Torn between lover and husband

[bentnotbroken]

i didn't say he did a sane thing....but even that insane thing gave him nothing in return

 

if somebody points a gun at you says he needed some answers....if she really scared as she states she would have confessed everything if not more.....but he got nothing,zero....

 

 

"Did it change the fear that NR and her children experienced...? "

 

again either she felt no threat from him or she already knows the gun was empty(her H would have been dead if it was loaded) or she doesn't really care about him but she is not scared!!!!!!!!! (as per children i have already mentioned in my previous post)

 

 

logically....why would anybody risk so much to the point of no recovery (if she was disparately trying to fix)....that guy is been on drinking spree for months....wants all the assurance...yet he got no answers....what would that say about her.

 

As a mother answers to anything with a gun being pointed at my child would be the last damn thing on my mind:mad:And what does your inability to put yourself in the place of a frightened child say about you?

[bentnotbroken]

As a mother answers to anything with a gun being pointed at my child would be the last damn thing on my mind:mad:And what does your inability to put yourself in the place of a frightened child say about you?

 

 

Logically speaking of course:confused:

[U2RockZz]

fair enough....you be in mother's position, some one pointed a gun at your child,i think you would do anything that person ask you to do...in order to save your kid....again that shows NR is really not scared or not threatened(don't get offended for using that scenario)....isn't it logical

[Silly_Girl]

fair enough....you be in mother's position, some one pointed a gun at your child,i think you would do anything that person ask you to do...in order to save your kid....again that shows NR is really not scared or not threatened(don't get offended for using that scenario)....isn't it logical

 

My ex, after hitting me about the head, had me against a wall and threatened to strangle me if I did not talk to him about something he wished to discuss. It was all I could do not to mess myself, I didn't have a chance of answering anything whatsoever.

 

I think you are being deliberately narrow-minded and are making no effort to see that there may be people who react differently to you. It's a shame because you may well have something to contribute if you weren't so blinkered and aggressive.

[BB07]

fair enough....you be in mother's position, some one pointed a gun at your child,i think you would do anything that person ask you to do...in order to save your kid....again that shows NR is really not scared or not threatened(don't get offended for using that scenario)....isn't it logical

 

 

You aren't logical at all! The points that everyone understands EXCEPT you about pointing guns at people, unloaded or loaded......are completely lost on you.

 

I've personally never had a gun pointed at me, but my abusive alcoholic father used to get a gun out and play with it, when he was drunk. It was his way of intimidating and scaring my mother and you can bet it had the same effect on me. As someone who lived though a similar experience such as NR....let me tell you something, YOU DON'T KNOW A DAMN THING ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!

[BB07]

You aren't logical at all! The points that everyone understands EXCEPT you about pointing guns at people, unloaded or loaded......are completely lost on you.

 

I've personally never had a gun pointed at me, but my abusive alcoholic father used to get a gun out and play with it, when he was drunk. It was his way of intimidating and scaring my mother and you can bet it had the same effect on me. As someone who lived though a similar experience such as NR....let me tell you something, YOU DON'T KNOW A DAMN THING ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!

 

And.......frankly your silly logic just pisses me off and makes me want to puke.

[bestplayer]

i didn't say he did a sane thing....but even that insane thing gave him nothing in return

 

if somebody points a gun at you says he needed some answers....if she really scared as she states she would have confessed everything if not more.....but he got nothing,zero....

 

 

"Did it change the fear that NR and her children experienced...? "

 

again either she felt no threat from him or she already knows the gun was empty(her H would have been dead if it was loaded) or she doesn't really care about him but she is not scared!!!!!!!!! (as per children i have already mentioned in my previous post)

 

 

logically....why would anybody risk so much to the point of no recovery (if she was disparately trying to fix)....that guy is been on drinking spree for months....wants all the assurance...yet he got no answers....what would that say about her.

 

U2RockZz , I am sure you are joking ... otherwise I dont see any point in you posting your comments on this thread

[White Flower]

you all better read my last post....

Nobody seems to see any logic in any of your posts, including the last one. U2 do rock, but your posts don't. Sorry.

[bananalaffytaffy]

I get what U2 is saying. H is doing all this destructive behavior to get answers. NR sees this destructive behavior, knows it's destructive, yet still denies him the answers he seeks. U2 wonders why she doesn't just give him the answers so the behavior will stop.

 

I think that's what U2 meant. A little misguided though, as there's no guarantee the behavior will stop once the answers are given. What if he doesn't like the answers? What if it just leads to more questions? A slippery slope.

 

I also think maybe U2 said this to bash NR a little. To say she drove her H to this behavior and then does nothing to stop it. I disagree. They separated, did they not?

