****.. I drunk texted him. Analyze his responses.

[DontWorryBHappy]

Um..... So last night I went and got completely drunk with my english group from school. We drank vodka and watched porn from the 80's (I know.... weird). The following conversation ensued when I drunk texted my ex after getting home. I'm gona copy it as is... even with my drunken mispellings:

 

Me: Booo?

 

Him: We

 

Me: Wut is we?

 

Him: Yes..... lol

 

Me: WUT????????.... I'm so drunk... R u drunk? Lol

 

Me: Oooooooh, we means yes. I get it now.... Damnnnn

 

Him: Lol, go to bed u drunk!

 

Me: Ughhhhhh omggggggggggggg.... Voka is weird.... With tea.... And we watched pirn from like the 80s.... Weird ****..... I love my english geoup lol they rock

 

Me: Pornnn*

 

Him: Lol wtf, go have sum fun. Were u keeping ur hands 2 urself while watching?...

 

Me: Ummmm.... Not completely lol... This one guy in my english group is rly cute. He like took his shirt off and like everything... Errrrrrrrrr..... Idk...... lol. We were on this random cha site with weierd ass people

 

Him: Lol, chatroulette? And so thats a, no, about keeping ur hands 2 urself LOL, wat did u do?!

 

Me: No not ****ing chatroleyte Some other site. It was me and my girl friend and this cute dude in my class. I just kinda messed with him and like a zillion ppl were watchi g us on cqm. Lol i love alcohol.

 

Him: Lol, had fun then?

 

Me: Yesssssssssss.................................... But now im texting u grrr. U r still i my mind i cant shake it

 

Him: Its ok [my name]. Just enjoy urself. Push the limits

 

Me: ****. Why do i atillove u [his name]?

 

Him: Its ok [my name]. go have fun. B care- free

 

Me: Ok

 

Me: I wiah i could not lovw u anymore but its hard

 

Him: Ik [my name]

 

Me: Im sry.... Sobering up a bit now..... Ik u dont want me anymore. Im moving on. Goodnite [his name]..

 

Him: : ( dont put it like that [his name]. but good nite

 

Me: Dude let me just say that ive worked my ass off to fix any problems that went on in oir relarionship, because i never loved somone so much in my whole life. Id never do that crap i did again. I love u. Bit im gona move on because i have to. Thats all.

 

Him: I understand [my name]

 

 

.... And that was it..... Analysis?

Edited April 6, 2010 by DontWorryBHappy

[DustySaltus]

Here's my analysis (going to be a little tough):

 

I think that breathelyzers for phones would be a great idea these days.

 

He responded with indifference.

 

He did not aplogize or say that he wanted to make an effort to fix the problems that needed to be fixed.

 

He did not seem to care when you told him about another cute guy in your class.

 

He's being overly nice in his texts...."go have fun, enjoy yourself, be care free"....in other words, I'm moving on, you should too....

 

Nothing in this conversation is positive at all. You need to stick to NC and let yourself heal. I know you want him back but it's not an option right now. Focus on Yourself and your needs OUTSIDE of him.

[Rearden Metal]

Well, we can lock this thread cuz Dusty nailed it.

[Ilovecake]

Wow that was horrible.

 

Looks to me like you were trying to get him jealous, it didn't work he was trying to be nice but definitely trying very hard to get rid of you and end the conversation. He came off as being very uncomfortable, especially when you started with the “feelings” crap. He's pretty much telling you go have fun and leave him alone.

[mickleb]

Honestly, love? I'm embarrassed for you.

 

Yes, that's harsh but not as painful as the reality.

 

Never do that again. Read the above responses. Act accordingly.

 

Continue with your therapy and investing in YOURSELF.

 

That's all.

 

x

[teanoranges]

I agree with the aboves....

[DontWorryBHappy]

****. I'm a tool. I suck. RM where are you? Or someone else. Anyone. just slap me. Tell me what to do. I mean let's see. First i sent an NC message. Then 5 days later I decided to talk to him again. So then we were talking again. And then ... this. Should I just not respond to any further contact? Or will that make me look even worse since I took back my NC message before? ****.

