Kentucky Jelly Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 My wife of 9 years asked me for a divorce a couple weeks ago and I have to admit I was a little bit emotional for a week or so, but I am over that. I have come to the conclusion this is going to be great! I can't wait! I am so happy I can't stand it. No more having to discuss my feelings, or painting stuff that does not need painting, or redecorating or planting flowers or compromising or spending money on stuff I have no interest in, or listening to her cry and bitch and moan and complain. Good Gawd man, If I knew what a joy this was going to be I would have initiated this years ago. I want to climb to the top of the highest mountain and shout "I AM GETTING A DIVORCE AND IT IS AWESOME!" Am I the only one who feels this way? Is there anyone on this forum who was, is totally happy to be divorced? I just want to celebrate! Link to post Share on other sites
dazzle22 Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 When I finally asked for a divorce from my first husband, a huge depressing weight came off me and I was happy for the first time in 20 yrs. He was emotionally so manipulative and really had me trapped in it a long time. As William Wallace said...freedom!! Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyTiger Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 I'm sure there are a few of us on here who are 'happy' to be getting divorced but for most of us the divorce isn't our choice and we have taken considerably more than a week or so to get to 'happy'. From what you say your marriage hasn't been good for a while and if your wife had discussed things with you before asking for a divorce (maybe she did?) you might have reached this decision by mutual agreement. You don't give much information about your situation but I'm guessing you don't have a lot of love (if any) left for your wife and probably no children. You're probably also financially independent and well off enough not to worry about finances etc when you split. Lucky you. Life (and divorce) isn't that easy for most of us - emotionally, practically or financially. It's rare that the dumpee is happy but if you are then just count your lucky stars! Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Well...could be that all that painting of unncessary stuff has lifted a huge burden... but those are really minor complaints, aren't they? Now if you said that you were glad to be rid of a cheater, an abuser, a betrayer, a drug addict, I could see a weight lifted, but I can't with what you list as the things you won't have to deal with. Hey, if it's all true...great. If it's masking a depression that is going to hit you like a brick soon, please come back and post here, people will help you through it all. Wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 I don't know why more men don't think this way. You finally can live your life without her criticizing your every move. The first summer after my first wife and I split was great. There was a peace and calm that came over the house that was just great. Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 I am happpy because i too am free from the constant nagging and disaproval of my ex.........HUBBY. It aint just women that nag and complain! However i wouldnt mind asking the OP If the marriage was so awful why did he wait for her to ask for a divorce? I ask because my Ex didnt have the backbone to go just made my life a misery hoping i would ask him. He didnt want to look like the bad guy. Take ownership for your part in the breakdown. I am glad you are happy but if you want to have a good future you need to see and aqunowlege where you failed too. Best of luck Nobby Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kentucky Jelly Posted April 7, 2010 Author Share Posted April 7, 2010 A few things. There was no cheating or abusing. There were some other problems that I don't really care to disclose on an internet forum. For me the main problem was probably money related, but if you knew the whole story you might think that was more of a symptom rather than the actual root of the problem. She asked for the divorce but for all intents and purposes it was a mutual decision . That is what we are telling everyone "we decided to get divorced". No bad guys, no victims. We are getting along better now than ever. Why didn't I ask for the divorce? For one I was still trying to make this work. We have done self help, counseling the whole bit. I was thinking if we can just make it through this year, if the economy would just turn around a little bit, maybe we could make it. I still had the idea in my head that marriage was for life and I made a commitment and I was going to pull through no matter what. Finally. I was in no way trying to gloat. I have been lurking on this forum for a while and have read lots of posts and my heart breaks for some of the folks out here. My sincerest wish is that you all eventually come to terms with the problems you are facing and make a happy life for yourself. I wish you happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 Well it sounds like you tried everything and are amicable:) I wish you both well in your new lives :love: Nobby x Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 We have done self help, counseling the whole bit. I was thinking if we can just make it through this year, if the economy would just turn around a little bit, maybe we could make it. I still had the idea in my head that marriage was for life and I made a commitment and I was going to pull through no matter what. Hi and welcome to LS. There are a few on here that are happy to be divorced, mainly those who did the leaving but also those who have moved on from the devastation of being left when it was not what they wanted or in some cases (myself included) abandonment. If there is no other option but to divorce, the way a divorce should happen is exactly the way you have described IMO. With respect, honour integrity, empathy and caring. I am so glad you posted b/c it restores my faith that there are still people out there who view divorce as a last option, after all else has failed and (as is clear from your post) is amicable, b/c each spouse has had the opportunity to try and resolve the problems and come to terms with the fact that they can't. A lot of us on here were not afforded that respect and in addition some leavers post here regularly attempting to defend "walking" which makes my pain even more pronounced. I was with my ex 18 years, I had no idea he was unhappy, he never once said said "I need to talk to you" or "I'm unhappy" or complained about anything really, we had just booked our wedding when he left me without even telling me why. I hope you stick around, as amicable as it is and as relived as you are I am sure you could still use a bit of emotional support. