Bored of topics posted of late....

[Toodamnpragmatic]

So I go over to the OW/OM section and see our pal Lizzie60 has started a thread.

 

I read the following and again see red and laugh that we have a topic that piques my interest.

 

Here is the post again talking about why there are affairs and a woman mad that the men is never blamed about sex.....

 

 

"Why do people always think the wife is withholding? Maybe the husband sucks in bed? Maybe the husband isn't 'doing it' for his wife anymore? Maybe he just doesn't turn her on? Why is it blaming is always laid at the wife's feet...if she just put out more, if she just dressed up sexy more, if she just.....(fill in the blank)? What about if he just helped out more, she may not be so tired? what about if he actually took the time to ensure she was getting some satisfaction? What if he brushed his teeth or rinsed off first and wasn't stinky? What if he didn't let himself go? What if he tried foreplay more? What if he actually planned a romantic get away for them? What if he .. (fill in the blank)?

 

Not one single person outside the married couple KNOWS what goes on at home. Most of what we hear on here is conjecture and assumptions..and probably a bunch of lies from the MM Maybe if he was honest with his wife and/or himself there would be no need for the services of someone like Lizzie?

 

As for affairs not being a betrayal for the kids -- I believe it IS a betrayal. Betrayal because instead of being out with the OW, dad could be at home with his kids, playing ball, helping with homework, reading a bedtime story. So in MY view, dad IS short changing his kids unless he is doing all of his cheating while (a) the kids are in school or (b) it is after the kids go to bed. Other than that, in MY mind, it is a betrayal. And I do believe cheating is emotionally abusive - UNLESS the cheater tells his/her partner that they are out getting sex elsewhere. Unless the cheater is honest with the spouse, then it is emotionally abusive. And I highly doubt the MM ou

[Nancydrew]

I understand what I'm reading, yet I'm completely confused with regards to the purpose of this thread?

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Copy and paste did not work....

 

Here is why I posted it...... and my comment

 

So here is my response there and interested in replies on this section of the board....

Stay on the Marriage Section.... Anyways I'll tell you maybe that is 10% of the cases. Maybe another 20% are just narcissistic aholes... Add another 15% who just find their spouses unattractive (sorry I will say that ugly word weight gain, no effort to do anything about it while they have remained the same).... So I will say 2/3rds are cheating because they don't get it at home regardless of what they do.....

 

I hate these spurious arguments....

[Nancydrew]

sooo.. (still confused) your point is.... you're sick of the same ding dong old threads regarding why people cheat - when the answer can be simplified down to "at least 2/3rds cheat because they're not getting "any" regardless of what they do"

yes?

[Toodamnpragmatic]

sooo.. (still confused) your point is.... you're sick of the same ding dong old threads regarding why people cheat - when the answer can be simplified down to "at least 2/3rds cheat because they're not getting "any" regardless of what they do"

yes?

 

I read this post, within a thread that has nothing to do with the response. Lizzie60 professes to actually be providing a service to wives everywhere, by providing mindblowing sex to poor husbands not getting anything at home..... She is actually a saint:D. The husband is satisfied, goes home to a spouse who loves him, but not that way and he is not stressed, cranky suffering from dsb (dreaded sperm buildup), and is able to enjoy his family and have nooky on the side with a woman who wants no more then sex with him....

 

My view is that 2/3rds men want an affair because yes they are getting no where near enough at home.

 

Try and convince me otherwise.....

[threebyfate]

I also don't understand the direction you're going. Are you suggesting that it's primarily the fault of the betrayed wife not putting out, that men cheat?

 

Also, the stats that you've posted as a response. Can you substantiate them through some kind scientific or medical study or are they just personal guesstimates? If they're personal guesstimates, how are you arriving at these guesstimates?

[xxoo]

My view is that 2/3rds men want an affair because yes they are getting no where near enough at home.

.

 

I'm sure a lot of men--and women--have affairs for that reason.

 

The question is, what is "near enough at home"? Some may have an affair because they are "only" getting sex 3x a week. Is that justified? What frequency (or infrequency) justifies an affair?

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I'm sure a lot of men--and women--have affairs for that reason.

 

The question is, what is "near enough at home"? Some may have an affair because they are "only" getting sex 3x a week. Is that justified? What frequency (or infrequency) justifies an affair?

 

My view is that 2/3rds men want an affair because yes they are getting no where near enough at home and it has very little to do with their ability in bed or behaviour at home. Simply their wife does not want sex on a "regular" basis and they are not happy about it....

 

xxoo - I was just about to answer that.... Sorry I will say that all I have to go on is common sense..... Yes I think 95% of males over the age of 35 would be over the moon to have sex with the woman they love (spouse) 3X's a week....

 

Tell you what .... Ask my pals;) Giotto, JamesM (maybe that is too much) or mem11363 and even he'd be happy with that #....

