For the record...

[Fallen Angel]

Nothing in my statement showed a lack of empathy. Nothing. I am very annoyed with the constant usage of the word "empathy" to imply "agreement" in this forum. And how when it isn't shown (agreement), its used to insult others as having not grown or being close-minded.

 

I only stated the obvious. This thread is about FA. She started it in defense of herself. Any poster that appreciated the fact that she didn't make excuses for her Sweetheart was not necessarily referencing posters that needed to rush to their own defense.

 

I don't know who brought up FA in the other thread (and I'm too lazy to check), but I do feel it was in poor taste and not fair to FA at all to be used in such a way.

 

Its one thing to bring up a situation that seems similar, and address that. It quite another to bring up a specific poster's situation, assume things about it, and proceed to knock down those assumptions.

 

And I don't say any of this to insult that poster either. To some extent, if we are honest, we've all done it in here. GEL specifically mentioned the posting wars that used to go on in here. And they were doozies. I would not want this forum (or any forum) to return to that madness.

 

Its important that FA (sorry to keep addressing you in the third person) defends against being used in such a way, but its not necessary that she post all of her feelings and business as there are lurkers and others that would be happy to use it against her IRL (if they could).

 

I do not use empathy to imply agreement, but simply the ability to attempt to see things from someone else's point of view. And, even if after looking at it from thier perspective, you do not agree, then having the ability to see that their viewpoint is quite possibly valid for them.

 

I started this thread not so much in defense of myself, but more I guess as a way to clarify where I stand, so as to not be held up as an example of feeling something which I do not feel. People apply meaning to my words without ever directly asking me for clarification, and I do not like my thoughts being used as a weapon against other people.

 

As to being too lazy to go back and look for the thread; I, also, was too lazy to read the entire thread when I came back after a short absence, and so did not know about it until it was kindly brought to my attention. When i went to read what had been said, some of the posts had already been removed and the thread locked, so I was unable to adress them individually.

 

And I do not mind being referred to in the third person, it is only if I start to refer to myself in such a manner that it will be an issue.

[jennie-jennie]

Jennie, I will be the first to admit that I do not hold a patent on a healthy affair relationship. I was able to reach the point where my relationship turned from being unhealthy for me, because I was bogged down in looking for an end result; into a healthy relationship where I feel free and whole again because you were able to point the way. Once I was able to learn that the journey is much more important than the destination, I was able to find a peace I had been lacking.

 

I wish that people would be able to see that if they can be open and understanding and even supportive of me on my journey, that it would be okay to offer the same to someone else on theirs'.

 

I do not own exclusive rights to the path I am on, of discovering daily what I need, and how I am going to go about meeting those needs. In fact, I feel blessed that it is not a path I have to walk alone.

 

I see the love you have for your MM, and I see you walking beside me on the path to discovery, and I am grateful for your company.

 

Now you made me cry again!

 

FA, to have found someone who to such a degree shares my outlook on my/your situation is invaluable to me.

 

(((hugs)))

[jennie-jennie]

Thaks Jennie and PIH. It's nice to hear a friendly voice, once in a while. Many people here think that because I'm the OM, I'm an evil homewrecker, and all I have to do is walk away from the A, to "redeem myself". Do people actually think that I WANTED to fall in love with a married woman and a "Goldigger", at that? Are the only choices I have is to "live for today", and accept her continued marriage, or, leave her for good. WTF kind of choices are those? I keep telling myself that it's only because of the passion, that I'm still here, but I'm really only fooling myself. I really, truly love her....so much.

 

I do not just "ignore" his maritial status.

 

I just refuse to allow his maritial status to define ME!!!

 

I am a woman, in love with a man, who offered his love to me. My relationship with him is independant of his relationship with his wife.

 

He knows that I will not always be willing to look beyond his maritial situation, and maintain our relationship as it stands today.

