18inlove Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 I am 18 and been dating a 31 year old for 6 months now moved in with him after 2 months and things seem great. I work full time but didnt go to college yet. My family isnt thrilled but its my life. He just got out of a 4 year relationship a week AFTER we met. Just wanted to see if anyone has had expierience in dating an older man at this age and what usually is the outcome. Am i the rebound girl? This man is wanting a family and future with me. I'm confident it could last but in reality is the odds against us? Link to post Share on other sites
Scottdmw Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 I would worry more about the rebound thing. Unless he spent a long time mentally getting over the woman and pulling himself away from her before the breakup, there is no way he is over her now. Seriously, no way! I know when I was in his shoes I felt like I was ready to date immediately. However, the reality was it took me a very long time to get over my ex. Right now whether he knows it or not, he is looking for someone to ease his pain. Scott Link to post Share on other sites
SaintDragon Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 I am 35 and I would never date anyone under 25. Why?. I would feel too for my girl and like it would never last. I feel that the family opinions would be to much for me saying I'm to old..I don't want to deal with that. I also think as an older man I would be robbing the young woman of a future with a man more in tune to her and more her age and "fun" factor. Basically I would feel strange in a serious relationship with a girl way way younger than me. I'd feel to much like a father than a Boyfriend. Even 25 is pushing it with me...I figure 10 years..oh well..not a big deal, but she'd have to be an extremely awesome person for me to consider even that young..even for just a date. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 Heheheh...oh to be young and naive... 99.98% of the time, he is just taking a young and vulnerable girl and using her for sex while feeding her lines that she wants to hear to keep her around. Yes, you are a rebound. No, he doesn't want anything long term with you. He only says those things about family and future so that you will stay with him. It's not about odds being against you. It's about what he wants and doesn't want. He wants to keep tappin' you to build his ego back up. He won't want you around anymore once he's gotten over his last relationship. You're confident it will last because you don't know any better. But like you said, it's your life. It's up to you to make your own choices and learn from them. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 ^^^^^^^^^^^^ Re-read what USMC Hokie said ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ And then re-read it again. And again, and again, and again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18inlove Posted April 7, 2010 Author Share Posted April 7, 2010 Heheheh...oh to be young and naive... 99.98% of the time, he is just taking a young and vulnerable girl and using her for sex while feeding her lines that she wants to hear to keep her around. Yes, you are a rebound. No, he doesn't want anything long term with you. He only says those things about family and future so that you will stay with him. It's not about odds being against you. It's about what he wants and doesn't want. He wants to keep tappin' you to build his ego back up. He won't want you around anymore once he's gotten over his last relationship. You're confident it will last because you don't know any better. But like you said, it's your life. It's up to you to make your own choices and learn from them. Good luck. So what would be the point in stringing me along if he didnt love me and wasnt serious? Note: I do feel kinda trapped cause I dont have my own car just yet saving for it.. I borrow his and that we lived together 3 months now and still dont got our own place we are staying at his dad's. He said when I moved in with him we would get a place but Im still waiting. So basically Im too young to "play house" or settle down? I have no mom to talk to so any advice will help Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18inlove Posted April 7, 2010 Author Share Posted April 7, 2010 I would worry more about the rebound thing. Unless he spent a long time mentally getting over the woman and pulling himself away from her before the breakup, there is no way he is over her now. Seriously, no way! I know when I was in his shoes I felt like I was ready to date immediately. However, the reality was it took me a very long time to get over my ex. Right now whether he knows it or not, he is looking for someone to ease his pain. Scott Story is He was with her when he met me..broke up with her for 3 weeks while seeing me then broke up with me for a month and went back to her then finally ended it for good with her to be with me...so im not sure what all that means. He acts like he is over her he dont mention her ever, never talks badly about her either. So I figured he is over her.???????? