kylesgirl Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 I dont know what to do. I love my boyfriend but I feel very insecure. He is away at coolege during the week and I pick him up on the weekands because he is only an hour away. I just feel so insecure that he lives the whole college life and Im in a 40 hour a week job.... I cant help but feel jealous that he is doing so well for himself and Im not. He goes to parties and hangs out with people alot and we kinda get into arguments on the phone because of me because I dont want to let him off the phone sometimes. He says he loves me. I just worry he is going to meet a girl thats way better than me.....he says thats not possible...but when your insecure like me...its believeable. What can I do to trust that he wants me and only me. I have a hard time believeing he loves when he says it. I really believe I have alot of emotional problems. any advice>? Link to post Share on other sites
donnist Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 I have the same problem... I feel so unsure of myself that if anybody comes along and meet eyes with my mate the gears start winding and I start to watch for signs of flirting etc... Just because he is away in school doing what everybody does when they don't really want to think about school you feel jealous? Nooooo... enjoy you.. enjoy your friends... make spending your days without worthwhile...not moping. I think you need enjoy yourself right now... when you focus on you love too much it starts to seem like you love him more than he loves you. Get out and do you. Go out with your friends and try not to think too much of or call him. Pretty soon you will realize that you have a life of your own and you don't have to be around him all the time. If he is going to cheat or be interested in someone else then he is... you cannot stop that. Maybe you can handle the long distance relationships? How long have you two been going out? Does he know how you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
juju Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 yea that sucks...that happened to me, i mean i lived for this guy and i went to a community college and he went to a university. I didnt even want to go to college i wanted to move in with him and get a job. But we broke up and im so glad i went to college. My best advice would be that if u are happy working but just feel jealous then remember he loves you, if you feel like youd like to better yourself then do it! i know it would boost ur self esteem. I also want to tell you to live for urself. Be your own personal best and dont feel like anyone is better than you, especially your boyfriend. Oh and about "college life" and all that nonsense, dont let that bother you, i have more fun renting a movie with my girlfriends than all those parties. Link to post Share on other sites
The Velvet Vixen Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 Like donnist said...don't focus on your boyfriend so much. If you make him the only important aspect of your life, then you will start to believe that if you ever lose him then your life will be over. The thought will fill you with panic, and you will become obsessed with his every thought and move. Eventually, he will feel smothered and will pull away from you, and you will have created the very situation that you are trying too hard to prevent—losing him. He needs to have his own life and his own space, and so do you. You should try to find something in your life other than your boyfriend that is really important to you—i.e., your future goals—and focus on that instead. Remind yourself that you had a life before your boyfriend came into it, and your life will go on if at some point in the future he is no longer in it. Link to post Share on other sites
kylesgirl Posted January 18, 2004 Share Posted January 18, 2004 We have been going out for 10 months. I understand he needs his own life and I need mine...but I just feel left out because I dont attend any parties and I feel socially uncool. I cant attend college right now because I have many bills to pay at this time and need to work full time ( I did attend community college for 4 semesters and did decent) and also I have a child and he is a handful. He is cool with my son as well. He is pretty good with him . We are supposed to move in together in the summer sometime. I only have like 2 friends that I hang out with and I dont have much time when i do. My life is very hectic and sometimes I cant stand that his life is so much better than mine. I know I sound like a jealous fool. I cant help it though.I have told him that I feel kinda jealous at him sometimes but not sounding mean or anything...just basically saying how proud I am of how he does so well. Im afraid my constant moodyness lately is going to drive him away from me. I have mood swings. I think I suffer from chronic depression. Every guy I have ever been with has hurt me....and I just believe that my guy ineveitably will do the same. I have let him know how I feel about my insecuritys....he just thinks I have some emotional problems and I just need someone to speak to like a counseler. I have had one ......all she did was compliment me and just try to make me feel better...it just felt like she was just telling me what I wanted to hear..so I stopped seeing her. My mother has mental problems so I believe I have inherited something from her. I just feel so damn worthless sometimes in his eyes. He does so well and he is confident.....and he is so great....Im the total oppisite. I feel like a dumbass when he speaks to me...he is so smart and uses words that I dont understand.....and speaks of things I have no clue about....he has great tastes in movies and music and the stuff I like he doesnt much care for. I just feel like he is so much better than me and He shouldnt be with me cause Im so pitiful.I know this sounds so pathetic but Its truely is how I feel alot. I just dont know what to do.....any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
kylesgirl Posted January 18, 2004 Share Posted January 18, 2004 also when I say all this stuff to him like feeling pathetic he tells me its not true and he thinks Im really smart and so on....just trying to make me feel better but I really cant believe it....why? Link to post Share on other sites
KYLESGIRL Posted January 18, 2004 Share Posted January 18, 2004 JUST NEEDING SOME ADVICE ON THIS' Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 18, 2004 Share Posted January 18, 2004 I would think it's actually a hindrance to the relationship if he gets to feeling as though he has to constantly lift you up emotionally. I am more of a confident up-beat person and I really feel wore out if I go out with someone who needs me to keep reminding them they aren't a loser. I start feeling like I'm out with a whiny 4 year old. I didn't mean that in a bad way.....I was just trying to convey that it's HARD to be around someone who doesn't think very much of them self. It starts coming across as a form of pity seeking and needing continuous reassurance. It feels like a JOB being around them....instead of just enjoying their company and having a good time. Take some time to list your good qualities, build some new ones, work on whatever physical area of yourself you aren't happy with, get a new hairdo, read some self esteem books. Find an interest or hobby which makes you feel special. Try to be all you can be....so you DON'T become an emotional burden to him. Be fun, enthusiastic and happy. If you DO say something negative about yourself....make it into a joke....but don't let the whole conversation or relationship be 'all about you being unhappy with yourself and feeling less than'. NO ONE regardless of their knowledge or tastes ...is better than someone else. LEARN from him with enthusiasm....not feelings of low esteen. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts