Torn between lover and husband

[turnera]

Yes, I do believe my kids' needs trump my own. I do feel selfish. I do still want to work on my marriage because the relationship wasn't so horrible - just lacked the chemistry you find in an affair. I have hated myself so much for many months now. I appreciate the honesty seen on these threads. I should have found a site like this a long time ago. I didn't do things the right way at all. Now my AP (the MM) is making me feel bad for stringing him along too. I'm really seriously screwed up. However I'm tired of making excuses and am ready to really start the business of rebuilding a workable marriage to a guy that I've know more than half my life.

Very nice to hear.

[HURT LOVER]

I have not been on this sight for almost three years. I didn't think I would need to come back for advice. My world has been turned upside down, since I started an affair with someone I feel so deeply connected to.

 

Quick history-I've been married for almost 15 years to a a very good man, he is a wonderful father to our three sons. Our lives are consumed with children, school, and sports. OM, has always been in and out of my life since we were 14 years old. The times I did see OM, was when we were teenagers, young adults, saw him on and off when he was married, although I did not know he was at the time, but when i did find out he was married, it was too late, I was in love with him. However, when I did marry my husband I broke it off with him, and had no contact for 4 years. Talked to him on the phone for a few months, lost contact again till Nov. 2009.

 

I feel like I've been leading a double life, and it's exhausting!!! My husband has no idea I am having an affair. I see OM about 3 times a week. OM, is married but seperated for 6 months now, he lives on his own. He wants me to tell my husband that we are in love, also says he wants to marry me. I have so much guilt in betraying my husband. I would die if my children ever found out, I live in constant fear of being caught. I love my husband, but I feel such a connection to my lover, I don't want to let him go, I can't stop my feelings for my lover, I love him dearly. At the same time, I don't want to hurt my husband and children, How do I end this??? It seems impossible! I can't let go of him, and he doesn't want to let go of me either.

 

I would appreciate any helpful advice.

 

You know I've been the OM I was involved with a MW for 12 yrs off and on. Her H found out about us, she has been married for 22 yrs and they have two boys 18 and 22. This was recent has 7 months ago. Everything between us is and was ugly and still is. Unfortuantley the H found out thru me. I loved this MW I was with and I guess in some crazy way I still do. Now I gave my heart to this woman now I fell for all the pillow talk I love you and I want to be with you. Her H told there boys and family how she cheated for so long. She saids that the H barely talks to her now. And just like you did to your OM now I don't exist. But I still wanted to be with her.

 

In one breath I'm everything to her, next breath I don't want this anymore because the H is now showing some attention. Now the MW treats me like it's my fault. We have talked since things went down. It's like pulling teeth for us to be civil to one another , just a few months eariler we were in each other arms loving one another. You have no idea what OM is going thru wondering when he can't see you, what your doing with your H. How disappointed he is when he can't see you. I would imagine the OM does things your H hasn't dosen't do. The little things the OM does for you that make you happy , He might send you Roses just because or make you feel good by what he saids or how he touches you. I'm pretty sure the OM lives to make you happy how ever he can.

 

OM feelings are real you need think about if your feelings are real. You hurt alot of people now H found out about your affair.Every one talks about the H feelings, what the OM feelings your putting him thru that pain it hurts really bad. I can tell you from experience not having the MW in my life hurts so much emotionally it's killing me inside. Because I put my heart into what we had. Ask yourself you really going to leave. Please don't say I love my H because if you really did, you wouldn't be with the OM. You have shown your true colors to the OM. Now your OM doesn't even exist now. That sucks how you dealt with that OM heart. I'm sorry but you caused a lot of pain that will take a lot of healing.

 

Don't be surprised if the OM starts to hate you or feels a dislike toward you. See me being the OM and getting hurt I guess see things a little different. Figure out where you want to be . Your H is going to make things hell for you. Every time you in bed with your H he always think about the OM how he made love to you. Your H will never trust you the way he did before. He will always sleep with one eye open with you if he stays. You can't play with someone's heart ,now you and my MW have justified it by saying we knew what we were getting into. We did , we knew you guys were married, We just didn't intend on falling in love.