 

At present, I understand and accept his need to remain in his marriage. But, like any relationship, ours grows and the dynamic changes to fit the growth. When I no longer see the dynamic staying true to the circumstances as they exist, we will renegotiate our relationship. This may include my demand that he leave his marriage, or it may include my chosing to end the relationship.

 

But as it stands, today, I am content in my relationship with him.

 

This is the third choice, Joe. FA states it so well.

[jennie-jennie]

While I agree that it shouldn't become necessary for someone to defend themselves on a forum, I am glad you posted, thanks. It is useful (imo) to see the different points of view on offer, and openess and honesty about the struggles people go through makes me realise that I am not alone.

 

What I like so much about your situation is that you seem to have found a balance that works reasonably well for you and the others involved in your life. While not everything is perfect (as you say), also noone is desperately unhappy, being hurt or being forced to do something against their nature (I am particularly thinking here of your Sweetheart having to leave his marriage when he obviously feels it would be wrong right now for his own valid reasons- he is fortunate to have your understanding in this).

 

Having had my fair share of 'unpleasant' relationships. I am so glad you and all the others involved have found happiness in the situation you are in.

 

Compassion for the MM - so rare and so wonderful!

[silktricks]

Interesting thread. I've seen you change since beginning posting here, FA, from being apparently quite sad to being happy and satisfied. It's good to see. (happy is good )

 

I honestly have only one thing to "contribute" to this thread. I can understand your sweetheart not wanting to look bad to his family. But I've got to add that I do not see "society as a whole" viewing divorce as a bad thing (even when leaving for the OW). It seems that there are lots more people who are or have been divorced at some time than ones who've never been divorced at all.

 

And - as for leaving for the OW - it seems weird - but again in our society (as a whole), it doesn't really seem like the guy get much of the brunt of the disdain - that seems to be reserved for the woman. (this forum is the exception IMO) So, I can understand him wanting to protect you in the future eyes of his family, but anyway.... I'm not wanting to criticize either of you, just point out what I see as possible discussion points with him for the future.

 

This is obviously a personal issue that he must resolve, but me being me, if I was in your position, I'd probably point those things out to him at some time.

[JustJoe]

Sadly, none of these "choices", are acceptable to me. Thanks FA and thanks Jennie for the help. I appreciate it more than you know. I'm going to have to turn my back on her, permanently, even though I do love her. She will be devastated, as I will be, but I can't/won't live like this any more. Thanks Ladies, again!

[pureinheart]

Thaks Jennie and PIH. It's nice to hear a friendly voice, once in a while. Many people here think that because I'm the OM, I'm an evil homewrecker, and all I have to do is walk away from the A, to "redeem myself". Do people actually think that I WANTED to fall in love with a married woman and a "Goldigger", at that? Are the only choices I have is to "live for today", and accept her continued marriage, or, leave her for good. WTF kind of choices are those? I keep telling myself that it's only because of the passion, that I'm still here, but I'm really only fooling myself. I really, truly love her....so much.

 

Hey JustJoe,

 

Wow, first off, my heart goes out to you...and NO you did not set out to find someone who was M. Being in the service, unless one has been through bootcamp and actually been in for a long period of time, most don't REALLY realise HOW the "chain of command" is actually engrained in each individual, and moreso in the officer realm. Now when we come to the "Family" part of this "chain", it completely goes against what you are "fighting" for.

 

So with that I would say something higher than you is involved here and you need a miracle of some sort.

 

You are unable to attach to another, due to these affections. I seriously do not believe that your love/attraction is because it's the "forbidden fruit"...you are in a positition to have any female you want, but your heart goes to her. That speaks volumns.

 

In a former reply I wrote that many people on LS ask, "why not find a single person?", easier said than done when the M person has your heart. I think you fell in love with her because you do, at first based on some of your replies I thought you weren't ready to commit...nope, none of them are HER so everyone else is not an option at this point.

 

Just like me you did not take her M seriously because her security is money, this is her basis. She is in great turmoil and fear. I have to ask, is there a reason for her to fear for her life? Money buys many things and does have people exterminated at times.

