pnut88 Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 Guys and gals, I'm REALLY hurting right now. My girlfriend of FIVE years sent me a freakin' email. Everything in the relationship was great. I got home from work and checked my email and got this. Please advise on my situation. I'm really hurting right now. *****, I talked to you earlier and there were some things that I needed to say to you but I was to scared because I don't want to hurt you. On the serious tip though, I think that we should just be friends. I can't make you happy when I'm not happy myself. I'm not saying that we can't be together later but right now it's just not happening. I know that this is really messed up how I'm telling you over the computer but you know that I'm not good with my words. I hope you can be adult about this. I think that this is the best decision for us right now. If I continue to be with you the way that I'm feeling we would probably end up breaking up on bad terms with no possibility of us getting back together. This way we can get back together without problems. I really think that this is what's best and I know that you love me and please believe me when I say that I know that everything will be ok. Love Always, ******* SHe just ripped my heart right out of my chest. BTW, we're both 25. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 That's quite a cruel way to break up with someone, you have my sympathies. I honestly think that was pretty selfish, and some might disagree with me, but I think she was trying to "rip your heart out of your chest". If you want her back, you need to pretend that this is okay with you. You need to look both ways, bend over, put your heart back in your chest, and don't contact her at all. Don't contact her at all. Don't contact her at all. If she's going to come back, this will work. If she doesn't come back, she wouldn't have. Link to post Share on other sites
pnut88 Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker That's quite a cruel way to break up with someone, you have my sympathies. I honestly think that was pretty selfish, and some might disagree with me, but I think she was trying to "rip your heart out of your chest". If you want her back, you need to pretend that this is okay with you. You need to look both ways, bend over, put your heart back in your chest, and don't contact her at all. Don't contact her at all. Don't contact her at all. If she's going to come back, this will work. If she doesn't come back, she wouldn't have. Thanks for the advice. The way I feel about the situation is that I could NEVER take someone back after disrespecting me like this. I don't want her back, because I guess everything was just a lie. The problem I have is that it came out of nowhere and it just ripped my heart out. BTW, I'm definitely not one of those people that wants to get someone that wronged them back in their life. She can go to **** for all I'm concerned. I'm just upset about the circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 Originally posted by pnut88 Thanks for the advice. The way I feel about the situation is that I could NEVER take someone back after disrespecting me like this. I don't want her back, because I guess everything was just a lie. The problem I have is that it came out of nowhere and it just ripped my heart out. BTW, I'm definitely not one of those people that wants to get someone that wronged them back in their life. She can go to **** for all I'm concerned. I'm just upset about the circumstances. Thank God. I misinterpreted your post. I retract my statement about getting her back, and amplify my statements of never contacting this person. You have every right to be upset, just don't let her know that you are. Pretend you are relieved of this burden, eventually you'll believe it. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 Calm down, slow down, and listen to what she said. Then ask yourself whether ANY method of breaking up would have made you feel less angry. You actually got a much more communicative and caring breakup notification than many people, who just saw their longterm loved ones disappear without a trace. I understand that you're feeling like hell because she's leaving. I really disagree that the MANNER of her leaving is offensive, or deliberately cruel or disrespectful. Perhaps she could be more courageous...but you've known for a while that she runs from the tough face-to-face discussions, haven't you? Do you want to burn this bridge? If so, go ahead and do so now, while you're feeling hotheaded and angry and crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
pnut88 Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 Originally posted by SoleMate Calm down, slow down, and listen to what she said. Then ask yourself whether ANY method of breaking up would have made you feel less angry. You actually got a much more communicative and caring breakup notification than many people, who just saw their longterm loved ones disappear without a trace. I understand that you're feeling like hell because she's leaving. I really disagree that the MANNER of her leaving is offensive, or deliberately cruel or disrespectful. Perhaps she could be more courageous...but you've known for a while that she runs from the tough face-to-face discussions, haven't you? Do you want to burn this bridge? If so, go ahead and do so now, while you're feeling hotheaded and angry and crazy. 5 years and she sends me an email? Its not like she can't make the 5 minute drive over to the apartment to tell me face to face. Using an email to straight up leave someone with no explanation after 5 years is not OK. AT ALL. Link to post Share on other sites
pnut88 Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 BTW, Solemate. I don't "run" from my problems. I lost both of my parents in a car accident my junior year of college. I got a full time job and put myself through the rest of school. I believe in confronting problems face to face and head-on. That's the type of person I am. I disagree with you because I feel leaving someone over an email with no other contact is EXTREMELY disrespectful. Its not about me being hurt about her leaving (life goes on), its about RESPECT and that's something that all human beings deserve if they have given it in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
jester Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 My girlfriend of FIVE years sent me a freakin' email You have every right to be upset and angry. The ending of a 5 year relationship is bad enough without email being the mode of communication. The fact that she emailed the relationship termination notice, after a 5-year relationship, is disrespectful. She should have told you in person or, failing that, by telephone. You deserved that my friend. No class. You're good to be free of her. Lick your wounds, heal and get back in the game. I'm sure you'll eventually find someone who loves and respects you. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 Originally posted by pnut88 Its not about me being hurt about her leaving (life goes on), its about RESPECT and that's something that all human beings deserve if they have given it in the past. I refuse to believe you aren't hurt by this. If you know that all humans deserve respect, surely your familiar with the axiom that not everyone gets what they deserve. Life goes on, you're right. She wasn't respectful, but there's no action you can take from here but move on. Link to post Share on other sites
pnut88 Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker I refuse to believe you aren't hurt by this. If you know that all humans deserve respect, surely your familiar with the axiom that not everyone gets what they deserve. Life goes on, you're right. She wasn't respectful, but there's no action you can take from here but move on. Oh believe me, I'm "hurt" but its not the end of the world. No use worrying about someone that obviously doesn't respect me. I'm just gonna lay low for a few weeks than I'm gonna jump right back into the game and play ball. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 Lame. LAME LAME LAME. You deserve better than that. Anything past a two month relationship deserves better than that. To hell with her. LAAAAAAAAAAAME. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 Originally posted by pnut88 Oh believe me, I'm "hurt" but its not the end of the world. No use worrying about someone that obviously doesn't respect me. I'm just gonna lay low for a few weeks than I'm gonna jump right back into the game and play ball. You sound totally together, and not in need of anyone's help. So, erm, Go get em tiger. Link to post Share on other sites
jester Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 Originally posted by UCFKevin Lame. LAME LAME LAME. You deserve better than that. Anything past a two month relationship deserves better than that. To hell with her. LAAAAAAAAAAAME. I like your 2 month rule, Kevin. Link to post Share on other sites
greentea Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 I know how you feel. I've been there (my case is worse). She has disrespected you. And you have all the right to be upset with her. I may be wrong, but im thinking of two things: 1) She is too coward. 2) She is too guilty. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 Originally posted by pnut88 Oh believe me, I'm "hurt" but its not the end of the world. No use worrying about someone that obviously doesn't respect me. I'm just gonna lay low for a few weeks than I'm gonna jump right back into the game and play ball. Outstanding -- Good for you!!! And that's pretty friggin pathetic of her to end a 5 year relationship via e-mail. I totally understand that she has to be happy with her life, whether or not it's with you, but she could have at least did the honorable thing and told you face to face. Forget this bitch! She's got no balls! ~V Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 Just to put another spin on it ... I know that, being the complete mushball that I am, I don't deal well with painful or difficult situations. Other people's pain makes me cry. There are situations I would handle very badly face-to-face because I'd have great difficulty maintaining my composure. It's impossible to hold any sort of discussion if one can't stop crying long enough to speak. She clearly isn't ditching you because she hates you or thinks you're a jerk - then she'd have no trouble doing it face-to-face. Instead, she says she's to blame in this as well and that she is 'scared' to hurt you. My guess would be that this upset her every bit as much as it's upsetting you and she could not manage to accomplish it in person without dissolving into a weepy mess. Hell, sometimes I'm aweep while answering posts!!!! You can type while crying much better than you can talk. Link to post Share on other sites
