edinsvet Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 Hello, I am dating someone for almost 8 months now. We still really enjoy our time together. I am moving to another country with another language 1,000 miles away. If we are going to keep the relationship up I need to take her with me. She agreed to come with me, but I am terrified. I really don't know what to do. Life will not be easy for her in a country where she knows nobody and does not speak the language. I am afraid the relationship will head straight down a bad road. If she is truly my soulmate this shouldn't matter? Or should it? And how the hell am I supposed to know if she is the one? Link to post Share on other sites
cooldudeinberlin Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 Well there is no such thing as a "one sole soul mate"... there are literally millions... however, you are right to have some nervousness about the culture shock and unknown language factor... that will not only put a lot of stress and lonliness on her (and potentially her making you her only world, which will change things dramatically... see dependency and even codependency between you both) and it will stress you as you might be her only outlet, helping her navigate through local customs, official documents, etc. The only way one can survive in another culture/language is to make that personal decision that no matter what, they want to be there... they have to make the committment to integrate themself and learn that language. I am an American living in Berlin, Germany and regardless of how many people speak English in this country, especially this dynamic, international city... if you truly want to be successfully integrated and survive (comparing to one's native country) YOU HAVE TO LEARN THE LANGUAGE and its not overnight! There are some things you both need to be realistic about and dont delude your thinking that it will be simple or easy. but it can also be well worth it... just get some things straight from the beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 If you are not 10000% sure that you want to do it, don't do it. Having people make major life changing decisions is not a delicate thing. Remember, all she will know in the new country is you. All she will have to depend on early on is you. If you feel that you can deal with that and willing to do whatever it takes to make it work, go for it. But if you have even a tiny shred of doubt that it's the wrong move, you have to let her go. Link to post Share on other sites
123BeachFan Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 Is it absolutely necessary that she move the same time you do? Maybe if you two decide to give things, say 6 months, of being long distance. She can stay behind, learn the new language, and the two of you can continue to communicate on phone and emails. Then you can see where the relationship is heading and have her move to be with you if the relationship is still going strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author edinsvet Posted April 8, 2010 Author Share Posted April 8, 2010 Well there is no such thing as a "one sole soul mate"... there are literally millions... however, you are right to have some nervousness about the culture shock and unknown language factor... that will not only put a lot of stress and lonliness on her (and potentially her making you her only world, which will change things dramatically... see dependency and even codependency between you both) and it will stress you as you might be her only outlet, helping her navigate through local customs, official documents, etc. The only way one can survive in another culture/language is to make that personal decision that no matter what, they want to be there... they have to make the committment to integrate themself and learn that language. I am an American living in Berlin, Germany and regardless of how many people speak English in this country, especially this dynamic, international city... if you truly want to be successfully integrated and survive (comparing to one's native country) YOU HAVE TO LEARN THE LANGUAGE and its not overnight! There are some things you both need to be realistic about and dont delude your thinking that it will be simple or easy. but it can also be well worth it... just get some things straight from the beginning. That pretty much re-iterates exactly what I am afraid of. BTW I am an american also (NYC). Link to post Share on other sites
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