 

I like you thought that love would conquer all...exDM loves his kids and his stuff. He can't let go of either of those things, so this leaves me with one logical decision, to move on when the time is right, as I have moved on in my heart, there is a desire not to bring exDM's baggage in a new R....and quite frankly, I'm getting too old for this crap...now it's time to walk in dignity.

 

I am not sure if you went to both bootcamps (enlisted/officers), but remember how they (to civilians this may sound very bad, but there is a reason for it) tore you away from everything you were clinging to, stripped you of EVERYTHING and totally took control of your life, so that they could build you back up with the thinking needed for combat/dicipline...go to your own bootcamp, then see what happens afterwards.

 

You can do this Joe, I know it...she is the one attached, not you and you are unable to live with that, you tried and it didn't work. Hey my prayers and thoughts are definitly with you....

[pureinheart]

I do not just "ignore" his maritial status.

 

I just refuse to allow his maritial status to define ME!!!

 

I am a woman, in love with a man, who offered his love to me. My relationship with him is independant of his relationship with his wife.

 

He knows that I will not always be willing to look beyond his maritial situation, and maintain our relationship as it stands today.

 

At present, I understand and accept his need to remain in his marriage. But, like any relationship, ours grows and the dynamic changes to fit the growth. When I no longer see the dynamic staying true to the circumstances as they exist, we will renegotiate our relationship. This may include my demand that he leave his marriage, or it may include my chosing to end the relationship.

 

But as it stands, today, I am content in my relationship with him.

 

 

 

Compassion for the MM - so rare and so wonderful!

 

Because of the two of you, and the way you communicate what I have always been unable to (jj33 used a wonderful phrase in another thread, stating neither her nor MM were great emotional communicators), now I can come to true terms with my anger, resentment, bitterness, hatred and last, although definitly not least, love, compassion, kindness etc. and find a happy medium. I'm not there yet, but on the right road.

 

I see some bitterness in this forum, and yes it was a free-for-all a few years back...I'm embarrassed to say that I walked in a great deal of bitterness and fear and I was an OW acting like a bitter BS, possibly having been all 3 maybe that was a part that was coming out.

 

When coming back to this forum I saw the ugliness of my own bitter and angry feelings in myself and others. All there is to say is those who still walk in the hatred (most don't even know it, it's so apart of their personality that it has become natural), it will eventually kill you in one form or another. I don't choose this for my life anymore.

 

FA, this is where I was at (Bold), and was so anrgy the way things went down in my life.

 

Jennie, this is where I am today (Bold, MM/OW/OM/MW/BS) finding peace in the kaos of our world....thank you guys soooo much.

[jwi71]

I do not just "ignore" his maritial status.

 

I just refuse to allow his maritial status to define ME!!!

 

Yet that's exactly the problem isn't it? His marital status DOES define you. No, not an attack - not the perspective I want you to take. The perspective I want you to take is his being married means he CANNOT marry you, thereby defining your status as "not wife".

 

I am a woman, in love with a man, who offered his love to me. My relationship with him is independant of his relationship with his wife

.

 

Clearly that isn't true.

And, just imagine for a second HE feels like that as well...his R with you is fully compartmentalized in its own little place...and his W in another...I'm not sure that's a good thing you know...

 

He knows that I will not always be willing to look beyond his maritial situation, and maintain our relationship as it stands today.

BS...and not Betrayed Spouse .

After these years you aren't going anywhere and he knows it.

I bet I can prove it too.

Under what condition or circumstance would you leave? What's the trigger?

 

At present, I understand and accept his need to remain in his marriage. But, like any relationship, ours grows and the dynamic changes to fit the growth. When I no longer see the dynamic staying true to the circumstances as they exist, we will renegotiate our relationship. This may include my demand that he leave his marriage, or it may include my chosing to end the relationship.

I don't get the bold part. Not just specific to you FA but in general as well of MM/MW's. Because, how can he claim to stay for the "family" and step out (leave) them?

 

He's a serious compartmentalizer and that's nothing but bad I fear.

