The Art of Infidelity...

[Lizzie60]

Here are 10 rules for a great affair. (funny but true) (taken somewhere on the Internet).. feel free to add any rules you might have read somewhere or that you are observing yourself..

 

 

Rule #1

 

Don't change your routine

Although you may want to spend more time with your lover, don't mysteriously start working late or putting in over time on Saturday mornings.. If this has not been past practice, now is not the time to begin.

 

Rule #2

 

Maintain a reasonable interest in your spouse and family

Keep things on a even keel. Don't become overly attentive in an attempt to mask disinterest. Plaster a friendly smile on your face, feign interest in the nosy neighbours, your wife's sponge cake, and the backyard garden. No one needs to know that the real reason for your smile is not the tulips, but rather the memory of your lover's two lips..

 

Rule #3

 

Secure an iron clad alibi

You may have to elicit the support of a good friend to cover your azz... when your pants are down. Someone your spouse trusts and likes is ideal, but not always wise. Your friend may eventually feel conflicting loyalties, not to mention down right jealousy. A friend known to your spouse, but not necessarily chummy may work best. all you really need is someone who can vouch for your whereabouts or give you a reason to go out on an overnight excursion three weekends in a row.

 

Rule #4

 

Don't become overly conscientious about your appearance

A new lover usually inspires us to take better care of ourselves. Resist. If your nose hairs are more prominent than the hairs on your chinny chin-chin, so be it. Don't trade-in your tighty whities for Calvin Klein body briefs. These changes, although they may seem minor, couples with other changes in your life act like a beacon suggesting to even a self-absorbed wife the possibility of an affair.

 

Rule #5

 

Love lavishly, spend moderately

Establish your own bank and credit accounts. Don't tell your spouse! Keep these items for use with your lover, but spend moderately. Try to have your new financial accounts mailed to a P.O. Box number or your office address. If your spouse discovers your new credit cards or uncovers expensive items you have purchased for your lover, il will very hard to explain these items. It's unlikely that your spouse will believe that the Victoria's Secret purchases were cable knit wool sweaters for your Aunt Margret.

 

Rule #6

 

Don't show off in bed

Your girlfriend may enjoy your new found sexual liberation, but your wife won't. On the contrary, she may be more interested in knowing how you learned everything, rather than experiencing your newly discovered sexual knowledge. Keep things on the down-low with your spouse. If missionary is what kept the fires burning in the early days, keep doing it, even if your have to stifle yawns. Don't try to introduce your spouse to 69 unless you are picking lottery numbers. Save the Khuma Sutra for your lover.

 

Rule #7

 

Avoid obvious changes in interests and habits

When you begin an affair, the excitement of being with a new person who has different interests and different ways of doing things, often spills over into your own life. Be mindful not to acquire too many of your new lovers's tastes, attitudes and behaviours.

 

Rule #8

 

Involve your family with the New You

If you decide you want to improve your body and a gym membership is the answer, encourage your spouse to join the gym too. Keep your family involved in any changes you make to your physical appearance, spiritual well being, or professional life. Never embark on activities that will set you apart from the family or your spouse.

 

Rule #9

 

Communicate your needs and desires with your lover

Be sure that your lover wants the same things out of the affair. Don't get caught in a fatal attraction. Venus and Mars not only want different things out of marriage, they also want very different things from affairs. A man may say he lacks an emotional bond with his wife and needs that from his lover. What he wants, however, is a physical connection that provides sexual gratification. Women on the other hand want an emotional connection. They are happy to forgo sexual intimacy but not romance.

 

Rule #10

 

Have fun and enjoy yourself

An affair should feel good. If it doesn't, find a better lover. Every moment should give you an unbearable lightness and sense of well being. When people start to ask why you seem so happy, tell them there must be something going around, and if they are lucky they will catch it too. Then wink, smile and saunter away.

[lolapalooza]

How come this is on the OW board instead of the Infidelity board? Don't most all mistresses and other women already know how to be discreet?

[always_searching]

How come this is on the OW board instead of the Infidelity board? Don't most all mistresses and other women already know how to be discreet?