Edited June 1, 2010 by HURT LOVER

[November-Rain]

I have not posted on here for a while, due to the fact that I'm trying to repair my marriage. As I've mentioned before my life now is an open book. My husband checks up on all my computer activity e-mails, phone, etc. So, I have not had much time to go on the computer and check for any recent postings, until now.

 

The daily struggle of trying to be as transparent as possible has really taken a toll on me. I know most of you think I deserve this. However, I honestly did not know how difficult it would be to try to prove yourself to someone who does not trust you anymore. I want to make this work, because I want my husband to trust me again and hopefully forgive me. Today I feel like giving up! Am I allowed to say that? or will you all jump on me? I feel horrible, I know I am to blame.

 

Every single day I have to check in with my husband almost hourly. It is starting to affect my place of work, because I have to call him to let him know where I am and what I am doing. I have to call him on every break and lunch hour. When I leave my place of work, I have to immediatley call him or else he will get upset, and demand to know exactly what street I am on. He times me, on how long it will take me to get home. He logs in my mileage everyday, just to make sure they match up, to the day before. On my days off from work he will not leave my side unless I have to use the restroom. It's exhausting! My children are suffering because of this, I am negleting them in order to make my husband feel secure. But than again I probably deserve this. Does it ever get any easier with time? I feel it's just getting worse. He does not display bursts of anger like at the beginning, but he will not let me breath! I feel that is putting a wedge in trying to reconnect with him again. Our MC told him to give me some breathing room, but he has not paid any mind to that. I feel guilty complaining about my husband, I know I shouldn't, but than again I have nowhere else to vent but here. This is the one place he has not discovered, so I feel I can be open here for as long as I am able too.

 

OM has tried a few more times to contact me, which makes it even worse! I have not responded to him. He does not have my new number or e-mail address anymore.

[turnera]

N-R, hang in there. It will get better. It hasn't really been that long, and waking up every morning and thinking of you and OM first thing is also likely taking a toll on your husband. So you will need to be more patient with him.

 

Maybe more conversation is in order? Definitely more conversation about this at the counselor's! Do it there, where you're relatively safe, tell him that you WANT to help him feel safe, but there's only so much checking up you and your job and the kids can handle before something cracks. Ask him to help you work out a more equitable schedule for these 'check ins' and offer other ways, such as a GPS on your car.

 

Have you discussed yet in therapy about the not telling him the OM's info yet? Maybe THAT is what is driving him to such extremes - knowing that you are still protecting OM.

 

Please discuss this with your counselor.

[reboot]

You will feel like giving up a lot, and so will your husband. That's normal. His need to monitor your every move should gradually die down and eventually go away entirely. Hang in there.

 

IMO, you're doing the right thing, but a word to the wise. Nothing you do will ever make him trust you again, you'll never be able to "earn it", so don't beat yourself up over that.

 

In the beginning of your relationship, you didn't do anything to cause him to trust you. He loved you so he chose to trust you. Consciously or not, he made that decision.

 

Eventually he'll have to make that choice again.

[Snowflower]

I have not posted on here for a while, due to the fact that I'm trying to repair my marriage. As I've mentioned before my life now is an open book. My husband checks up on all my computer activity e-mails, phone, etc. So, I have not had much time to go on the computer and check for any recent postings, until now.

 

The daily struggle of trying to be as transparent as possible has really taken a toll on me. I know most of you think I deserve this. However, I honestly did not know how difficult it would be to try to prove yourself to someone who does not trust you anymore. I want to make this work, because I want my husband to trust me again and hopefully forgive me. Today I feel like giving up! Am I allowed to say that? or will you all jump on me? I feel horrible, I know I am to blame.

