Tail between my legs...

[alg24]

are you even reading these? because you act like you don't even acknowledge what people have typed.

 

what are YOU going to do to change ALL of this? YOU, and only YOU.

 

start doing something instead of complaining. take action.

 

be precise about what that is going to look like - then do it.

 

 

Of course I have read EVERY post 2-3 times. And the wisdom, advice, and input it BEYOND helpful and amazing.

 

I am sorry if I seem to be a whining brat.. I will stop posting...

 

I do NOT enjoy this drama in anyway. I just hurts. Regardless I spent a long time with this person. I have emotion and feelings tied in it. Its not easy to just say okay, smiles, good-bye. It needs to be done. Of course its the most toxic ****ed up relationship in the world. But it hurts beyond beyond beyond. I feel like I am falling through ice.

[bentnotbroken]

I would like to shake you until your teeth rattle or your brain stem repairs the short circuit that is happening. I have he urge to get some cheese. Listen why type, vent whatever if all you are ever going to do is talk about what you are "NEED" to do without every doing any of it? Get some professional help...now. Tell your father or anyone else who will help you.

[bentnotbroken]

Of course I have read EVERY post 2-3 times. And the wisdom, advice, and input it BEYOND helpful and amazing.

 

I am sorry if I seem to be a whining brat.. I will stop posting...

 

I do NOT enjoy this drama in anyway. I just hurts. Regardless I spent a long time with this person. I have emotion and feelings tied in it. Its not easy to just say okay, smiles, good-bye. It needs to be done. Of course its the most toxic ****ed up relationship in the world. But it hurts beyond beyond beyond. I feel like I am falling through ice.

 

 

You aren't falling through ice, you are banging your head against it. Either you will get it or knock yourself out.

[alg24]

rejection hurts - sure - but that is part of living. get on with life - move forward and stop relying on others for all of your needs. you need to start getting your needs met from YOU.

 

 

Of course. But clearly I do not value myself as a person and I need to start working on myself. As I mentioned this "relationship" is not about MM. Its about me and what I feel I am lacking.

 

And of course the rejection hurts BUT leave me alone. I keep away from him, do the same.

[alg24]

You aren't falling through ice, you are banging your head against it. Either you will get it or knock yourself out.

 

I have banged my head so hard I think we are talking major brain damage! j/k =)

 

I just need to stop feeling sorry for myself and suck i up. Stop complaining and move forward. Pain and hurt is part of the process. Thats being human. But instead of running back to him when I feel sad or hurt embrace the pain, shows I am human, remember the bad and move forward.

[2sunny]

Of course. But clearly I do not value myself as a person and I need to start working on myself. As I mentioned this "relationship" is not about MM. Its about me and what I feel I am lacking.

 

And of course the rejection hurts BUT leave me alone. I keep away from him, do the same.

 

so when do you start the counseling?

 

what exactly are you planning to do to start taking care of you first?

[alg24]

so when do you start the counseling?

 

what exactly are you planning to do to start taking care of you first?

 

I have been working with someone via phone (I used him when I was up north and I feel very comfortable with him) Since I am planning to move back north for the summer when I get back north start doing some hard core counseling.

 

the next week MM and I are in the same town (he might be leaving Wednesday) I am going to avoid at all costs. Pretty much keep away from my barn. I am working full days.

[whichwayisup]

Yes it hurts..But everyone posting to you has been hurt at some point in their life. Either by being the OW, or a MW, or just being in a 'one on one' relationship without the affair dynamtic. Feeling hurt and losing someone you love SUCKS. We all understand that. But, reality is, you're hanging onto this guy who is a real jerk. He is a liar, a cheater, a betrayer, a user, into drinking, drugs, is bi polar and is really messed up. How he makes/made you feel DOES NOT MATTER ANYMORE. Trust me, if you can stay away from him completely and get help, talk to a professional so you can gain strength, gain self confidence, heal your wounds and insecurities, you WILL get past this.

