly obsessive overweight wife on a diner date.

 

You played father with your wives and then got tired of being a father.

 

IMO:

 

I agree with letting her fix her own problems, and you being there only complicates the process. I agree you have done all that you can do with her until you reached your wits end.

 

I don't agree with you giving up on your best friend because of a disease. It's called selfishness. If they had cancer would you leave them?

 

They didn't need you to solve their problems, they needed your support in fighting their demons. They needed your compassion when things got tough, and they backslide. They needed you not to judge them. They needed a strong example.

 

Two addicted spouses and all I see is you pointing fingers at them. Does a third have to happen before you even consider you might be playing a role in their demise. I see the trend, why not you, it's your life.

[tnttim]

Oh--and I forgot to say--

discovering that part of you that is for some reason attracted to being a "hero" or "savior" to needy ill people...

that's going to take some work, isn't it?

 

I find my problem is that for some reason I am attracted to sexual pervs.

Funny, but horribly sad too.

I have a history of that, this is my first alcoholic.

I also need to uncover what attracts me to these men. I certainly don't want to go through it again...

how do we go about it, finding out what attracts us to them?

How do we change what we are attracted to?

How do we see the red flag before we become attached?

There's much work to be done in that regard.

All I know for sure is that the sexual pervs are very charismatic personalities, confident, outgoing, and gregarious, to the point of being narcisstic. Personality traits that are very attractive, to anyone I would think...

I'm learning, but slowly.

 

You are attracted to alpha males like I'm attracted to fixer uppers. When I was separated I looked exclusively for secure, career minded, and strong women; the opposite of my usual women. Maybe you should give the silent guys a shot, you will have to be more outgoing, like I had to be less outgoing to attract their attention.

[jthorne]

I don't agree with you giving up on your best friend because of a disease. It's called selfishness. If they had cancer would you leave them?

Cancer isn't an addiction. A person can't help getting cancer, they CAN help overeating.

 

They didn't need you to solve their problems, they needed your support in fighting their demons. They needed your compassion when things got tough, and they backslide. They needed you not to judge them. They needed a strong example.

His W has father-figure issues, and other issues that have been mentioned in his other threads that are not mentioned here. Any support by him can be construed by W as enabling. His W has to learn to stand on her own, to be her own person, not to lean on her H.

 

Two addicted spouses and all I see is you pointing fingers at them. Does a third have to happen before you even consider you might be playing a role in their demise.

Yeah, he's seen now that he's been attracted to women that are "needy", and he played into that. He's seen that he needs to not choose people like that anymore.

 

I'm confused why you are blaming the OP for these women's problems as if they have no responsibiltiy for themselves at all. That was part of the problem in the first place. They didn't want to be responsible for themselves, they wanted HIM to be responsible for them.

 

Sometimes giving support means forcing someone to stand on their own two feet instead of giving them something to lean on.

[just_some_guy]

Oh--and I forgot to say--

discovering that part of you that is for some reason attracted to being a "hero" or "savior" to needy ill people...

that's going to take some work, isn't it?

 

That's an interesting aspect. I'm not so much attracted to, but I have difficulty saying no to playing the "super-responsible" role. I have been to lots of al-anon meetings and have seen the attracted-to behavior. For me, it isn't attracted to, so much as setting a boundary on taking too much on.

 

Women friends usually describe me as "reliable".

[You Go Girl]

You are attracted to alpha males like I'm attracted to fixer uppers. When I was separated I looked exclusively for secure, career minded, and strong women; the opposite of my usual women. Maybe you should give the silent guys a shot, you will have to be more outgoing, like I had to be less outgoing to attract their attention.

 

Interesting...as my first husband was the silent type, not alpha at all. Only this second one is--and I'm rather gregarious, but thoughtful about it all--not a loudmouth.

It was moreso finding a man who was the opposite of my first husband that led me to this one--

and I must admit the first marriage went much more smoothly and lasted a much longer period, although this one was far more passionate.

 

So be careful. You may think you are avoiding the needy type in a career minded woman--only to find she's terribly needy in some new unforseen tragic way.

or rather...a "fixer upper" lol as if we are talking about real estate. (Used to sell it, so that one strikes my funny bone).

[You Go Girl]

That's an interesting aspect. I'm not so much attracted to, but I have difficulty saying no to playing the "super-responsible" role. I have been to lots of al-anon meetings and have seen the attracted-to behavior. For me, it isn't attracted to, so much as setting a boundary on taking too much on.

 

Women friends usually describe me as "reliable".

 

I just took a peek at some of the threads you have started. It was a quick peek.

You were really criticized for not being compassionate any longer about your wife's situation.

I think some people don't get it. The anger one feels toward an addict can destroy loving them any longer. Fondness, pity, empathy, these can all still be there, it's not like one becomes an insensitive jerk. It's that the burden becomes too heavy if the addicted person isn't willing to get to work on their issues within a reasonable amount of time. Maybe that time runs out...too little, too late. I see the responses for you to continue with your w and keep giving her more time.

Married myself to an addict, the suggestion--if sent my way-- that I should stay and continue to be surrounded day by day with mental illness is...unhappier than I can describe.

It feels like another person's burden is all on your shoulders. It's so heavy, (no pun intended).