 

NR, I'm glad you've posted!

 

How do you feel things are going between you and your H? It is very rough at first but IMO there still needs to be some sweet moments between the two of you--despite the anger, the distrust, and the constant checking in.

 

It is hard work...but there also has to be some reward for both of you. Has there been any of that?

 

Every single day I have to check in with my husband almost hourly. It is starting to affect my place of work, because I have to call him to let him know where I am and what I am doing. I have to call him on every break and lunch hour. When I leave my place of work, I have to immediatley call him or else he will get upset, and demand to know exactly what street I am on. He times me, on how long it will take me to get home. He logs in my mileage everyday, just to make sure they match up, to the day before. On my days off from work he will not leave my side unless I have to use the restroom. It's exhausting! My children are suffering because of this, I am negleting them in order to make my husband feel secure. But than again I probably deserve this. Does it ever get any easier with time? I feel it's just getting worse. He does not display bursts of anger like at the beginning, but he will not let me breath! I feel that is putting a wedge in trying to reconnect with him again. Our MC told him to give me some breathing room, but he has not paid any mind to that. I feel guilty complaining about my husband, I know I shouldn't, but than again I have nowhere else to vent but here. This is the one place he has not discovered, so I feel I can be open here for as long as I am able too.

 

Wow, IMO this does seem excessive and I'm coming from the POV of a BS.

 

However, it is difficult to really say that your H is being overbearing. A BS needs constant reassurance that the WS is committed to the marriage and to their spouse.

 

Transparency of course is vital to the success of your reconciliation. However, your BH will have to learn that in time, he will have to trust you enough to give you the benefit of the doubt.

 

Have you talked to your H about how you are feeling? That you have no breathing room? If your H is truly committed to continuing the marriage, he has to make you comfortable as well. This new marriage needs to work for both of you.

 

This probably needs to be discussed in more depth with your MC.

 

OM has tried a few more times to contact me, which makes it even worse! I have not responded to him. He does not have my new number or e-mail address anymore.

 

Why does this make it worse? Do you want to speak to the OM?

[Owl]

First off...one big part of restoring communication is in being able to truly say how you feel.

 

My wife and I referred to this as being "painfully honest" when we were in the stage you're at right now.

 

It means talking about how you really feel, without trying to omit things because you're worried about how your spouse is going to take it.

 

And I can tell you that I'm POSITIVE she felt about like you do at this stage.

 

She felt the same way about me...couldn't see that this was doing anything but making her a prisoner. She felt that she was being forced to "pay" for her affair by now not having anymore 'privacy'.

 

However, my need to 'verify' slowly but surely faded over the next few months, and again over the next few years.

 

Right now, your husband has no reason to trust you. No reason to assume that you're not doing something wrong anymore. Now, every single time you're not where he expects...his mind takes him to the worst possible places. He massively overreacts.

 

In a lot of ways, he simply can't help where his mind takes him.

 

What he will learn again over time is to quell that first instinct to assume the worst. As you demonstrate to him repeatedly that you're being trustworthy, he'll calm down over time.

 

But this is going to take time. Longer than you're going to expect. Recovery isn't measured in days or weeks...but in months and years.

 

Prepare yourself for the long haul, my friend.

 

Don't be afraid to tell him how you feel...even if it hurts him. Be prepared to hear how he's feeling too...even if it hurts.

 

If he's not following through on things the MC requests...don't be afraid to bring it up in MC. You're not "ratting him out"...you're fighting to fix the marriage, just as he is.

 

As far as OM trying to contact you...H needs to know that this is happening. You and your H need to send MM an "NC letter"...basically telling him to buzz the heck off, and it needs to show that you're working WITH your H in this case.

 

If he attempts contact again...tell him that you're going to request a restraining order.

 

Take POINT BLANK ACTION to get him out of your lives.

 

And hang in there. Try to keep your head up, and work on what you can. Focus on the positive changes where at all possible.

