I'm so in love with a married man

[PhillySpecial]

I'm sorry ladies, but I fail to see how arguing over the author or usefulness of this material is helpful to the OP and her situation. Just as with most everything, we can take from it what's useful to us, and leave the rest. When I read it, some of the statements in the poem were meaningful to me, some not. No big deal.

 

Hopefully, parts or all of it will provide some aid to the OP who seems to desperately need it.

 

 

I supposed her intent in stating that Oprah didn't write the poem was to try to diminish it. When that didn't work she chose a particular portion of the poem to argue against. I agree, it means different things to different people. If it meant nothing to her so be it. I posted it in hopes that it may help the OP, not to get into a silly discussion regarding who wrote it and what not. All I can say is there are many haters out there, people who get off on tearing down positivity.

[pureinheart]

Thank you for the replies. I know you will all think I'm a terrible person...but I promise I have never ever done this before and I wouldn't if I was not totally in love with him.

 

I don't. There was only one perfect person born to this world and He wouldn't think that...(((((huggggsssss))))) my thoughts and prayers are with you, I am so sorry you are hurting....

[norajane]

llamafarmer[/b]]

Thank you for the replies. I know you will all think I'm a terrible person...but I promise I have never ever done this before and I wouldn't if I was not totally in love with him.

 

You aren't a terrible person. But you are treating yourself terribly, and are allowing him to treat you terribly.

 

If this is what being "in love" with him has brought to your life, you should try loving yourself more instead.

[bentnotbroken]

I don't know you to know if you are a terrible person or not. But from your posts, you are doing terrible things to other people and "love" isn't a valid reason for doing them. Either you are capable of hurting others intentionally or you aren't.

[bittersweet memories]

First of all, I don't think anyone asked you to pass it on so no worries.

 

Secondly, I find that statement to be very true. You mean you've never been with a man and shared all your secrets in the beginning of the relationship when everything was rosy and lovely. Then later after things fell apart he betrays your trust and reveals your secrets? Well Honey, I know MANY women who this has happened to. I think it's very good advice, never let a man know all the skeletons in your closet.

 

Not only do they reveal your secrets, but they throw it at your face if you have an argument.

[bittersweet memories]

I supposed her intent in stating that Oprah didn't write the poem was to try to diminish it. When that didn't work she chose a particular portion of the poem to argue against.

 

Thats exactly it!! And to be honest, I am not surprise. denial denial denial!

[jennie-jennie]

I supposed her intent in stating that Oprah didn't write the poem was to try to diminish it. When that didn't work she chose a particular portion of the poem to argue against. I agree, it means different things to different people. If it meant nothing to her so be it. I posted it in hopes that it may help the OP, not to get into a silly discussion regarding who wrote it and what not. All I can say is there are many haters out there, people who get off on tearing down positivity.

 

You are incorrect in your presumption about my intentions.

 

I reacted strongly to that particular portion of the poem the very first time I read it. It surprised me that Oprah would have said something like that. So I then googled Oprah and that phrase to see if I would find any comments about it. This is what I found on a site called Snopes - Rumor Has It. Apparently others had questioned this very phrase as well:

 

"Origins: We first encountered this purported collection of Oprah Winfrey quotes in a newsgroup post made in early October 2005, and it has since been circulated via e-mail.

 

Regrettably, we're unable to verify any of the items in the compilation as being her words. While many of the pronouncements echo Oprah's oft expounded upon theme of taking control of one's life, we can't fit any of these statements to America's favorite talk-show hostess. Some of the tidbits do sound like they could have issued from her (e.g. 'Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy' and 'The only person you can control in a relationship is you'), but some don't (e.g., 'Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later'), with the majority falling somewhere in between.

 

In attempting to get to the bottom of this mystery, we read through three life histories of Ms. Winfrey. None contained any of the supposed quotes, but those biographies could have been published before she made these remarks, so our not finding them proves nothing.