 

But as it stands, today, I am content in my relationship with him.

Mostly true I'm sure. In any case, I hope your acceptance is not "waiting and hoping" whilst years slowly pass by...

 

JW

[Fallen Angel]

Yet that's exactly the problem isn't it? His marital status DOES define you. No, not an attack - not the perspective I want you to take. The perspective I want you to take is his being married means he CANNOT marry you, thereby defining your status as "not wife".

 

.

 

Clearly that isn't true.

And, just imagine for a second HE feels like that as well...his R with you is fully compartmentalized in its own little place...and his W in another...I'm not sure that's a good thing you know...

 

BS...and not Betrayed Spouse .

After these years you aren't going anywhere and he knows it.

I bet I can prove it too.

Under what condition or circumstance would you leave? What's the trigger?

 

I don't get the bold part. Not just specific to you FA but in general as well of MM/MW's. Because, how can he claim to stay for the "family" and step out (leave) them?

 

He's a serious compartmentalizer and that's nothing but bad I fear.

 

Mostly true I'm sure. In any case, I hope your acceptance is not "waiting and hoping" whilst years slowly pass by...

 

JW

 

I really want to respond to this, but I have to get ready for work, and only had a short time to be here.. I will be back later tonight and will answer to it then.

 

((hugs))

 

Hope you have a great day!!

[lolapalooza]

I really want to respond to this, but I have to get ready for work, and only had a short time to be here.. I will be back later tonight and will answer to it then.

 

((hugs))

 

Hope you have a great day!!

I'm a little bit confused, sorry. It's your relationship. You are comfortable with it, so why would you need to defend yourself?

 

I've only been around for awhile, but I've noticed that there seems to be some here that are in committed, long term relationships with married men. They may not be totally happy, but they are comfortable where they are. Yet, when someone questions them, they continually defend themselves. Why? What is there to defend?

 

Why not just say, This is my relationship. This is how I choose to lead my life. THAT'S IT. END OF STORY.

 

I was in a relationship with a married man (The word "affair" seems trashy to me if there is more than sex involved.). It wasn't the ideal situation, but it was where I found myself. I never meant to hurt anyone, but I also never questioned my relationship and whether I should be in it- to myself or anyone else. Maybe I just didn't care what anyone else thought. In the end, I decided that it wasn't enough for me and I left. But I never felt I needed to defend myself, my love for him, or his for me.

 

I guess that's why I am confused why there's all the back-and-forth on this board.

 

Cheers,

Lola

[wheelwright]

I do not often quote statistics, polls, etc because quite frankly most studies are conducted in such a manner that the outcome of the research will be what the researcher was hoping for. They skewe the focus groups to match with their criteria so that the outcome of any "research" is already predetermined. *shrug*

 

As a result, I am not a big believer in such things.

 

However, all of psychology is just theoretical guesswork. And the best you can do when dealing with the human mind is to know your subject as well as you can, and find the theory that seems most plausable based on the facts you are presented with. That's what I have done, and that is what Jennie has done as well. She is a bit more learned on the "research" side of the theory than I ever will be, simply because no amount of research will prove or disprove the theory in my view. Only my own observations will suffice for me. Therefore I do not have information enough to post about any statstical analysis about the theory. *shrug*

 

I am glad that jennie however pointed me in the right direction in being better able to understand the mindset of the man I love. It was like a lightbulb being turned on in a dark room, which led to me being able to find the windows, raise the blinds and let the sunshine back in to my relationship.

 

When I started to realize that his inability to choose anything other than both me and his family, right now, was not a failure on my part, was not due to me being less than what he needs and desires, but simply an internal split of himself, it was freeing.

 

It allowed me to begin again to enjoy all that I was getting from our relationship. It freed me to really enjoy the journey, and let the destination take care of itself.

 

I found this a beautiful post. The last bit. How would you feel about me quoting you anonymously for my research? I do not research this subject matter, but |I like what you said about psychological research in general.

 

Good luck FA.

