"We love him because he loved us first..."

[Fallen Angel]

I understand all of this. The reason I commented was because his post still seemed focused on him, and not the kids. Read how many I's and me's are in that post. It just seemed to me that he was more focused on his feelings than theirs. They loved MEEEEE!

I took it that them loving him said more about him than it did about them.

 

To continue the religious theme, if I say "Jesus loves me", what's my point? My point is that somebody finds ME worthy of love. I'm the focus, not Jesus.

I guess I was just a little surprised that in referring to MW's children, his focus seemed to be more on how he felt, than how they did.

 

It's probably semantics, potato po-tato...

And...It's highly possible I don't know what the hell I'm saying...

 

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.. that is exactly how I feel 99% of the time!!!

[Ima Texan]

My goodness sakes alive... It started with a quote.. Yes, it meant something to ME. Knowing how I felt THEM... I will not waste anybodys time anymore on this thread trying to explain what I meant. Its just frustrating. Because MY story is there, deep and detailed, but of course, nobody knows where to find it....

 

 

Here is a hint: CLOP, CLOp, CLop, Clop, clop. Creeeeeek, SLAM!

[bentnotbroken]

I am glad that you are glad that I clarified... I think I wrote it to where it sounded wrong.. I didnt mean that I thought I was God.. Just the words, simply the words that they might have said one day..

 

"We love him (me) because "he" (me) loved them first..." That because I loved them all along, that because of that love, it would be easier for them to love me one day...

 

Did I do better?? Thanks Bent

 

 

I get what you mean. The love of a child is so pure, as our love for God should be. It doesn't always happen that way. I know how my children feel about ow, since they are older. Not sure how I would have reacted if they had been a lot younger to her being in a parenting role. I am not sure my own feelings wouldn't have tainted any relationship that may have been possible. Not going to lie, I am glad they were older so we didn't have to deal with her(only her not you) pretending to love them.

[Fallen Angel]

I get what you mean. The love of a child is so pure, as our love for God should be. It doesn't always happen that way. I know how my children feel about ow, since they are older. Not sure how I would have reacted if they had been a lot younger to her being in a parenting role. I am not sure my own feelings wouldn't have tainted any relationship that may have been possible. Not going to lie, I am glad they were older so we didn't have to deal with her(only her not you) pretending to love them.

 

How do you know that given the chance, she would have not truly loved them?

[bentnotbroken]

How do you know that given the chance, she would have not truly loved them?

 

 

She isn't capable of love. For herself or anyone else. We have enough crap in our lives, we didn't need anymore.

[bentnotbroken]

But is the love for a step child the same as the love for a biological child? I would assume the love for a step child stems primarily from the step parent's love for their spouse. A man initially loves his step kids because he loves their mom.

If none of this makes any sense, just ignore me and next subject...

 

 

My mom was raised by a step mother. The one rule in the house was that the term step or half sibling would not be tolerated. My grandmother took the 5 children and claimed them in her heart and soul. She made sure that they knew she couldn't or wouldn't replace their mother(died at a young age)but she wold expect each of them to show the love for the siblings that didn't share the same blood as those who did share the same blood. So I guess all that was to say, I am not sure that the love for the children is an extension of the spouse. If none of this makes sense, ignore me too.

[fooled once]

But is the love for a step child the same as the love for a biological child? I would assume the love for a step child stems primarily from the step parent's love for their spouse. A man initially loves his step kids because he loves their mom.

If none of this makes any sense, just ignore me and next subject...

 

I can answer this as I am a step parent to 2 step kids and a biological parent to 1.

 

I LOVE my son; and I love my step kids; but the love is totally different. I would give my life gladly for my son; but not my stepkids.

 

I love them because I love their father. I love my son because I grew him in me, nurtured him and raised him. I am STEP-parent to my steps, not a biological parent. I personally don't believe you can love a step like a bio child...but that is just my perspective. I know many custodial stepmoms who don't have children and love those children like their own. I also know a couple stepmom's who always believed they loved their step kids as much as they would a biochild...UNTIL they had a biochild. They still loved their steps, but nothing compared to their biokids.

 

I love my son unconditionally - he is the ONLY person in this world I love unconditionally.

[fooled once]

And for the record, I know MANY stepmom's who detest their step kids because they hate the stepkids mother, they hate that their H has to pay child support and they hate that the bioparents were intimate at one time. Pretty juvenille if you ask me.

[Susmay]

And for the record, I know MANY stepmom's who detest their step kids because they hate the stepkids mother, they hate that their H has to pay child support and they hate that the bioparents were intimate at one time. Pretty juvenille if you ask me.

 

I have trouble working out what this thread is about. Is it about a man who equates himself with the christian god or is it about secretly loving an AP's children and then "coming out" later, but that being an abject failure because the children can't forgive him for what he's done?

[Fallen Angel]

But is the love for a step child the same as the love for a biological child? I would assume the love for a step child stems primarily from the step parent's love for their spouse. A man initially loves his step kids because he loves their mom.

If none of this makes any sense, just ignore me and next subject...

 

In my marriage, my love for my step children was every bit as strong as my love for my own biological children.