silversoulfly Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 I have no advice on this situation, but it doesn't sound like you need any now. You have my sympathy though. 3 yrs ago, my fiance broke up with me in a email, so I understand how you feel. I was pretty pissed off on top of having my heart chewed up and spit out. Of all the ways to break up, email has my vote for the coldest method. It would be difficult to come up with a more impersonal way to break a heart. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 Originally posted by silversoulfly It would be difficult to come up with a more impersonal way to break a heart. Well, there's staying in the relationship without loving you, and just continuing to sabotage it until you decide to break it off yourself, or pitifully blame yourself, or just suffer through it. E-mail is pretty cowardly, but at least it ends it. Link to post Share on other sites
gld84 Posted January 18, 2004 Share Posted January 18, 2004 Email is the worst. I had an earlier thread on here because I was sent away by email too. I completely understand what you are saying about disrespect. That feeling was so much worse then actually breaking up, because in the end she was right that we needed to go our seperate ways. I lost all respect for that person because of the email though. It really leaves you with no closure or understanding in the situation and no matter what the other person is going through or what the situation is in the relationship. If they were in a relationship, they should at least be able to talk to you as a person. We only talked over email after that and it got screwed up and I still didnt get my closure or understanding. If I had to do it over again, I would have never attempted any form of communication. Link to post Share on other sites
silversoulfly Posted January 18, 2004 Share Posted January 18, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker Well, there's staying in the relationship without loving you, and just continuing to sabotage it until you decide to break it off yourself, or pitifully blame yourself, or just suffer through it. E-mail is pretty cowardly, but at least it ends it. point taken. I hadn't thought about the passive aggressive breakup. And moimeme probably summed up the reasoning behind the email dump, but I still maintain that it is about the coldest ways to call off a relationship there is, aside from passive aggressively sabotage. While there are worse things that could have been done to us, email is a poor way to give bad news. The truth is, if someone you love decides that he/she doesn't want to be with you, for whatever reason, it will hurt. However, a good old fashion letter would at least have been a personal way to break our hearts. I think everyone can agree that the phrase "adding insult to injury" fits the email dump. After giving it a little more thought, I think that a singing telegram would be the worst way to break it off. Actually, if I ever catch a girlfriend cheating on me, I'll have to remember to send her one of those. Holy @#$%!! I think I just thought of a great business to start- I can call it Bad News Barbershop! I'll have think about that.... Link to post Share on other sites
confuuuuuused Posted January 18, 2004 Share Posted January 18, 2004 I suppose a text message would be pretty bad, 'UR DMPED' or something. Actually I would have preferred that to the detail i got. My gf was working abroad and we had been having problems with the distance but nothing I thought we couldnt resolve and she was due to call the day after New year's and an hour before she was supposed to call she sent me an email breaking up just like the original poster, except that that it was longer and also went into detail that she had cheated on me and wanted to be free to see other guys without waking up and feeling guilty in the morning - too much information!! I would have rather not known that particular detail! Bizarrely she still wanted to stay in touch and hinted at us having some kind of future together when she gets home, yet was complelety unapologetic about what she had done, she seemed to think I would just take it in my stride?!??!? I agree about the no contact. I was a glutton for punishment and contacted her again and it just dragged the whole thing out. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 18, 2004 Share Posted January 18, 2004 I think Sole has a point in that....is there REALLY a good way to break up with someone? After 5 years, it would feel like crap...no matter HOW she did it. At least you got something more than "I need my space".....the cop out beakup line. I've used it though....just to try to keep from making it into an emotional scene. I could see where you are angry though. I would never speak to someone again who did that to me. Anger feels better than pain though...feed on it awhile until you are ready to face what happened. I'm sorry for anyone having to face a break up. It's just HARD! Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 19, 2004 Share Posted January 19, 2004 I once got fired from an upper management position via email. And ya know, it wouldn't have felt better in person. But yes, I went around telling everyone who would listen about the company's tacky behavior in choosing this method of letting me go. My boss gave as his excuse: he was travelling. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 19, 2004 Share Posted January 19, 2004 I suppose a text message would be pretty bad, 'UR DMPED' or something. Or as Homer Simpson said, "Let's make it nice": Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 19, 2004 Share Posted January 19, 2004 And tell me does, "It's not you, it's me," make you feel ANY better? Like, "Oh, dude, it's been five years, and she broke up with me--No biggie though, it was HER!" Link to post Share on other sites
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