[NoIDidn't]

I'm a little bit confused, sorry. It's your relationship. You are comfortable with it, so why would you need to defend yourself?

 

I've only been around for awhile, but I've noticed that there seems to be some here that are in committed, long term relationships with married men. They may not be totally happy, but they are comfortable where they are. Yet, when someone questions them, they continually defend themselves. Why? What is there to defend?

 

Why not just say, This is my relationship. This is how I choose to lead my life. THAT'S IT. END OF STORY.

 

I was in a relationship with a married man (The word "affair" seems trashy to me if there is more than sex involved.). It wasn't the ideal situation, but it was where I found myself. I never meant to hurt anyone, but I also never questioned my relationship and whether I should be in it- to myself or anyone else. Maybe I just didn't care what anyone else thought. In the end, I decided that it wasn't enough for me and I left. But I never felt I needed to defend myself, my love for him, or his for me.

 

I guess that's why I am confused why there's all the back-and-forth on this board.

 

Cheers,

Lola

 

I agree, Lola.

 

And, no offense to those that do this (FA, LOL), the "defense" is usually a novella. Because of the length of them, it gives the fuel, if you will, to the back and forth.

[Fallen Angel]

Yet that's exactly the problem isn't it? His marital status DOES define you. No, not an attack - not the perspective I want you to take. The perspective I want you to take is his being married means he CANNOT marry you, thereby defining your status as "not wife".

 

LOL.. so what if I am "not wife". There are a lot of women who are "not wife" either because they are completely alone by choice, they are dating someone (as I am), or they are engaged. I am not his wife.. again, I stand by the fact that his marriage does not define our relationship. *shrug*

 

When people ask, he introduces me as his girlfriend. He introduces himself to people I know as my boyfriend. We are a couple who is DATING. That is true whether he is married or not, so that is how OUR relationship is defined.

 

Clearly that isn't true.

And, just imagine for a second HE feels like that as well...his R with you is fully compartmentalized in its own little place...and his W in another...I'm not sure that's a good thing you know...

 

This falls under the same category of the first response.. same issue.. we are discussing two SEPARATE RELATIONSHIPS. I can not understand how people seem to be unable to separate the two. Why do you think the two must somehow be enmeshed? If anything, it is his relationship with me that has effect on his maritial relationship.

 

What I mean by that is; when he is with me, he is focused on me. he is focused on meeting my needs. He is IN THE MOMENT WITH ME. He is a closed circut with me.

 

However, when he is with his wife, he calls me. He emails me. He texts me. He seeks me out, trying to communicate with me regularly. His focus is not on their relationship then, either, but still on the relationship he has with me.

 

BS...and not Betrayed Spouse .

After these years you aren't going anywhere and he knows it.

I bet I can prove it too.

Under what condition or circumstance would you leave? What's the trigger?

 

Under the circumstance of me no longer being content. Under the circumstance of me deciding that I NEED more, and him being unwilling to meet my need. Under the circumstance of me evaluating our relationship and feeling that it is an unhealthy place for me to be.

 

Those would cause me to end the relationship, but those are not the current circumstances.

 

 

I don't get the bold part. Not just specific to you FA but in general as well of MM/MW's. Because, how can he claim to stay for the "family" and step out (leave) them?

 

I have explained why I understand this, and how it can be til I am blue in the face. It is an age old war that no one ever wins, because no one ever changes how they view this one.. but if you really want to further discuss this with me, we can speak privately.

 

Mostly true I'm sure. In any case, I hope your acceptance is not "waiting and hoping" whilst years slowly pass by...

 

I am "waiting" for nothing. I am happily living a life. What would you think the difference would be if I were to spend the next five years in a relationship with this man, being happy, and content and it not turning into more and ending five years from now or me spending the next five years investing time in a relationship with a single man, where I am happy and content but it not ever becoming more and me ending it in five years... what, my friend, is the difference?

