Tail between my legs...

[alg24]

jthorne thank you... so true.

[alg24]

Nightmare nightmare nightmare...

 

A little background info... (Did I mention major drama?)

 

November I called this number that MM had in his phone... Wanted to find out who she was.. I was very nice and did not say anything nasty... She ran back to MM and this big drama happened. In December a friend of mine and I spoke... She told me MM had friendship with bad news girl (the person I called).. Bad new girl knew about me and did not speak highly about me or MM (Never met me or really even heard about me-- she just was trashing me) Friend mentioned how she is known to use men for attention and things she wants... Said specifics about MM. So, I went to MM and mentioned everything... Told him to do what he wanted BUT keep this information in the back of your head. PLS keep this between us.. Well he did not, and my friend was sadly thrown under bus. Not to mention W found out who this bad news girl was... And saw her in person/ got information on her.

 

I get a voicemail today...

 

"Hey its me, listen, if you loved me, care about me, you will help me. W still having harassing text messages. But its from (bad news girl) Its not true but she is saying that we have had sex in my W house. Knows a lot of information but not true. Its serious. Please I need your help."

 

I stupidly call him and ask him whats going on. He told me W told bad news girl that he has herpes... I freaked on the phone and said I cannot believe this. Now everyone in this small town will know. I hung up.

 

I sent a couple text... He called... Freaked out on me... "Its my fault because I originally LAST YEAR told wife about herpes. It was our secret. Now I am freaking out because my family does not know (My family does know about herpes)" And he said a lot of other nasty things and hung up the phone.

 

So that was that...

 

Everything is my fault like always..

 

The other day I had communication with W and I told her I had nothing to do with this... Its disgusting and she does not deserve this...

 

So yea... This is all the drama

 

It makes me sick and I want out of all this drama

 

I am done. Really.

 

You guys tired from just reading all of this?

 

And I don't enjoy this... I usually stick to myself...

 

But yea...

 

Just needed to vent.

[alg24]

Very true and 100% agreed.

 

After he freaked at me and hung up the phone I sent a text message...

 

"I did nothing wrong. I had zero involvement in this. I wish you the best of luck and cannot help you. Please leave me alone"

 

If he calls back I will ignore.

 

It made me sick to my stomach when he yelled at me it was my fault and then said "Last year the herpes was between us, our secret." I mean yea, I understand english is a second language for him (so sometimes he does not have the best choice of words) but "our secret." Excuse me, I did not want herpes nor do I consider it a secret! I stupidly trusted you, and I take responsibility for that but do not consider it a secret. I would consider it many things but not that.

[califnan]

Very true and 100% agreed.

 

After he freaked at me and hung up the phone I sent a text message...

 

"I did nothing wrong. I had zero involvement in this. I wish you the best of luck and cannot help you. Please leave me alone"

 

If he calls back I will ignore.

 

.

 

---------------------------------

 

Your parting text message was perfect.. You said it all.. Try not to give into his rants with followup messages..

[alg24]

I saw him today driving home... Impossible to plan... Hurt so bad. I was behind him, then we were side by side.. He looked at me and gave me the nastiest look in the world... Its disgusting and unfair that this has been pin on me

[califnan]

I saw him today driving home... Impossible to plan... Hurt so bad. I was behind him, then we were side by side.. He looked at me and gave me the nastiest look in the world... Its disgusting and unfair that this has been pin on me

 

-------------------

 

I feel for you that you have to keep running into him .. Try not to look at him ..

[fooled once]

Alg (hug)

 

WHY do you care what he thinks? Why are you so concerned that he gives you a dirty look? Why do you care if he blames you for everything?

 

I want you to stop caring.

 

This is what abusers do. They don't own what they do wrong - it is always someone else's fault. They never, ever take responsibility for what they have done. Please stop trying to rationalize his behavior or want him to see that he caused his own despair.

 

HE chose to cheat.

 

HE chose to give you an STD. Granted, part of that was your fault for not using protection. But you have OWNED it, he hasn't. You will live with it forever.

 

He will never, ever admit to any wrongdoing. He will continue to blame you.

 

You have to stop allowing him to control you. You have to stop giving a crap what he thinks. You have said (I hope) your final peace to him.

 

Stop letting him draw you in just so he can take his anger out on you. You are his whipping boy. You are allowing him to continue to berate you and abuse you. This will only stop when you take your power back.