 

And you are attracted to addictive personalities---it doesn't happen twice in a row by coincidence. Take another look.

[LisaUk]

I have to admit I stopped reading this thread a couple of posts back. I CANNOT believe what I am reading here! Justsomeguy, this is your THIRD divorce, not second correct? I agree with Tim, why do you fail to see that you have played a part in all this, why do you only see your part through rose tinted glasses? I was helping them! I just can't beleive I am hearing this, your first wife became unable to cope with the sorrow of losing your child and turned to drugs as an escape from her misery and instead of being a supportive husband, like you say you want to, you point the finger and blame?

 

Now your third wife has become obese, well I have to say, I'm not surprised, she's comforting eating. Think hard about why.

 

Yougogirl, I have a lot of respect for you posts but I think you are allowing your own issues with your alcoholic H to cloud what you are reading here, this women is unhappy, not dependant! By the way, alcholism is not a mental illness, it's a disease which current research strongly suggests is genetic and out of a persons control.

 

When will people see that other people are not put on this planet to serve their needs, my God there are some selfish people out there. Justsomeguy, I can't beleive you would actullay say with a striaght face, twice on this thread, that your main priority in all of this is that you don't have a sex partner!

 

What kills me is that these women married you, how would you feel if you were one of the many single people in this world who would kill for the opprotunity of having a family, a partner to go through life with. Marriage isn't easy, life isn't easy, look for solutions rather than just throwing it away, jeezs Justsomeguy, you're not even happy when she starts to make an effort b/c her motivation isn't the one you wanted, what the h**l do you want from this women?

 

OK, so go ahead and bash me, I know you will need to in order to justify things to yourself, but if you take a look at my posts you will find I very rarely post such a harsh response to someone, but sometimes it is needed, if you continue the way you are, on this path in life, always blaming the other party you are going to end up one lonely and unhappy old man. Take from my post what you will, but if you decide to see it as an attack rather than the way it was intended, just think back to it in 30 - 40 years from now. Don't get me wrong I nknow all this has been hard for you too, of course it has, but why do you not try and see it from their perspective also, surely that would give you more understanding and ways to solve?

 

EDIT- I have left my orginal response b/c I do feel that some of what I said will hopefully provide you with a different perspective to think about Justsomeguy, howver, I do apologise for my angry delivery, perhaps I could have put it much better and in a more caring way.

Edited April 7, 2010 by LisaUk

[just_some_guy]

Lisa,

 

I have only been divorced once.

 

I am currently separated from my second wife.

 

I was married to my first wife for only a couple of months when the miscarriage happened. Only about 90 days later, she was checked into a rehab hospital and remained there for 6 weeks.

 

I remained with her for 1.5 years after the rehab, while she worked on recovery. During this time, I endured incredible levels of abuse and suffering, in the name of doing the right thing. She had concealed a previous history of substance abuse episodes, that only began to come to light after going into the rehab hospital.

 

How this could be described as selfish is genuinely puzzling to me. I spent a year and a half bearing the brunt of abuse as she struggled with recovery.

 

Current W has a problem with food. She's reached life-threatening levels of self-destruction. We've been together for nearly a decade and married for nearly 6 years. In the last 3 years, things have gone severely downhill and she reached the point of not being able to walk up or down a few steps and her life genuinely in danger. She has father and family issues, of that I am certain that are at the heart of her problems. I have tried and tried and tried to reason with her, to get her into therapy, treatment, anything and everything for years. Nothing worked. Only when I began to make concrete that I was leaving did things even begin to change with her.

 

Again, if this is selfish of me, I don't see how.

 

I've given all I have to give and then some. I've loved, I've never belittled or humiliated, I've been understanding, supportive, strong, I've never cheated on either.

 

When your spouse has a big, burning unfilled hole in their soul, and they use you to fill it and ease the pain, it can never be enough. The hole cannot be filled from the outside. No matter how much you give, it can never be enough. They feel bad, it must be your fault somehow and they demand more, more, more. What she needs is something I don't have to give. No one does. No human being can.

 

My failure is trying to.

[You Go Girl]

I haven't read OP's other threads, so my knowledge of his situation is limited.

And yes Lisa, we are probably all biased to the issues that remind us of our own situations.

Really, reading these threads and trying to see into the life of another person is very limited at best. Being a fly on the wall would be much better.

Besides, we can't ask the spouses to come here either. Boy, some of these stories would sure end up as real doozies if we could!

However alcoholism is most certainly a mental disease. If you understood alcoholism, you would know that although there are those who are genetically more susceptible to the physical addiction, most addicts are not physically addicted as much as they are mentally addicted to escapism from reality.

So I have to disagree with you there, lisa, but criticism of my post is fine with me--perhaps I should take another look, dig deeper into his other threads.

 

My first post I remarked on that his w is trying. That's something, compared to mine, who stubbornly refuses to try.

I thought that might be worth a second chance.

My second post, I sympathized more, and agreed, biased so perhaps.

What should this H do?

What will he do?

He alone has to live with his conscience.

Blindly, with one-sided stories, we try to give advice, compassion, understanding.

[just_some_guy]

I value all the replies, the supportive and not. They are all food for thought.