maria_patheticsoul Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 Hear me out on this one...i asked my SO a week ago about the status of our relationship because i felt he is being distant after not replying to my email after 3 weeks...he replied saying that there is no problem with our relationship just that his coming back in my country will be delayed...i believed him but at the back of my mind i am very confused...what he is saying is very different from the way he is acting...i know he is too busy taking care of the things that needs to be taken care of like his parents who are both very old and his kids at the same time...i am just wondering why can't he make an effort to call me for a few minutes or email me even a short one...it scares me because he has this habit of not communicating or not breaking up with the woman he's been with...i know he loves me but now i am beginning to doubt that love...i know i love him and i proved that to him already when he was here with me...what should i do? i am beginning to lose my hopes for a future with him...i don't want to lose this guy but i feel he is pushing me too hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 So I'm confused...when you say he didn't reply to your email until 3 weeks, does that mean that you didn't talk to him AT ALL for 3 weeks? If so, then I don't really know what kind of relationship that can be. I hope that's not what you meant though. I really, really do. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 Oh, my. There really isn't a reason for no communication for 3 weeks, none at all, unless there was an earthquake at his place which cut off all connection for that long! I truly hope it isn't what you mean either. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted April 8, 2010 Author Share Posted April 8, 2010 Before he stopped sending me emails that was March 9...he got angry at me because i sent him a very short email..two sentences...during that break i kept sending him email....only the 26th of march he replied...so we did exchange emails again for a few days that is when i asked him the status of our relationship and that he said there is nothing wrong....my last email to him was 2nd of april he replied briefly on the very same day...then i still kept on sending him email until until 7th of april.....i know he is busy because he takes care of his ailing mother and his 78 year old father plus two kids 7 and 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 I hate to tell someone how to run their relationship, because different things work for different people. But really, this is not normal! No matter how busy someone is, there is always time for communication at least once a day, and if really not, at least once every few days. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted April 8, 2010 Author Share Posted April 8, 2010 OMG i knew it...there is something wrong but he is not telling me....i always have this feeling that he is back into his habit again...not communicating with the woman if he wants to dump her....but i can not understand...we lived together for several months already and he asked me for marriage few times...just last january while we were chatting he said he will marry me next year and that this year when he comes back he will stay for good and will just visit his family for two weeks twice a year.....is there is still something to hold on in our relationship knowing he is acting so strange Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 Can't you call him on the phone and talk this out properly? Link to post Share on other sites
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted April 8, 2010 Author Share Posted April 8, 2010 I dont have his phone number because the number he used to use in calling me before was lost when he was here so he needed a new number but when he went back in his country everytime he calls me different numbers appears on my phone....i know he love me though because he rented out an appartment for us here and paid it in advance for six months....he bought new furnitures and left me some money also....he left few of his stuffs here also....too many times he asked me to come with him even only for two weeks i just kept on saying "someday" then he said that when one of his parents die we should both go to his country.....also several times he cried over a fight...those are the things i keep in mind to remind me that he loves me Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 Hon, different numbers appear on your phone because they're routing his call through an operator in your country. That's usually the case with my bf as well. He will still have a number, the number his family and friends in his country use to call him - and you can use it too, you just have to add the country code. 'too many times he asked me to come with him even only for two weeks i just kept on saying "someday" then he said that when one of his parents die we should both go to his country' I don't understand what this means? Why did you refuse to go see him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted April 8, 2010 Author Share Posted April 8, 2010 (edited) Because i really dont want to go anywhere else...he asked me that when he was here...i remembered i told him for a vacation i will go with him....he knows i will not call him because even when he was here and we needed to separate for two months i never did call him..it was him who kept on calling....i guess i was just scared that he will not pick up his phone Edited April 8, 2010 by maria_patheticsoul wrong spelling Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 Now this is even more wrong! Why, maria?! You've been together for so long - why is it that only he must call? I'm not asking you to call him several times a day like a freak - but it doesn't hurt to be the one calling sometimes! And if he's busy and doesn't pick up the phone, he should contact you in time. If he doesn't at all - well, that says a lot about him, doesn't it? And... you don't want to go to his place even for a visit? Why, again?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted April 8, 2010 Author Share Posted April 8, 2010 I do want to go to his country...just that too much paper work but he knows intime i will go with him....i guess yeah it's true most of the efforts came from him....i really do love this guy but there is this fear inside me that i can not overcome yet....i am really trying hard to make this relationship to work..he is a very complicated guy he admitted that and i know it....his parents dont want him to go back here..he told them a day before his mother's operation but he said even if his parents will fight him over this he decided already that he will come back and he asked me to stand by his side...naturally i said of course...so i thought by understanding him when he dont email or call it was just he thinking a lot of things and pressured. Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 Something is definitely wrong in this relationship...like seriously wrong. There's no way that a relationship can be okay without communications for 3 weeks for no good reason. Why wont you go visit him? I don't even know how to respond there's so much wrong with this. I just don't know how you can't see it. Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 He wasn't thinking a lot or pressured, he just wasn't calling or emailing because he didn't want to. I mean, this is kind of like saying that if he didn't email for a year you'd be cool with it because he asked you to stand by his side. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 Honey... I have never encountered a tourist visa that required a lot of paperwork, unless he lives in North Korea or Israel or something. Where's he from!? You only need a tourist visa to go visit for 2 weeks... Link to post Share on other sites
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted April 8, 2010 Author Share Posted April 8, 2010 Yeah i know...something or a lot of things are wrong in our relationship maybe i just dont want to admit it...i want to go and see him i dont have the capacity and even if he will pay for it for me it's not right...i told him anyway for a visit someday i will go...was thinking of our future and i dont want him to spend too much on nothing because we both wanted a simple life Link to post Share on other sites
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted April 8, 2010 Author Share Posted April 8, 2010 He is from Belgium and i am from the Philippines...here in our country it's difficult to get a visa specially if you are not that rich....should i ask him straight then for a break up? Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 You do realize that if you continue at the rate you're going, you will have NO life, right? A relationship like this can have no future, sweetie. No communication for weeks at a time? No visits? What kind of happy simple life can that have??? None of us here can tell you what you should do. That part is up to you. All we can do is to help you understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted April 8, 2010 Author Share Posted April 8, 2010 I am going through a very difficult time about this and often times my fingers gets itchy to email him and just end this. I started by asking him about the stauts i was thinking he will say that it's over for us...i guess that will be a relief and i can move on. He always says i am the stronger one in our relationship that i am more patient than him...i dont want the break up to come from because what if i am wrong then i will regret it for the rest of my life...if he breaks up with me i think i can handle that better Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoasterr Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 If he is comfortable and perfectly fine with the relationship now, then he's never going to break up with you. Seriously. I'm not trying to be mean, but honestly think about it. This man could very well have another life in Belgium, with a relationship/marriage and you wouldn't know about it. It's correct that it can happen in any type of relationship, but it is especially true when communication dies for weeks at a time. You deserve way better than this. Do you really honestly want to live the rest of your life, or even the next 5 years in a relationship like this? Would you be okay with not seeing him, not hearing from him except once a month, not having phone calls, or anything? Would you be okay with that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted April 8, 2010 Author Share Posted April 8, 2010 OMG definitely no...i want a life and not a misserable one. His last email was april 2..his last phone call was feb 28...he left my country dec. 18 and supposed to be back this coming april 30....if i will not email him anymore and we will not have a clossure and i move on....will that be ok? Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 I gotta agree with rollercoasterr, I went crazy not talking to my boyfriend on the phone Sunday, lol (even though he was texting me). How you could go 3 weeks without being in contact with your SO and then have them claim to love you, is beyond me. But if you can live with it, keep it up, but if it were me I'd say goodbye and move on with my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted April 8, 2010 Author Share Posted April 8, 2010 When he replied back to my email last March 26 that was the first email he sent after March 9...he simply said "you never bothered me" i dont understand why he said that...prior to this few weeks break he was complaining about my late reply to his email and he said that it's not nice that if he dont email me then i will not email him first...i guess he got tired? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 He is from Belgium and i am from the Philippines...here in our country it's difficult to get a visa specially if you are not that rich....should i ask him straight then for a break up? I'm from a SE Asian country as well, I understand, especially with the conversion rates. But according to http://www.theschengenoffice.com/belgium_tourist_visa.html , it doesn't require much paperwork at all, and only 150 pounds. While 150 pounds is a lot when converted to your currency, he lives and works in Belgium, so it's only really pocket change for him. What is so wrong about him paying for that, especially if he wants you to come too? The reason I'm not immediately advising you to breakup is that, yes, him buying an apartment at your place and furnishing it is a definite sign of commitment. However, his LD contact is truly horrible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maria_patheticsoul Posted April 8, 2010 Author Share Posted April 8, 2010 I know it's just a pocket change for him and he will definitely pay for it but i dont like it because i was thinking if he keeps on spending money on me he will not respect me anymore like he will think that i am with him because of his money and that will be a very big issue Link to post Share on other sites
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