 

Stop letting your hurt be an excuse to get back in touch with him. If you want this to be over, stop giving in, stop being a victim and stop coming up with excuses for talking to him (hurting, crying, sad, missing him, etc).

 

You do have the strength within in. You have the control and power to not contact him again. It is on you to stop putting yourself through this time and time again.

 

(((hugs)))) you know I am rooting for you. I pray you have finally had enough of this crap.

[alg24]

Fooled once.. Your the best.

 

It does not matter what he thinks! I just need to let that absorb.

 

Last night my house phone rang at 12:35AM I was passed out sound asleep and startled when it rang. My cell phone was in my car so I grabbed the house phone.. (Very few people have that number) It was MM asking for a place to sleep! I was half asleep but mumbled "Are you f***ing kidding" and hung up the phone.

[fooled once]

Fooled once.. Your the best.

 

It does not matter what he thinks! I just need to let that absorb.

 

Last night my house phone rang at 12:35AM I was passed out sound asleep and startled when it rang. My cell phone was in my car so I grabbed the house phone.. (Very few people have that number) It was MM asking for a place to sleep! I was half asleep but mumbled "Are you f***ing kidding" and hung up the phone.

 

GOOD girl!! I am so proud of you!!!

[alg24]

Update*

 

Guess I am venting of sorts. Fooled once, thank you above and beyond! Your

 

the best...

 

 

Well this crazy person (who was texting MM and soon to be exW) is nuts.

 

They keep texting both, and after I sent a text they are getting nasty

 

towards me. (Stupid, should have not gotten involved- MM begged) Anyway

 

MM is now pinning this on me! He thinks I am doing this! Not to mention I

 

saw his cell phone, the cell messages are in spanish- I cannot speak let

 

alone write spanish.

 

 

Anyway, things were okay with us... Well as best it could be.. We had a

 

couple really nice/cute days between us. He problems me if I was quiet and

 

relaxed he would be the same (insanity is doing the same thing over and

 

expecting different results) He called me tuesday night to tell me textor

 

texted him... Then called me 10PM that night freaking out on me that it had

 

to be me. The next morning I will admit I blew up his phone a little. Hurt

 

beyond that he put this on me. Not to mention textor was so disgusting to

 

me! 3pm he calls me telling me he is sorry, he has been crazy, he thinks he

 

found textor... 6pm calls me- it wasn't who he thought it was (I basically

 

started crying, please listen its not me) he told me he knows and he will call

 

me later. Never called. Thursday AM I stopped by his barn. I gave him

 

coffee. He took it but wasn't nice. Told me a story on how police with be

 

working on it. (Has a police friend) I wish this person could be found! But I

 

think it will be impossible because they are not threatening. We finally

 

spoke noonish thursday (yesterday) he told me I am a nice girl but so crazy,

 

he does not want anymore problems with me, give him back his clothes

 

(when I got so crazy in trying to speak to him I took a small duffle bag of

 

clothes out of his car. I told him...) he doesn't want problems with me in

 

regards to the police blah blah blah. Its over. Get out of the state, go home.

 

He also mentioned that its so sick (texting) and it has to be me.

 

I was torn into shreds but I left it. Textor texted me that afternoon "look

 

what Walter wrote.." and it was something like ariel I am so tired of you.

 

Exactly the way he would right it... Oh gosh this screwed up out of control

 

drama! But I knew there was nothing I could do...

 

 

last night I left my phone in the car... 9:30PM my house phone rang. I

 

answered it. It was MM. He asked me if I called police in regards to textor

 

(guess textor told him I threatened to call police) I told MM there was

 

nothing the police could do, but yes I threatened textor with a call to

 

authorities. MM began to tell me please help him and W find this person. He

 

asked me a couple questions. I could hear his kids in the background and

 

questioned why he was calling me when he was with kids... He then told me

 

I am amazing girl, so pretty, open my eyes, I am 22 (no, 21) and open my

 

eyes, he needs to get out of here- claiming he is going to England tomorrow

 

for a job (doubtful because he would need a visa) he told me he doesn't

 

want problems anymore, we can be friends- best of friends- go for his barn

 

drink beer, but we are done, done for him done for me. For me MM is dead

 

(he said this). Also, he mentioned in the beginning of the convo that many

 

people told him when a girl loves a man so much they will do anything to be

 

with him. Destroy his family etc. He said that is me. Asked me to drop his

 

clothes off at his barn right now... And we started discussing textor again..

