WhereDoesTheGoodGo Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Been seeing someone casually for a few months. Neither of us has brought up the "what are we" thing, and to be honest I've done that on purpose. So far I've had fun hanging out without commitment. Lately we haven't seen each other at all, I've been busy with my studies, and was actually dating someone for a bit. We haven't slept together for a month. Now, he invited me on a night out that he was running, I went there with a friend, and could instantly tell something was off. He was happy to see me, bought me drinks but his mood soon darkened. He stopped talking to me, avoided my eye, but then I'd catch him talking about me to his friends. Here's the kicker: at the very end of the night I saw him talking to a girl. She seemed very into him, and looked like they knew each other well. I went to say my goodbyes, he just said he felt tired and that he'd be going home soon. I left obviously knowing he'd go home with this other girl. Next day he's ringing me ( I wasn't picking up- not mad as he doesn't owe me anything, but a bit peeved for sure) over and over again leaving apologetic messages, saying nothing happened, he swears to god, apparently she was his ex, threw him off, whatever. He then emails me over and over again saying he's not interested. Now, I'm puzzled. He doesn't owe me anything, I don't owe him anything. Sure, him hooking up with someone when he invited me there was rude, but hey what can I say. We're not in a relationship. What's this guy's deal? Wants to keep me as a steady lay or what? Then again we haven't had sex for a month! Last time I was at his house we watched a movie and cuddled ( which I was not happy about). Any ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 At this point, you have to ask yourself: are the 'benefits' really worth it if you have to go through this stuff with him? I guess it depends on what you want. Do you want a relationship with him? If not, then tell him that he is complicating things and you don't want to talk to him anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Fouts Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 If you were an FWB, you wouldn't care. You'd be hooking up with another guy while he was hustling her. You're in over your head hun, either tell him you want an exclusive relationship or move on so you don't keep feeling miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Now, I'm puzzled. He doesn't owe me anything, I don't owe him anything. Sure, him hooking up with someone when he invited me there was rude, but hey what can I say. We're not in a relationship. What's this guy's deal? QUOTE] If I were you I would tell him the above so he knows where you stand on your relationship with him. Link to post Share on other sites
123BeachFan Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 You started off with the intentions of no commitments, no strings, no attachment. But at some point you developed that emotional bond. So, now you're stuck in a situation where you need more in the relationship, or it's time to cut things off and move on. But faking it for the sake of maintaining FWB status quo is only going to make you more resentful and hurt. Technically he didn't do anything wrong by talking to his ex (and more with her that night, if it were the case), since you guys were on one month hiatus out of a no-commitment relationship. You need to have The Talk with him and see if this is something you both want to pursue as more than FWB. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 You started off with the intentions of no commitments, no strings, no attachment. But at some point you developed that emotional bond. So, now you're stuck in a situation where you need more in the relationship, or it's time to cut things off and move on. But faking it for the sake of maintaining FWB status quo is only going to make you more resentful and hurt. She isn't the one who became attached, he is and she is wondering why he is giving her explanations. Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Not angry? Of course you're angry! And jealous. And so was he. And that is perfectly natural. You're running across the greatest problem with FWB relationships. While you and he may understand, on an intellectual level, that your relationship is supposed to be no-strings, that means nothing to your hearts. People get attached. It is part of being human. Frankly, I think the number of people who think they can handle FWB is far greater than the number who actually can. Maybe if more people put their energy into negotiating serious relationships rather than trying to avoid them, they'd be better off. Maybe it is time you renegotiate you relationship. Who knows, you may end up moving from a relationship based in mutual use to one of mutual caring. Would that be so horrible? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 I don't think he's messing with your mind. The lack of explanations, communication, and the quasi-relationship (that's what I call FWB nowadays) is messing with your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
OndaChin Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 Simple Equation: FWB = "Jedi Mind F*ck from Hell" *Simple rule: If the booty "causes" more heartaches/headaches then otherwise should be tolerated- it's time to dissolve the relationship. Following this will: Give you piece of mind and "Preserve your SANITY". Link to post Share on other sites
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