 

AND ALSO.... today i was stupid and sent another message that was like "Sorry for last night. And i dont know if it would be a good idea but i kinda wana ask you a couple things later."

 

SHIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

 

Should I just .... uhm.. how do i fix this?

Edited April 6, 2010 by DontWorryBHappy

[mickleb]

You don't have to tell anyone you're going NC, you just do it. It's not about them anymore, it's just about you. It's not a weird, cruel or petty thing to do, it's just what needs to happen. Someone has hurt you, you need to sort yourself out.

 

If it freaks them out so much that they find a way where they can't avoid contact with you, you can explain: I see it's over, I need to heal. If you respect me at all, you'll let me do this.

 

If you're doing NC correctly, it should be pretty hard for them to contact you.

 

Try not to stress it too much. This sort of thing can be very useful for helping us open our eyes. You WILL get through this. You have already begun therapy. That is awesome and will help no end. Stick around here and you'll soon find McGrupp (read some of his earlier threads), or someone who has been exactly where you are now, will be coaching you through your every doubt.

 

Take care.

 

x

[DustySaltus]

****. I'm a tool. I suck. RM where are you? Or someone else. Anyone. just slap me. Tell me what to do. I mean let's see. First i sent an NC message. Then 5 days later I decided to talk to him again. So then we were talking again. And then ... this. Should I just not respond to any further contact? Or will that make me look even worse since I took back my NC message before? ****.

 

AND ALSO.... today i was stupid and sent another message that was like "Sorry for last night. And i dont know if it would be a good idea but i kinda wana ask you a couple things later."

 

SHIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

 

Should I just .... uhm.. how do i fix this?

 

There's no way to "fix" it but there is a way to limit it. STOP ALL CONTACT WITH HIM! Post here instead of talking to him, run around the block, call a friend, bake cookies, do 10 jumping jacks every time you get the urge to call or contact in any form.

 

You need to withdraw and withdrawal is hard with anything that you love, I know trust me. The healing starts now.....don't say anything else. Focus on your life and what you want to accomplish. You were around before him right? You'll get back to that place. Nothing he says will make you feel better and questions will just breed more questions and continue this vicious circle of self-inflicted harm. Stop the cycle. The guy quit on the relationship, not you. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of.

[DontWorryBHappy]

So would u all just recommend i NOT say anything to him from this point forward and block him from facebook? He's still on my facebook......

[mickleb]

Yup. The works.

 

Sorry. Just best that way.

 

x

[Enema]

Also for gods sake - delete him from your phone.

 

You've probably got him there "just in case" but No, that's not good enough. Delete him.

[DontWorryBHappy]

^ guilty as charged

[ADF]

You don't have to tell anyone you're going NC, you just do it. It's not about them anymore, it's just about you. It's not a weird, cruel or petty thing to do, it's just what needs to happen. Someone has hurt you, you need to sort yourself out.

 

I'm sorry, but this is REALLY bad advice. What you are talking about is called stonewalling, and unless you fear physical assault, it is always a mistake.

 

Let's face it, most often, people who go NC without saying anything are just interested in making things as easy as possible on themselves. They would rather just do a disappearing act than be bothered with having a difficult conversation with someone. The other person's feelings don't count. It is a craven, cowardly thing to do.

 

And, on a purely pragmatic level, it often provokes the worst kind of behavior from the person being stonewalled. There is no segment of society in which stonewalling is regarded as anything less than a gesture of utter contempt. In polite society, stonewalling is called "snubbing," and is regarded as unspeakable rude. In less than polite society--say in a prison yard--that kind of behavior gets people killed.

 

Stonewalling will feed an ex-partner's obsession with you the way gasoline will feed a fire. Don't do it that way.

[DontWorryBHappy]

Trust me.. I didn't do it that way. Sure.. I blocked him from facebook. But not before sending a very heartfelt message. At this point he is well aware of my feelings for him and that cutting the contact was not an easy thing for me by ANY means. I could never block him without a word.... that just isn't who I am.

[ADF]

Trust me.. I didn't do it that way. Sure.. I blocked him from facebook. But not before sending a very heartfelt message. At this point he is well aware of my feelings for him and that cutting the contact was not an easy thing for me by ANY means. I could never block him without a word.... that just isn't who I am.