 

We e-mailed The Oprah Winfrey Show to ask about the list. While we did immediately receive a standard auto-reply thanking us for writing (which at least confirms our note went to the right place), we have heard nothing since.

 

It was suggested the various pronouncements were voiced during an airing of The Oprah Winfrey Show in which Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, the authors of 2004's best-selling self-help book He's Just Not That Into You, were Oprah's guests. Our study of that show's transcript failed to reveal any of the purported quotes issuing from any of the guests or Ms. Winfrey. Likewise, a read through He's Just Not That Into You did not locate any of the sayings.

 

If this frustrating state of affairs continues for much longer, we'll have to start watching the show.

 

Barbara 'phantom of the oprah' Mikkkelson"

 

Philly, when you post something on an open internet discussion forum, it might actually get discussed.

Edited April 22, 2010 by jennie-jennie

[CollectiveVelvet]

You are incorrect in your presumption about my intentions.

 

I reacted strongly to that particular portion of the poem the very first time I read it. It surprised me that Oprah would have said something like that. So I then googled Oprah and that phrase to see if I would find any comments about it. This is what I found on a site called Snopes - Rumor Has It. Apparently others had questioned this very phrase as well:

 

"Origins: We first encountered this purported collection of Oprah Winfrey quotes in a newsgroup post made in early October 2005, and it has since been circulated via e-mail.

 

Regrettably, we're unable to verify any of the items in the compilation as being her words. While many of the pronouncements echo Oprah's oft expounded upon theme of taking control of one's life, we can't fit any of these statements to America's favorite talk-show hostess. Some of the tidbits do sound like they could have issued from her (e.g. 'Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy' and 'The only person you can control in a relationship is you'), but some don't (e.g., 'Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later'), with the majority falling somewhere in between.

 

In attempting to get to the bottom of this mystery, we read through three life histories of Ms. Winfrey. None contained any of the supposed quotes, but those biographies could have been published before she made these remarks, so our not finding them proves nothing.

 

We e-mailed The Oprah Winfrey Show to ask about the list. While we did immediately receive a standard auto-reply thanking us for writing (which at least confirms our note went to the right place), we have heard nothing since.

 

It was suggested the various pronouncements were voiced during an airing of The Oprah Winfrey Show in which Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, the authors of 2004's best-selling self-help book He's Just Not That Into You, were Oprah's guests. Our study of that show's transcript failed to reveal any of the purported quotes issuing from any of the guests or Ms. Winfrey. Likewise, a read through He's Just Not That Into You did not locate any of the sayings.

 

If this frustrating state of affairs continues for much longer, we'll have to start watching the show.

 

Barbara 'phantom of the oprah' Mikkkelson"

 

Philly, when you post something on an open internet discussion forum, it might actually get discussed.

 

In all fairness your reply was very 'strong' and had a negative connotation.

 

Personally I find it a good thing to keep some parts of yourself to yourself in a relationship. I hope the OP can sort her head out soon. Her 'in love' situation does not sound like it is doing anything but making her unahppy and disrupting her life.

[PhillySpecial]

You are incorrect in your presumption about my intentions.

 

I reacted strongly to that particular portion of the poem the very first time I read it. It surprised me that Oprah would have said something like that. So I then googled Oprah and that phrase to see if I would find any comments about it. This is what I found on a site called Snopes - Rumor Has It. Apparently others had questioned this very phrase as well:

 

"Origins: We first encountered this purported collection of Oprah Winfrey quotes in a newsgroup post made in early October 2005, and it has since been circulated via e-mail.

 

Regrettably, we're unable to verify any of the items in the compilation as being her words. While many of the pronouncements echo Oprah's oft expounded upon theme of taking control of one's life, we can't fit any of these statements to America's favorite talk-show hostess. Some of the tidbits do sound like they could have issued from her (e.g. 'Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy' and 'The only person you can control in a relationship is you'), but some don't (e.g., 'Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later'), with the majority falling somewhere in between.