 

I think the posts are off base. First in that U2 is blaming NR for H's behavior, and secondly, because they think NR can stop the H's behavior. Only H can stop his behavior. I think U2 likens the H to the 5-year old kid at Wal-Mart, who kicks and screams and cries and upsets the whole store and embarasses mama until they get the toy they want. Mama placates him so he'll shut up and because she feels bad for hitting the kid 2 weeks ago. But what happens at Target the next day with a new toy?

Edited June 21, 2010 by bananalaffytaffy

[bestplayer]

I get what U2 is saying. H is doing all this destructive behavior to get answers. NR sees this destructive behavior, knows it's destructive, yet still denies him the answers he seeks. U2 wonders why she doesn't just give him the answers so the behavior will stop.

 

I think that's what U2 meant. A little misguided though, as there's no guarantee the behavior will stop once the answers are given. What if he doesn't like the answers? What if it just leads to more questions? A slippery slope.

 

I also think maybe U2 said this to bash NR a little. To say she drove her H to this behavior and then does nothing to stop it. I disagree. They separated, did they not?

 

 

I think the posts are off base. First in that U2 is blaming NR for H's behavior, and secondly, because they think NR can stop the H's behavior. Only H can stop his behavior. I think U2 likens the H to the 5-year old kid at Wal-Mart, who kicks and screams and cries and upsets the whole store and embarasses mama until they get the toy they want. Mama placates him so he'll shut up and because she feels bad for hitting the kid 2 weeks ago. But what happens at Target the next day with a new toy?

 

I agree , having a gun pointed at her , she would be scared like hell as to what answer might further tick him off .

 

I am sure if just giving answers would resolve this whole issue , she would have done that .

[Dexter Morgan]

Why don't people realize that married fathers, or any father really, already pay child support when the M is happy and healthy? Why should that change just because there is a D???

 

because the percentage a father is to pay is, more times than not, a significant amount more than if the child were in the same home as said father.

 

its dependent on the father's income of course.

 

In my case I can take care of my kids for much less than what I have to pay. But hey, its worth it to not have to be with their mother any longer.

 

Someone said once, why is divorce so expense? Answer........."its worth it"

 

and yadda yadda, the whole argument is the person receiving the support has to make a home for the kids. uh huh.....and so do I.

 

 

If he pays all of it now, he should pay for all of it after a D. If she gets a job his portion is lowered.

 

thats not the way it works. at least not in Illinois. the non-custodial parent pays a percentage base on how many children there are. the custodial parent's employment status and income do not factor in.

 

 

Perhaps you meant she shouldn't go for alimony? Even then, he will have to pay if it falls under the guidelines.

 

again, I know I pay more than what it would take to provide for my children, but its not leaps and bounds over what I'd have paid if I stayed with her. Its worth it to me.

 

But NR shouldn't go for alimony if they divorce....that is if she has a soul.

[Dexter Morgan]

this lady doesn't deserve a child support/alimony

 

alimony no, she doesn't deserve that.

 

child support isn't about the custodial parent, its about the children and for the children.

 

 

....even if she gets them....he can get them by filing a AA case against her lover boys...he loses nothing.....but gains priceless freedom from a serial cheater and finally that freaking gun was empty!!!!!!!!!!

 

as much as I'd like to think the above is true, its obvious you haven't gone through a divorce where children are involved.

 

NR could have screwed another man in his bed, have video taped evidence, and it still wouldn't matter as far as custody goes. The courts don't care about the unscrupulousness(if thats a word) of a cheater.

 

Only thing he could use to get custody is abandonment, drug use, physical/mental abuse of the kids....etc. Cheating doesn't come in to play.

 

It should, but it doesn't.

 

And with the behavior NR's H has been displaying, he won't get the kids. Men already have 3 strikes against them and even if the child is better off with the father, the mother WILL get custody as long as she doesn't abandon her kids, provide an unsafe environment, or abuse them. Even if a mother is the biggest ho on the planet, that doesn't factor in.

Edited June 21, 2010 by Dexter Morgan

[Lecturer]

may be you never had a gun i guess.....

it is clear the gun was empty his intent was to get some answers ,she was so stubborn /callous/emotionless/cruel that he had pull a trigger at himself...yet he hadn't got a answer....what does that say about the OP....anyways why are you arguing on a baseless facts....do you really have a point

 

you went on blame him as a monster all along ....so what would you say about NR she cheated on him not once but number of times...half of her entire M is been a lie for her H....her H wasted enough time on this woman already

 

There is so much fail in this post I wasn't even going to bother responding.. but I will just to try and keep some facts straight.