 

He blamed me... We got into an argument and I hung up the phone on him.

 

Sent him two text messages and told him to have a safe summer and good

 

luck in your life, good bye.. (Also mentioned in the text message-- YOU

 

(MM) were the one who told me to please wait for you, you loved me, I

 

have changed you.. I told you it was impossible. (he told me this in August))

 

Then I got a phone call 11:30PM asking me if I sent W videos? Or mentioned

 

them??? NO!!!!

 

When I got into my car this morning he left me a voicemail 8PM telling me

 

he was leaving for England. Sorry, he knows its his problem, but he is

 

leaving here. He spoke to W and he found a good job in England. Thank you

 

for everything, good-bye and good luck. BUT THEN WHY DID HE FEEL IT

 

NECESSARY FOR HIM TO CALL ME 9:30PM AT NIGHT WHEN HE LEFT HIS

 

GOOD BYE MESSAGE! AND HE CALLED MY HOUSE NOT CELL AGAIN

[twinsmom]

I couldn't even finish reading your entire post, because it was so much of the same old, same old...You say you don't want the drama, but it is apparent that you do. You seem to thrive on it! Please don't tell us that you're through, that you're done with him, etc., etc. It is so obvious that you're not. I admire Fooled Once so much for trying to get through to you, to bolster you, but it's sad that she has failed to do so. You know something? I would have dropped his ass way back when he kicked your horse. That alone tells you what kind of man (?) he is. Why do you continue to do this???

[twinsmom]

Alg, I just looked at your first post here. Do you even realize that this drama of "ending it" has been going on for almost a year??? And yet you are still nowhere close to ending it, nor do you seem to really want to.

[bananalaffytaffy]

I think you should ignore all the texting nonsense. I think it is drama he's created to torment you. He knows you didn't send the texts. He's doing this because you respond to it. And will continue to do so until you stop responding to it.

 

That guy can't leave the country fast enough. I hope you will get some help and start to heal once this jerk leaves. Until then, I'd stop all contact. That seems to be very hard for you for some reason that I can not comprehend.

 

Best wishes,

BLT

[alg24]

It is the same old same. I know that.

 

I kept away for awhile... But he makes it so hard.

 

Yes I freak, I am hurt, and the pain is deep. But I do not enjoy this in anyway shape or way.

 

He knows how to push me, and pull me in... He knows me.. That is not an excuse.

 

I kept away for awhile and ignore him but then he knows how to pull me back in

 

Regardless... Today (friday) I have luckily not heard from him. I have not called him or text him.

 

Tomorrow (when he is suppose to leave) I am VERY busy. Won't even be in town

 

And I leave a week from Sunday =)

 

But thanks for the confidence.

 

I know I am pathetic and stupid. But don't think for a second I enjoy this.

[alg24]

I think its hard for me to let go of him because he has been a constant for me... Regardless good or bad he is always there. He can do the craziest things, me too, but he there. I have become dependent on him.. He is my drug. Not healthiest in anyway, but I latch onto him. When I have tried to get away he makes it difficult. So yea...

 

I am so screwed up.

 

I know how bad he is... Horrible person

 

But I can't let go.

 

Even if he was a great man it would be impossible

 

Even last night he told me I am a great girl, but its done. He does not want to be with me... So shouldn't that make it easy to walk away?

[alg24]

Also, I think it makes it hard for me because he was my first in many ways. Didn't have much experience before him. Then the herpes.. You think it would make me hate him but I am scared no one else wants me.

[whichwayisup]

Yes it should. He has told you it's over and he doesn't want to be with you. THAT'S tellling it as it is. Accept that and now let your ego and pride take over. If you continue to talk to him, email/text/ whatever with him, all that does is push him away and make it look like you're desparate.

 

This guy is a total scumbag and you are afraid of not feeling what you feel when you're with him. Problem is, whatever fantasy you've built him up to be, he is NOT that man. Never was and never will be.

 

Let go, grieve, cry, get therapy and deal with this.

 

It's over. Yes it hurts..He was your 'first' everything. Just know that you'll have other relationships, even better than this. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE. You're young, beautiful and full of life. Any guy (SINGLE) would be lucky to have you!