 

In attempting to get to the bottom of this mystery, we read through three life histories of Ms. Winfrey. None contained any of the supposed quotes, but those biographies could have been published before she made these remarks, so our not finding them proves nothing.

 

We e-mailed The Oprah Winfrey Show to ask about the list. While we did immediately receive a standard auto-reply thanking us for writing (which at least confirms our note went to the right place), we have heard nothing since.

 

It was suggested the various pronouncements were voiced during an airing of The Oprah Winfrey Show in which Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, the authors of 2004's best-selling self-help book He's Just Not That Into You, were Oprah's guests. Our study of that show's transcript failed to reveal any of the purported quotes issuing from any of the guests or Ms. Winfrey. Likewise, a read through He's Just Not That Into You did not locate any of the sayings.

 

If this frustrating state of affairs continues for much longer, we'll have to start watching the show.

 

Barbara 'phantom of the oprah' Mikkkelson"

 

Philly, when you post something on an open internet discussion forum, it might actually get discussed.

 

Jennie, you should probably go back and reread my original response to you when you stated that Oprah didn't write the poem. I did state that it's possible she didn't write the poem, but that the poem's message to women is what matters most. As far as I'm concerned whether she wrote it or not takes absolutely nothing away from its meaning for me. But thanks for taking so much of your time to go research this... we all appreciate it.

 

I think I was spot on regarding your intentions. There is always a negative person in the bunch who makes it their job to piss on anything and everything. If you didn't like the poem, that's fine. But your determination to poke holes in it and argue against one particular line makes me think something within the poem upset you. I find the fact that you claim to know everything about your MM and vice versa to be quite laughable. Your whole relationship is based upon a lie and your MM's ability to cheat on and lie to his wife. Yet with you he's 100% honest and you know everything about him... right.

[2sure]

Llamafarmer

 

You have been married before, you hold a professional position, you own property.

 

You are apparently completely unable to extract yourself from a man who is without question a full on drama queen. Isnt it odd that he continually and consistently uses a health crisis - hIS own or his wife's to manipulate you? Isnt it bizarre that a man would announce the death of his baby to his co-workers and then promptly go out for drinks with his OW?

 

You work together. If it has as you said, become obvious that several people in your office "know" - then EVERYONE knows. You are damaging yourself professionally in a big way.

 

You think this man is your "soul mate". I dont know, wouldnt a true "soul mate" be available , not manipulative , not abusive. If this guy is your "soul mate" you must have been pretty bad in a previous incarnation. Unless you killed someone, you have to know...no love is better than abusive love or false love.

 

The issue that finally has made me reply:

I have to tell you, your description of your MM's and your own actions, responses...sound, to me, unbelievable and farfetched . Especially coming from someone of your age, education, and experience you describe.

 

But on the chance its all happening and you ARE about to make life changing personal and professional decisions based on this affair:

 

STOP. YOU ARE NOT YOURSELF. THIS MAN IS NUTS.

[herenow]

I only read the first post in this thread so forgive me if this has already been said.

 

IMO, he has been having sex with his wife the whole time. It sounds like she got pregnant and he made up the IVF story so that you would believe they didn't have sex.

 

But, let's say he is telling you the truth. How cruel to let his wife go through IVF when he doesn't love her and plans to leave her after having a baby. What kind of man does that? Do you really want any kind of relationship with a man who can do that to another woman?

[jennie-jennie]

Jennie, you should probably go back and reread my original response to you when you stated that Oprah didn't write the poem. I did state that it's possible she didn't write the poem, but that the poem's message to women is what matters most. As far as I'm concerned whether she wrote it or not takes absolutely nothing away from its meaning for me. But thanks for taking so much of your time to go research this... we all appreciate it.

