Role of attraction in relationships

[Mary3]

Thanks for the tips, I'm doing really well right now just keeping the carbs and total calories down while getting the exercise up, I easily lose a good 3-4 pounds a week.

 

As a male with extra weight you will lose easily as opposed to a female. Something about the muscle mass...

 

But make no mistake . You will Plateau. Right now you are losing ...eventually your body will stabilize . THATS the hardest part for someone trying to make a change. Expect the P and be patient .

 

Sometimes you have to step up the exersize when that happens.

[Mary3]

OP : I am curious though : Do you prefer tiny petite women , average shapely women , voluptous women or big women ?

[Rorschach]

As a male with extra weight you will lose easily as opposed to a female. Something about the muscle mass...

 

But make no mistake . You will Plateau. Right now you are losing ...eventually your body will stabilize . THATS the hardest part for someone trying to make a change. Expect the P and be patient .

 

Sometimes you have to step up the exersize when that happens.

 

Happened once already. Took a month to go from 297 to 274, then a month to go from 274 to 275 XD, after buckling down for two weeks I managed to fix it.

[Rorschach]

OP : I am curious though : Do you prefer tiny petite women , average shapely women , voluptous women or big women ?

 

average to curvy. Athletic doesn't do much for me, neither does skinny. But I like average and then a bit on the heavier side of average (extra 15-20 pounds doesn't bother me)

[Mary3]

average to curvy. Athletic doesn't do much for me, neither does skinny. But I like average and then a bit on the heavier side of average (extra 15-20 pounds doesn't bother me)

 

Okay thats what you prefer , But what were you dating of the above ?

 

Did you find larger women attracted to you ?

[Rorschach]

Uhhh. I'm generally nice to anyone who's concerned about their weight, but this just reeks of hypocrisy. If this is the way you think, a woman who thinks like you would think 'I don't want to feel like I have to settle for this overweight man right now just because my body/face isn't as hot as it should be'. And a woman who doesn't think like you will think 'Gosh, what a hypocrite' and not be compatible with you anyway.

 

Pretty much screwing yourself over with that.

 

Thanks for the encouraging words

 

maybe you missed the part where I said I don't want to settle because I'm losing serious pounds and I plan on being every bit as attractive as the girls I'm trying to meet. I get frustrated because while I'm still overweight now I don't plan on being overweight anymore by august, so it's only a few months and I want to find somebody who can overlook the now, knowing that I'm trying extremely hard.

[Mary3]

Thanks for the encouraging words

 

maybe you missed the part where I said I don't want to settle because I'm losing serious pounds and I plan on being every bit as attractive as the girls I'm trying to meet. I get frustrated because while I'm still overweight now I don't plan on being overweight anymore by august, so it's only a few months and I want to find somebody who can overlook the now, knowing that I'm trying extremely hard.

 

OP is that realistic ? How many years have you been overweight ?

[Rorschach]

Okay thats what you prefer , But what were you dating of the above ?

 

Did you find larger women attracted to you ?

 

What was I dating of the above? I've only ever been in one serious relationship and that was with a girl who probably had about 50-60 pounds on her.

 

And no, I can't say I've ever felt anybody was attracted to me but I attribute that more to my outward attitude of the time, then my looks. Before I started losing weight I was not a very confident, positive person as far as my own body went.

 

I feel alot better now, now I feel that I'm confident in my body and dating potential, I just feel I need to work on it even harder before I'll garner any interest.

[Mary3]

What was I dating of the above? I've only ever been in one serious relationship and that was with a girl who probably had about 50-60 pounds on her.

 

And no, I can't say I've ever felt anybody was attracted to me but I attribute that more to my outward attitude of the time, then my looks. Before I started losing weight I was not a very confident, positive person as far as my own body went.

 

I feel alot better now, now I feel that I'm confident in my body and dating potential, I just feel I need to work on it even harder before I'll garner any interest.

 

BINGO ! Your attitude is everything. How you carry yourself . How confidant you feel.

 

I've known overweight men ( I am sure we can all think of someone ) who exuded confidance and everyone loved being around that person..women included...

[Rorschach]

OP is that realistic ? How many years have you been overweight ?

 

Yes it is realistic.

