NN Posted July 6, 2000 Share Posted July 6, 2000 Hi all. This'll probably be long, but I feel like gushing. In a nutshell, I am in a very loving relationship with a fantastic girl (J). The problem is that recently I keep remembering and fantasizing about my previous girlfriend (M) rather often. I suppose it is a little complicated by the feeling that my current relationship has stagnated a bit. I've noticed a few other letters like this (i.e. confused, from 6/24). I guess mine's a bit different 'cause I'm not married, only in my late teens. It started about 3 yrs ago when I fell totally in love with M (we were friends anyway to start). The problem arose from the fact that she was under the wing of an overprotective father who wouldn't allow her to date someone outside their rather restrictive religion. Finally after a year full of several painful failed attempts, I finally gave up in agony. M left for a month for vacation and I (mabye kinda on the rebound) met up with J. She had a few unpleasent stories to tell as well, and we just clicked. For the two years since we have been practically attached at the hip, and we care for each other greatly. The probalem is that M keeps poping up in my thoughts and fantacies, and has started to appear more often then J. I found out somewhat after the fact that M had kind of changed her mind during her trip and she would have been willing to give the relationship a try had I not already been attached to J. Thus, I have started to be plagued by the "What ifs..." Going off to college basically severed many communications, and in the year since M and I have basically fallen outta communication. Lataly i've been getting somewhat upset at the fact that she wont instant message me when were both on. I love J very much, and, in truth, I just want to forget about M completely. I know thats probably not gonna happen, but the intrusiveness of the remembering (and the pleasure and desire I still get from it) bother me. Anyway, thanks for listening to my gush. -NN Link to post Share on other sites
Randy Posted July 6, 2000 Share Posted July 6, 2000 You can drive yourself crazy with "what ifs" if you want. The fact is that at the time her father was very restrictive and dating outside the religion was forbidden you couldn't get together with her so you moved on. Why so many of us think we just have to have a certain person is beyond me. Well, actually, I must admit to having those feelings a few times in the past. When you get a bit older, you realize that life goes on and many more wonderful people present themselves. You need to get a grip on your obsessive thoughts about M or you will drive yourself crazy. She is gone, she is in the past, she wants to forget you, she won't IM you, she is over, done with, curtains down, end of program, finale. Life is a continuum of experiences, including those with people, situations, learning opportunities, etc. If we look back, we run the risk of not seeing the great things ahead and letting them pass us by. Life is not lived in reverse, except in the mind. Accept that you had a nice association with M, celebrate that opportunity, and proceed to make your current relationship the best it can be. Link to post Share on other sites
magicklady Posted July 6, 2000 Share Posted July 6, 2000 AMEN to that Randy... just move on.. don't let the what if's drive you crazy! If you love J.. just let it go, once you stop thinking about it so much and get wrappped up in your current relationship it will all start to fade. M is something that you couldn't have and that makes it all the worse because she is the one that Got Away and the challenge brings you back again and again, until eventually you just get bored with wondering and move on.. let's hope you figure it out before you lose your loving girlfriend Link to post Share on other sites
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