That feeling is calling...

[SouthernSunshine]

Okay, so this is my first post. I've been in a serious relationship for nearly 6 years. I have a child, and a stable life. However, my ex lover/fling has contacted me again, and I find myself being tempted again. I've already cheated with this guy, and I promised to leave & not look back. We are both in serious relationships. We used to sneak off, and have sex in the summer of 08. It was so fun, what a rush! But then I really started feeling guilty, and nasty... like trash. So I cut it off. I promised myself I wouldn't look back, but here I am again, 2 years have passed, and we are talking again. I miss him, and he misses me.. or the thrill.. whatever. It's like a drug, and I need a fix. My life is so nice, and routine... everything is in order, and expected. But with him, my lover, it's so exciting!!! My stomach flips, and I want to be with him. I feel alive again, but I'm not supposed to. It's weird. Anyways, just wanted to vent my feelings. I have yet to decide to take that risk, and run around with him again. I could masturbate, and fantasize, but that's not the same! I'll just leave it at that for now....

[dazzle22]

Interesting that you say you 'feel alive' again.

 

I just posted on a thread that said that affairs seemed like too much work, and I said, I have come to believe that all high risk behaviors that people undertake, whether it is daredevil sports, drugs, or affairs, what people are seeking is 'to feel alive' again...

 

Are you a person who is very high energy and constantly needs an adrenaline rush to be happy? I read an article somewhere that said there are two types of people. Those who love comfort, and those who are thrill seekers. They sometimes pair up because opposites attract and it is hard for two thrill seekers to make a relationship work in the long run, but the thrill seeker often then has an affair.

[SouthernSunshine]

Interesting that you say you 'feel alive' again.

 

I just posted on a thread that said that affairs seemed like too much work, and I said, I have come to believe that all high risk behaviors that people undertake, whether it is daredevil sports, drugs, or affairs, what people are seeking is 'to feel alive' again...

 

Are you a person who is very high energy and constantly needs an adrenaline rush to be happy? I read an article somewhere that said there are two types of people. Those who love comfort, and those who are thrill seekers. They sometimes pair up because opposites attract and it is hard for two thrill seekers to make a relationship work in the long run, but the thrill seeker often then has an affair.

 

No, not constantly.. I'm happy in my current relationship, but when fun is right around the corner.. I get excited. This guy is my age.. we grew up together. He's very playful, and I love that! He's also in a serious relationship, so we sympathize with each other. I've been really good for 2 years! I just get that itch, and it doesn't help when he's tempting me. I still have yet to take the bait, so I've done nothing wrong.

[linwood]

Does your husband know about the previous affair with this guy?

 

What do you stand to lose if he finds out you`re involved with another man (If you go for it)?

 

You sound like you`re pretty happy with your marriage other than the doldrums of life which you could probably fix if you gave it some attention.

 

I`ve been married ten years and I don`t cheat on my wife because I couldn`t stand to cause her pain.

The toll it would take on our relationship if we survived it would be extensive.

 

I`ve also never had a more attentive lover than my wife so it`s fairly simple to reject the advances of other women as I already know they will suffer in comparison.

This doesn`t mean I haven`t been tempted it just means I already know where it will go and I`m not crazy about the probable end result.

 

I think maybe you`re seeking something outside your marriage that you may very well be able to find within it if you try.

[SouthernSunshine]

Does your husband know about the previous affair with this guy?

 

What do you stand to lose if he finds out you`re involved with another man (If you go for it)?

 

You sound like you`re pretty happy with your marriage other than the doldrums of life which you could probably fix if you gave it some attention.

 

I`ve been married ten years and I don`t cheat on my wife because I couldn`t stand to cause her pain.

The toll it would take on our relationship if we survived it would be extensive.

 

I`ve also never had a more attentive lover than my wife so it`s fairly simple to reject the advances of other women as I already know they will suffer in comparison.

This doesn`t mean I haven`t been tempted it just means I already know where it will go and I`m not crazy about the probable end result.

 

I think maybe you`re seeking something outside your marriage that you may very well be able to find within it if you try.

 

Yes, my husband knows of my past affair. He found out through our child, then when he confronted me I confessed. Our child did not know of the other guy. I never brought him to my home or let him meet our child! See, one time my H was laid up on the couch with an injured ankle, so when I would try to slip off with the other guy... I had to have a good excuse. So, one day I got dressed real nice, and my H knew something was up, so I played it off by inviting my sister over so we (my sis, my child, and me) could all go to the mall. When we got to the mall I dropped off my sis & my child. Fast forward to a few months later, my H was asking our child about that day, and our child told him that mommy dropped her & aunt Crystal off at the mall. That's how he found out...