 

In highschool (I graduated in 06) I was 250, down to 220 when I played football, but back up to 250+ after football season. Highschool is what made me extremely self concious about my weight, high school girls are not the most accepting...

 

2-3 years after highschool I was still around 220 because I had to walk to work and lived on my own (I was broke so I ate basically nothing). All during this time I was in a relationship with my ex who I later realized I didn't find very attractive, at the time I felt so bad about myself that I figured I should be lucky to have anybody. Looking back I can think of a handful of times both in highschool and in college afterwards where I was hit on by women and just too dumb to realize (hot women too)

 

last year I was 250 I worked a physical job and didn't diet at all but maintained a decent health and jogged a little.

 

This past year I went all the way up to 300 because I stopped working at a physical job (I have something more akin to a desk job now) wasn't dieting, and didn't even jog very much.

 

Since January I've gone all the way back down to 260 and show no signs of slowing as long as I keep my nose to the grindstone and really work at it.

 

220 is probably a very healthy weight for me but I personally believe that I can get lower, or hit 220 but have a more defined and toned body than I had in highschool when I wasn't really working on it like I should have been.

 

So yes I don't think losing all this weight by fall is unrealistic, I want to be able to go to the beach without a shirt on and not be self concious this summer too.

[Rorschach]

BINGO ! Your attitude is everything. How you carry yourself . How confidant you feel.

 

I've known overweight men ( I am sure we can all think of someone ) who exuded confidance and everyone loved being around that person..women included...

 

I'm aware of that, one of the reasons I have such a positive outlook right now that I didn't really have when I made the OP. Right now I'm dying to meet some girl who would just give me the chance to show her what a great guy I am and how much better it's going to get as I continue to lose weight.

 

This topic really sprang up between the frustration of actually losing the weight and the frustration of working so hard toward something and still not seeing any benefit of it.

 

Well, at least not a benefit in the romantic sense, I have felt alot more healthy lately too.

 

Oh and when I posted the OP I was still under the impression I had hit a plateau, I was in the last few days of a two week ball-busting workout session that I was using in an effort to push over the hump, while I hadn't actually checked the scale and I wasn't sure I had lost weight I'd been working really hard at it, monday I weighed myself to find that not only had I gotten past the plateau I had smashed the crap out of it and that was a big benefit to my self esteem.

[Mary3]

I hope you can lose the 40 lbs by September.

 

But what I mean by realistic is : You aren't likely a beanpole type guy with skinny arms and legs. You are likely big boned. I say 225 is perfect

[Mary3]

So you have little or no experience dating the hotties ... What do you envision ?

 

Alot of very pretty girls with rocking hot bodies might not be so pretty inside.

 

Shoot for what you want but realize their are all kinds of girls inside those tight bodys...

[Rorschach]

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/photo.php?pid=2752502&op=1&o=global&view=global&subj=647968979&id=507561733

 

thats me back when I was 270 but didn't work out at all. So while I may be only a few pounds lighter I look ALOT better now, i wish I had a good picture but all I have is this webcam at hand and it's hard to take pictures of myself except for my face (otherwise I have to stand too far away from the keyboard to see myself, but now I can't reach to hit 'capture' lol).

 

But if you have msn I'll show you just because I'm always willing to show off XD I feel great right now, I have more jiggle in my belly than ever (which is a good thing, 'real' fat doesn't jiggle because it's so stuffed full of adipose tissue, jiggly fat means alot of the adipose tissue has been removed) and I can see my belt now XD

[Rorschach]

So you have little or no experience dating the hotties ... What do you envision ?

 

Alot of very pretty girls with rocking hot bodies might not be so pretty inside.

 

Shoot for what you want but realize their are all kinds of girls inside those tight bodys...

 

Agreed, if you'll allow me 5 seconds to be a terrible terrible person I'd love to sleep with a hottie just to experience what that was like but just like everybody else it's all about personality in the long run. I'm looking for somebody who I find attractive and I like hanging around, that'd be perfect for me right now.

[Mary3]

Agreed, if you'll allow me 5 seconds to be a terrible terrible person I'd love to sleep with a hottie just to experience what that was like but just like everybody else it's all about personality in the long run. I'm looking for somebody who I find attractive and I like hanging around, that'd be perfect for me right now.

