elly78 Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 I have been dating this man for over a year and we have been engaged for over 3 months now. He still has not told his parents about me or that we are engaged. We both are in our 30s. He has been married once before when he was in his early 20s and his ex wife still remains close to his family. I have mentioned several times how bothered by this I am and he says he has not had a good opportunity to tell them or they didn't return his call. Other than this, he is wonderful. However I do not understand what he is afraid of Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 It sounds like he has no boundaries with his parents, is afraid of them, allows them to interfere with his life, and avoids conflict. If he and his ex wife do not have children, there is no reason he cannot ask both he and his parents to end that relationship. None. If they do have children, there is no reason he cannot ask both his parents and his ex to separate her from the relationship with his children. How on earth can you be engaged , planning a wedding and not tell anyone?? Take the ring off until he is ready to make a commitment to YOU. Because he hasnt, not really. Right now, its just a piece of jewelry. He is afraid apparently, and thats not good. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackLovely Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 Are you kidding me dear?? Why would you even date someone who won't introduce you to family? I agree with 2sure, take that bling off and find yourself a real man, one that isn't a frightened little boy. Try to work on your self esteem too. I only attracted evil pricks until I learned to love myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazy Magnet Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 Yeah my exH did the same thing. Notice the ex in front of the H. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 I suspect he is afraid that his family will not take your relationship seriously since the first marriage didn't work out. He may also be afraid that his family will make you feel unwelcome and uncomfortable. My stbxH did the same thing with his girlfriend. It was like pulling teeth to get him to stop treating her like a secret, and start bringing her to family events and so on. I was and still am close to his family, and I think he was afraid that if he told them about her, they would think.. "here we go again - are you going to mess this relationship up like you did your last one?" or that they would treat her in a way that would hurt her feelings. Eventually he integrated her, and he takes her to family events. It was hard for him, it was hard for her - but in the end it all worked out well. It is difficult to overcome that 'what others think of you' thing. One thing that really helped is that I really like stbxH's girlfriend - I think she is a great girl and I talked her through a lot of it. I did whatever it took to make her feel welcome and comfortable, including talking her up positively to his family, talking about how good she is with our daughter and so on. I always hug her in front of other family members, and make it perfectly clear that I consider her as much family as I do them. What is the exW like in this situation? Is she an ally or an enemy? If the exW is not on your side, it won't be easy. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 He sounds like a boy, I mean really, he's afraid to introduce you to his family but he's proposed already? I could've sworn it was supposed to go the other way around (introduce to family and then propose) but maybe I'm wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
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