 

The love I felt for them had nothing to do with how I felt about my husband. In fact, the child that I was closest with, was the child that he was not the biological parent of.

 

I KNEW them because of him, I loved them because of them.

[Fallen Angel]

She isn't capable of love. For herself or anyone else. We have enough crap in our lives, we didn't need anymore.

 

Then I am glad that you protected your children from her. But not all step-parents are that way. I would gladly lay down my life for either of my step-daughters if it was what they needed. My love for them is as unconditional as the love of the ones I nurtured from conception.

 

I will also add that my exhusbands first wife, became my best friend over time, and my children referred to her as "aunt". Her mother and sister, too, took on family roles for my children as "aunt" and "grandma."

 

My youngest daughter is named after my exhusbands former mother in law. My middle daughter is named after my "chosen child", and they share a birthday; it was a planned c-section and my "chosen" daughter was given the option of sharing a birthday or not, she chose to share with her SISTERS. The bonds of family are not born of blood, but of love.

[Fallen Angel]

I think at this point, even the OP isn't quite sure what this thread is about.

OP, feel free to correct me, but my understanding is that the OP was saying that he had hoped that his love for the MW's kids would eventually lead them to open their hearts and love him back.

And then there was a recipe just to spice things up.

 

LMAO.. a whole thread in three sentences!!! WHOOP! You are on a roll!!

[bentnotbroken]

Then I am glad that you protected your children from her. But not all step-parents are that way. I would gladly lay down my life for either of my step-daughters if it was what they needed. My love for them is as unconditional as the love of the ones I nurtured from conception.

 

I will also add that my exhusbands first wife, became my best friend over time, and my children referred to her as "aunt". Her mother and sister, too, took on family roles for my children as "aunt" and "grandma."

 

My youngest daughter is named after my exhusbands former mother in law. My middle daughter is named after my "chosen child", and they share a birthday; it was a planned c-section and my "chosen" daughter was given the option of sharing a birthday or not, she chose to share with her SISTERS. The bonds of family are not born of blood, but of love.

 

 

I am well aware of the myth of step parents. As I said in a previous post, my grandmother isn't my biological grandmother. I never viewed step parents as horrible humans. But I did say that I would have a problem with "her" being involved with my children, in any capacity. Since they aren't together there is no reason for me to worry.

[GreenEyedLady]

I am a parent of 2 and step-mother of 3.

 

I am also an educator, a special educator.

 

I can say that I love all my children, albeit different.

 

The three young ones I love similarly. 2 which are mine biologically. I have always loved children, even when I was one. It was a good match for me to be with children.

 

The two older children are teenagers, and I was not privy to their life when they were young children. Yet, I still love them and would raise and discipline them as I would my own children. (I am always guiding my husband on how to deal with them. I teach middle school.)

 

My youngest stepdaughter adopted my mother as her grandmother immediately. I thought there would be a disconnect, but there wasn't. Grandma Debbie is Grandma Debbie to all the grandkids.

 

Yet, the older stepdaughters are not interested. So I think it is a mutual relationship. A relationship takes two people to make it work. Either familial or other. A family has many different facets now. Every family will adjust with the circumstances as long as there is a willingness to.

 

GEL

[Hazyhead]

My goodness sakes alive... It started with a quote.. Yes, it meant something to ME. Knowing how I felt THEM... I will not waste anybodys time anymore on this thread trying to explain what I meant. Its just frustrating. Because MY story is there, deep and detailed, but of course, nobody knows where to find it....

 

 

Here is a hint: CLOP, CLOp, CLop, Clop, clop. Creeeeeek, SLAM!

 

Hey (Dont you think maybe some of us knew your alias but didn't say...)

 

How are you now? (Tried to pm you but with your brand new spanking newbie status I couldn't) I only ask because you don't seem your old chirpy self. I know you've reason not to be bouncing with joy right now but I'm a little concerned their D is affecting you quite heavily.

 

Gonna send you some hugs even though I know you're not a one for them.

[Fallen Angel]

Hey (Dont you think maybe some of us knew your alias but didn't say...)

 

How are you now? (Tried to pm you but with your brand new spanking newbie status I couldn't) I only ask because you don't seem your old chirpy self. I know you've reason not to be bouncing with joy right now but I'm a little concerned their D is affecting you quite heavily.

 

Gonna send you some hugs even though I know you're not a one for them.

 

Okay.. now I just feel dumb. Because I haven't figured it out. perhaps it is because I just don't remember people's names, but I haven't figured this out.

[In_Repair]

I don't remember Texan's first user name either, so maybe that is why I don't fully understand. Is the children's bio father out of the picture, and he never knew those children? Because if he isn't, other than God, I'm pretty sure that HE and his wife loved them first. Tex, you are an afterthought, a third wheel, and just wanting to share a love with those children doesn't mean that it will ever happen, though it could.