 

And...take at least one night a week as a "date night". During that night, you guys need to get out and court each other. NO relationship talk, no counseling discussions, and NO AFFAIR discussions allowed during that time!!! Just good, fun bonding time.

[rebuildingmyself]

N-R, it does get better with time - and by being transparent. It does feel like suffocation - I went through the same thing - but if you still feel the pull of the OM it only makes it harder. How long has it been since D-Day? I had to cut off all communication with my OM and was able to do so for 3 months - until things got complicated - but have done it again. It isn't healthy if you have any intention of giving the marriage a fair shot to have anything to do with that other guy. As people have told me - just hold on as tight as you can - unless it's not what you want - and then let go.

[2sure]

The effort that both of you are putting into being transparent and open is a necessary process of rebuilding trust and getting into the natural habit of doing so.

 

As hard as it is for you to continually be transparent ...it is just as inconvenient for him to check and verify.

 

Your H , I have to say , seems extremely....vigilant.

And your remarks of "maybe I deserve it"...you want to think about that a little bit. You are together trying to rebuild your marriage, so who deserves what is no longer an issue.

 

If you are complying because you feel you deserve it...that implies that he is monitoring you as a form of punishment.

 

Sure you're both on the same page here?? And that its the right one?

[Snowflower]

This is exactly what I was thinking when I was reading your post, NR. Is he doing this to punish you, or is he doing it to ease his mind? Do YOU think he's doing it to punish you?

 

Theres' a big difference between rebuilding and retribution.

 

My thoughts too although 2sure and JT worded it more concisely.

 

There is checking in and checking up and then there is overbearing control. This marriage also has to work for NR.

[stillafool]

You are absolutley right! As far as loving my husband, I do have a funny way of showing it, because I'm obviously involved with someone else. I know it's not fair, that's why I'm here I need to get some clarity and reality from the outside. I have never told anyone about this, I have kept this all to myself for so many years.....I'm tired of it!

 

One thing I do know is that I would do anything for my children, I don't want to damage them in any way, I love them. Maybe the answer is to stay with my husband for the sake of my children. However, I know my husband deserves a woman who is completely in love with him...at this moment I am not that person. If there was a way to feel for him as I do for my OM, I would do it in a heartbeat.

 

 

Stop being a cake eater and divorce your H. If you are seeing the OM 3 times a week you probably have nothing to give to your h anyway. I know you don't want to hurt your H and kids but you are already, day after day, week after week. It is only a matter of moments before D-day. Stop being selfish and tell your h and kids what you have done. Let your h decide if he wants to stay with you or not. But, even if he says he wants to stay, what about all the love you have for the OM, why give him up then? Go and be with him.

[whichwayisup]

I have not posted on here for a while, due to the fact that I'm trying to repair my marriage. As I've mentioned before my life now is an open book. My husband checks up on all my computer activity e-mails, phone, etc. So, I have not had much time to go on the computer and check for any recent postings, until now.

 

The daily struggle of trying to be as transparent as possible has really taken a toll on me. I know most of you think I deserve this. However, I honestly did not know how difficult it would be to try to prove yourself to someone who does not trust you anymore. I want to make this work, because I want my husband to trust me again and hopefully forgive me. Today I feel like giving up! Am I allowed to say that? or will you all jump on me? I feel horrible, I know I am to blame.

 

Every single day I have to check in with my husband almost hourly. It is starting to affect my place of work, because I have to call him to let him know where I am and what I am doing. I have to call him on every break and lunch hour. When I leave my place of work, I have to immediatley call him or else he will get upset, and demand to know exactly what street I am on. He times me, on how long it will take me to get home. He logs in my mileage everyday, just to make sure they match up, to the day before. On my days off from work he will not leave my side unless I have to use the restroom. It's exhausting! My children are suffering because of this, I am negleting them in order to make my husband feel secure. But than again I probably deserve this. Does it ever get any easier with time? I feel it's just getting worse. He does not display bursts of anger like at the beginning, but he will not let me breath! I feel that is putting a wedge in trying to reconnect with him again. Our MC told him to give me some breathing room, but he has not paid any mind to that. I feel guilty complaining about my husband, I know I shouldn't, but than again I have nowhere else to vent but here. This is the one place he has not discovered, so I feel I can be open here for as long as I am able too.

