Two Years Since Breakup

[northstar1]

Wow, I just realized that it is nearly two years since my ex and I broke up.

 

It is amazing how I can look back now with no pain and remorse, just a reflection on how I handled things, what I learned and what I want/deserve.

 

The first few months after the breakup were filled with: sleepless nights, dreams of her nearly every night, constant raw feeling in my stomach, lack of desire for the things I enjoyed in life. I contacted my ex, I followed her on Facebook. All the mistakes. I felt like I'd lost the best thing in my life. I spent days on end on LS, looking for help, and fellow misery and company.

For 6 months, I honestly felt I was going crazy and would never not feel depressed and angry. I raged against the world.

 

 

Some people on here were amazingly helpful and gave me tough love that at the time I partially rejected, because "I knew better inside". CaliGuy was probably the one who really kicked me in the pants and I appreciate it.

 

Finally, after wallowing in my self pity, and depression and losing weight and all that crap - I turned a corner

 

Went full NC - took up hobbies, went on trips, reconnected with friends, took up exercise and got myself in the best shape of my life.

Got my sh(t together and got my life back on track.

 

8 months later, was ready to date again, and gave it a go, and met my current gf, who I am in a very happy relationship with. I've learned alot about by myself, and what I want and what I need to give for a healthy relationship.

 

I think of my ex from time to time when I see old mutual acquaintances, and actually hope she's happy. I have no desire to contact her at all anymore, nor do I feel any lingering sadness/anger. Time really does help you move on and realize that in your life people come and go. And when they go, sometimes you need to let them go and close that chapter in life.

 

Those who are still struggling, I can tell you it does, and will get better.

[CleverName]

That is the way it happens, isn't it? I am almost there myself; finally past the acute-pain part and recognizing the me I was before all of this.

 

Lord knows that you think there is no way you are going to make it. And then you do. What a wonderful feeling.

 

Best to you!

[northstar1]

That is the way it happens, isn't it? I am almost there myself; finally past the acute-pain part and recognizing the me I was before all of this.

 

Lord knows that you think there is no way you are going to make it. And then you do. What a wonderful feeling.

 

Best to you!

 

It really is. It takes a while (some longer than others) to finally realize you will get past the pain.

 

I think they key comes when you realize your happiness is not tied to one person - but comes from you.

[CleverName]

I stumbled across this site while I was surfing "do they come back" types of sites and found the No Contact Guide For The Long Walk post from a few years back; it, and this site, have been a tremendous help to me in realizing that yes, it is up to me to accept and move on.

 

Right now I have lingering feelings of sadness but the soul-crushing has blessedly ceased.

[2yearsNC]

i'm 2 years as well. my story is similar to yours, almost the same.

2 years, 2 weeks NC.

 

i've been single for about 10 months now, post break up i was to hurt and focuysed on getting back a girlfriend, so foolish i passed up on allot of females, searching for her to return and in the process i lost it all.

 

she never came back or contacted me. the only upside is that i got to curse/throw her out before she broke me completely. tuff little girl, i did not know she had that power over me but what can you do? you live and learn.......

 

but yeah 2 years nc, allot of feelings are gone, hopefully i can avoid her another few years, long enough for me to forget.

 

i wonder why she started cheating and took so long to leave.... i never figured out why she stayed, i guess it was for the money.

 

other than that, i'm pretty much OK with everything and what happen. that girl was cool, she did mess up my head severely.

[sunshinegirl]

Northstar, it's great to hear your update! I'm really happy for you.

 

My breakup was about two years ago too...I went through a lot of the same obsessive grieving that you describe. But today, I can say I am actually thankful for what the ex did to me, because it kicked my butt into therapy to figure out why on earth I kept picking guys like him.

 

Over the next year, I learned a ton about me, reclaimed my life and my happiness (with or without a relationship), worked on "reprogramming" my man-picker, and not long afterwards, my "other half" proverbially walked into my life - when I wasn't looking for him. And we are getting married this fall!

 

So, to those who are in the horrible throes of an awful breakup, hang in there!! It is so, so true that "The only way out is through" - and if you do the work on yourself and don't let yourself get sucked down into a permanent state of bitterness, cynicism, and pessimism, I can pretty much guarantee that you will emerge from this hell a better, wiser, happier person.

[threebyfate]

Maybe we humans have these clock off points, when it comes to severance of ties that bind, whether it's pain from betrayal like infidelity or betrayal of "I will love you forever".

 

I got over wanting to be with the ex-H pretty quickly, since the thought of him ever touching me again was revolting. It took me six months after divorce, to give up the dream of forever and a happy marriage.

 

It took a little over two years to address trust issues caused by infidelity and another piss poor choice in my life. But my luck held in that when I was ready, I met someone worth every hurt.

 

But once again, it is interesting that six months and two years are significant for some individuals.