 

I have been raised by my step father since I was seven or eight years old. My bio father died when I was six. I love that man, he stepped up and entered into a family that already had four kids and then proceeded to make three more with my mother, and we were all treated the same. It's a big family and there are no "steps" or "halves" involved. We are all just plain old brothers, sisters, mom, and dad. Step parents don't have to be bad for the children, and they are often a blessing if things are handled correctly. My girlfriend just moved in with me three weeks ago and I have every intention of treating her daughter just the way I treat my own two children. She is already trying to call me daddy, and she is only 14 months old. I like it when she calls me daddy, because that's a job that I am more than willing to take on. I do respect you for having a similar attitude Tex.

 

My only problem here is that you are in a bad place mentally, and this line of thinking is far from helpful. You are so twisted up inside that you are actually looking for support in Christian scripture. In Gods eyes, your union with that woman was spoiled before it even began. Her union with her husband was spoiled as soon as she made the decision to have an affair with you. With that in mind, you MUST realize that there is nothing in scripture to support your actions, needs, or wants... including your desire to love those children.

Edited April 8, 2010 by In_Repair
None ya bitness

[Hazyhead]

Gosh, you're very sweet, thank you! I needed "sweet". And you are right. Their divorce IS affecting me. I don't know why. But its like, "their divorce is OUR divorce".

 

I don't expect anyone to understand what I mean, but yes, I have given myself a week (until tomorrow) to "mourn".

 

Bless you and your specified mourning time. I think that's a good idea. As long as your not sitting/sleeping on the sofa with the start of the week's clothing on, surrounded by pizza boxes and tissues (and no, I don't mean for that) and sipping on beer then I'm all for it.

 

So, tomorrow brings the weekend and you should let those demons fly.

[bentnotbroken]

Ok, I appreciate your post, but lets update the sitch. Affair over, I read my Prayer book every day, this particular Prayer stood out to me 5 years ago. I posted about it 3 days ago, because it reminded me of how I looked at things 5 years ago, and that it was wrong. Although, like you, I believed in a "bigger FAMILY", and I believed in God's help, BUT, now I see exactly what you are saying, NOT within an affair....

 

 

I know how far you have come and how you have grown. We both have. Isn't God amazing?

[Hazyhead]

So, that's how you picture me? After all we've been through together? Me, ME, in a "wife beater" tee shirt, fat and lonely on a Good Will sofa with pizza boxes and beer?

 

NO! It is Chinese and wine!!!

 

Just l kidding. It is "Masters week" and and my son are going to start our tradition. We will cook the "Champions Dinner" tomorrow, which Angel Caberera is from Argentina, and chose " grouper ceviche, empanadas, Ribeye with chimmichuri". He will love it

 

Hey! I wasn't specific about what you were wearing, just said clothes from the start of the week. Still, if that was your attire then fair enough; I think that 'wife-beater' look can be sexy as hell (hmm... maybe goes somewhat to explaining my bad choice of relationships).

 

Your choice of meal sounds delicious, even if I don't know what most of those words mean... and yes, ok, it probably will be me with the pizza box tonight... and maybe tomorrow!

 

Kidding. Hopefully.

[Fallen Angel]

Well, heck, swing on by! Ill change my skivvies, put on a fresh shirt, and treat you to an Argentinian din din. Grouper is a fish, real white and flaky, and Cecivhe is a dish where you "cook" the raw fish in a citrus marinade. With peppers and onion and tomato, and cilantro and serve it on plantain chips... An Empanada is a pastry filled with cheese, and I will add beef, onion and green olives, garlic and peppers. Chimmichuri is an olive oil based sauce, with red wine vinegar, garlic, red onion and a TON of herbs...

 

So if you cum, I mean come, bring a toothbrush, cuz you'll need it!

 

OMG.. if I wasn't already in love, I am sure I would be smitten with you! A man who can feed me that well, is a man who I could fall for. Hell, I would even be willing to do the dishes after dinner!!!

[Hazyhead]

Well, heck, swing on by! Ill change my skivvies, put on a fresh shirt, and treat you to an Argentinian din din. Grouper is a fish, real white and flaky, and Cecivhe is a dish where you "cook" the raw fish in a citrus marinade. With peppers and onion and tomato, and cilantro and serve it on plantain chips... An Empanada is a pastry filled with cheese, and I will add beef, onion and green olives, garlic and peppers. Chimmichuri is an olive oil based sauce, with red wine vinegar, garlic, red onion and a TON of herbs...

 

So if you cum, I mean come, bring a toothbrush, cuz you'll need it!

 

I'd be right round if it wasn't for the slight obstacle of the Atlantic Ocean. Sigh...

 

It does sound mighty tasty

[Hazyhead]

You could grab the Grouper (literally) on your way over... Maybe ill come over and visit you for the Ryder Cup...

 

What on earth's the Grouper? I'm lost.

 

You know... I do live in a golfing town...

[Hazyhead]

A fish!!! LOL.

 

But if I come see you, I will bring a "trouser trout"

 

A fish? Huh. I'm not that hot on species of fish... a 'trouser trout' though, I could get my head around.

[Hazyhead]

"head, hand, mouth" whatever..

 

I am also a fan of the snapper! But its been so long since I've had any, I don't know if I'd know what to do with one...

 

I dunno... you certainly sound like you know what you're doing to me. I reckon I'd be impressed.

 

I also reckon your thread won't survive much longer if the topic continues to... wander.