 

OM has tried a few more times to contact me, which makes it even worse! I have not responded to him. He does not have my new number or e-mail address anymore.

 

As long as your husband is trying as well and isn't just making you do all this for a power trip, to make you suffer. Does he genuinally want the marriage to work? Are you two atleast having some fun together, have intimacy?

 

Each of you are going through your own ride during this. It wont' be easy and you'll probably have many days of feeling like throwing in the towel. Don't! Those are the days you need to vent, here or to a friend. Or just take your H out for a walk, have a bath together, connect with him.

 

Does he give you credit for the efforts you've doing?

[whichwayisup]

Another thing, sympathize with him. Sadly, you created this mess and his world was turned upside down. Emotionally, physically, mentally. EVERYTHING he knew and loved, changed. The trust and faith he once had, is gone - But it can come back.

 

Read thumbingmyway's threads. Have faith, be patient and continue to do MC and individual counselling as well.

 

Make sure your H knows the OM has tried to contact you. Hiding that would be a disaster.

[linwood]

I understand this is very hard NR and while your situation sounds excessive I have acouple of ideas that might help you out.

 

Make a couple of calls to your husband throughout the day without being prompted just to let him know you miss him or are thinking about him.

Every man loves this and if you make those calls from a work landline instead of your cell he`ll be able to tell where you are through caller ID without having to add stress by overtly checking up on you.

 

Get a GPS recorder and have your husband put it in your car somewhere.

 

That way he can pull it and see where you`ve been with having to overtly check your whereabouts and stress both of you out so much as well.

 

It will also give him greater peace of mind.

 

Good luck!!

[bentnotbroken]

Did I miss whether or not you two are in counselling? If you are, talk with your counselor about your feelings. As WWIU put it, sadly this is part of the crap one has to dig trough if you want your marriage. Discuss the affect of getting as close to a normal routine with the children as possible(as we know normal flies out the window) and then make it both your priorities to shield them as much as possible without sweeping everything under the rug. Confusing, frustrating, exhausting and worth it if you can build a new trust filled relationship.

[Dexter Morgan]

The daily struggle of trying to be as transparent as possible has really taken a toll on me. I know most of you think I deserve this. However, I honestly did not know how difficult it would be to try to prove yourself to someone who does not trust you anymore. I want to make this work, because I want my husband to trust me again and hopefully forgive me. Today I feel like giving up! Am I allowed to say that? or will you all jump on me? I feel horrible, I know I am to blame.

 

so why is it he gets to relive what you did in his mind for quite some time to come, but you want to suffer very little consequences in a short term?

 

It will get better, he will grow tired of checking up on you.

 

 

Every single day I have to check in with my husband almost hourly. It is starting to affect my place of work, because I have to call him to let him know where I am and what I am doing. I have to call him on every break and lunch hour. When I leave my place of work, I have to immediatley call him or else he will get upset, and demand to know exactly what street I am on. He times me, on how long it will take me to get home. He logs in my mileage everyday, just to make sure they match up, to the day before. On my days off from work he will not leave my side unless I have to use the restroom. It's exhausting!

 

 

trust me, its more exhausting to have to relive in your mind what a cheating spouse did.

 

 

 

My children are suffering because of this, I am negleting them in order to make my husband feel secure. But than again I probably deserve this. Does it ever get any easier with time? I feel it's just getting worse. He does not display bursts of anger like at the beginning, but he will not let me breath!

