a twist on previous "whose wrong" post

[slimjim]

i have a slight variation on the whose wrong thread. and am wondering about the double standard between men and women regarding EXs as plutonic friends.

 

i was dating this woman--mid 40's--married 4 times and twice to the same guy. me--i am a stupid male who has never married but thought this woman and her 17 year old daughter were the bomb.

 

after 2 years, she dumps me by email for this former ex, on religious reasons--she has had a church pang and wants to go back to bible boy.

 

this last 2 months---seems bible boy no longer cuts it, we get back together, and of course i am wary. i catch her texting him and going to lunch with him to 'catch UP'. we split hard this time for 4 months.

 

i had no contact with her and didnt answer her mails, and then she gets her daughter to begin mailing me, to talk to her mom who is now miserable. in her mails, she claimed her daughter was uncontrolable, and i was the only one she would listen to...which is correct for some reason. like a dumb A, i go back.

 

so things seem to be fine, and i find out she is still meeting with bible boy to discuss his case---seems that the night before they broke up he gets a DUI, and wants her to meet about the case on a regular basis, without any lawyers, etc.

 

soo we have it all out about this guy and i say that her contacting him bothers me, and i dont want her doing it unless an attorney calls her. she swears she will end it all and take care of it. i try to trust her, and say i will call this a hole and take care of it---she insists she do it. ok

 

about a month later, i go on a job to the carribean for about a month, knowing this will be a test of our relationship.

 

about 3 months pass from when i get back until now--things are great and she is pressuring to get married. i have a weak moment and say we need to make plans. instantly i knew it was wrong--old scars havent healed and i still have mistrust of her. the lesson learned from that is to always trust your heart and instincts; they seem to know when things are not right.

 

so i check into it, and lo and behold she has met with this guy again, texting and mailing right after i left, and even secretly offered to loan him 4k because he is now broke from his divorce. all conversations have been his lonely hearts crap and playing on her heart and guilt it seems. he needs a shoulder to cry on, and it has to be hers, yada yada, you know the drill.

 

so i confront her, and she lies--only saw him in church once, etc. i telll her i know it all, and of course i am wrong about it all and she is just helping a friend out--forgot about the promises and the fact it bothered me. so i am thinking this is not right---wanting to marry someone with complete trust, and she is going behind my back to loan 4k to someone i have problems with. so i not only throw her under the bus--i back it over her several times this time to make sure its over,

 

 

so what do you think guys??? hit me over the head!!! am i too controlling in this or wrong? i have tried in my mind to give her the benefit of the doubt but it seems to me like i lose every time. and i really do think the tables would be greatly turned if the situation was reversed, regardless if this was clandestined or not.

 

thanks for the advice.

[slimjim]

kuiu1234578910

[mark982]

you really can't be serious about wanting to marry her. what the hell are you smoking?

[threebyfate]

What double standard are you talking about?

 

All I`m seeing is a guy who has a low-quality woman. What kind of masochist are you, to keep taking back a compulsive liar?

[slimjim]

haha you are both correct. i must be suicidal or something. i really think its about her kid--i feel so sorryfor her but i cant committ suicide for her. i think its either compulsive or pathological or something. but she is a salesman, and lying is her profession.

 

gave it a chance anyway and wasted a little time but no biggie---business was slow, and she was great in bed!!!!ha

 

thank you both for the reply.

 

the double standard is that it seems more acceptable for women to have plutonic men friends, more so than it is for men to have plutonic female friends. chris rock does a bit on this--the woman has a good male friend, "just in case" the other one doesnt work out. if a guy did this, he is a scum bag.

 

this woman has repeatedly mailed and called and insists she has done NOTHING wrong---wonder why she has been married 4 times???? hahaa i find it hilarious now. thanks.

[You Go Girl]

haha you are both correct. i must be suicidal or something. i really think its about her kid--i feel so sorryfor her but i cant committ suicide for her. i think its either compulsive or pathological or something. but she is a salesman, and lying is her profession.

 

gave it a chance anyway and wasted a little time but no biggie---business was slow, and she was great in bed!!!!ha

 

thank you both for the reply.

 

the double standard is that it seems more acceptable for women to have plutonic men friends, more so than it is for men to have plutonic female friends. chris rock does a bit on this--the woman has a good male friend, "just in case" the other one doesnt work out. if a guy did this, he is a scum bag.

 

this woman has repeatedly mailed and called and insists she has done NOTHING wrong---wonder why she has been married 4 times???? hahaa i find it hilarious now. thanks.

 

Platonic. With an "A"

Yeah, you're crazy to take her back, she's just crazy, PERIOD.

She loves the feeling of being needed.

She loves having a crazy drama queen life.

She really needs to study that bible, lol

Starting with anything to do with honesty.

Tell her to practice what she preaches with bible boy...

You: gun it pedal to the metal down the road, and never look back!

You will have lost NOTHING.