 

I think I was spot on regarding your intentions. There is always a negative person in the bunch who makes it their job to piss on anything and everything. If you didn't like the poem, that's fine. But your determination to poke holes in it and argue against one particular line makes me think something within the poem upset you. I find the fact that you claim to know everything about your MM and vice versa to be quite laughable. Your whole relationship is based upon a lie and your MM's ability to cheat on and lie to his wife. Yet with you he's 100% honest and you know everything about him... right.

 

What is really sad is that I want to discuss the poem while you want to discuss me.

Edited April 22, 2010 by jennie-jennie
Grammar

[pureinheart]

What is really sad is that I want the discuss the poem while you want to discuss me.

 

Hi Philly,

 

I know your intentions were on the right page, so this is not an attack against you...I liked most of the writings, although have been watching Oprah since 1985 and a couple of the sentances didn't sound like "her".

 

Knowing Jennie, she's passionate, but not attacking you:)

[PhillySpecial]

What is really sad is that I want to discuss the poem while you want to discuss me.

 

What would you like to discuss about the poem dear... Again, as I stated I find that line of the poem to be spot on as some others have commented. If you disagree that's your choice, its a free country.

 

Now regarding discussing your private life you're the one who brought up your affair with MM and how you told him everything about you. But again, I find it hard to believe that a relationship built on a lie and an affair could be all that open and honest as you purport it to be.

[PhillySpecial]

Hi Philly,

 

I know your intentions were on the right page, so this is not an attack against you...I liked most of the writings, although have been watching Oprah since 1985 and a couple of the sentances didn't sound like "her".

 

Knowing Jennie, she's passionate, but not attacking you:)

 

The poem may or may not be Oprah's as I have already stated. Although it's widely said to be her poem, of course it's possible that it isn't. With information spread so quickly on the internet these days is it possible that the author isn't Oprah. And at this point in this thread I believe I have stated that at least three times. As far as an attack from Jennie or anyone else, I am hardly concerned with that.

[jennie-jennie]

What would you like to discuss about the poem dear... Again, as I stated I find that line of the poem to be spot on as some others have commented. If you disagree that's your choice, its a free country.

 

Now regarding discussing your private life you're the one who brought up your affair with MM and how you told him everything about you. But again, I find it hard to believe that a relationship built on a lie and an affair could be all that open and honest as you purport it to be

 

Err, no, I brought up relationships in general not my relationship with my MM in particular:

We will have to agree to disagree. A relationship where you are not so intimate that the other knows everything about you is not worth having.

 

I don't share your view that extramarital relationships are built on a lie. In my eyes it is the marriage of the WS and the BS that is.

[bentnotbroken]

 

Err, no, I brought up relationships in general not my relationship with my MM in particular:

 

 

I don't share your view that extramarital relationships are built on a lie. In my eyes it is the marriage of the WS and the BS that is.

 

 

Yes, it is built on lies and neither you nor he sees fit to inform her so she can move on. Just keep disrespecting her until he finds some undies without Sponge Bob on them.

[datura_noir]

 

 

Yes, it is built on lies and neither you nor he sees fit to inform her so she can move on. Just keep disrespecting her until he finds some undies without Sponge Bob on them.

 

 

Speak it loud!! Sorry,I haven't even read the entire thread but this line has me spewing my iced tea!

[Mimolicious]

Anything is possible... I can see this dude leaving his wife. Why not? but that doesn't mean that your life with him will a great thing. One day you can find yourself in her shoes. Poor chick, trying to start a family with someone that is willing to leave her at the drop of a hat.

 

Honey, 35 is not that told to have kids. So why is he stiffing you with the story of her clock ticking? Dont believe the hype!

 

I mean, save yourself from further drama. Walk away asap.

[norajane]

One day you can find yourself in her shoes. Poor chick, trying to start a family with someone that is willing to leave her at the drop of a hat.

 

I think the OP's problem is that he isn't interested in leaving his wife. At all. What he is interested in is staying with his wife, making babies, and keeping an OW on the side to feed his ego and libido.