 

because of what you did, he doesn't get to breath for a while. His every thought now is consumed of a cheating spouse....this you did to him.

 

so when he can breath, you will breath. if you are wanting to right your wrong, then you need to put up with it until he can breath again. Because even after he can achieve some peace, you still have exiled him to a life of being suspicious, he just will get to a point where he has grown tired of babysitting someone that shouldn't have to be watched over.

 

 

I feel that is putting a wedge in trying to reconnect with him again. Our MC told him to give me some breathing room, but he has not paid any mind to that.

 

thats because he feels if he lets up on you right now, any breathing room you have will be used to cheat. because you had all the breathing room in the world and the benefit of a trusting husband....and that is when you took advantage of your situation.

 

 

OM has tried a few more times to contact me, which makes it even worse! I have not responded to him. He does not have my new number or e-mail address anymore.

 

let me guess, you are not telling your husband the OM has tried to contact you. because what you should be doing is telling your husband and let him respond to the OM.

 

you willing to do that? if not, why?

[HURT LOVER]

I have not posted on here for a while, due to the fact that I'm trying to repair my marriage. As I've mentioned before my life now is an open book. My husband checks up on all my computer activity e-mails, phone, etc. So, I have not had much time to go on the computer and check for any recent postings, until now.

 

The daily struggle of trying to be as transparent as possible has really taken a toll on me. I know most of you think I deserve this. However, I honestly did not know how difficult it would be to try to prove yourself to someone who does not trust you anymore. I want to make this work, because I want my husband to trust me again and hopefully forgive me. Today I feel like giving up! Am I allowed to say that? or will you all jump on me? I feel horrible, I know I am to blame.

 

Every single day I have to check in with my husband almost hourly. It is starting to affect my place of work, because I have to call him to let him know where I am and what I am doing. I have to call him on every break and lunch hour. When I leave my place of work, I have to immediatley call him or else he will get upset, and demand to know exactly what street I am on. He times me, on how long it will take me to get home. He logs in my mileage everyday, just to make sure they match up, to the day before. On my days off from work he will not leave my side unless I have to use the restroom. It's exhausting! My children are suffering because of this, I am negleting them in order to make my husband feel secure. But than again I probably deserve this. Does it ever get any easier with time? I feel it's just getting worse. He does not display bursts of anger like at the beginning, but he will not let me breath! I feel that is putting a wedge in trying to reconnect with him again. Our MC told him to give me some breathing room, but he has not paid any mind to that. I feel guilty complaining about my husband, I know I shouldn't, but than again I have nowhere else to vent but here. This is the one place he has not discovered, so I feel I can be open here for as long as I am able too.

 

OM has tried a few more times to contact me, which makes it even worse! I have not responded to him. He does not have my new number or e-mail address anymore.

 

I understand that your hurting here. Your H putting you thru hell. But why would you give your H the OM contact information. I don't get that. That OM fell in love with you, you had every opportunity to stop it. But you continued on with the affair. Now your getting advice to give your H the OM information. But you haven't mention how much you hurt your OM. Did you even care or even love him. No one even mention that. I feel you used the OM for your own selfish needs. Now your done with him your wrong for that.You played with that OM heart.

 

Take respondsibility for hurting that OM as well. You MW string the OM on when your H finds out about your cheating ways. You forget about the OM you just hurt also. But why care about the OM he was just a means to satisfy your needs for awhile.

Edited June 1, 2010 by HURT LOVER

[jennie-jennie]

I'd never accept that kind of treatment. It sounds like you are his prisoner. It does not sound healthy. I'd be out of there before the blink of an eye.

[Dexter Morgan]

I understand that your hurting here. Your H putting you thru hell. But why would you give your H the OM contact information. I don't get that. That OM fell in love with you, you had every opportunity to stop it. But you continued on with the affair. Now your getting advice to give your H the OM information.

 

exactly. because if the H replies to the OM's attempts at contact, maybe he won't contact her if he thinks the husband will be the one responding.

