whether to end the LDR or not

[Els]

LOL. Go ahead and deny it. I swear, I have never seen so much knee-jerk defensiveness as on the LDR board. And we both know why that is.

 

However, not all women fall for bad boys, and almost all pickup lines are silly.

 

Thanks for making my point. Why don't you go to Separation/Divorce boards and tell all of them 'You swore to be with him/her for life, why are you breaking your vow???' or go to OM/OW boards and post on each thread 'Your MM/MW is definitely lying to you'. I'm sure you'll get plenty of 'knee-jerk reactions' as well.

 

Nice description, by the way, from someone who's even more defensive whenever a woman talks about the effect porn has had on her life, even those whose husbands are addicted to the point of neglecting their family. AND for someone who defended the right of a 12-year-old boy to watch porn, too! Must have gotten lost in that while spamming your 'All men watch porn, get used to it' mantra, eh?

 

I bet one day someone will make a post with a title 'Tips for long distance marathon running' and we'll see your post about 'LDRs don't work', too.

Edited April 9, 2010 by Elswyth

[Spiritofnow]

I bet one day someone will make a post with a title 'Tips for long distance marathon running' and we'll see your post about 'LDRs don't work', too.

 

I have no idea about what seems to be 'forum conflict' going on here, but that did make me laugh, ha ha ha ha!

 

I am a long distance runner, and I have a LDR, which would make me one complicated broad. Ha ha ha ha!

 

That being said I think it's ok for people to have views, even if they do seem outrageous or not in keeping with the usual 'norms'. People come on here to get advise and they can take or leave what they read. When someone has an extreme view point I think people tend to wash over what is being said, because life is generally about balance - either end of the continuum alerts most people. I try to be objective and as flexible as I can in life. Sure, I have my own value system and my experiences have shaped me to some degree, but I try to be aware of that as much as I can. I am always open to learning new things, or taking new ideas on board. I am not inflexible or rigid in my thinking, because I am all about growth and learning as I go through life rather than being stunted by limited perceptions.

 

However, believing that ALL LDR's are failed to doom won't be one I will be adding. I think LDR's can be more complex than conventional relationships and I believe they sometimes magnify what each individual brings into the relationship due to the dynamics surrounding distance, but if there is open communication and a REAL strong healthy connection then I believe that an LDR is just a stepping stone onto the next phase just as RL dates etc in more conventional relationships are.

 

I think it's a shame to be so determined to be right about something quite negative. I believe I have the same opportunities to make my relationship a successful one as RL relationships. In fact, I think we should refrain from negating a LDR as a Real Life relationship. I share my real life every day with my SO.

 

Anyway, each to their own. Life can be very interesting

[Spiritofnow]

They want desperately to believe their LDR is going to work, and lash out angrily at anyone who threatens that belief. In a way, I can't blame them. I might do the same thing in their position.

 

This sounds like projection to me and thinking based on your own perceptions and assumptions. Some of what you say is relevant and could be real issues for some people, but I think you would be better received if you avoided telling people what they are thinking - you can only assume what that is based on your own experiences. Perhaps, you enjoy conflict and confrontation? If you don't then I would remember that what you feel (no matter how real or valid for you) really isn't the same for everyone. Trust me

Edited April 9, 2010 by Spiritofnow

[ADF]

This sounds like projection to me and thinking based on your own perceptions and assumptions. Some of what you say is relevant and could be real issues for some people, but I think you would be better received if you avoided telling people what they are thinking - you can only assume what that is based on your own experiences. Perhaps, you enjoy conflict and confrontation? If you don't then I would remember that what you feel (no matter how real or valid for you) really isn't the same for everyone. Trust me

 

Thank you, doctor. Ugh. Just for the record, I've never had an LDR. However, I know many, many people who have, and they all ended up the same way: badly. Read through the posts on here. One of the big differences between this section and so many others is how similar all the stories are. That isn't by accident.

 

However, you have convinced me that people who champion LDR are like anti-zealots in that they are always right, others are always wrong, and any view that doesn't support their POV isn't worth listening to. I am done.

[Rollercoasterr]

Thank you, doctor. Ugh. Just for the record, I've never had an LDR. However, I know many, many people who have, and they all ended up the same way: badly. Read through the posts on here. One of the big differences between this section and so many others is how similar all the stories are. That isn't by accident.

 

However, you have convinced me that people who champion LDR are like anti-zealots in that they are always right, others are always wrong, and any view that doesn't support their POV isn't worth listening to. I am done.

 

 

Like you don't always think that you're right and everyone else is wrong. If you didn't you wouldn't wander around on the LDR boards posting just about the exact same paragraph each time. If you don't like or agree with LDRs, don't come to the board. I don't go to the OW/OM board because I don't agree with cheating and probably wouldn't have anything constructive to say.

 

And it's not that people here always get defensive, it's that we're so sick and tired of you coming around and posting nonsense. Everyone is entitled to an opinion but there comes a point when enough is enough. Yes, we know you don't like LDRs. Yes, we know you've never been in one. Yes, we know that you've have friends that have had them and didn't work out.

[Deeblondie82]

Just do whats best for you, Happiness is important and if being in a LDR isnt making you happy then maybe you should consentrate on your life and maybe who knows if something comes up great maybe both will able to continue it at a later date... If you love someone set them free.. and they will come back when the time is right if its still there. Or if you rather be with him and deal with all that it brings just be stonger. I know I need to with my LDR....just live your life and be happy

[Ashbash11]

My SO just came to visit me for a week. I have to admit, he re-affirmed all of the reasons why I go through the constant pain of long distance. We have a very strong relationship, and we've been through a lot.. We both agree that we have something special and it would be a shame to give it up just because of circumstances, which, btw.. change all the time.

 

His visit forced me to really think about what I want, and how my decisions will affect both of us. I think that even though it's VERY difficult to maintain long distance, it would benefit both of us to stay in this relationship, even next year, if I have to remain in Boston. It won't be easy and I know this because the past 2 years haven't been, but it's doable. I feel like I would be worse off without him in my life.

 

However, I am crossing my fingers that by some miracle, I am allowed to go to California next year for my internship. Cross your fingers for me, guys. I want to be one of those people who come on this board as another success story.

[Romance]

I feel the same way you do. I have this huge problem deciding

 

a) should i go to college and live in a dorm about an hour away from my boyfriend, i will know no one and be away from all friends and family..but be able to see my bf a lot.

 

b) stay in my town, get an apartment with some friends and keep going to the college i currently go to. keep doing the distance, even though it tears me apart.

 

it's like the LDR makes nothing easy and interferes with everything. Sometimes I wish I never met my boyfriend, but i love him so much.

ugh. i feel your pain!

[Els]

*crosses fingers*

 

Wishing you all the best, Ash!

[Ashbash11]

Romance- It's definitely tough, isn't it? I feel stuck, too.. Trapped, in a way. I love this person SO much, and I want more than anything for this relationship to work out, but at the same time, the distance is really tough. I am having a hard time handling it. My BF seems to handle it a lot better, and he doesn't need to talk regularly, like I do.

 

I guess in the end, it just comes down to how much you love the person and how much you are willing to go through to be with them.

 

Thanks, Elswyth! I need as much luck as I can get.