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 So basically Im too young to "play house" or settle down? I have no mom to talk to so any advice will help The real question is -- at 18 years of age -- why would you want to "play house" and "settle down?" You haven't even begun to live yet and are far too immature to know how the world works; you are learning a very stilted version through the eyes of a man who is taking advantage of you. College will teach you a world of things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18inlove Posted April 7, 2010 Author Share Posted April 7, 2010 The real question is -- at 18 years of age -- why would you want to "play house" and "settle down?" You haven't even begun to live yet and are far too immature to know how the world works; you are learning a very stilted version through the eyes of a man who is taking advantage of you. College will teach you a world of things. Im in love with this man and maybe cause he is all I have, my family and friends hate the idea so they are out of my life now. He is good to me but I still sometimes have doubts Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 So what would be the point in stringing me along if he didnt love me and wasnt serious? Isn't the answer to this question painfully obvious...? Uh...sex with an 18 year old girl... Note: I do feel kinda trapped cause I dont have my own car just yet saving for it.. You should never feel compelled to stay with someone for these kinds of reasons...like Carrie says, he is taking advantage of you from a position of power...and not a very mighty position, might I add...31 and still living with his folks...and then asking you to move in with him and his dad? Sure looks like you got a winner on your hands...you can't be struggling that bad with life that you'd resort to that... Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 Im in love with this man and maybe cause he is all I have, my family and friends hate the idea so they are out of my life now. He is good to me but I still sometimes have doubts Being good to you doesn't mean that you're in love with him. And why would you push all your friends and family away? That's the one mistake that will bite you in the back when you least expect it. I agree with the other posters, a man in his thirties is not capable of having a " relationship" with an 18 year old that doesn't scream " I'm looking for fun!". This guy rebounded with you, off you, and now you're thinking that maybe he just might want to settle down with you? You're not ready to become a " wife". You're 18, you have about 6 more years to grow up and discover yoursef. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 Im in love with this man and maybe cause he is all I have, my family and friends hate the idea so they are out of my life now. He is good to me but I still sometimes have doubts There is the point. He is all you have -- you need to learn to live with yourself and by yourself before you can become the other half of a relationship. Based on the few statements you have made, I would put a $100k bet on the fact that you and he will not be together in ten years. And I would win that bet with few odds. You are basing an entire future of happiness on ONE PERSON and the misconception that "he is all you have" when you don't even realize you have yourself. You are relying on him to make your life whole, which is a huge mistake. You are so being used and you don't even realize it because of how young and inexperienced you are. You are thinking with your heart "because you are in love" and not with clarity of vision that you are not fully adult enough to know what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18inlove Posted April 7, 2010 Author Share Posted April 7, 2010 There is the point. He is all you have -- you need to learn to live with yourself and by yourself before you can become the other half of a relationship. Based on the few statements you have made, I would put a $100k bet on the fact that you and he will not be together in ten years. And I would win that bet with few odds. You are basing an entire future of happiness on ONE PERSON and the misconception that "he is all you have" when you don't even realize you have yourself. You are relying on him to make your life whole, which is a huge mistake. You are so being used and you don't even realize it because of how young and inexperienced you are. You are thinking with your heart "because you are in love" and not with clarity of vision that you are not fully adult enough to know what you want. I really appreciate everyones honesty and opinion. I am turning 19 this month I know thats not much older but I do have a full time job and a few friends I met through work. He is pretty much antisocial so we usually hang out with people my age which he finds annoying. He isnt a mature 31 year old but not too immature. So basically, If and when we get our own place Will things be different then just sharing a house with his dad and brother? Link to post Share on other sites
SaintDragon Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 Babe, you go out there and get a little job some place, it doesn't have to be a grand job, just a job. Save for a car, buy insurance and start thinking and working towards college.Make a life for YOU and only YOU for now. Be happy with yourself and the rest will fall in place later. I'd hate to see you get hurt here, but like any other 18 year old, it's like telling a horse to not drink water lol. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 I really appreciate everyones honesty and opinion. I am turning 19 this month I know thats not much older but I do have a full time job and a few friends I met through work. He is pretty much antisocial so we usually hang out with people my age which he finds annoying. He isnt a mature 31 year old but not too immature. So basically, If and when we get our own place Will things be different then just sharing a house with his dad and brother? My speculation is that it will be far worse when it is just the two of you; he will resent you going out people anybody your own age. You will be tied to him and then you will be coming here, telling us how you don't have a life because you are joined at the hip with this man who won't let you grow up. You have already stated he finds friends of your age annoying -- amplify that when you are living alone and see that you will be his whole life. Link to post Share on other sites
