Is he worth 2nd chance?

[DNA86]

Dear All, please give me input or advice..

 

We started our relationship with LD. It's been a year that we've been in relationship. Everything went well in the beginning until the start of this year, he seemed to change (not sure if I'm being objectively here)..I accidentally saw his email to another girl saying that he really liked her coz he left in logged on(who is 3 years older than him), then I asked him nicely and asked him to tell me the truth. He just told me that he liked her as a friend, and I questioned if he has ever gone out with her just the two of them, and he said no. But I actually saw the other email that they went out just the two of them.

 

Cause I know he was lying, I made up a story that my friend saw him with a girl, just the two of them. He then confessed that he did in fact went out with the girl several times just the two of them but just as a friend. I questioned him if there's anymore lies and he said no. I told him that I do not restrict him from going out with the girl, all I want is simply an honesty. I told him I won't forgive him if he ever lies to me again.

 

But a week later, he told me that he in fact had a feeling for her. He was moved, but he said he could not see future with her and that he wants me and he can see me in her future.

 

The thing is I am not sure if he is telling me the truth. I don't have access to his emails or his mobile phone to confirm. All I know is from what he said.

 

The thing that worried me is that he is now very concern about his look (he is skinny and now attempting to do body building now). Is this a sign?

 

I still love him and want this relationship to work out. Sometimes I can feel that he is serious with me, sometimes I cannot feel it. Sometimes, I get paranoid and keep thinking about the emails he sent to her and the day I saw him preparing for the date with his favourite shirt, well-groomed.

 

Is he still worth the second chance? I know that it is my call at the end, but I just want to know what people think.. Cheers

[aerogurl87]

Short answer: No

 

Explanation: He lied, not once but twice and what he really wants is to have his cake (you) and eat it too (the girl on the side also). My ex pulled some crap like this although he was a lot more direct. He wanted to talk to other girls online because he said he felt trapped in our LDR. Then when I broke things off with him he got upset

[SaintDragon]

You shut the door and never look back, because he's a dawg and it really is that simple

 

How old are you both?.

 

My sister went through this twice.. "She's just a friend he would say"..then he got her knocked up and was sleeping with my sister at the same time. They can say I'm going to change all they want, but they're gonna play the field with you or without you.

 

Dump him fast, dump him hard and never look back...I promise if you stay with him you'll be wondering "what if" ALL THE TIME. He lied twice, he doesn't respect you at all and he's not going to change..don't buy into it. Pack his crap and throw it out the door.

 

Very sorry.

[DNA86]

He just turned 25, i'm one year younger than her...

thanks for the advice... At the moment, I am still pondering cause giving up is not as easy as I thought.. but at the same time, I do not want to be with someone whose heart doesn't belong to me...

[SueBee3490]

DNA -

 

I started my LDR actually was 1 1/2 yrs into it when I found out he had went out with someone else. Of course, me like you, couldn't check his computer, cell, etc. because we lived 450 miles apart. All I had to go on was his word. I too suspected something, confronted him, asked if he wanted to end our relationship. He said no, no, no. The other woman was a mistake and he wanted me. He would NEVER do that again. He saw how devastated I was because as I said, we were dating 1 1/2 yrs and I thought it was monogamous.

 

Mine also told me they just went out for, I think a few breakfasts. He worked night shift so would get off work at 7 am so that didn't seem at all odd. I asked if that was it and he assured me it was (lie, lie). I found out they had sex more than once and she even came to his house. His brother saw her and I felt so humiliated and embarassed when I then saw his brother because at that time I didn't know that he knew about her nor did I know she came to his house and they had sex! I was all lovey-dovey with my guy and his brother probably thought I was an idiot - knowing his brother was cheating on me.

 

Well we did get married because I put my trust in him again and I got burned badly. Of course since we were in the same home and I picked up on a few things - I checked our computer and found his "secret" email, etc. There were other women - I only found out about the ones that contacted him again. Who knows how many others there were that never contacted him again? My life has been s**t since. I tried 4 different counselors to help me cope. I trust nobody now - couldn't even seem to trust my children though it's been a while since finding this out so i am getting better at trusting them.

 

DNA I don't know how far you live from him but I would be very careful. I loved him so much that I wanted to believe him when he said this one was "just a friend" or that one who he talked to online was "nuts". He lied and lied. What hurt was he told all these women about his kids, family, job, hobbies, but not a mention of me. I didn't exist to him when I wasn't around.

 

Just be careful.

[eraser]

Is he still worth the second chance?

 

No. The only reason he says that he can't see a future with her is because she hasn't responded to him in the way that he wants her to. As soon as she does, you will be dropped. Save yourself the heartache.

[DNA86]

SueBee - the other girl knows that I existed, as his girlfriend..that's what making me confused...We are about 8 hours of flight away. Thanks for sharing your experience. Will definitely think carefully.

 

eraser - I guess you are right. I've asked him before, and he said he has confessed his feeling that there's something more than just friend, but the girl apologised and rejected him..Well, at least that's what he told me. the I asked him 'what if' she accepted him and what he would do, and he said he would date both.. T.T

That really breaks my heart.

[Rollercoasterr]

Honey, if you think that ALL girls care if you're this guys girlfriend then you need to wake up. There are lots of girls out there that don't care if a guy is married, let alone has a girlfriend.

 

He definitely doesn't deserve a second chance. He's lied to you twice. That is NEVER acceptable in a relationship.

 

But I've got a feeling you'll give him one anyway. I hope I'm wrong, but your posts give me the impression that you will.

 

Good luck.

[ADF]

He's proven himself to ba a liar and a cheater. If you take him back, he'll be a liar and a cheater who knows he can get away with it. No, he's not worth a second chance.

[SaintDragon]

DNA, just so you know, I went through this sort of thing with my sister, meaning I saw how much it hurt her . She was married, he lied, she gave another chance..then another. Finally he got his nighttime mistress pregnant and that was the end. He was all lies, cheating and I'm sorry this, I'm sorry that. He couldn't be trusted and my sister was tired mentally and physically with dealing with him. He even had the nerve to resist signing the divorce papers.

 

Your BF could indeed change, but I doubt it. I and the others just take a lot of pain seeing someone go through this type of thing we all know so much about. You have some very very very tough decisions to make. I just don't want you to waste your time with someone not worthy of it. Do you have anyone IRL to talk to about this?..

 

take care.

[Gradschooler]

Get out. NOW.