 

1. What does my having a gun or not have to do with expecting people to be responsible with firearms, expecting people to be responsible with children, or ESPECIALLY both? FYI, no, I don't currently own a firearm, but I'm military trained and achieved rifle marksman status.

 

2. He DID get all the answers previously. It was only when he was drunk and out of control that she started to worry about RE-ANSWERING questions which would no doubt produce a dangerous emotional response. You can imagine the type of questions he was asking. I can't imagine wanting to tell a person with a gun all the sordid sexual details of an adulterous affair.

 

3. He was completely out of control. We can deduce this from the fact that he is a POLICE OFFICER and was using his weapon so recklessly. He, more than the average person, knows not to do such a thing (since he has been trained). In order to get to that state he HAD to have been out of control. A person entrusted with the lives of others does not have that freedom. That is a sacrifice many fine men and women make for us, and they earn respect and privileges due for that.

 

4. He endangered the lives of not just his wife and innocent child, but who knows how many other innocent drivers and pedestrians by driving drunk. Twice (or more times).

 

 

U2rock, I've expressed my sympathy for this husband , in this thread, before, but that IN NO WAY, excuses his appalling lack of judgment, and his dangerous, and abusive actions. THERE IS NO EXCUSE, for endangering or threatening to endanger, anybody, regardless of their past actions.

 

A few pages back joe is arguing with me, but now he says nearly exactly what I've been saying. This man can be pitied, for sure, and up until he did this horrific act I was totally on his side and had nothing but sympathy for him.

[JustJoe]

Lecturer, there is NO correlation between my sympathy for what the husband has experienced, and his out-of-control actions.

[road]

Novemberrain

 

What does your BH want to know about the affair?

 

Why haven't you told BH what he wants to know?

 

Your BH will never rest and recover with his mind wondering what happened with your affair.

 

BH may stay married to you for another 30 years but his unanswered questions will always be between you. These questions will forever haunt him.

 

Being married to him being unsettled for 30 years is better then you being unstettled for another year.

 

You put yourself first and banged your OM and now you are putting yourself first again.

[Darth Vader]

thats not the way it works. at least not in Illinois. the non-custodial parent pays a percentage base on how many children there are. the custodial parent's employment status and income do not factor in

 

 

That Sucks! Of course, from the sounds of it, your State Sucks!

 

Perhaps you meant she shouldn't go for alimony? Even then, he will have to pay if it falls under the guidelines.

again, I know I pay more than what it would take to provide for my children, but its not leaps and bounds over what I'd have paid if I stayed with her. Its worth it to me.

 

But NR shouldn't go for alimony if they divorce....that is if she has a soul.

 

What you pay for is the price of freedom! No, NR shouldn't go for Alimony!

[Darth Vader]

alimony no, she doesn't deserve that.

 

child support isn't about the custodial parent, its about the children and for the children.

 

 

 

 

as much as I'd like to think the above is true, its obvious you haven't gone through a divorce where children are involved.

 

NR could have screwed another man in his bed, have video taped evidence, and it still wouldn't matter as far as custody goes. The courts don't care about the unscrupulousness(if thats a word) of a cheater.

 

Only thing he could use to get custody is abandonment, drug use, physical/mental abuse of the kids....etc. Cheating doesn't come in to play.

 

It should, but it doesn't.

 

And with the behavior NR's H has been displaying, he won't get the kids. Men already have 3 strikes against them and even if the child is better off with the father, the mother WILL get custody as long as she doesn't abandon her kids, provide an unsafe environment, or abuse them. Even if a mother is the biggest ho on the planet, that doesn't factor in.

 

Of course Dex, we know that cheating is some of the worse abuse out there, but the crooked courts just don't see it that way, they think it's only against the spouse, but we all know that it's against the children as well. Some people wonder why, well, a child will most often see things the BS doesn't see, like another car in the driveway that's not mom or dads, hearing the sounds of sex coming from the bedroom(parent with uncle or aunt whoever), even catching one of their parents in the middle of el Granda filictdo(sp)(another words, sex) with someone other than their mom or dad! That last one has happened.

 

Something's gotta be done about your crooked state Dex.

[JustJoe]

NR, how are things going with you? Please update, if you want.

[Darth Vader]

NR, how are things going with you? Please update, if you want.

 

 

I just hope she's alright. No one should be hurt, yes, that also goes for cheaters as well.

 

I'm all for consequences of a person's actions. But then there's downright dangerous situations like this one, situations that no one should have to indure.

 

Reminds me of that one movie, Fatal Attration!