 

 

Well done. If you've given him warning he won't be hearing from you any more, that's all you need to do. Good luck.

[HeavenOrHell]

How is it bad advice? I went NC after I was left 6 months earlier, to protect myself from further pain. Why do we need to tell our ex we are going NC? They don't want us, they've moved on, it's irrelevant. As it happened actually I did tell my ex and explained why, ie that I needed space to let go and move on and I was telling him so he would know not to contact me, but I didn't owe him an explanation, the moment he left anything I do is nothing to do with him.

You can't possibly say it is always a mistake to go NC You don't know everyone's individual situation or what is best for them.

Yes, after 6 months of hell post break up I wanted to make things easier for myself before I had a break down.

I had plenty of 'difficult conversations' with my ex, realising he fancied others and that there was no way back for us. His feelings do matter to me, but I was the one who was left, I was the one falling apart.

It took more courage for me to walk away after 6 months of trying to be friends than to stay friends, it took A LOT of courage for me to walk away from the person I loved for 18 years. He knew I walked away because I loved him and not out of contempt for him.

No offence but you've no idea what you are talking about.

 

 

I'm sorry, but this is REALLY bad advice. What you are talking about is called stonewalling, and unless you fear physical assault, it is always a mistake.

 

Let's face it, most often, people who go NC without saying anything are just interested in making things as easy as possible on themselves. They would rather just do a disappearing act than be bothered with having a difficult conversation with someone. The other person's feelings don't count. It is a craven, cowardly thing to do.

 

And, on a purely pragmatic level, it often provokes the worst kind of behavior from the person being stonewalled. There is no segment of society in which stonewalling is regarded as anything less than a gesture of utter contempt. In polite society, stonewalling is called "snubbing," and is regarded as unspeakable rude. In less than polite society--say in a prison yard--that kind of behavior gets people killed.

 

Stonewalling will feed an ex-partner's obsession with you the way gasoline will feed a fire. Don't do it that way.

[ADF]

How is it bad advice? I went NC after I was left 6 months earlier, to protect myself from further pain. Why do we need to tell our ex we are going NC? They don't want us, they've moved on, it's irrelevant. As it happened actually I did tell my ex and explained why, ie that I needed space to let go and move on and I was telling him so he would know not to contact me, but I didn't owe him an explanation, the moment he left anything I do is nothing to do with him.

You can't possibly say it is always a mistake to go NC You don't know everyone's individual situation or what is best for them.

Yes, after 6 months of hell post break up I wanted to make things easier for myself before I had a break down.

I had plenty of 'difficult conversations' with my ex, realising he fancied others and that there was no way back for us. His feelings do matter to me, but I was the one who was left, I was the one falling apart.

It took more courage for me to walk away after 6 months of trying to be friends than to stay friends, it took A LOT of courage for me to walk away from the person I loved for 18 years. He knew I walked away because I loved him and not out of contempt for him.

No offence but you've no idea what you are talking about.

 

I don't think you read what I wrote. I didn't say going NC was a bad idea. What I said was that going no contact without telling the other person that was what you were about to do was a bad idea. And I do know what I am talking about. I work in family law, and I see the effects every day of people who initiate NC by just disappearing. Nine times out of ten, that kind of behavior is percieved by the other partner as a slap in the face. If that partner is already obsessive or unstable, stonewalling can push them over the edge into stalking or even violence. But please, don't take my word for it. Ask any cop. I am sure he or she will tell you the same thing.

[paperchase]

I don't think you read what I wrote. I didn't say going NC was a bad idea. What I said was that going no contact without telling the other person that was what you were about to do was a bad idea. And I do know what I am talking about. I work in family law, and I see the effects every day of people who initiate NC by just disappearing. Nine times out of ten, that kind of behavior is percieved by the other partner as a slap in the face. If that partner is already obsessive or unstable, stonewalling can push them over the edge into stalking or even violence. But please, don't take my word for it. Ask any cop. I am sure he or she will tell you the same thing.