 

As the OP was trying to say the vast majority of people lead/want a normal life and while there are the extremes (every day, several times a day, once a month, every 2-4 months)..... Most don't ask/want a whole lot..... Especially when we go back to my old bugaboo.... That most people actually enjoy sex.....

[Lizzie60]

I'm sure a lot of men--and women--have affairs for that reason.

 

The question is, what is "near enough at home"? Some may have an affair because they are "only" getting sex 3x a week. Is that justified? What frequency (or infrequency) justifies an affair?

 

 

I think it's different for every couple.. but methink that when a husband complained several times to his W about the lack of sex... if nothing change, he'll eventually seek it outside...

 

It's a compromise between the two partners.. some men think that once a month is not enough while others are satisfied with that... better than none at all.. (for lots of single guys)..

[Nancydrew]

I read this post, within a thread that has nothing to do with the response.

ok, well being new I'm hardly expected to sift through every post of every registered member to get a grasp on who's bonking who with who and how.

anyway - no I won't try and convince you otherwise - I agree that men tend to have affairs because they're "getting none". But you have to wonder, why are they not getting any?

[threebyfate]

I also don't understand the direction you're going. Are you suggesting that it's primarily the fault of the betrayed wife not putting out, that men cheat?

 

Also, the stats that you've posted as a response. Can you substantiate them through some kind scientific or medical study or are they just personal guesstimates? If they're personal guesstimates, how are you arriving at these guesstimates?

OP you're avoiding my questions. Unless you can substantiate your apparent statistics, I can only draw the conclusion that you made them up.

 

Here's a made up statistic too. 99.9% of men who cheat have Narcissistic Personality Disorder or are control freaks.

[Lizzie60]

I read this post, within a thread that has nothing to do with the response. Lizzie60 professes to actually be providing a service to wives everywhere, by providing mindblowing sex to poor husbands not getting anything at home..... She is actually a saint:D. The husband is satisfied, goes home to a spouse who loves him, but not that way and he is not stressed, cranky suffering from dsb (dreaded sperm buildup), and is able to enjoy his family and have nooky on the side with a woman who wants no more then sex with him....

 

My view is that 2/3rds men want an affair because yes they are getting no where near enough at home.

 

Try and convince me otherwise.....

 

 

2/3... I'd say it's more like well over 80% of the MM..

[Nancydrew]

some men think that once a month is not enough while others are satisfied with that...

I'm guessing the ones that are satisfied with once a month probably love their partners, thats the difference

[Nancydrew]

2/3... I'd say it's more like well over 80% of the MM..

so since I'm new here what are you anyway Lizzie60? some sort of prostitute? (excuse my ignorance, I mean, thats what Toodamn made you out to be)

or are you a fake account on here doing it for the lulz?

[xxoo]

My view is that 2/3rds men want an affair because yes they are getting no where near enough at home and it has very little to do with their ability in bed or behaviour at home. Simply their wife does not want sex on a "regular" basis and they are not happy about it....

 

xxoo - I was just about to answer that.... Sorry I will say that all I have to go on is common sense..... Yes I think 95% of males over the age of 35 would be over the moon to have sex with the woman they love (spouse) 3X's a week....

 

Tell you what .... Ask my pals;) Giotto, JamesM (maybe that is too much) or mem11363 and even he'd be happy with that #....

 

As the OP was trying to say the vast majority of people lead/want a normal life and while there are the extremes (every day, several times a day, once a month, every 2-4 months)..... Most don't ask/want a whole lot..... Especially when we go back to my old bugaboo.... That most people actually enjoy sex.....

 

It doesn't add up for me, TDP.

 

Stats say that, what, 50-80% of men cheat? So 2/3 of that would be 30-60ish%? (very rough estimates, lol)

 

So, 30-60% of married men cheat because their wives don't want to have sex. I find it hard to believe that no-sex marriages are that common. I know we read a lot about them here, but that is the sort of thing people seek Loveshack out to talk about, you know? Just in my experience with my female friends, all of them talk about having sex (generally...we don't dish specifics) in positive terms. You never know what goes on behind closed doors, of course.

[threebyfate]

And one more made up statistic. 99% of OWs are mentally ill. I say this since who in their right mind would want a deceitful liar who has narcissistic personality disorder or is a major control freak (based on the previous made up statistic that 99.9% of cheaters have NPD or are control freaks)?

 

OP, do you see how made up statistics are useless?

[Lizzie60]

It doesn't add up for me, TDP.

 

Stats say that, what, 50-80% of men cheat? So 2/3 of that would be 30-60ish%? (very rough estimates, lol)

 

So, 30-60% of married men cheat because their wives don't want to have sex. I find it hard to believe that no-sex marriages are that common. I know we read a lot about them here, but that is the sort of thing people seek Loveshack out to talk about, you know? Just in my experience with my female friends, all of them talk about having sex (generally...we don't dish specifics) in positive terms. You never know what goes on behind closed doors, of course.

