how can I get him back?

[devestated]

Me and my boyfriend have had a very wonderful serious relationship for a year. Out of nowhere, he freaks out about not wanting anymore commitments in his life and how being tied down is too hard for him. But it never was before. He used to very much want commitment. Why would that change? He said I didn't drive him away but what else could have stopped him from thinking the commitment was worth it? He said some offensive stuff that he normally never would say. It's not like him, but he seems so serious. So we broke up and now he wants to be my best friend and I can't handle it. We had the best relationship and I need him. I just wish he could see how stupid he's being. What should I do to let him see what a horrible mistake he's making and how much he's hurting my feelings?

[Randy]

In your post, you asked: "What should I do to let him see what a horrible mistake he's making and how much he's hurting my feelings?"

 

You will get this or any other man back in your life when you give more thought to them and their feelings instead of yours. He has no power to hurt your feelings. You do that yourself by choice. His behavior seems honest and sincere, although inconsistent with what would make YOU happy and you have judged it as a horrible mistake.

 

No man wants to be in a relationship with someone who is only thinking of themself.

 

You will get this man back into your life if you take some steps backward, recognize his need for space and give it to him. Don't judge his actions as a horrible mistake. They are just actions that he took considering his desire to be very honest with you about how he feels right now. Perhaps I'm wrong but I sense that you may have been a bit too smothering. Allow him to be the free human he desires to be and he will fly back into your arms gladly.

 

Show him the selfless side of yourself. You have a great opportunity as his friend to demonstrate that you are a kind, sensitive, selfless, warm and forgiving lady who wants the very best for him. When he is comfortable that this new you is very real, I promise he will propose marriage...but not until. That is what every man looks for.

[magicklady]

Why should she have to change to make him happy??? If she does she will end up resenting him. So you think it is okay for someone to just out of the blue one day say "LET'S BE FRIENDS" and she is just supposed to go along with it. How did you get that she was smothering him by what she had written? All she said was that one day everything was fine and the next he was not wanting any commitments.. it sounds like to me he wants his cake and eat it to.. freedom to do as he wishes and her to stay around in the form of a friend just in case he wants something serious.. girl.. MOVE ON.. I know it is going to hurt, but you will be better off in the end... who is to say that if you do get serious again he won't pull this crap on you again. I am usually one to encourage someone to go after the one they love.. but this guy is a Jerk in the worst degree who has absolutley not care in the world for anyone's feelings but his own.. good luck with it.. .

[Taressa]

When a sweet pet suddenly turns viscious its usually one of two things:

 

1) they feel trapped and cornered or,

 

2) rabies

 

(I doubt its rabies).

 

Don't despair. Give him what he asks and don't assume he's making a mistake. Give the relationship some time and a little distance and see if he is the wonderful man you thought or if the offensiveness you recently witnessed is more true to his form.

 

Don't compromise your feelings. Saying no to friendship may and backing away quickly may keep the door open to rekindling something in the future.

 

By the way, gather your friends around you and return to the things you enjoyed before you gave time and energy to this man and you'll find you didn't need him at all. Needy relationships don't last; strong ones do.