 

Just in case they don't...

 

LOL, Lizzie60, I think it would be better to post this in the marriage/dating sections as a forewarning to women that their men may be sneaky-sneaky!

 

Rule 11: Avoid getting lover's lipstick, perfume, etc. on your clothing, especially if your wife does the laundry.

Edited April 8, 2010 by always_searching
Addition of rule

[Lizzie60]

always.. and jthorne.. those are good rules ..

 

The last time I saw 'scout dad'.. he told me not to wear perfume next time.. I forgot.. but I usually don't put too much... just a hint.

 

Bites.. too.. those scare the shyt out of them...

[Fallen Angel]

Doh! I think we have broken most of those rules. Except hopefully number 6 , number 9 and number 10.

 

We did once accidentally spill a bottle of my perfume in his suitcase as it was open on the floor in front of my dresser. He usually does his own laundry anyway, but you can still smell me everytime he opens his suitcase.

 

He also often goes to his house covered in my long blonde hairs (or those of my daughters, since we all shed them regularly.) and cat hair. (they don't own a cat )

 

It is a good thing he doesn't try very hard to hide our relationship, the effort involved would be tremendous!!!

[Lizzie60]

Oh I just thought of another rule.

 

Be careful who you choose as an AP... stay away from psychos... if things don't turn out her way (like leaving your family 3 weeks later)... you might be in big trouble...

[always_searching]

Oh I just thought of another rule.

 

Be careful who you choose as an AP... stay away from psychos... if things don't turn out her way (like leaving your family 3 weeks later)... you might be in big trouble...

 

 

I don't know...I always thought Glenn Close was enduring in Fatal Attraction!

[Fallen Angel]

 

I don't know...I always thought Glenn Close was enduring in Fatal Attraction!

 

Enduring or Endearing?

 

Everyone loves a good bunnie boiler!!

[always_searching]

Enduring or Endearing?

 

Everyone loves a good bunnie boiler!!

 

Haha, well, I meant endearing, but she endured--up to a certain point--as well.

 

As far as bunny boiling: I've always thought it was rather nice of her to start dinner for the family!

Edited April 9, 2010 by always_searching

[Fallen Angel]

Haha, well, I meant endearing, but she endured--up to a certain point--as well.

 

As far as bunny boiling: I've always thought it was rather nice of her to start dinner for the family!

 

Absolutely! Add in a few carrots, onions and potatoes.. YUMMY!!!!

[greengoddess]

Sad sad sad list of deception. Who would want to live a lie like that.

 

Come on ow's you really want to be with a man who plays a little game like this with his family? Cruel, evil, disgusting. Why would you want to be with someone who is capable of this level of deception?

[Lizzie60]

Sad sad sad list of deception. Who would want to live a lie like that.

 

Come on ow's you really want to be with a man who plays a little game like this with his family? Cruel, evil, disgusting. Why would you want to be with someone who is capable of this level of deception?

 

 

Who is he deceiving? not me.. not her... (she has no idea).

[greengoddess]

Who is he deceiving? not me.. not her... (she has no idea).

 

OMG Lizzie just because she does not know does not mean he is not deceiving her. Ummmm that IS the deception. She does not know and it is all planned out to a little science of lies. They list almost sounds pathological and it is what those in an affair strive to do every day. That list gave me the shivers.

 

I would never want to be with a man who so cruely and calculatingly plans his daily interactions around a lie, A lie that I help him commit.

[Lizzie60]

OMG Lizzie just because she does not know does not mean he is not deceiving her. Ummmm that IS the deception. She does not know and it is all planned out to a little science of lies. They list almost sounds pathological and it is what those in an affair strive to do every day. That list gave me the shivers.

 

I would never want to be with a man who so cruely and calculatingly plans his daily interactions around a lie, A lie that I help him commit.

 

Never say never... I would say that most MMs NEVER EVER get caught...