 

The only difference that I can see, is that I haven't found a single man who I can be happy and content in a relationship with.. but whether he is married or single the emotional investment is the same, the time investment is the same.. I just happen to have it with a married man.. if it works out WONDERFUL.. if it doesn't I will be hurt, but no more or less hurt than if I had the same exact emotional connection with a single man and it doesn't work out..

 

JW

[Fallen Angel]

I'm a little bit confused, sorry. It's your relationship. You are comfortable with it, so why would you need to defend yourself?

 

I've only been around for awhile, but I've noticed that there seems to be some here that are in committed, long term relationships with married men. They may not be totally happy, but they are comfortable where they are. Yet, when someone questions them, they continually defend themselves. Why? What is there to defend?

 

Why not just say, This is my relationship. This is how I choose to lead my life. THAT'S IT. END OF STORY.

 

I was in a relationship with a married man (The word "affair" seems trashy to me if there is more than sex involved.). It wasn't the ideal situation, but it was where I found myself. I never meant to hurt anyone, but I also never questioned my relationship and whether I should be in it- to myself or anyone else. Maybe I just didn't care what anyone else thought. In the end, I decided that it wasn't enough for me and I left. But I never felt I needed to defend myself, my love for him, or his for me.

 

I guess that's why I am confused why there's all the back-and-forth on this board.

 

Cheers,

Lola

 

If there is no back and forth, then i would have no need to post to a site like LS.. I would be blogging instead..

 

The back and forth is kind of the whole point .. to be able to get other people's opinions and turn them over and study them, and use your own opinion with the helpful insight of others to make well informed, well thought out choices, rather than never allowing yourself to see things from any perspective except your own.

 

But, if you do not like the back and forth of a message board like this... blogging is a way to share your story without discussion or debate about it.

[JustJoe]

FA, this brings up the question, Why are OM's so vilified, but OW's recieve so much sympathy?

[lolapalooza]

If there is no back and forth, then i would have no need to post to a site like LS.. I would be blogging instead..

 

The back and forth is kind of the whole point .. to be able to get other people's opinions and turn them over and study them, and use your own opinion with the helpful insight of others to make well informed, well thought out choices, rather than never allowing yourself to see things from any perspective except your own.

 

But, if you do not like the back and forth of a message board like this... blogging is a way to share your story without discussion or debate about it.

Thank you for your response. I get what you're saying, but my real point was that I think there is a difference between healthy debate, and constantly having to "defend" your position. I was sad because I read your OP to mean that you felt you had to defend yourself.

I suppose there is a difference between clarifying facts, healthy debate, and speaking in defense of your position.

[georgia girl]

FA,

 

Coming into this very late, but I just wanted to say that I thought that this was very unfair that you had to post this to explain yourself. It's easy in the heat of an argument for people to draw others in, but you didn't deserve it and I'm sorry. I was a little surprised when I heard you referenced on that thread.

 

BTW, I think you explain yourself well and you seem to have such a kind, compassionate heart. I hope life brings you good things.

 

GG

[Fallen Angel]

nevermind,. my new boss makes a really good jack and coke, and I will be back when my head is more clear.. lmao.. sorry

[White Flower]

She tries very hard to understand the thought processes behind her realtionship, and what keeps it where it is. There is something good in that, it is not something to be ridiculed.

 

If we all took the time to analyze and understand our men (be it H, SG, or MM) then we probably wouldn't need this site so much and our Rs would be so much better. For those who ridicule, one must question why they're even members here.

[White Flower]

LOL.. so what if I am "not wife". There are a lot of women who are "not wife" either because they are completely alone by choice, they are dating someone (as I am), or they are engaged.

LOL, I felt very much like "not wife" when I was M!!!

 

Hence the much happier White Flower involved in an A. And affair is not a dirty word IMHO. JFTR.

[White Flower]

FA, this brings up the question, Why are OM's so vilified, but OW's recieve so much sympathy?

JustJoe it is interesting that you see it this way.

