blind_otter Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 Hello, VictoriaThompson are you there? I highly doubt she will return. Who likes asking for advice and then being roasted? I know, I know public message board. That is why, I suppose, there is such a high turnover on LS. I certainly can't stand it for long anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
TwinkletOes26 Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 I highly doubt she will return. Who likes asking for advice and then being roasted? I know, I know public message board. That is why, I suppose, there is such a high turnover on LS. I certainly can't stand it for long anymore. ALL OF THIS ....blind otter thank you. People can get so nasty on here then justify it by saying "its a public message board" but if you were asking your fam or friends for advice and they started to gang up and roast you thenyou would quickly leave and make a mental note never to ask them anything again...prolly even reevaluate your relationship wth them. So i hope this person knows that not everyone agrees with how this thread was handled tis all... Link to post Share on other sites
TwinkletOes26 Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 I agree with the above BUT do you really think demeaning her and ripping her a new one is the way to go about it. Its not about handling the advice its the way the advice is given. Now what you have is her gone never to recieve any good advice therefore leading her to continue in the road she is on. What some on here dont seem to get is people come here with real issues. You may not agree with how they are handling things but being rude and borderline name calling and demeaning doesnt help anyone. Tony has stated that people come on here with sensitive issues wanting help. So this was a prim opportunity for someone to get help instead there was nothing but brow beating. Do i agree with how shes handling the kids ...NOPE but i refuse to jump down her throat. I agree she shouldnt be involved with a man with kids when she herself doesnt want children...but some of the advice in the way that it is given here is kinda extra. All youve done is run her off and that helps noone...just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 Twink, Come on then. Lead by example. What suggestions do you have? Noone has reacted badly here at all. If they had they would have been pulled up by now by a mod. Understanding has been based on what the child needs foremostly, not the adult. Just because this is an advice message board that doesnt mean that people should respond in kind to borderline abuse! In truth, I am sure that if the OP said what she said here to someone from Social Care concerns would be directed towards the overall emotional care being given to the child moreso than the adult. They would not mamby pamby her. They would be assessing the overall risk to the child.. same here. If the OP directly expands on what she wants help with, fair enough.. but right now it seems that the only answer is for the child to leave. Didnt you get that sense when you read the opening post? Odd really. It just seems like you and Otter may have a gripe with posters overall rather than focusing on the post at hand. I thought generally you were both well supported here?.. Anyhow, it is pointless to argue amongst ourselves. May as well save that for the OW/OM section of the board.. Take care, Eve xx Link to post Share on other sites
TwinkletOes26 Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 well eve you are right I have not typed out my advice here...well here goes: I suggest that she get out of the relationship asap. She obviously is very unhappy . If she is determined to make things work then counseling may help but I say after all i read i think its too late she needs to leave asap. Let me add that I dont feel supported here at times...which is why Ive slowed down starting threads I just instead respond to postings ...sad that its come to that but oh well Link to post Share on other sites
always_searching Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 (edited) I assume you knew this gentleman had children when you met and started dating him. I also assume that you eventually found out about the mother not being in the children's lives. So, you knew all this, related your concerns to your partner, and still decided to stay in the relationship? If I have all this correct, may I ask why you would want to stay? Did you think he would put the kid up for adoption when you two got involved? I too had a step-mother like you. She got involved with my dad when I was 5. It started out as a minor resentment (the feeling was mutual, believe me). She played it off well, and would try to be nice to me, until I decided to live with them (from 12-14)--by this time, I had actually grown to love her. That is when she went about trying to destroy my life. She made me think I was crazy, ugly, stupid, etc. and (when I was about 13 years old) would actually encourage me to get myself pregnant (and force the guy into marriage) because that's all I was fit for. Finally, when I snapped and went off on her (I was 14), she convinced my dad that she had no idea why I hated her so much and was treating her so poorly--she had done nothing wrong. He chose her over me. Not that it's too much of an issue with me, as he was physically abusive to both her and me. Still, knowing your own father would chose someone else over you is a devastating reality. If you have any shred of dignity, don't put your significant other in that situation i.e. having to choose. I'm starting to believe the stereotypical "evil step-mother" scenario. I just don't understand why women get involved with men who have children and then bitch and complain about the kids. News Flash! Rasing kids is hard work! If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen! If I were to get involved with a man with children I would (1) expect him to choose the kids over me, and (2) attempt to love those children as my own, regardless of how they may act. Kids can be cruel, but most of the time it is due to anger issues that stem from their parents. There's no reason to hate the child, especially when it seems as though (from what you've written) he likes you very much. This child needs love, not a cold-hearted step-parent who resents him. You know, I’ve read a lot of disturbing threads on loveshack, but this one takes the cake. It makes me ill to know that people with your attitude are in the lives of children who just need their parents (or anyone, really) to love them. Do yourself and this kid a favor and LEAVE. I just thank God everyday that I have a loving mother who has always been there for me. This poor kid... Edited April 11, 2010 by always_searching Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 Sorry to hear that Always Searching.. I hope that your words do touch something in the OP. She needs to make a choice. Someone mentioned the OP joining a parenting course. 'The Incredible Years' Programme is an excellent place to start. In the UK parents can self refer. I dont know what the system is in the US. The courses are usually attached to schools for easy access for parents. For those willing to undertake the journey.. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Incredible-Years-Carolyn-Webster-Stratton/dp/1892222043 Marvelous course! Most parents are just so relieved to push past the shame factor and get practical as well as emotional support. .. but overall the OP needs to either commit and maybe get outside help or walk. Take care, Eve xx Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted April 13, 2010 Share Posted April 13, 2010 The OP needs to walk away and not for the child but for herself. There is a lot of advice being given here by people who obviously can`t relate to the OP`s point of view. Take it from someone who is ten years down the road from where the OP is in a similar if not as rough a situation. Get out for your own sanity and ability to lead a real life. Get out now. Link to post Share on other sites
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