[SouthernSunshine]

Oh yes, the scratch marks, and perfume... whooopsies! One time I had a little too much perfume on, so when we were together he just laid back while I was on top. He didn't put his arms around me at all, just kept them behind his head. LOL! Then another time I scratched his back up pretty badly, completely unintentional.. I was drinking! He cut me off for a little while after that. *sigh*

[2sunny]

Who is he deceiving? not me.. not her... (she has no idea).

 

even if the wife can't prove he's cheating - there is usually that gut feeling that she KNOWS. she just knows - even if she can't find the proof... sometimes his energy is more than she can ignore.

 

 

distracted energy, distorted energy, confused and broken energy... there is a reason for everything - once known, then it all makes sense.

[Lizzie60]

even if the wife can't prove he's cheating - there is usually that gut feeling that she KNOWS. she just knows - even if she can't find the proof... sometimes his energy is more than she can ignore.

 

 

distracted energy, distorted energy, confused and broken energy... there is a reason for everything - once known, then it all makes sense.

 

 

I happen to think that sometimes.. it is absolutely impossible to know...

[lolapalooza]

even if the wife can't prove he's cheating - there is usually that gut feeling that she KNOWS. she just knows - even if she can't find the proof... sometimes his energy is more than she can ignore.

 

 

distracted energy, distorted energy, confused and broken energy... there is a reason for everything - once known, then it all makes sense.

Nope. Don't buy it. I was in a R with a MM for over 3 years. His W never had a clue. But then again, I knew someone who got caught the first time, so... I guess it all depends upon how much you want to protect what you have.

[northstar1]

I think most women know their spouses might be cheating, and they are either in denial, or they don't want to actually know more because they don't want to upend their lives if they act on it.

[lolapalooza]

Another Rule:

Always make sure to purge all electronic devices of texts, emails, call logs.

 

Such a simple rule, and always seems to get broken.

[greengoddess]

Oh yes, the scratch marks, and perfume... whooopsies! One time I had a little too much perfume on, so when we were together he just laid back while I was on top. He didn't put his arms around me at all, just kept them behind his head. LOL! Then another time I scratched his back up pretty badly, completely unintentional.. I was drinking! He cut me off for a little while after that. *sigh*

 

Omg please please examine this. Is this really what you want?? A man who won't hold you at all during sex and just lays back because his WIFE might smell you? A man who cuts you off because you put a mark on him during sex? Southern sunshine you are beautiful. Why do you want to be treated this way? This is not cute or fun. This is totally disrespectful to you and shows he is thinking about his wife and getting caught while with you. The thrill of the illicit. This makes me so sad. Please see it please.

[greengoddess]

Nope. Don't buy it. I was in a R with a MM for over 3 years. His W never had a clue. But then again, I knew someone who got caught the first time, so... I guess it all depends upon how much you want to protect what you have.

 

If his wife never had a clue then he never even skipped a beat at home. Doesn't that kind of show how little you impacted his life? Are you with another mm now?

[Lizzie60]

I think most women know their spouses might be cheating, and they are either in denial, or they don't want to actually know more because they don't want to upend their lives if they act on it.

 

A lot of women assume that they would know if their H cheated... the reality is very different... some women even after years... didn't see it coming...

[CrissyQ]

If W/GF or OW call always deny,dent,deny.

 

One time this costumers OW called me, and I knew he was M and had a OW,so I told her (Yes I know Mr.8888 I had a conference call with him concerning his daughter is this Mrs.8888 she got nervous and said ahhh yes sorry to bother you I was just checking in to see how things went)

MM told me his OW was asking about my number which he accidentally left at her place she calls and tells him hey you left this number here is it important he told her no im done with it just throw it away for me,instead she calls it,of course she has no idea that MM knows she called it because she thinks I was his daughters teacher and she never mentioned to him she called it.

 

The perfume thing is classic,if MM has my perfume on him he tells OW its his W's perfume and he tells W you know I have alot of female employees.

[BlueeyedJonesy]

This post speaks volumes about some women on this forum...

 

most of you don't deserve support or respect if you look at this as a game..the lives you have damaged..it will all come back around.

 

I will pray for all of you:)