This is Making Me Crazy

[dg2003]

So I will try to keep this kind of short but its a long story. Okay so I have been seeing this guy for about a year now, and by seeing a guess I mean it is pretty much physical. I call him when I need him, he calls me when he needs me. At first it was okay with me like this because that is all it was to me. But then I started to get major feelings for him. But I tried to keep my feelings to myself because I know what it was. At the point I fell in love with him, he actually told me he loved me first. But he also said he just wasnt ready for a relationship at the moment, so we just kept doing what we were doing.

 

About a couple months after he told me he loved me he gets into a relationship with this other girl! I was hurt but it was my fault because I kept sleeping with him. Now a year later, he has had a total of three relationships, his latest one is with this married woman that just left her husband for him! So the other day he texts me and said he misses me. So I asked why he was with her if he missed me so much, and his answer to that was: "I dont have an answer to that right now." Lol I know it is ridiculous right. But here is the catch, I am so in love with him and I cant seem to let him go no matter how hard I try. I tell myself I wont answer his calls but I do, I tell myself I wont text him back, but I do. Its like I have no self control with this guy!

 

So the other day I told him that I could not do it anymore that I was getting too hurt, and he said okay we could just be friends, like it was nothing to him. So I didnt talk to him for a couple days and then he text me and said "Too bad we are just friends or we could meet up." Im so confused I dont know what to do anymore. It seems so painful to not talk to him anymore at all, but its also so painful knowing he is with some other woman but only wants me for one thing. And then I keep thinking well maybe he really does care but something is holding him back. What do I do? I really love this guy and I dont want to just be rude and end this on bad terms, but I dont know if it can end good. Please any advice would help. Sorry for rambling...

[SouthernSunshine]

I would let him go. If he's hurting you it's not worth it. He's proven that it's just a game to him. He's playing you like a fiddle. Let it go...

 

*wishing you the very best*

[WTRanger]

Think about it this way, how you could possibly end this on good terms? If he's cheating on of these other girls with you, how can you think that if he decides to "commit" to you that he will all of a sudden be a one woman man? You've got to climb down from your castle in the sky with this guy and see him for the douche that he is. This guy knows he's got you hooked and can do and say whatever he wants to you and you'll still sleep with him. It is the ultimate power boost to his Ego to have this much control over someone.

 

You don't want this to end badly because you still want to hang on to the tiniest thread of hope. End it, and end it in the worst possible way so you'll never think this guy was worth even one nanosecond of your time.

[You'reasian]

So I will try to keep this kind of short but its a long story. Okay so I have been seeing this guy for about a year now, and by seeing a guess I mean it is pretty much physical. I call him when I need him, he calls me when he needs me. At first it was okay with me like this because that is all it was to me. But then I started to get major feelings for him. But I tried to keep my feelings to myself because I know what it was. At the point I fell in love with him, he actually told me he loved me first. But he also said he just wasnt ready for a relationship at the moment, so we just kept doing what we were doing.

 

Seems like a FWB, but you're developing feelings.

 

About a couple months after he told me he loved me he gets into a relationship with this other girl! I was hurt but it was my fault because I kept sleeping with him. Now a year later, he has had a total of three relationships, his latest one is with this married woman that just left her husband for him! So the other day he texts me and said he misses me. So I asked why he was with her if he missed me so much, and his answer to that was: "I dont have an answer to that right now." Lol I know it is ridiculous right. But here is the catch, I am so in love with him and I cant seem to let him go no matter how hard I try. I tell myself I wont answer his calls but I do, I tell myself I wont text him back, but I do. Its like I have no self control with this guy!

 

How did you coorelate that the married woman left her husband for him?

How do you know he's in 3 relationships?

 

Men and women say that unless they are in an exclusive relationship, they have the inherit right to date around. Its the unspoken rule of dating, I am told.

 

So the other day I told him that I could not do it anymore that I was getting too hurt, and he said okay we could just be friends, like it was nothing to him. So I didnt talk to him for a couple days and then he text me and said "Too bad we are just friends or we could meet up." Im so confused I dont know what to do anymore. It seems so painful to not talk to him anymore at all, but its also so painful knowing he is with some other woman but only wants me for one thing. And then I keep thinking well maybe he really does care but something is holding him back. What do I do? I really love this guy and I dont want to just be rude and end this on bad terms, but I dont know if it can end good. Please any advice would help. Sorry for rambling...

 

Sounds like he compartamentalizes the FWB well. If anything you guys are friends. If you love this guy and hope to keep something going (and I'm going to sound like a d!mn broken record...*sigh*) is to sit down with this guy face to face and hash it out.

 

Tell him that you have these feelings for him and that you wish you could have him but if you can't, then you need to cool things down.

 

Let him think about it and walk away. Be prepaired to go no contact on your end.

 

If he's interested, he'll get in touch with you. If not, go complete no contact until you feel you can be friends again.

 

Good luck!

