Author shadowplay Posted April 15, 2010 Author Share Posted April 15, 2010 HEY! Throw a glass of cold water over your head! Slap yourself! Have someone shake you by the shoulders - What is this?? Stop. Stop talking to him. HE's WEAK. He's said NOTHING about how he's not going to kowtow to his family anymore. He hasn't apologized for treating you like C R A P. His word is worth NOTHING - remember how he has twice made promises to your face and immediately rescinded. Find your inner strength, SP. Re-read the threads where everyone here has universally and unanimously agreed that he is a dick and you are better off without him. Re-focus on the bad crap - NONE of that has changed. You're letting him push your emotional buttons. I believe you're stronger than this, and smarter than this. Ha, you're totally right. I totally needed that. I think I just weaken when I see him in class. Time to get my head straight. Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 Ha, you're totally right. I totally needed that. I think I just weaken when I see him in class. Time to get my head straight. You're welcome. It's very important to keep your head straight. I get it, that emotions can feel so overwhelming and you only think of the warm fuzzy stuff, but IT'S NOT THE REAL STORY. Never ever EVER forget that at your first real sign of vulnerability and humanity he threw you to the curb like trash, repeatedly made promises that he immediately broke, and is now doing you the "favor" of maybe giving you another chance. That is SUCH TOTAL HORSE CRAP that he really deserves a stinging slap across the face, spit on his shoes, and never another word or look from you ever again. You deserve much more. Believe me, I say this as someone who has been in your shoes and longed to get back together with someone who was truly a douchebag - but I saw him as some awesome prize because I was too close to it and too emotionally sucked in. Now that I have found real, honest, reciprocal, deep love from a man I respect and admire, I know what it is to be treated well and I SHUDDER to think about what life would have been like with the douche. My D would NEVER EVER EVER EVER do such hurtful things to me as your man-child has done to you (or douche did to me). THAT is what real, healthy, solid love is, and what you should hold out for. DON'T SETTLE FOR THIS LITTLE TWIT. He's NOT amazing, he's NOT wonderful, he's nowhere close to perfect, and neither was your relationship. [/end supportive rant] Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 I agree. Nothing's going to change unless he tries to work on himself - and there was no mention of that whatsoever. I really hope you'll find someone one day who is able to love you without being screwed up inside, SP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shadowplay Posted April 17, 2010 Author Share Posted April 17, 2010 So we talked again today and left still at an impasse. He said he will probably try an actual relationship with me in a few weeks, but wouldn't even commit to that because he said it made him nervous to think about. I left feeling ****ty. I've decided enough is enough, and I'm telling him tonight that I'm no longer interested in anything with him (which I'm sure will make him happy). I realized that the whole worrying about me was probably just a pretext to fear of commitment. That'll take years to change, and hell knows I'm not waiting around for him to grow up. Blah. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted April 17, 2010 Share Posted April 17, 2010 No. No no! No no no! No no no no! No no no no no! No no no no no no! No no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no! No no no no no no no no no no no! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Agree. 100%. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shadowplay Posted April 17, 2010 Author Share Posted April 17, 2010 Agree. 100%. Ha, yep. I'm already feeling like I'm kind of moving on. When I saw him today, I didn't feel much at all. I know I'll get flak for saying this but I might keep him around as a fwb because I'm lonely, but only on MY terms. I've lost interest in having a relationship with him, because I know it will take him forever to ever change...if he does. I've done this fade out approach before with guys, and it seems to work well in allowing me to detach without losing my **** for a month or two (which NC would do). Yes, I'll be using him, but I don't really give a fck after how he treated me. I was doing NC earlier, and it really wasn't working. I fear that going NC will interfere with my work now and I really need to concentrate over the next few weeks. I know that cutting off all contact while I'm trying to get stuff done will get in the way of my functioning, as it was earlier this week. He's one of the only people I know here, so I just feel overwhelmed with loneliness without anyone to talk to. Over the summer I'm hopefully moving into a place with roommates, which will provide me more of a people network. I'll play it by ear. If I'm wrong and I can't detach with the contact, then I'll cut him off. Link to post Share on other sites
CLC2008 Posted April 17, 2010 Share Posted April 17, 2010 Ha, yep. I'm already feeling like I'm kind of moving on. When I saw him today, I didn't feel much at all. I know I'll get flak for saying this but I might keep him around as a fwb because I'm lonely, but only on MY terms. I've lost interest in having a relationship with him, because I know it will take him forever to ever change...if he does. I've done this fade out approach before with guys, and it seems to work well in allowing me to detach without losing my **** for a month or two (which NC would do). Yes, I'll be using him, but I don't really give a fck after how he treated me. I was doing NC earlier, and it really wasn't working. I fear that going NC will interfere with my work now and I really need to concentrate over the next few weeks. I know that cutting off all contact while I'm trying to get stuff done will get in the way of my functioning, as it was earlier this week. He's one of the only people I know here, so I just feel overwhelmed with loneliness without anyone to talk to. Over the summer I'm hopefully moving into a place with roommates, which will provide me more of a people network. I'll play it by ear. If I'm wrong and I can't detach with the contact, then I'll cut him off. You sound better today shadow. I know you're still angry though but I think the FWB thing is a bad idea. You felt abandoned, dirt kicked in your face. Do you really want to put yourself in that type of situation.... Believe me, I thought about it myself a while back too. Only dated the guy for a couple of months. But, I am so glad I didn't because it would have made me feel even worse. Link to post Share on other sites
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