What's the best way to treat someone who rejected you...

[Jerry18]

...but still want to to be friends?

 

I'm a guy in college and I got rejected by a classmate. I thought I'd received some strong signals (and we hang out together sometime) but I guess I was wrong. She said she doesn't want a relationship right now. I don't know if that's true or not, because obviously if I had known that she doesn't want a relationship then I would've have asked her out. But, she also said that she still wants to be friends with me and "get to know each other better".

 

My question is, what should I do with her now? I like her enough to still be friends with her, but have showed her more attention than I would have normally. Also, I don't feel motivated to know more about her anymore. I haven't had a girlfriend so I'm more or less in a hurry to get one.

 

I feel that if I ignore her then her doubts would be vindicated. Yet, I also feel that I'm really wasting my time if I spend more time with her. I'd rather spend time with a potential girlfriend than someone who does not want a relationship. I don't want to hurt her or get revenge. I just don't feel motivated anymore to keep this friendship going.

 

Should I just still say hello, but also do nothing more?

 

What did you do with people who rejected you?

Edited April 8, 2010 by Jerry18
grammar

[bayouboi]

Should you still say "hello"? Absolutely.

 

Should you do anything more? Negatory. Why waste your time when she's already made it clear where you stand. I know I know, your mind thinks that maybe you can win her over...but you can't. Moving on is the best choice imo.

[threebyfate]

Can you not be friendly but maintain your distance?

[boogieboy]

Wave Hi, smile and keep walkin. If you talk to her, she will see that you dont care to get to know her anymore. Dont give her any more attention.

[Lakeside_runner]

Why would you not want to be friendly to her anymore? It's not like she did you any harm, did she? She just said she's not interested and that's it! Just treat her like any other acquaintance of yours - no special attention, concentrate on somebody new if you want. My point is: it's not like you've to stop talking to her - just be 'above it all'.

[BobSacamento]

Did you straight up ask her if she wanted to be in a relationship or did you make a move?

[sagetalk]

Be friendly, say hi, nothing more. If you keep hanging around her it will just rot your insides and who in the world wants that .

[LucreziaBorgia]

It is possible to be friendly without being friends. The time you waste on being her 'friend' you could be out working on finding a girlfriend.

[ADF]

You should be polite to her--after all, she doesn't owe it to you to say "yes"--but that is all you really need to do. If you want to be friends, great. If you don't, you don't have to. Any relationship requires a meeting of the minds as far as what the rules of that relationship are. If you and she are on totally different pages, you needn't go out of your way to befriend her. But you shouldn't try to punish her for rejecting you, either.

[phineas]

If she just wants to be a friend, treat her like a friend.

Be friendly, say "hi".

Don't spend an hr chatting on the phone or texting all day unless you do that with your real friends.

 

You do not want to get yourself into a psudo-boyfriend situation where she monopolizes your free time & keeps you from meeting other women.

 

You'll just drive yourself crazy.

 

also, if she really wants to be just friends she shouldn't have any problem introducing you to her single friends.

[carhill]

she also said that she still wants to be friends with me and "get to know each other better"

 

Tell us about her proactive efforts in that regard. Since there is no romance, you need not pursue her in that way. Level 'get to know' field. Equal interest and reciprocity. How's that working out? When I see 'friends' becoming an ego validation exercise, I disappear. If it's 'real', you'll value the friendship she offers through her interest, care and concern.

 

Personally, absent positive signs, I'd either disappear or, at best, treat her like an ex; cordial but uncaring; polite disinterest. As was said, spend that caring energy on a potential girlfriend.

[cooldudeinberlin]

hmmmm... delicate situation....

 

asking someone out for a date has nothing to do with "having a relationship"... so I think she was basically blowing you off with what she thought was a nice way...

 

I hate to say this, but its the truth, she isnt attracted to you and you dont give her those feelings... there are probably solid reasons why this is, but that is another thread.

 

now here's the delicate part... a lot of people will reject with "let's be friends and get to know each other better" as a BS line meant to soften the blow... perhaps she really means it... dont know.

 

regardless, its your decision. Do you want to JUST be friends or want something else? as you already were a friend to begin with... or maybe just in the friend zone, which is where you are going to stay... always... that rarely changes... just so you know up front in case you wanted to "hang around and see if she magically reciprocated those feelings one day"

 

do you like hanging out with her? did you have the "liking her more than a friend" intentions from the beginning or did this just sort of happen? Be honest... as we can work from that...

 

If I like someone, I dont make a mystery about it, I dont have any hidden agenda, and when a girl with a coy smile asks me like she doesnt know "why are you looking at me that way".. my answer: "you damn well know, stop goofing".... you would be amazed how sexy women think it is when guy knows what he wants and not wishy washy about it.

 

but if I were rejected (and I certainly dont want insider information if they want a relationship or not or do they like me... not going to sit around biting my fingernails worrying about that)... I would handle it with sincere dignity, eloquence and as a gentleman... never stooping so low to let a fragile ego take over and throw a tantrum "well, who would want a pig like you anyway" or whatever... hold your head high ... the way a guy handles rejection can sometimes make you get a second notice very quickly.