what do you call this relationship

[LonesomeLooser]

a little background. my wife of 21 years, who i was completely faithful to, left the day after christmas. without getting into too much detail. basically she says she had 4 affairs during our marriage and didnt want to do it anymore. so good riddance. we signed legal separation papers a few weeks ago.

that day i changed my facebook status from married to single. and suddenly my measily 20 friends became 60. 10 requests coming the same day i changed it. one of them, a friend from high school, has helped me a lot through the emotional mess i've been going through. she said she liked me back then but i was too into my future wife. last weekend we hooked up and she spent the night at my house. she got me a job at her workplace. and we talk a lot, at work , chat on facebook, text. we have fun together. one day she said she had feelings for me. i told her this is way to soon for me. i dont want any commited or exclusive relationship. and i reminded her that she is married, yep thats right she is married. she didnt mention it again for a few days then out of the blue she says. "i agree, you dont need an exclusive relationship, and i love my husband" i said "friends with benifits?" and she said OK....today she encouraged me to pursue a girl that gave me her number.

now before yall bash me about the married woman let me say that he knows about me. he said hi to me on the phone when i was at her house. she wants me to meet him..i say no way of course. he is 10 years older than us.(im 40 shes 39) he has a heart problem and multiple sclerosis that developed about 10 years ago and has gradually gotten worse over the years. they have no intimacy, she says.

so is she looking for a replacement for him when he finally kicks the bucket? or just someone to give her what she cant get from him right now? or both? whats ya'lls take on this situation?

BTW shes coming over for a few hours tonight.

[2sunny]

where is your boundary in all this? what do you want out of it?

 

she is married and making demands? that seems backwards.

 

from here - as long as you allow this married woman to occupy time and space in your mind - you will not be making yourself available for a gal that could give you more than what your MW is offering (which is convenient sex and a pretend relationship). is that enough for you?

 

if it's not enough - show her the door, she is likely to continue to require more time and effort as you move forward.

 

sometimes we need to see how much the positives outweigh the negatives. most of the time - involvement with a married person leads to a great amount of resentments and heartache...

[Odyssey]

sooo...a married chick likes you.

OP, you have gotta ask yourself...What do you want?

[LonesomeLooser]

last night she came over..we talked, i grilled a couple burgers, we made love. then her husband started calling her. they argued some because cell signal sucks at my house and he thought she was hanging up on him. so she used one of my home phones...they argued some more. because she wanted him to leave her alone when she was with me. she left. he called again asking for her. i said she was gone and he said he was gonna tell her to stay a while longer....any way i spoke with him. let him know i had no intentions of taking his wife from him. that i'm not looking for anything like that. and she says she loves him..he said ok he just wanted to make sure i wasnt some axe murderer...he said it was ok with him if we had a sexual relationship. he just didnt want her falling in love with me and leaving. and as long as she didnt lie to him it would be ok. he would leave us alone when we are together......so yes this is a very odd situation i have found myself in.

i know that i enjoy her friendship,i enjoy talking to her, i enjoy the sex,. but i also know that the reason i accepted this "arangement" is because i dont really want exclusivity. i dont want to be tied to one person.. did that for 21 years of marriage + 3 years of dateing. and was a virgin before that. but i'm not heartless and i know she has feelings for me. i know she will get hurt when this ends as i know it eventually will.

 

there will come a time when i want a closer emotional relationship with someone..and i already know it wont be her..i just dont have those feelings for her. to me its just good friendship and sex. and she says she understands that.

 

i think im getting what i need right now. friendship and sex. it doesnt seem to be getting in the way too much with me and other women. i get numbers, i text women, we talk, we chat on facebook. maybe its getting in the way of pushing past the talking stage with other women. i dont know.

 

this is all just so new to me. having only ever been with one woman. (she be #2 in 40 years.) and ive only been seeing her for a couple weeks. before that i was "mourning" the loss of my one and only love not even thinking of any woman.

Edited April 11, 2010 by LonesomeLooser