Torn between lover and husband

[BB07]

I suggest that you Divorce your husband, for all of your safety. But, if I were you, I wouldn't take anything financially from him. You both should have joint custody of the children, that way both of you pay for your childrens welfare. You shouldn't go for child support, no point in making your husband pay even more for your affair. But, that means that you're going to have to get a job.

 

Secondly, your husband would be open to date who he wants to, I don't know if that's something that he's considered doing, but people here on LS say that BS's consider revenge affairs, I don't condone that though. However, you need to do what you need to do to remain in safety.

 

People who are considering an affair need to read this whole thread, this is why people on LS strongly Discourage having an affair, because of the possible fallout that NR is now experiencing!

 

NR, Your affair is your fault!

 

Your husband brandishing and pointing a gun at you is his fault, including any other abuse he does!

 

Get the HELL out of there NOW!

 

 

Your life is in Danger!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Really good post DV!.

[Darth Vader]

Why don't people realize that married fathers, or any father really, already pay child support when the M is happy and healthy? Why should that change just because there is a D??? If he pays all of it now, he should pay for all of it after a D. If she gets a job his portion is lowered. That is why each state has 'guidelines', a formula they use to determine what is reasonable and customary. Anything else is just an opinion.

 

Perhaps you meant she shouldn't go for alimony? Even then, he will have to pay if it falls under the guidelines.

 

 

Because those formula "guidelines" are over rated to make him (men) pay more than he/they really should. That ought to tell ya right there if she gets a job, his portion is lowered. So, it tells you that fathers are already paying way too much, that's why it's refered to as child support/alimony to a man! That's a sneek peek into what kind of crap a man has to go through! God forbid that he ever gets a raise or promotion at his job, child support/(aka)alimony sucks it all up! It sucks to be a man. And women wonder why nice guys are hard to find these days, they're all pissed at a fixed system! Who would want to risk it and get married just to have his wife cheat on him? There's a saying: "When Momma plays, Poppa pays.":sick: It's just that simple!

 

Anyway, she shouldn't even go for Alimony, that'll be just twisting the knife in her husband, it'll be like: she gets to cheat and have all that wonderful orgasmic sex and poor hubby gets to pay for it, literally! On another side note, going for alimony or child support would hurt her husband even more, doing so even after all of this may also inflame the situation and lead to possible violence. That's just the way I see it, besides, the man's already paid enough in spades! After all, he's unstable already, why push him over another cliff?

 

Point is, a person can only take so much!

[Darth Vader]

Really good post DV!.

 

 

I have my moments, although it's very rare! I have to keep my melodramatic self interesting to all the ladies, otherwise, they'd get bored!:lmao:

 

But seriously, she needs get away from this man and quick! I don't like the fact that she kicked him out, she really needs to be the one gone IMO, she cheated, she leaves! Actually, it'd be safer for her in the long run, because if he really wanted to do something, he knows right where she's at. It just makes it easier for him to do something to her. So far it may be a good sign that he's remorseful for doing that abuse stuff to her, plus the fact he hasn't done anything, yet. God forbid he does anything. That's why she should've already left the house with the children, but he shouldn't be denied to see his children if he's sober! Her husband needs to get Depression Meds, although I'm not a Doctor, I've heard others on here saying that BS's should get them, I can't remember why though.

[bananalaffytaffy]

I have a slightly different perspective. If I was ending a marriage to someone who treated me so shabbily, I would be willing to pay to get out of that sham. I would also most likely seek custody. But if I knew she could care for them better than I, I would want to ensure that they are well cared for. I certainly wouldn't throw my own flesh and blood out onto the streets because their mother acted the way she did.

 

Am I missing some posts? Why has the thread already progressed past divorce into financial support?

[Darth Vader]

Sometimes the ignorance here surprises me! Loaded or unloaded it doesn't make a damn.....he used it to intimidate, harass, threaten her and the kids. NOTHING she did or didn't do, makes that alright!

 

She never said he was a monster, she knows he is a very troubled man who snapped. She knows her actions had a hand in it......but still that does not excuse what HE DID!

 

 

This is very true.

 

Everything that he does now or rather has done, is because what's been done to him. He's wrong for waving a Gun in any case! But, people have to realize that NR has caused this to happen by her actions either Directly or Indirectly! She's facing REAL CONSEQUENCES for her actions! I feel for her, but I feel more for her husband! He's really in Hell now!

 

This probably would Never have happened if she didn't have her affair! Her husband probably would have Never done this in any other situation!