[alg24]

Thank you. Its just hard because when I keep away he comes around-- calling and text. Even yesterday- calling my house 11:30 at night to ask me if I sent W a video! Or leaving a vm at 8pm to say good bye and then calling 9:30pm to say it again

[bananalaffytaffy]

 

I know I am pathetic and stupid. But don't think for a second I enjoy this.

Dear, you are NOT pathetic and stupid. You thinking you are is what made you prime pickings for this sicko. Your MM pathetic and stupid. Hopefully once he leaves, you will realize how toxic he is. He's poison to you.

[BB07]

Also, I think it makes it hard for me because he was my first in many ways. Didn't have much experience before him. Then the herpes.. You think it would make me hate him but I am scared no one else wants me.

 

Alg.......you've got to stop this. You are not pathetic and stupid, but your choices regarding this man aren't smart. Now about the herpes, it was devastating I'm sure but it is NOT a death sentence nor is it something that will keep you from being in other GOOD relationships in your life. I strongly advise you to talk to a counselor about all this stuff and yes the herpes too. It and this man have damaged your self esteem. DO NOT let him or it take anything else away from you.

 

Hugs......

[fooled once]

Hello you!

 

I hope you are doing better today....

 

Take things one day at a time.

 

STOP calling yourself pathetic. You aren't; your actions might be but you aren't.

 

For whatever reason, you are putting your self worth in his hands. TAKE IT BACK. He is not the be-end all of anything. He is an abusive jerk. He is a man old enough to know how to behave - he isn't a 19 year old - he is almost 40 for heaven's sake.

 

Stop letting him dictate your actions. Stop letting him rule your life.

 

Don't listen to his voicemails. Don't respond to him in anyway.

 

He isn't done with you yet -- you aren't at your rock bottom and he hasn't broken you all the way. Guard yourself against him. Please

 

(hugs)

[alg24]

Thank you. Yes, I am doing that.

 

He called four times today. (I thought he was calling in regards to his clothes/duffle bag) I called him back... He answered. Asked me where I've been.. Asked if I've heard from textor (I said no) he told me has a little. Told me he doesn't know what to think. I told him "I've told you many times it is not me, believe what you want. I am tired of defending myself." He told me he did not know what to believe. I was about to mention clothes.. He then told me he had to go, he was at work. I cleaned out my extra car (literally took everything out) put his duffle bag of clothes in the back and unlock car. At the end of the day I answered phone when he called. He was harsh "Where are my clothes?" I started to tell him I was not going to his barn at night... He threatened me that he has a text from me regarding his clothes.. I better drop them off at his barn tonight. He does not want anymore problems. I am fuc**** crazy. And told me I need help. Then said "Do not text me" and hung up phone. I sent a text "Listen, PLEASE leave me alone. Time to take responsibility for your actions. Your clothes/bag are in the back of the yukon (car is unlock) go and get them when you have a chance. Good bye and have a great life." He turned off extra cell phone before messages sent (did not get a check mark) so that is that. Why could he have mentioned clothes when he called 4 times before? Only reason I answered. Well he knows where the clothe are... He can get them if he wants.

[alg24]

just drove home to from night-check on my horse...

 

Textor wrote me-- guess forwarded a text.. Sum up 100% MM thinks I am textor. I am not and I hope this sicko is found. But MM thinks I am the sicko. And I guess MM asked textor who this friend was (said a name... guess they texted as well?) And I have a friend the same name... So yea... It just hurts that this is the way it ended after 2yrs 3 months.. It needed to end. But hurts he thinks I did it.

 

But I guess this is what finally ends it.

[pureinheart]

Hey alg...he has your heart and he knows it...this reminds me of "traumatic bonding" ....it is so frustrating for you because each time you are sincere about ending it and then he calls (or communicates) and it's too hard for you right now to let go...it's like you have to play it out until a miracle takes place and you totally walk.

 

Until then just keep posting as this is your only outlet...that's what this forum is for, don't feel bad or embarrassed....

[bentnotbroken]

This is about one of the saddest longest stories of self abuse I have ever read. This MM person is inconsequential in the drama. This is about the OP not caring enough for herself to get the away from this. She needs this to survive. Ever heard negative attention is better than no attention at all. She feels she is invisible and she needs to be recognized. Where is the self love? Where is the self respect? Where is the self support? Nothing these things will come from an outside source if you don't have them inside first. Get whatever help you need to love yourself. Counseling, prayer or whatever it takes. It is time you stop spinning the wheel.