Told her she could kiss someone and she did. I didn't think she would.

[DurangoCircle]

I went on a 4 month trip to Europe without my girlfriend of 5 years. Before I left we decided to stay together, but during the trip we spoke on the phone and I told her that I didn't care if she kissed somebody as long as it was just a kiss. I don't know why I said this, I think I was trying to get her to say that it would be ok if I did the same. I knew that I wanted to be with her forever, but I thought that it would be cool if she let me kiss other girls. She said that she had no interest in kissing anybody else, and that she just wanted me to come home. The next time I talked to her I realized that it was a really stupid thing to do, and I tried to take it back. I'm not sure how clear I made it. A few days later I sent her a very mean and rude email where I said some very mean things about her family. I was totally out of line, and I really wish I hadn't sent it. I guess that night she went out with friends and had a lot to drink. Her single friends had been pushing her to kiss someone since I said she could. She told a guy about what I had said and later in the night he grabbed her and kissed her. She kissed him for a while and then realized she didn't want to be doing it, stopped, and left. When I came back from my trip she told me what happened. I had kissed people while we together (always stopped before anything more happened) in the past, but she had never done this to me. I have been heart broken ever since. I realize that I never should have given her the idea that this was ok. I also realize that I should have never done anything like this to her in the past. My friend thinks that I put her up to a challenge and that she did it to prove to me that I can't walk all over her. I feel like I was cheated on, but then I remember that I have done this to her in the past, and that I gave her the impression that this was ok. I also broke up with her in the past, and got we got back together. I know this hurt her a lot. I really love her. She does not want to break up, and said that she would never do this again, and only did it because I said I didn't care. After a lot of long talks she said she did it to hurt me. She says she wishes I would grow up a little bit. Should I forgive her? Did she cheat?

[Bejita463]

I agree with her that you have some growing up to do. What are you doing? You're upset with her for something you yourself did likely without permission, when you gave her permission? Why did you even do it yourself in the first place? Why is it different for her? It makes absolutely no sense to hold people to standards you don't hold yourself to.

[Jersey Shortie]

Should you forgive her???? You are kidding right? You said you kissed other girls while in a relationship with her and now you want to know if it's you that needs to forgive her? No. She didn't do anything wrong. You told her it was okay. You were doing it yourself. She can't read your mind.

 

By the way, did you tell her you kissed other girls before you told her it was okay that she kiss other guys? Did she know the rules of the game? If not, then you cheated on her.

[Woman In Blue]

Jeez, maybe you both should talk to your high school guidance counselors and get their advice. I feel like I'm back in my Sophomore year of high school after reading this drivel.

 

OP, grow up. You got a taste of your own childish medicine.

[ADF]

So you invite your GF to kiss other men in hopes she will let you kiss other women, but now that she's done it, you think she cheated? Would you have been cheating if you'd kissed other women?

 

You need to grow the heck up. Sorry to be that blunt about it, but you. Don't play silly little mind games and you won't get burned by them. Also, I am surprised that a relationship 5 years old couldn't weather a mere 4 month seperation.

[faf]

I'll spare you the lashing since everyone else rightfully gave you one.

 

To answer your question: No, she didn't cheat.

[make me believe]

Wow. No she didn't cheat, and you have nothing to "forgive" her for or to be upset with her about. I question why this girl is still with you though, since you admit that you've cheated on her many times in the past. (Yes, kissing is cheating even if it doesn't go further -- as evidenced by the fact that you think she cheated on you by kissing someone else when you told her she could!!!) Why were you hoping she'd give you permission to kiss other girls in Europe? It sounds like you don't want to be in a monogamous relationship -- or you want the benefits of it (having your gf be faithful to you) but none of the responsibilities (being faithful to your gf). I recommend you break up with this poor girl once & for all since you have proven yourself to be too immature to be in a relationship.