[fooled once]

Let's get back to the OP, not someone else. Start a new thread to discuss some one else's issues.

 

OP - how are YOU doing? Have you made any decisions? How are you feeling??

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Llamafarmer,

 

This man is emotionally unstable. I just read this tome from beginning to this point and several times questioned whether this was some kid in an intro to abnormal psych class creating a scenario trying to be a new-aged A.A. Milne. Its just text book.

 

Your hurt sounds very sincere, so on the chance that this is real, can you not read it back and see the development?

 

He gives, he takes, he gives, he takes.

 

He does however let you know that he isn't leaving his wife and that there is no "real" future with you. YOU on the other hand, are accepting his abuse, REFUSING to believe what he's telling you, and CONTEMPLATING making a life decision based on your next conversation.:confused:

 

This man is clearly narcissistic which is a bloodsucker to begin with, but he's also possibly got some chemical imbalance (bipolar??)

 

This man is toxic honey. Can you imagine living that way??? Ofcourse you've never felt this way before. I doubt you've ever experienced anyone quite as afflicted as him before.

 

Do two things please. Reread your own posts minus the replies and google LIMERENCE / Dorothy Tennov.

 

This is not a healthy situation for you. If so you wouldn't be worried about making a decision that could ruin your life.

 

I wish you could show me "love" in one action of his, toward you OR his wife. Clearly this man doesn't know how to love, yet needs to be loved by many.

[llamafarmer]

Hi, I have a bit to tell and will log on tomorrow. I am away from my flat at a friends house and am sending this via mobile. Thank you for the messages. I will reply when I am back. The news isn't good. I am still unsure what to do. x

[llamafarmer]

Hi,

 

I can't remember if I've said but I have a job interview this Friday. No-one at work knows yet. I'll tell my line manager tomorrow. He is supportive....he has been great.....knows I want to leave. I wouldn't be surprised if he knows why...but he is such a great person and has been nothing but kind.

 

I was dreading telling MM....kind of hoping to avoid having to do so by simply being absent assumed off sick. I have been feeling guilty...like I'm betraying him. I am really by my actions...by not telling him.

 

All weekend I've had texts about him missing me/wanting to see me...etc. Here is a quote from one from yesterday: "In my heart mind and soul darling. Please never ever forget that xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx" I invited him around today......then all of a sudden....can't come. He claims his wife was "in hysterics" about his wish to go out and that she was "very upset and unhappy" that he wished to go out.

 

He said via text: "That is why it is so difficult to give you clear times and days and be spontaneous. I have a headache. I feel physically sick by it all. xxxx"

 

So I'm sat here alone. The worst bit is he was due at 2pm today and at 5pm he hasn't texted to say sorry for letting me down or ask me how I am feeling. I'm busy looking for other jobs online as we speak. I feel numb with it all.

 

I am alone here. I wish I could wake up and be in another place/job/situation etc. The one piece of good news is I've booked my flight to Boston on 28th May (my 30th birthday ) for a week. If any of you live near I'd love to see you! You have no idea what you all mean to me.....even where people have been hard on me it does help me to think about my situation. I don't think I'd of had the courage to apply for this job otherwise.

 

If by any minor miracle he did leave his wife I'd be over the moon....but today has left me numb. The reason he hasn't texted will be doe to him comforting his upset wife....no effort has been made to comfort me. I feel dreadful.

 

ifwisheswerehorses: LIMERENCE does seem to describe me. He gets pains too in his chest. I've been very worried about him getting them. For me it is my stomach. If it is cognitive then does that mean I am mentally ill?

Edited April 25, 2010 by llamafarmer
additional bit to add.

[bananalaffytaffy]

I'm very glad to see you are looking for another job.

I think you owe your MM absolutely nothing. Do not feel bad for not telling him. And moreover, do not feel bad for getting on with your life.

You owe this man (I use that term loosely) nothing.

You owe yourself a better life.

 

Good luck!