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted April 24, 2010 Share Posted April 24, 2010 My wife of 9 years asked me for a divorce a couple weeks ago and I have to admit I was a little bit emotional for a week or so, but I am over that. I have come to the conclusion this is going to be great! I can't wait! I am so happy I can't stand it. No more having to discuss my feelings, or painting stuff that does not need painting, or redecorating or planting flowers or compromising or spending money on stuff I have no interest in, or listening to her cry and bitch and moan and complain. Good Gawd man, If I knew what a joy this was going to be I would have initiated this years ago. I want to climb to the top of the highest mountain and shout "I AM GETTING A DIVORCE AND IT IS AWESOME!" Am I the only one who feels this way? Is there anyone on this forum who was, is totally happy to be divorced? I just want to celebrate! Its just easier and more fun being fun being single. Maybe its the meds that the Dr. got me on, but I've been dwelling on your post for a couple of weeks now, and you know what? Your right! Single men know more about women than married men. That's why they're single! Link to post Share on other sites
mikeymad Posted April 24, 2010 Share Posted April 24, 2010 That reminds me of a joke a divorced friend told me: What's the worst food on the planet for killing a person's sex drive? Wedding cake. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 ...you're onto something. It's a surprise to me, but I'm actually enjoying the solitude of my home; working on the things I want to and not worrying about the hammer being held over my head. I took that hammer blow. Then another. Then again. And lived to talk about it. I do get the occasional rush of joy (once or twice a week) but I've never felt like celebrating the end of my marriage. For one, my kids are still in the thick of dealing with their broken home (but they are happy) and it'll be awhile before I recover financially. But yeah...I'm over the hump by a mile. Funny, the one with the biggest issues and problems is the one that started all of this. She's really pressing these days, which shocks me to my core. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 I would say I'm happy, but not in the same way - I suspect that once my divorce is final (been split five years, this past year we actually made it to the 'one year and a day' that we had to live in separate residences), me, my fiance, my stbxH and his girlfriend (likely to be fiance soon) will all go out and celebrate in some way. The divorce is basically just a matter of paperwork at this point. Very amicable all around. Link to post Share on other sites
MichelleZB Posted April 25, 2010 Share Posted April 25, 2010 Congrats on the divorce! Link to post Share on other sites
TwoForgiving Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 (edited) Although it is good that ending your marriage caused you no pain as you say, why are you on this forum in that case? You're happy as hell that you got rid of your ex-wife finally, that's definitely how you make it sound, so why aren't you out there living this great new life of yours? My xH was like you (and he too didn't end it until I did) but he had a new R a couple of weeks after we separated and he never spent any time on a forum like this to deal with the end of our marriage because he honestly didn't care. So I have to ask what brings you and keeps you here. Edited May 2, 2010 by TwoForgiving Link to post Share on other sites
SummerLady Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 My wife of 9 years asked me for a divorce a couple weeks ago and I have to admit I was a little bit emotional for a week or so, but I am over that. I have come to the conclusion this is going to be great! I can't wait! I am so happy I can't stand it. No more having to discuss my feelings, or painting stuff that does not need painting, or redecorating or planting flowers or compromising or spending money on stuff I have no interest in, or listening to her cry and bitch and moan and complain. Good Gawd man, If I knew what a joy this was going to be I would have initiated this years ago. I want to climb to the top of the highest mountain and shout "I AM GETTING A DIVORCE AND IT IS AWESOME!" Am I the only one who feels this way? Is there anyone on this forum who was, is totally happy to be divorced? I just want to celebrate! People may post more when they are unhappy about it. Let me be clear though. I was not happy to get divorced per say. I was happy to be able to get out of a relationship that was not working but not happy to go through the divorce if that makes sense. I am happy 2 years post divorce. Glad you are dealing with it well...I should have got divorced sooner as well... Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 2, 2010 Share Posted May 2, 2010 Divorce was hell but the peace in the house after she left made it worth every bit of it. Link to post Share on other sites
SummerLady Posted May 3, 2010 Share Posted May 3, 2010 Divorce was hell but the peace in the house after she left made it worth every bit of it. Well said. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kentucky Jelly Posted May 4, 2010 Author Share Posted May 4, 2010 ....why aren't you out there living this great new life of yours? .......So I have to ask what brings you and keeps you here. There is no "great new life" until I dissolve a business and sell a farm which then needs to be distributed to all the parties involved. Until then I am still going to be living with my STBX. Fortunately we are getting along better now than ever. So I am hoping this goes off without a hitch. Question 2, what keeps me here. Well my wife told me I am "very funny and very kind but emotionally distant" I am not really sure what emotionally distant is, and I am not sure how or if I can fix it at my advanced age of 40 something. Not sure I want to try either. I sort of feel like I have tried marriage, it did not work, no point in trying again. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted May 5, 2010 Share Posted May 5, 2010 My wife of 9 years asked me for a divorce a couple weeks ago and I have to admit I was a little bit emotional for a week or so, but I am over that. I have come to the conclusion this is going to be great! I can't wait! I am so happy I can't stand it. No more having to discuss my feelings, or painting stuff that does not need painting, or redecorating or planting flowers or compromising or spending money on stuff I have no interest in, or listening to her cry and bitch and moan and complain. Good Gawd man, If I knew what a joy this was going to be I would have initiated this years ago. I want to climb to the top of the highest mountain and shout "I AM GETTING A DIVORCE AND IT IS AWESOME!" Am I the only one who feels this way? Is there anyone on this forum who was, is totally happy to be divorced? I just want to celebrate! Gosh that sounds like my reaction to my ex walking out. One night of "The Way We Were" and pint of ice cream - next night I was fine. Congrats! Link to post Share on other sites
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