 

NR! You had better get your husband the help he desparately needs, including the Depression Meds! NOW!

[Darth Vader]

I have a slightly different perspective. If I was ending a marriage to someone who treated me so shabbily, I would be willing to pay to get out of that sham. I would also most likely seek custody. But if I knew she could care for them better than I, I would want to ensure that they are well cared for. I certainly wouldn't throw my own flesh and blood out onto the streets because their mother acted the way she did.

 

Am I missing some posts? Why has the thread already progressed past divorce into financial support?

 

 

Because financial support is part of the Divorce process. It tallies in there somewhere.

 

Some people do pay to get out while others overpay!

[bananalaffytaffy]

Because financial support is part of the Divorce process. It tallies in there somewhere.

 

Some people do pay to get out while others overpay!

I guess I missed the post where November Rain said they have filed for divorce.

[jj33]

November are you OK?

 

This nonsense about not getting alimony or child support etc is nonsense. If you live in a no fault state that wont matter to alimony and your mistake will never matter regarding child support.

 

You made a mistake but he PULLED A GUN on you and your 2 year old. Nothing nothing nothing that you could ever do (short of pulling a gun or a knife at the same moment) justifies that behavior.

 

You need to be away from him. He may feel tha he needs to be with his family to recover but he does not. His family needs to be safe. And he needs to work out his anger and the stress from his job and get to a point where he is able to accept what has happened and decide if he still WANTS to continue the marriage.

 

Just like you need to decide to decide whether you feel safe and comfortable going back to that. You DONT owe him your life if you feel scared.

 

Being married to a law enforcement officer is very stressful just as his job is very stressful. It may be that as good a man as he is, as much as he loves you and your child, your future does not lie with each other. But its probably too soon to decide that. He needs time and counseling away from you and the baby so that he can work out his rage. He may say that it will never happen again but until he has some really good counselling he cant guarantee that.

 

There are probably counselors in your city that have experience in dealing with people in your husbands line of work and are experienced in dealing with these things.

 

I hope you and your child are safe and that you are finding the help that you need.

 

Take good care

 

jj

[U2RockZz]

this lady doesn't deserve a child support/alimony....even if she gets them....he can get them by filing a AA case against her lover boys...he loses nothing.....but gains priceless freedom from a serial cheater and finally that freaking gun was empty!!!!!!!!!!

[BB07]

Seems that some of you are forgetting that the children are the most important. Their security and well being should be the primary importance. They should not be uprooted from their home, it represents security and normality to them and after experiencing such a traumatic event, they will need all the security they can get. Since keeping them there involves child support and maybe maintenance for NR, then that is the way it should be done. Those kids should not have to pay for the mistakes of either parent no more than absolutely necessary.

 

 

Let us know how you are NR........

[jj33]

Thats great U2. Her H can go file an AA whatever that is against the OM.

 

In the meantime most of us are concerned about November and her security and the security of her children. Noone deserves to have a gun pulled on them. All bets are off at that point.

[U2RockZz]

i feel she is a threat to him,not other way around even for her children.....she frustrated him so much that he has lost his self.....she is toxic to him and children

 

she definitely does not deserve sympathy.....if it was her first A may be then i would have had some compassion for her....she cheated him for her entire M.

 

 

she is even have all of you think that she is scared of her H for that incident....if she was really scared ..she would have given up all those details very long time back.....but she didn't.....she is just painting herself as a victim to her family,friends...now see all of her family thinks she is the victim.....she is lethal,meticulous in her approach to gain sympathy....now she could state that...this is the reason she had affairs all along......

 

 

and empty gun will not scare or kill anybody...don't overreact

[TinaniT]

Wow. I normally am known for my patience and ability to be diplomatic but I am struggling here to do so.

 

November Rain, ignore this stuff about you not getting any support. He pulled a gun on you and child. That is abhorrent and in no way excusable. I am not sure what issues some of the contrary posters have but some of these posts are really scaring me and I just wanted to post and make sure you aren't taking those particular posts to heart.

[U2RockZz]

i would agree with only one thing that he shouldn't have pulled this prank while the children around.....there is a chance that his kids would do the same thing...which might lead to drastic results.....apart from that i will stand by what ever said

[BB07]

 

and empty gun will not scare or kill anybody...don't overreact

 

Keep on with stupid crap such as the statement above.......and I hope you find yourself banned forever from here. Your usefulness and your input is worthless and your ignorance with that statement never ceases to amaze me with just how clueless some people really are.

