TheBear Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 Making a long story short, i have been married for 8 years (been together 12). with someone from another country. Two years ago my company sent me to a country in Africa and so i went. After a year, she complainted she could not be all by herself. I felt the place i am in Africa was not the place for her, so she went back to stay with her family. We have been meeting every 3 months or so. This time i had to come home and could not meet her so we would stay 6 months without seeing each other. Last meeting on xmas was kind of shaky, but seemed to end well, i knew we were up for even harder times but thought we could get through, as we had agreed i would be back for good in July. The first couple of months since xmas were pretty normal, everything seemed ok. I had flowers sent to her on our anniversary (early March) and she seemed very happy i had done that. By the end of that month i started noticing she was kind of getting out of touch with me, not communicating much unless i did first. Finnally a week, after not hearing from her for a couple of days i demanded she told me what was going on, and she called to say she could not take it anymore, that she wanted out. i was stunned, althoug i probably should have known it was coming. Sent her a couple of emails after that one letting her know my feelings about what just had happened and another later telling her i would not go on criticizing her, that i repected her choice and let her knew that i care for her as much as i ever did. She called later just before i got on the plane to wish me a good trip, telling me not to punish myself because it was not my fault, asked her she was doing and she said she was feeling miserable, when we said our goodbyes i said i love you and she said i love you too. If you are thinking surreal, i will say you're right. Since i got home we have exchanged some text messages mostly about trivial things. My first impulse was to get on a plane and go see her. Two days later (today) i am not sure that is the best thing to do. I do love her. Our relationship has been pretty regular. I wonder if being alone made her think about my "little" personal defects (you guys know..), and/or that she felt good where she is and thinks she's better off that way. Just to finish, saying to myself that i love her and that part of loving her is to respect her choice, as i want her to be happy just as i want to be myself. What i don't want is to lose her like that, if there is a chance i can get her back. For the meanwhile, trying to do what i must, stay busy and do the things i don't get to do in Africa. Sorry for the long post. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 So I'm slightly confused, but do you two live together when you're home or separate? Also, the fact that her husband is far away has probably gotten to her quite a bit. I know for me personally, I could be in a LDR when it came to dating or being engaged, but if I married someone the distance would have to end permanently. Maybe that's how she feels also. And another thing have you talked to your job about getting a position that may not keep you away from home for months on end? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheBear Posted April 11, 2010 Author Share Posted April 11, 2010 We have lived together for 10 years until i had to go out of the country. About asking the company, no point, i was to return for good in July. Link to post Share on other sites
Away Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 Maybe you haven't been very attentive towards her this time you've been far away? Men, as I hear, are different then women and don't need a lot of attention, like flowers, love emails, cards, text messages... but, personally I need A LOT more of this from some one who is not physically with me. When my boyfriend was here I was happy and loved him and didn't need him to be romantic or what not... now that he's far I feel so neglected every time I sent him a stupid card or emial with a love message and he doesn't reply. Also, the fact that he has done nothing like that for me in the 4 and a half months we haven't seen each other doesn't help. It has made me be a little "less in love" with him.. to put it that way.. maybe that's what happened with you and your wife?? I hope you solve your issues... best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 Oh ok, well that makes it a little more clearer than, but Away makes some good points. Women are emotional creatures, men (well most of them) not so much. I've sent my boyfriend poetic texts randomly and dedicated songs to him on facebook. Yes I'm a romantic, lol. My boyfriend on the other hand never does anything like this, although to his merit he does act extremely excited about our upcoming visit and always tries to comfort me when I start to feel a little down about our LDR. Anyway, maybe you didn't do enough to show your wife that you cared while you were away. Relationships are hard enough when your together, but when you're apart you have to put in more effort than if you were right beside each other. Whether that be a random card to her telling her you love her, making sure you talk to her everyday even if you're dead tired, or just saying I love you out of the blue, the little things like that go far in a LDR. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheBear Posted April 11, 2010 Author Share Posted April 11, 2010 Thank you both for your replies. Link to post Share on other sites
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