 

 

But you haven't mention how much you hurt your OM. Did you even care or even love him. No one even mention that. I feel you used the OM for your own selfish needs. Now your done with him your wrong for that.You played with that OM heart.

 

uh....ahem....the OM knew she was married. He didn't seem to care that he was boning someone elses wife. OM knew what he was doing...knew he was entering an affair with a married woman.

 

The betrayed spouses here are the ones that got played.

 

 

Take respondsibility for hurting that OM as well. You MW string the OM on when your H finds out about your cheating ways.

 

how did she string him along? OM knew she was married. He knew the score going into the game.

 

 

You forget about the OM you just hurt also. But why care about the OM he was just a means to satisfy your needs for awhile.

 

wonder what response you'd get if you told her H what you just told us? You think H would think sympathy for the OM is warranted? my guess is no.

[Dexter Morgan]

I'd never accept that kind of treatment. It sounds like you are his prisoner. It does not sound healthy. I'd be out of there before the blink of an eye.

 

did he do this BEFORE she cheated?

 

no

 

the need for knowing where she is because she definitely gave him reason not to trust her will subside over time. he just found out his wife is a cheater. Thats pretty devestating and I'm sure he is still in shock.

 

She broke the trust, period. He won't want to keep tabs on her for long, but its understandable why he wants to now.

[bentnotbroken]

I understand that your hurting here. Your H putting you thru hell. But why would you give your H the OM contact information. I don't get that. That OM fell in love with you, you had every opportunity to stop it. But you continued on with the affair. Now your getting advice to give your H the OM information. But you haven't mention how much you hurt your OM. Did you even care or even love him. No one even mention that. I feel you used the OM for your own selfish needs. Now your done with him your wrong for that.You played with that OM heart.

 

Take respondsibility for hurting that OM as well. You MW string the OM on when your H finds out about your cheating ways. You forget about the OM you just hurt also. But why care about the OM he was just a means to satisfy your needs for awhile.

 

OM holds as much responsibility as she does. The same if it was the reverse. Don't act like most AP are ingnorant to the fact that they are involved with a MP. Of course he was being used, just like he was using her knowing she was married.

[HURT LOVER]

exactly. because if the H replies to the OM's attempts at contact, maybe he won't contact her if he thinks the husband will be the one responding.

 

 

 

 

uh....ahem....the OM knew she was married. He didn't seem to care that he was boning someone elses wife. OM knew what he was doing...knew he was entering an affair with a married woman.

 

The betrayed spouses here are the ones that got played.

 

 

 

 

how did she string him along? OM knew she was married. He knew the score going into the game.

 

 

 

 

wonder what response you'd get if you told her H what you just told us? You think H would think sympathy for the OM is warranted? my guess is no.

 

I get that OM was with the H wife. I never up helded that the OM was sleeping with this H wife. Both the OM and MW were wrong. If I was the H I would think differently. but I'm not. As far as stringing the OM along. She feed him the pillow talk unfortunatley the OM went for it. If it was going to be about getting layed so let it be that. You both get off and leave one another. But she feed him more and more to keep getting what she wanted. He fell for the lies. So why put the OM in the firing lane? All I'm saying is she hurt alot of people in the process of being selfish. You can't disregard the OM feelings here that's all.

[turnera]

OM holds as much responsibility as she does. The same if it was the reverse. Don't act like most AP are ingnorant to the fact that they are involved with a MP. Of course he was being used, just like he was using her knowing she was married.

Hurt Lover is an OM.

[HURT LOVER]

Hurt Lover is an OM.

 

Your right I have been the OM. Like I said earlier I know how it feels to be the OM. I can say I would never put myself in that position ever again. Yes I knew the deal with her being Married. Just never expected to fall in love with her.

[bentnotbroken]

Hurt Lover is an OM.

 

 

I know. He stated that when he first joined.