[Silly_Girl]

and empty gun will not scare or kill anybody...don't overreact

 

I think that's a disgusting thing to say, least of all where kids are witness to such an incident. I'm starting to wonder if you're NR's husband...

 

 

NR can spend the rest of her life beating herself up over this if she so chooses. All that matters now is that she, and her husband, and their children are safe on a day-to-day basis and are getting any help and support that they need.

 

NR - post back when you can. There's lots of posters here who have concern for the whole family who may be able to help you. Don't stay away or be put off by some of the posts here.

[U2RockZz]

you all better read my last post....

[Silly_Girl]

you all better read my last post....

 

We were posting simultaneously.

 

Read your last post, and my previous post is still entirely relevant.

 

Constructively then, U2R, from where you're sitting, what would you suggest NR could do now to best help her husband and her children? Without being nasty; and bearing in mind there are some safety issues here...

[BB07]

We were posting simultaneously.

 

Read your last post, and my previous post is still entirely relevant.

 

Constructively then, U2R, from where you're sitting, what would you suggest NR could do now to best help her husband and her children? Without being nasty; and bearing in mind there are some safety issues here...

 

 

You are wasting your time addressing anything to him.....SG.

[U2RockZz]

SG: that i have already addressed in post #482,i guess...even for that matter my first post on this thread....i can't really constructive with destructive people

[TinaniT]

with destructive people

 

Yea.

That's the problem.

[bentnotbroken]

this lady doesn't deserve a child support/alimony....even if she gets them....he can get them by filing a AA case against her lover boys...he loses nothing.....but gains priceless freedom from a serial cheater and finally that freaking gun was empty!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

1)This lady isn't his child ,so no she doesn't deserve child support. His children deserve the financial, emotional and mental support of BOTH parents!!!! :mad:No child is responsible for the situation they find themselves in.....ever!

 

2)Alimony may be a different story and that is entirely incombant upon the state, county and in some stated the juridistion of each individual case.

 

3)I don't give a damn :sick:if the gun was made of hard candy. If it looks like a gun and creates fear in anyone....it is dangereous and abusive. There have been children who have died because the police couldn't tell the gun was a fake or not loaded. Empty my aZZ. :mad:So what? Did it change the fear that NR and her children experienced...? Hell no! Will it stop the nightmares? Again, hell no! How do you explain to a 2 year old "daddy was playing" while at the same time tell them they shouldn't play with guns.

 

NR husband is crushed, confused and dangereous. He needs help, no matter the reason he needs it. Get a clue about children (and adults too)before you post something this ridicileous again. *****SHEESH******

[BB07]

1)This lady isn't his child ,so no she doesn't deserve child support. His children deserve the financial, emotional and mental support of BOTH parents!!!! :mad:No child is responsible for the situation they find themselves in.....ever!

 

2)Alimony may be a different story and that is entirely incombant upon the state, county and in some stated the juridistion of each individual case.

 

3)I don't give a damn :sick:if the gun was made of hard candy. If it looks like a gun and creates fear in anyone....it is dangereous and abusive. There have been children who have died because the police couldn't tell the gun was a fake or not loaded. Empty my aZZ. :mad:So what? Did it change the fear that NR and her children experienced...? Hell no! Will it stop the nightmares? Again, hell no! How do you explain to a 2 year old "daddy was playing" while at the same time tell them they shouldn't play with guns.

 

NR husband is crushed, confused and dangereous. He needs help, no matter the reason he needs it. Get a clue about children (and adults too)before you post something this ridicileous again. *****SHEESH******

 

 

I'm standing up........giving you a standing ovation.

[JustJoe]

U2rock, I've expressed my sympathy for this husband , in this thread, before, but that IN NO WAY, excuses his appalling lack of judgment, and his dangerous, and abusive actions. THERE IS NO EXCUSE, for endangering or threatening to endanger, anybody, regardless of their past actions.

[U2RockZz]

i didn't say he did a sane thing....but even that insane thing gave him nothing in return

 

if somebody points a gun at you says he needed some answers....if she really scared as she states she would have confessed everything if not more.....but he got nothing,zero....

 

 

"Did it change the fear that NR and her children experienced...? "

 

again either she felt no threat from him or she already knows the gun was empty(her H would have been dead if it was loaded) or she doesn't really care about him but she is not scared!!!!!!!!! (as per children i have already mentioned in my previous post)

 

 

logically....why would anybody risk so much to the point of no recovery (if she was disparately trying to fix)....that guy is been on drinking spree for months....wants all the assurance...yet he got no answers....what would that say about her.