 

As for your other question.. I have a LOT to lose! I have a nice life, and a wonderful family. I couldn't imagine having my kid hate me for hurting her daddy. So yeah, I think about that when I wanna talk to him/the other guy. I really do love my H. I'd never want to hurt him! So far, I've only thought about cheating again... I haven't acted on it. Also, if I could bring the excitement to the bedroom with my husband I would! My H (not legally but we've been together for nearly 6 years) is older, and he's the complete opposite of me. He's a very serious person who stays glued to the home & routine. Although He's a very good man, and a wonderful father.

[donnamaybe]

See, one time my H was laid up on the couch with an injured ankle, so when I would try to slip off with the other guy...

 

Oh, wow.

[SouthernSunshine]

Oh, wow.

 

LOL! I know, I was ruthless. I was tired of living for someone else.

[donnamaybe]

LOL! I know, I was ruthless. I was tired of living for someone else.

 

So you're saying your husband takes and takes and never gives? Never lets you do what you want? Doesn't care about your interests?

[SouthernSunshine]

So you're saying your husband takes and takes and never gives? Never lets you do what you want? Doesn't care about your interests?

 

Umm.. yes my husband was & still is very good to me. However, back then I didn't care that he was! I didn't care about his needs, only my own. That was my point.

[Woggle]

After reading this thread I don't want to hear anybody get mad at me for not trusting women.

[linwood]

As for your other question.. I have a LOT to lose! I have a nice life, and a wonderful family. I couldn't imagine having my kid hate me for hurting her daddy.

So yeah, I think about that when I wanna talk to him/the other guy. I really do love my H. I'd never want to hurt him! So far, I've only thought about cheating again... I haven't acted on it. Also, if I could bring the excitement to the bedroom with my husband I would! My H (not legally but we've been together for nearly 6 years) is older, and he's the complete opposite of me. He's a very serious person who stays glued to the home & routine. Although He's a very good man, and a wonderful father.

 

Considering your position I wouldn`t do it.

I`d stop giving your boyfriend the idea he has a chance.

 

I`d throw a couple of curve balls at the husband to try to spice him up.

(A weekend at a resort somewhere you don`t have anything to do but each other is a nice one.)

 

What`s your age difference and do you really think it`s a factor in the doldrums?

[Fouts]

LOL! I know, I was ruthless. I was tired of living for someone else.

 

No hun, you weren't/aren't ruthless, you're just insecure and afraid to be alone. No offense meant, but people like you are always a cancer on other peoples lives. I doubt you'll develop any sense of morality or character overnight, but maybe this post will help put things in perspective when you look in the mirror.

[SouthernSunshine]

No hun, you weren't/aren't ruthless, you're just insecure and afraid to be alone. No offense meant, but people like you are always a cancer on other peoples lives. I doubt you'll develop any sense of morality or character overnight, but maybe this post will help put things in perspective when you look in the mirror.

 

No offense taken!

 

Once the affair was brought to my husband's attention, after all the hurt & anger.. we grew closer together. I felt horrible after the fact. Reading this forum has helped me. Surely I can find other ways to have fun without cheating. I get that.

[CarrieT]

After reading this thread I don't want to hear anybody get mad at me for not trusting women.

 

But there you go again, assuming that ONE untrustworthy woman equals the entire female race is untrustworthy.

 

If I took your angle -- after having been cheated on twice -- than I can assume that any guy I ever have a relationship with will cheat on me and I know that will not be the case.

 

Why are you so polarized in your stance, Woggle?

 

And, to the OP, just remember the hurt and pain you went through the last time your H found out. The excitement will pass; you are just in the throws of the adrenaline and logically, you know it. NO CONTACT is the key.

[Fouts]

No offense taken!

 

Once the affair was brought to my husband's attention, after all the hurt & anger.. we grew closer together. I felt horrible after the fact. Reading this forum has helped me. Surely I can find other ways to have fun without cheating. I get that.

 

If he knows you're in contact with this guy yet again, is it going to bring you even closer. Possibly not huh?

[SouthernSunshine]

If he knows you're in contact with this guy yet again, is it going to bring you even closer. Possibly not huh?

 

Wow, you're hilarious!

 

Actually, I just told my H that my mom gave "Eric" my new cell number, and that he's been calling. I didn't want my H to discover that he's calling me again. I wanted to be the one to tell him. What my H doesn't know is that the guy still excites me, and that I've thought about cheating with him again.

 

And, to the OP, just remember the hurt and pain you went through the last time your H found out. The excitement will pass; you are just in the throws of the adrenaline and logically, you know it. NO CONTACT is the key.

You're absolutely right!