 

I suspect, since you met BS face to face, that you were deemed as vilifiable, a M wrecker, a W snatcher. Also, as a man you are probably a stronger threat as to the BH because you can actually provide for the WW if she choses to leave; whereas, most OW cannot easily persuade their MM to leave because they cannot easily provide for them. It is still a man's world. Perhaps that is the reason?

 

But when we as OW get bashed by BS we feel the brunt of the sitch ourselves. We are not so much a financial threat, but they will call us immoral and will suggest that we are using our bodies to seduce their H's away from them instead of using an income to do so.

 

I always felt that OM here at LS were not demoralized as much as us. I guess I'll look a little more closely thanks to your posts.

[JustJoe]

When I first joined LS, and explained (or tried to explain) my situation, people came out of the woodwork to trash me. I was surprised, to say the least. All forms of character flaws were attributed to me. Jennie, FA and yourself, were among the few who at least tried to understand. I hope that FA will be treated better.

[jwi71]

LOL.. so what if I am "not wife". There are a lot of women who are "not wife" either because they are completely alone by choice, they are dating someone (as I am), or they are engaged. I am not his wife.. again, I stand by the fact that his marriage does not define our relationship. *shrug*

 

When people ask, he introduces me as his girlfriend. He introduces himself to people I know as my boyfriend. We are a couple who is DATING. That is true whether he is married or not, so that is how OUR relationship is defined.

 

 

 

This falls under the same category of the first response.. same issue.. we are discussing two SEPARATE RELATIONSHIPS. I can not understand how people seem to be unable to separate the two. Why do you think the two must somehow be enmeshed? If anything, it is his relationship with me that has effect on his maritial relationship.

 

What I mean by that is; when he is with me, he is focused on me. he is focused on meeting my needs. He is IN THE MOMENT WITH ME. He is a closed circut with me.

 

However, when he is with his wife, he calls me. He emails me. He texts me. He seeks me out, trying to communicate with me regularly. His focus is not on their relationship then, either, but still on the relationship he has with me.

 

 

 

Under the circumstance of me no longer being content. Under the circumstance of me deciding that I NEED more, and him being unwilling to meet my need. Under the circumstance of me evaluating our relationship and feeling that it is an unhealthy place for me to be.

 

Those would cause me to end the relationship, but those are not the current circumstances.

 

 

 

 

I have explained why I understand this, and how it can be til I am blue in the face. It is an age old war that no one ever wins, because no one ever changes how they view this one.. but if you really want to further discuss this with me, we can speak privately.

 

 

 

I am "waiting" for nothing. I am happily living a life. What would you think the difference would be if I were to spend the next five years in a relationship with this man, being happy, and content and it not turning into more and ending five years from now or me spending the next five years investing time in a relationship with a single man, where I am happy and content but it not ever becoming more and me ending it in five years... what, my friend, is the difference?

 

The only difference that I can see, is that I haven't found a single man who I can be happy and content in a relationship with.. but whether he is married or single the emotional investment is the same, the time investment is the same.. I just happen to have it with a married man.. if it works out WONDERFUL.. if it doesn't I will be hurt, but no more or less hurt than if I had the same exact emotional connection with a single man and it doesn't work out..

 

JW

 

You open this thread speaking about how you DON'T want to be the OW and you want more.

 

Then, above, how its ok, even wonderful, for you now.

 

What you want is very fickle. I can't keep track of what you want even within THIS THREAD.

 

Do you have any idea of what you want?

 

Or is it ever shifting like the sands?

 

How can you EVER end this if you always move the bar which triggers "leaving"? Always content, never happy. I'm sure you have your moments, but your posts, to me, are a glowing red neon sign of "I don't know what I want so I'll just hang on".

 

FA, a string of isolated moments is not a life.... And again, I'm just afraid you can't see the forest for the trees.

 

JW

[pureinheart]

FA, this brings up the question, Why are OM's so vilified, but OW's recieve so much sympathy?

 

Actually Just Joe, most don't, on the boards and in real life...

 

((((((((huggggssss)))))))) ((((((((((((Just Joe)))))))))))