Conflicted and so Hurt

[LostInTurn]

This relationship is the most trying relationship I've ever been in. He's wonderful and I adore him. I love spending time together... but when we have to go back to our homes, I just can't handle it. There are everyday couples that take advantage of the fact that they can call one another after work and have dinner or watch a movie. Couples who fight because they couldn't agree on what to do that night. Meanwhile, I don't have th option of seeing my significant other whenever I want because he doesn't live around me.

 

There was a time when seeing happy couples would make me so angry because I was so jealous. I never thought I'd have what they had because I've had terrible luck in relationships. Then, I met the perfect guy... only thing he lives in another state. If you;d ask if he;s worth it, my answer is absolutely. If you asked whether I could stick it out to see what happens, I'd say yes. However, that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt more than anything.

 

He's with his friends right now, just hanging out on this beautiful day and I'm jealous. More jealous than I can convey through words. I got off the phone with him immediately and shut it off. I can't handle it. There are days when I cry and wonder when it will be different. When (as terrible as it may sound) the waiting will pay off. I don't mean that how it sounds, but I mean it.

 

I become so angry with myself sometimes. I'll just sit at home angry about being alone, and think how unfair it all is. Meanwhile, I want to be in this relationship. I hate that when I get so angry I just turn my phone off and that I don't know what to do.

 

I sit here and think he must not care, but that's not true at all. I feel like he should just be with me and what's so wrong with me.

 

Some days are just so worse than others, and I guess I'm writing this because this is just one of those... bad days. One of those days when I want to run away and just forget and pretend like nothing ever happened. I feel like on these days I need him to be here for me, and he's not and I get so angry. He can't be here though... so how can I possible expect him to be here for me? I can't.

[aerogurl87]

It's ok, I just went through this this weekend with my guy. I know he cares about me, but when I think about how I wish I could be walking down the street with him and not my dog on such a pretty day as today I get upset. But then I think about it more and how although he's not here, most people don't get to find someone who is as awesome as he is. I mean lots of people will unfortunately die and never know what it feels like to know that someone cares about them as much as I'm sure your SO cares about you. And when you think about it, despite the distance, you're pretty lucky. I mean luckier than I would say 80% of the world.

[nightwish893]

I get like that too, and it shocks me because I've never acted this way before. For example, if a friend complains about their SO cancelling plans for the night, I get irritated. I wish I could just call him up spur of the moment and spend time with him. Just knowing that he is close by would be amazing. I love him; I really do, but all the time apart is so difficult. I know he is worth it, but I just wish there was something I could do about these feelings.

[shahkriti0]

I guess, we all are sailing i the same boat. I was in a similar situation like you, gal. But, then when I moved to his city for further cities, thinking I'll get time to spend with him. I always spared my precious time to make our meeting happen but he gave me stupid, silly excuses. When I was in his city for a year, we hardly met once or twice. And then, slowly I my conscience talked to me saying, "hey kriti, something's wrong. The guy whom you love doesn't feel the same for you." And slowly i realised that it was never true love for him and now I've moved on.

Reading yr post, reminded me of my days. Okay for your help, I can suggest you to talk to a relationship expert. You can post your query on the Femina's website. I bet, you'll get an immediate reply.