[Sam_I_Am]

So I will try to keep this kind of short but its a long story. Okay so I have been seeing this guy for about a year now, and by seeing a guess I mean it is pretty much physical. I call him when I need him, he calls me when he needs me. At first it was okay with me like this because that is all it was to me. But then I started to get major feelings for him. But I tried to keep my feelings to myself because I know what it was. At the point I fell in love with him, he actually told me he loved me first. But he also said he just wasnt ready for a relationship at the moment, so we just kept doing what we were doing.

 

About a couple months after he told me he loved me he gets into a relationship with this other girl! I was hurt but it was my fault because I kept sleeping with him. Now a year later, he has had a total of three relationships, his latest one is with this married woman that just left her husband for him! So the other day he texts me and said he misses me. So I asked why he was with her if he missed me so much, and his answer to that was: "I dont have an answer to that right now." Lol I know it is ridiculous right. But here is the catch, I am so in love with him and I cant seem to let him go no matter how hard I try. I tell myself I wont answer his calls but I do, I tell myself I wont text him back, but I do. Its like I have no self control with this guy!

 

So the other day I told him that I could not do it anymore that I was getting too hurt, and he said okay we could just be friends, like it was nothing to him. So I didnt talk to him for a couple days and then he text me and said "Too bad we are just friends or we could meet up." Im so confused I dont know what to do anymore. It seems so painful to not talk to him anymore at all, but its also so painful knowing he is with some other woman but only wants me for one thing. And then I keep thinking well maybe he really does care but something is holding him back. What do I do? I really love this guy and I dont want to just be rude and end this on bad terms, but I dont know if it can end good. Please any advice would help. Sorry for rambling...

 

I'm responding to your post on mine and this one as well.

 

Its weird because I just posted a similar thread. I am going through almost the exact same thing. And it is so exhausting. But it seems like ending it is easier said than done right? Its like you tell yourself you deserve better and you know that you do, but letting him go is a different story. I honestly dream about this guy every night. And the times that I actually manage to stop talking to him for a couple weeks the dreams are more intense. I really wish I could help you, but maybe we can help each other. Because it is such a tough situation to go through, one of the worst ones Ive ever gone through and I dont know how to get out.

 

The dreams for me have slacked off, although I still get them on occasion. I think I'm at a new level now, I don't feel so insane about the situation, sure, I still like him, but whenever I start thinking about the "what ifs" again, I remind myself of what a dog he really is. He has a girlfriend. He intends to move to be with her before the end of the year (hopefully) and he cheats on her with me. The kicker is he has another girl pregnant and doesn't intend to be a part of that baby's life. I am settling for this for now, mainly because it is convenient and I am not at a point in my life where I need (or have time for) anything serious. It's all a game to these type of guys anyway. I remind myself of this anytime the "love bug" tries to bite. Damn that "love bug!" We are at the mercy of DNA and genetics when it comes to these kinds of relationships....we are meant to fall in love with the person we sleep with. The only way to stop it truely is to not sleep with them. I'm sure you know as well as I do that ending it is the only way to regain sanity, but as I sit here typing this, I know we both won't. It's all about the ego for them. As long as you are stroking it, they will act, say, or do anything to keep it coming, as long as you don't start talking "relationship" stuff. And damn those magic words: "I miss you" Bullsh*t, you don't miss me, you miss what I do for you. They know exactly what to say to get us back in their good graces, and we fall for it everytime. No, he doesn't really care, nothing is holding him back, he wants what he wants....guys like this are selfish and they only care about one person: Themselves. I am copying Mary3 because she said it best:

 

his brain is not like your brain. His brain is filled with how hard his ___ is and how to get relief.

There are only a few choices of relief. His hand or a woman. If there is no woman available he will use his hand. But there you are and so he is sexxing you because you are available.

Alot of women are biologically programmed to feel love and attachment after they sleep with / have sex with a man. Because our brains are A and their brains are B , we don't quite think the same.

A man can have sex with someone and NOT love them. He can lie or promise things to get the end result : sex. Thats the reality.

I'm completely sure the guy I'm messing with doesn't really care for the girl he intends to move in with, or he wouldn't be sleeping with me. You can do one of 3 things to help yourself:

1) Tell him you love him and that you can't do it anymore unless it's a real relationship (and even then, could you really trust him after knowing all that you know?) most FWB relationships never get off the ground anyway. I think it's something like less than 10% actually develop into more. How can you make something last that was based on sex in the first place? Looks and sex fade away, real love comes from true friendship.

2) Make a big scene and make it bad so he won't ever contact you again, tell his girl on him, whatever, make it something that will send him running calling you a crazy b*tch the whole way (even though it is his fault for making you a crazy b*tch). Tell him to f*ck off and he has a little d*ck. Hurt that ego that you have been so faithfully stroking.

3) Accept it for what it is and keep yourself busy with other things. Don't stop looking for true love, but look in other directions. These FWB things tend to fizzle out, passion dies down and reality eventually settles in.

I chose #3.....for now. I know I'm not exactly the best person to give advice, because I'm in the same boat, but seeing the words does help.