Confussed-one Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 Background, my girlfriend and i have been dating for a little over 3 months. On new years she told me she loved me, and i told her last saturday that i loved her. On sunday things were going really good, excelent in fact, and we were making out, and then we ended up sleeping together. It was my first time. After it happened we sort of didnt talk about it, she asked me a few questions and i couldnt really answer, i had no answers, i didnt know how i felt and i didnt now what i was suppose to do and i didnt know what was going to happen and i was so confussed. We went to sleep then she had to leave in a hurry in the morning becuse she had class. So we never got to talk, that night we had dinner and talked and stuff, and i was really sort of sad, I was sad because i felt she was being distant but then she got really upset becasue she felt i was being distant, we talked about it then she left. When she got home we talked a little over the internet, and we were just talking about it all and how we both felt and how it was all strange and stuff. Over the conversation, i said something about how bad i would feel if i were ever to cause problems in the relationship, and then i started to cry, i never cry, i only have cried one time that i can remember and that was when my dog died. Well basically, things sort of seemed a little bad that night, i could sleep becuase i was up writing about all my feelings. so the next day at school i told her all about what i had not said before, and how i was feeling and everything. We talked a little later that night and things seemed to be going good. Wednesday we talked a little and she seems a little different in class, after we parted i was at school till later, and when i got home she had left me a big msg about how she realized that she was thinking about only bad and that things were good and she seemed better, we talked on the phone, and then she came over, we basically huged a long time, talked, and i felt totally better, she seemed to be totally good to. Today she picked me up before school, we talk and everything was fine. We hung out between classes and all was well, we were happy and everything was good. She had a class and i went home, we talked a little on the net, and then she came over, we had dinner and watched a little tv, and talked and listen to music, everything was going perfect. We started to make out, things were going good, i had to goto the washroom, i went came back, obviously not excited anymore, we continue i was up to the task again. I got up to get a condom, started to put it on the wrong way, noticed, and put it down went to grab another one, was about to put it one and then i just feel apart, i wasnt up to the task anymore, i had started to freak out for some reason, i was all sweaty, quite unconftable. And i just feel apart, i felt so bad, and she felt probibly just as bad, she felt that maybe i didnt find her atractive or there was something wrong or some. I really didnt know what was wrong, we layed down for a while and held each other. she seemed quite sad, and i felt horrible. I couldnt explain why it happened and i still dont know. But my heart is still racing (this all happened like 1 or 2 hours ago). We were sitting in her car, just talking a bit, i almost started to cry again, i felt so bad and so did she. Its like everything was going perfect till monday at dinner and its just been bad punch after bad punch, its really hurts alot for both of us and i am very worried. I dont know what it happened, i dont know why i am so emotionally messed up, and i dont know how i can fix this, and i dont know how to deal with it, and i dont want this relationship to end, but it seems like its being tested to the bone. Its so hard and i am so confussed, i really need some advice. Please help. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Confussed-one Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 i forgot to say, i am 21, male. and she is my first girlfriend, and my first love. Shes the same age, i am her second. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 You need to relax, and feel comfortable. It will come with time, and communication. It's common for anxiety to cause a loss of erection. Link to post Share on other sites
Reckless Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 No one tells you when it's your first time that sex can be so awkward and emotionally charged. In the movies every thing goes smoothly, Richard Gere shags Julia Roberts, it all goes without a hitch and the next morning she's sipping champaign in his bubble bath... well as you've found out it's not like that. You are super emotional because this was (rightly) a big event for you both. You were awkward because it was your first time. Sex is ungainly, penises lose their erections, vaginas go dry, wobbly bits wobble. It's okay, it really is. If you had been able to relax and laugh about it you'd have soon refound your erection. You are putting way too much pressure on yourself to perform well and it's having the opposite effect. Would you expect to get in a car for the first time and be an expert driver? Wouldn't you get sweaty and swerve a bit? Course you would and it wouldn't be a big deal unless you killed someone! Is your girlfriend still alive? Yes? well no harm done then! Firstly, you have to talk. Tell her how you're feeling ask her what's going on in her head - I bet you'd be surprised. Don't clam up because you're embarrassed, she was too. You didn't say if it was her first time too but it sounds like neither of you have a whole lot of experience so why not view it as a voyage of discovery instead of a combat course. Putting on the condom often kinda breaks the mood (even for the most experienced) but it doesn't have to - why not take turns in practicing putting it on together? Don't rush. Giggle about it, if you loose your hard on so what! it's not broken it'll come back, especially if she's giving you a helping 'hand'.... There is not reason to be 'sad', she might have been sad that you didn't try again that night, or she might have thought that she'd done something 'wrong'... I couldnt explain why it happened and i still dont know. You were nervous, I repeat it's perfectly NORMAL to be nervous. Next time you're together, tell her you're really scared and need her help. Tell her how sexy and beautiful you find her and ask her what feels good and what doesn't. Let her ask the same. Have a sense of humor about it - sex is supposed to be FUN too you know... and above all, take the pressure of yourself you're a learner!! Link to post Share on other sites
mintjulep Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 She's probably just as nervous as you are. Some girls can think about it rationally, and know you're nervous, so they just...fill the space and make you feel at ease, but it's more of a personality trait than an indication of how much she likes you. Some girls cannot handle situations like this when their nerves and yours and all the emotion, etc. get in the way, and maybe she freaked out for any number of reasons. Unless you talk to her about it, you'll never know what she's thinking, and maybe even then you never will, but from my experience, and after sharing with my friends, I learned that *most* people's first times are awkward, bumbled, and just plain not *fabulous.* In every case it got better as time wore on. I guess my advice is just to calm your mind and give it time, but this is just a female perspective. Maybe the guys can be of better help to you. PS - dyer, I love the advice Link to post Share on other sites
confussed-one Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 thanks for all the advice, its really helped me out, i was freaking out last night, and i am feeling much better now. thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
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