Stupid Rant on Trying to Cope with Loneliness

[CarrieT]

I admit it; part of why I hang out on LS is that reading others' woes makes my own solitude and singledom a little easier for me to deal with.

 

For those who don't know, I have been single for going on two years and have only dated a half-dozen times in the last two years -- and all of those dates came from sites and all were only single dates; no second dates. I've had a few FWB to get a little sexual release, but I have even given that up (since last November) as waking up alone has proven more depressing than even getting physical pleasure.

 

This afternoon, I was chatting with a neighbor in the laundry room and she is starting a Wedding Planning business (something I used to do). We started talking about one she is working on and I was happy to help her when she asked advice on video, catering, etc. But she started to tell me about how the couple got engaged and I tried to stop her; I explained that hearing such things are really hard for me right now and while I was perfectly fine helping her on the logistics of her business, I really didn't want to hear something that would make me cry.

 

Completely ignoring my request, she continues to tell me how the groom proposed to the bride in front of a bunch of people, all the while watching tears well up in my eyes.

 

Why is it, when you ask someone politely to change the subject, that is seemingly an encouragement for them to continue, even when they see it is causing tears?

[GrayClouds]

I admit it; part of why I hang out on LS is that reading others' woes makes my own solitude and singledom a little easier for me to deal with.

 

For those who don't know, I have been single for going on two years and have only dated a half-dozen times in the last two years -- and all of those dates came from sites and all were only single dates; no second dates. I've had a few FWB to get a little sexual release, but I have even given that up (since last November) as waking up alone has proven more depressing than even getting physical pleasure.

 

This afternoon, I was chatting with a neighbor in the laundry room and she is starting a Wedding Planning business (something I used to do). We started talking about one she is working on and I was happy to help her when she asked advice on video, catering, etc. But she started to tell me about how the couple got engaged and I tried to stop her; I explained that hearing such things are really hard for me right now and while I was perfectly fine helping her on the logistics of her business, I really didn't want to hear something that would make me cry.

 

Completely ignoring my request, she continues to tell me how the groom proposed to the bride in front of a bunch of people, all the while watching tears well up in my eyes.

 

Why is it, when you ask someone politely to change the subject, that is seemingly an encouragement for them to continue, even when they see it is causing tears?

 

Sorry Ct, people are self absorbed, me included. But if I can step out of that for bit let me suggest that while you may feel like your stuck in quicksand, slowly sinking, in fact you are making a transformation. And while I suspect patients my not be your strong suite, just give it a bit more time.

 

How can I know this. Here is one example, you just wrote about giving up FWB pursuits. You a state it as a cost benefit equation but what is also true, but unsaid, you have discover that your heart and soul is more important to you than simple physical gratification. That intimacy is more important then intensity. This is a discovery that communicate growth and enlightenment. Many people never get there. This as one example is how I know.

 

Seldom does this happen when we are happy and the world is our oyster. Pretty much only happens when the glass is looking half full. And as slow as this process is feeling at time, and as lonely as it feels at times, please understand, and I suspect you already do but sometime forget, your on your way to discover someone you can truly love. Your well on your way and when you get there, right after that happens someone else will be right there too.

 

Good luck, not that you need it, you got yourself.

[marlena]

It´s OK, Carrie. There are lots of us out there. It´s not so bad. Being coupled off is not all that it´s made out to be. Not always. It would be nice to find that special someone but if it doesn´t happen, that should not make life any less interesting.

 

Just relax, enjoy your own company, your friends, hobbies, interests and just sit back and watch life unravel its mysteries.