 

I really think it's situational. It depends on why you broke up and how it all went down. I found it important to have closure so I had that one last meeting where I put my cards on the table knowing they wouldn't be accepted. I did that because I needed that finality before going NC at the time. I didn't need to tell her I was going NC. She figured it out all on her own. I don't think that was stonewalling even though I didn't announce my intentions or justify them.

 

Explaining that you are going NC to heal or because you can't deal with the situation IMO just feeds their ego. Since you've probably done a fair share of begging and ego boosting already, it's not necessary. I know NC is for us, but I find its effectiveness on the other party is tied to the fact that you are silent and they don't know what you feel or think. That's why the minute you break NC you feel terrible because you've let them back in. They now have some insight and, of course, their position on the relationship hasn't changed.

 

Where the breakup is not ugly but love has run its course and its time to move on, I think it might be appropriate to send notice. Perhaps you just say I loved you, I understand that things won't work, I'm disappointed but wish you the best, goodbye. Then you go silent. But still you don't say I'm going silent because you've hurt me and I can't cope.

 

My two cents.

[mickleb]

Yes, I was thinking the comments the about prison yard were somewhat irrelevant..

 

 

 

:lmao::lmao:

 

 

 

I stated you don't HAVE to tell someone. In DWBH's case, it could have made it difficult to do as they are on such friendly terms already. He may've told her that her going NC would've been difficult for him and that may've influenced her ability to follow through with it. (Luckily, she's really a strong lass, who I'm sure will do just fine once the rollercoaster has died down. As each day passes, I get a better vibe about her.. ) But some exes can be very manipulative, ADF.

 

If you think it will make it harder for you to go NC, you don't HAVE to tell them. It you don't want to, don't. If you can't be arsed, don't bother. And if you're not sure what to do, I suggest (you guessed it) DON'T.

 

They have no right to any aspect of your life from the moment they call it quits and you have no right to theirs. C'est une vie dure.

 

Oh, and please don't suggest that 'stonewalling' an ex will 'feed [their] obession with you'. (Especially so bloody dramatically.)

 

Now, THAT's irresponsible.

 

x

 

P.S. Just read you're a lawyer, ADF. No comment.

 

..Except to say that if you get the feeling your ex maybe be even the slightest bit psycho, REALLY don't tell them. Tell that nice policeman, instead.

[jthorne]

I think he was pretty nice about it. He could have ignored you or told you all about his new girl, or been ugly. He told you nicely to move on, so just dust yourself off, and go back NC. There's no reason to contact him again. It's likely he might even think you were so drunk you don't even remember contacting him.

 

IF you are asking to see if he left a door open for reconnecting, I would say no.

[Ilovecake]

I don't think you read what I wrote. I didn't say going NC was a bad idea. What I said was that going no contact without telling the other person that was what you were about to do was a bad idea. And I do know what I am talking about. I work in family law, and I see the effects every day of people who initiate NC by just disappearing. Nine times out of ten, that kind of behavior is percieved by the other partner as a slap in the face. If that partner is already obsessive or unstable, stonewalling can push them over the edge into stalking or even violence. But please, don't take my word for it. Ask any cop. I am sure he or she will tell you the same thing.

 

Being dumped is a slap in the face and I don't think most people are psychotics who will torture you for not talking to them after they dump you. Just because you work in family law doesn't mean you know how every mind works, you obviously deal with the rare difficult cases. I think when you break up with someone it's pretty much an understood fact that you're no longer in each other’s lives therefore will no longer be speaking. I don't see warning someone that you will no longer talk to them a common courtesy. When someone dumps you they're telling you that they do not wish to spend any more time with you. You take their word for it, not take it with a grain of salt. It's not stonewalling it's a reality of ending a relationship with someone. When my best friend told me she no longer wished to be friends with me I didn't contact her a week later to tell her I will not be contacting her.

Edited April 8, 2010 by Ilovecake

[Ilovecake]

This is the first I have heard of drunk texting. It sounds oddly... awesome? But yeah, he definitely sounded indifferent.

 

You must check this funny site out.

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

 

It's all about drunk texting. I'm sure most of it is fake but still pretty funny.