 

That depends a lot on the age of the woman... if you take a young wife .. chances are the H is getting more than an older wife who's been with the H for 10+ years...

 

Even younger wives.. once they get a child.. they diminish sometimes by more than half..

[xxoo]

That depends a lot on the age of the woman... if you take a young wife .. chances are the H is getting more than an older wife who's been with the H for 10+ years...

 

Even younger wives.. once they get a child.. they diminish sometimes by more than half..

 

My friends are typically 30-45, with a couple kids, married 10+ years. I'm in that range with a couple kids, and still going strong!

Edited April 8, 2010 by xxoo

[Lizzie60]

My friends are typically 30-45, with a couple kids, married 10+ years. I'm in that range with a couple kids, and still going strong!

 

30-45 is still fairly young... I bet that most W who have very low sex drive are past 45...

 

but even if the sex is going strong.. that doesn't mean that the H are not cheating... my youngest MM is only 26 and his W has a strong libido... and she's very pretty... go figure..

[xxoo]

but even if the sex is going strong.. that doesn't mean that the H are not cheating... my youngest MM is only 26 and his W has a strong libido... and she's very pretty... go figure..

 

That's sort of my point, and the point of the post TDP took issue with. A lot of time, it is NOT the fault of a withholding partner. Some people just think they deserve variety more than their partner deserves honesty and safety.

 

I know that sex drive often changes past 45 or so with perimenopause (but not always in the negative direction!). My mom has made some pointed remarks about wishing my dad would put out more , and I plan to follow in her footsteps

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Almost every affair I've read on here is predicated on men complaining they were not getting enough at home. Why argue the minutiae every time..... I'll be sexist and say women love to do that..... Fine tell me you have sex every day and all women want that and it is the man that won't keep up...... Tell us we are not meeting your needs and are bad in bed, unkempt, out of shape yada yada yada....... Guess what? You are in the minority.

 

I threw out a ballpark stat and I bet you I erred on the side of caution. You want me to narrow the sample size? Fine.... Am talking men 35-47 with children 2-17 years old..... Make up your own numbers if you wish..... I'm just observing human nature. Find me the mama's boy who has sexual hang-ups.... He's not cheating and right he does not meet my criteria....

 

Quit nit-picking and have a reasonable debate.....

Edited April 8, 2010 by Toodamnpragmatic

[2sunny]

and how do you explain all these married women who cheat a lot too?

[threebyfate]

Almost every affair I've read on here is predicated on men complaining they were not getting enough at home. Why argue the minutiae every time..... I'll be sexist and say women love to do that..... Fine tell me you have sex every day and all women want that and it is the man that won't keep up...... Tell us we are not meeting your needs and are bad in bed, unkempt, out of shape yada yada yada....... Guess what? You are in the minority.

 

I threw out a ballpark stat and I bet you I erred on the side of caution. You want me to narrow the sample size? Fine.... Am talking men 35-47 with children 2-17 years old..... Make up your own numbers if you wish..... I'm just observing human nature. Find me the mama's boy who has sexual hang-ups.... He's not cheating and right he does not meet my criteria....

 

Quit nit-picking and have a reasonable debate.....

The number of cheaters on LS is a drop in the bucket. It's mostly the fallout of cheaters like OWs and BWs who populate LS's Infidelity and OW/OM forums.

 

It's like me saying that 99.9% of cheaters have NPD since the ex-H has NPD. Anecdoetal evidence doesn't make for realistic statistics.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

The number of cheaters on LS is a drop in the bucket. It's mostly the fallout of cheaters like OWs and BWs who populate LS's Infidelity and OW/OM forums.

 

It's like me saying that 99.9% of cheaters have NPD since the ex-H has NPD. Anecdoetal evidence doesn't make for realistic statistics.

 

and have proved my point.... Yes I admit it is observational, but why would any male 35-50 with a family jeopardize it all if he had an attractive sexually happy/available wife????

[xxoo]

Quit nit-picking and have a reasonable debate.....

 

For me, a reasonable debate is based on facts and evidence--reality, not perception. If that's a "female trait", I'll own it happily

 

and have proved my point.... Yes I admit it is observational, but why would any male 35-50 with a family jeopardize it all if he had an attractive sexually happy/available wife????

 

I really don't understand it, but there are plenty of men here on LS saying that "all men" do just that because they are "programmed" to sleep with lots of women...that monogamy is not "natural" for men. I'm not making that argument, but that seems to be how some men justify jeopardizing their happy family for some strange. The only explanation I can offer you is that which men have given themselves.