SaintDragon Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 Not to be an A$$ and I mean this in a very concerned way...ok?.. Please use protection with this man... you don't need to be preggers with him ATM..seriously and I'm not trying to insult your intelligence or sound creepy lol. Kudos to you if you already do... Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18inlove Posted April 7, 2010 Author Share Posted April 7, 2010 Not to be an A$$ and I mean this in a very concerned way...ok?.. Please use protection with this man... you don't need to be preggers with him ATM..seriously and I'm not trying to insult your intelligence or sound creepy lol. Kudos to you if you already do... thank you I am on BC..We do want kids someday though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18inlove Posted April 7, 2010 Author Share Posted April 7, 2010 So what makes you believe he used me to get over her when he clearly had the choice to stay with her or be with me and he chose me?? Note she had a house,car, job, gorgeous woman...SO im just a fun playtoy Yikes thats hard to swallow! Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 So what makes you believe he used me to get over her when he clearly had the choice to stay with her or be with me and he chose me?? Note she had a house,car, job, gorgeous woman...SO im just a fun playtoy Yikes thats hard to swallow! Because that's what men do. And they do it because girls your age are completely blind to it and allow men like him to do as they please. Yes, you are just a fun playtoy. But no matter how much advice you get from LS, you're not going to truly see this until you've lived it through to see who he really is and learned from the experience. But such is life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18inlove Posted April 7, 2010 Author Share Posted April 7, 2010 Because that's what men do. And they do it because girls your age are completely blind to it and allow men like him to do as they please. Yes, you are just a fun playtoy. But no matter how much advice you get from LS, you're not going to truly see this until you've lived it through to see who he really is and learned from the experience. But such is life. That still doesnt explain to me how I am a rebound and he is using me to ease his pain, if he had the choice to stay with her? He seems totally genuine and loving towards me. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 That still doesnt explain to me how I am a rebound and he is using me to ease his pain, if he had the choice to stay with her? He seems totally genuine and loving towards me. And he may very well have a complete and total love for you, but the fact of the matter is that YOU have not had a chance to experience more of life before you tie yourself to this person -- who, you admit, already has antisocial problems and doesn't like your friends. So his "love" might be nothing other than a co-dependence. You need to look internally and the fact that you are relying on another human being for your happiness, without being happy and self-sufficient on your own. Only then can you completely give yourself to another. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18inlove Posted April 7, 2010 Author Share Posted April 7, 2010 And he may very well have a complete and total love for you, but the fact of the matter is that YOU have not had a chance to experience more of life before you tie yourself to this person -- who, you admit, already has antisocial problems and doesn't like your friends. So his "love" might be nothing other than a co-dependence. You need to look internally and the fact that you are relying on another human being for your happiness, without being happy and self-sufficient on your own. Only then can you completely give yourself to another. thank you carriet but still im not fully getting the fact I am easing his pain from his ex..yeah they were together for 4 1'2 years and he was confused between the 2 of us but It doesnt mean he still has feelings for her and needed me to fill the void. I do agree I need to make it on my own but how do you just walk away from someone you love just so you get to live on your own and be self sufficent? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 I'm sorry but this thread almost sounds like it is this person pretending she is the 18 year old.: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=225026 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18inlove Posted April 7, 2010 Author Share Posted April 7, 2010 I'm sorry but this thread almost sounds like it is this person pretending she is the 18 year old.: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=225026 That story is totally different then mine..so Im not sure what you are trying to do or say by posting that but it has nothing to do with my story and I need advice from wise people who act mature and not a fool! Link to post Share on other sites
Author 18inlove Posted April 7, 2010 Author Share Posted April 7, 2010 My main hope was to find others in age gap relationships anyone out there?? Link to post Share on other sites
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