 

Haha ! Of course

[Rorschach]

More than anything I'm coming to realize I really want a girl who enjoys the same things I do who I can take places and be comfortable around, if a relationship springs from that all the better (i love being loved ) but I just love spending time with women that I get along with. Most of the time that involves romantic interest though since I don't like the feeling of being 'friendzoned' when I have an interest in somebody, immeadiately makes me want to run away.

[Rorschach]

Haha ! Of course

 

and thats really what the OP was all about, curiousity about what it's like to sleep with somebody you find extremely attractive. But I think it came off as a 'I only want to date people I find extremely attractive cause I'm a stuck up bastard'. Which was unintentional

[Mary3]

and thats really what the OP was all about, curiousity about what it's like to sleep with somebody you find extremely attractive. But I think it came off as a 'I only want to date people I find extremely attractive cause I'm a stuck up bastard'. Which was unintentional

 

It feels wonderful but ONLY if you find their heart and their mind attractive as well.

 

As for visual purposes, its just short lived fun ...

[Rorschach]

If I could find a 'hottie' for lack of a better word (I find the word degrading but people tend to know what it means, eh) who I really got along with, enjoyed spending time with, related with on an emotional level, and maybe eventually even loved and had the love returned to me it was be absolutely paradise.

 

I agree that sex is as much emotional as it is physical, thats one reason that me and my ex's sex life was always good was because while I may not have been attracted to her body I was in love with her mind and personality.

 

To have both at once could prove counter productive to my longevity in the bedroom

[Mary3]

If I could find a 'hottie' for lack of a better word (I find the word degrading but people tend to know what it means, eh) who I really got along with, enjoyed spending time with, related with on an emotional level, and maybe eventually even loved and had the love returned to me it was be absolutely paradise.

 

I agree that sex is as much emotional as it is physical, thats one reason that me and my ex's sex life was always good was because while I may not have been attracted to her body I was in love with her mind and personality.

 

To have both at once could prove counter productive to my longevity in the bedroom

 

The sex is amazing when you get there...

[Rorschach]

bleh, can we not talk about it until august >_>

 

But really, in your opinion would a woman care at all if I was currently losing weight? Not you per se, but most women, or does that not really come into the equation that decides whether or not they give me a chance?

[Mary3]

bleh, can we not talk about it until august >_>

 

But really, in your opinion would a woman care at all if I was currently losing weight? Not you per se, but most women, or does that not really come into the equation that decides whether or not they give me a chance?

 

Honestly if you are overweight they are going to see you overweight. The same would apply if you saw a 300 lb woman and she told you she was losing ...It might not matter because thats how you see her now. ..

 

Not speaking for me because I would say " Oh thats great but don't get too skinny ! I am not attracted to boney thin guys "

[Rorschach]

Honestly if you are overweight they are going to see you overweight. The same would apply if you saw a 300 lb woman and she told you she was losing ...It might not matter because thats how you see her now. ..

 

Not speaking for me because I would say " Oh thats great but don't get too skinny ! I am not attracted to boney thin guys "

 

Yeah I figured as much, *sigh* ah well guess I just have to suck it up and wait a few more months, I'm betting I can drop 30 pounds in 2 months, that'd put me in the 230s which is probably thing enough to get somebody.

[Els]

Thanks for the encouraging words

 

maybe you missed the part where I said I don't want to settle because I'm losing serious pounds and I plan on being every bit as attractive as the girls I'm trying to meet. I get frustrated because while I'm still overweight now I don't plan on being overweight anymore by august, so it's only a few months and I want to find somebody who can overlook the now, knowing that I'm trying extremely hard.

 

I'm sorry, but it's true. You talk about 'settling' based on looks, and like-minded women will talk about the exact same thing.

 

I'm not trying to be mean, but it's just solid advice. If you truly want those 7s (which are, statistically speaking, not that common due to subjective ratings such as appearances being a bell curve), you should at least not be overweight unless those women do happen to have a fetish for overweight men, thus placing you as a '7' in their minds.

 

You can find someone who can overlook the now, but chances are she's not going to be 7/10 and above, AND compatible with you mentally.