 

My dad controls the family plan... Nothing I can do about it...

Yes, there is something you can do about it. Smash your phone into a million pieces. Your dad has no control over that. Atleast this way MM has NO way of contacting you anymore. Just do it. Your dad doesn't need to know you smashed the phone - All you tell him is, the phone is gone, either someone stole it or it fell out of your purse somewhere... If he refuses to get you another phone, buy your own.

 

A, please tell me, and be honest. what is stopping you from smashing your phone? If I were there with you, I'd smash your phone for you.

[2sunny]

I have been working with someone via phone (I used him when I was up north and I feel very comfortable with him) Since I am planning to move back north for the summer when I get back north start doing some hard core counseling.

 

the next week MM and I are in the same town (he might be leaving Wednesday) I am going to avoid at all costs. Pretty much keep away from my barn. I am working full days.

 

and what strides have you made for change through counseling?

 

it is about change... if you haven't changed anything - i would suggest getting a counselor that's not just doing idle listening to you - but is requiring you to address changes in your life - changes that are designed to make your life better and happier.

 

and the MM - who cares where he is - pretend like he died... or doesn't exist. even if he tries to talk or see you - do not allow him to re-enter your world.

 

drop his things off on a corner and tell him where he can find his things. if he can't get them he'll get someone else to within five minutes - i guarantee it.

[alg24]

A, please tell me, and be honest. what is stopping you from smashing your phone? If I were there with you, I'd smash your phone for you.

 

 

I have not honestly smashed my cell phone because I need it for work. BUT I will tell you the truth. Right now my cell phone is in my car. My house phone is UNplugged. I have set my alarm clock for tomorrow 4:30AM (ughh!) but I do not have any phones with me. Tomorrow when I go to work I will use it. When I do not need it, it stays in the car.

[alg24]

and what strides have you made for change through counseling?

 

it is about change... if you haven't changed anything - i would suggest getting a counselor that's not just doing idle listening to you - but is requiring you to address changes in your life - changes that are designed to make your life better and happier.

 

and the MM - who cares where he is - pretend like he died... or doesn't exist. even if he tries to talk or see you - do not allow him to re-enter your world.

 

drop his things off on a corner and tell him where he can find his things. if he can't get them he'll get someone else to within five minutes - i guarantee it.

 

We had discussed change. He feels coming home for a little while would be a good thing. The six months MM and myself are in different states/countries will be an excellent time for me to heal and grow. The change in surroundings helping me. And then when I come back down to the same seasonal town next year hopefully I will have had the growth. (Not to mention due to MM quieting job we will not be barn neighbors next year!! =))

[2sunny]

We had discussed change. He feels coming home for a little while would be a good thing. The six months MM and myself are in different states/countries will be an excellent time for me to heal and grow. The change in surroundings helping me. And then when I come back down to the same seasonal town next year hopefully I will have had the growth. (Not to mention due to MM quieting job we will not be barn neighbors next year!! =))

 

ok that's a start.

 

delete his number. block it for assurance. do it right now... i will wait here while you get this done. let me know when you have accomplished this very simple task that will be the beginning of taking care of yourself.

[SarahRose]

ok that's a start.

 

delete his number. block it for assurance. do it right now... i will wait here while you get this done. let me know when you have accomplished this very simple task that will be the beginning of taking care of yourself.

 

 

I'm in late on this but

 

why don't you just get your house phone and mobile phone numbered changed? That would be a huge step in getting of of the cycle.

[2sunny]

I'm in late on this but

 

why don't you just get your house phone and mobile phone numbered changed? That would be a huge step in getting of of the cycle.

 

if you read her posts she says that her Dad controls all of that. that's a whole other story.

[SarahRose]

if you read her posts she says that her Dad controls all of that. that's a whole other story.

 

maybe she should tell her Dad what is going on. Tell him someone is stalking her or something like that.