Do men actually Affair down?

[stella79]

Hi, just a question, when MM go out sculking for A's, do they affair down? The e-mail I receved from WS was pretty harsh she said:

 

"You were just an easy target for him. You are someone with weak moral character, half decent looks but an ugly and lonely interior. If you were a strong and moral person that had confidence in yourself you would never be looking to a married man. Honey, every man affairs DOWN"

 

Just wondering what people's thoughts are? He chose me for a reason, I never thought a guy would jeopardize his family and finaces for someone that was below standards..MM "said", what attracted him to me, was my confidence and independance, something she lacked. I was so delusional...Sorry for ranting..I know I desevered her rage...but really, would a man sacrifice his entire world for a "horrible" person..? Stella

[bentnotbroken]

I don't believe all men or women for that matter A down. I don't know what the stats are, but I would assume that to even go down this path isn't going to help you or her in the healing. She is angry. She has to believe something. You only need to deal with you now, nothing more.

[crazycatlady]

Hi, just a question, when MM go out sculking for A's, do they affair down? The e-mail I receved from WS was pretty harsh she said:

 

"You were just an easy target for him. You are someone with weak moral character, half decent looks but an ugly and lonely interior. If you were a strong and moral person that had confidence in yourself you would never be looking to a married man. Honey, every man affairs DOWN"

 

Just wondering what people's thoughts are? He chose me for a reason, I never thought a guy would jeopardize his family and finaces for someone that was below standards..MM "said", what attracted him to me, was my confidence and independance, something she lacked. I was so delusional...Sorry for ranting..I know I desevered her rage...but really, would a man sacrifice his entire world for a "horrible" person..? Stella

 

Stella - NEVER EVER let someone else tell you what you should think of yourself.

 

She is angry, bitter, unhappy, sad, heartbroken, etc etc, and she wants you to hurt as bad as she is hurting. Do not give her the satisfaction of doing that to you. Don't let someone else decide how you feel about yourself. Do you hear me?

 

You have enough garbage to deal with, you don't need hers added to it.

 

CCL

[MizzBlue72]

No - I don't think they affair down.

I think anything that is worth your time is worth more than that. The BS was mad - that's all. She wants you to feel as bad as she does.

 

You do need to take care of you. Good luck.And forget about her.

[lolapalooza]

Sounds like she's been hanging out on the Surviving Infidelity site.

I guess it depends on what she means by "affair down". No, I couldn't provide him with the life experience and children they had together, so I guess in that sense he "affaired down", but that wasn't my fault. In the looks, money and smarts department, I was above and beyond her. Anyway...

Bentnotbroken is right... She's hurt. She wants to vent her anger, and frankly, she should be angry. It's interesting she said you were an easy target for him. That means she realizes he deserves some blame, and isn't totally innocent.

But bent is right- this does nothing to help you heal and move on.

[Fallen Angel]

Hi, just a question, when MM go out sculking for A's, do they affair down? The e-mail I receved from WS was pretty harsh she said:

 

"You were just an easy target for him. You are someone with weak moral character, half decent looks but an ugly and lonely interior. If you were a strong and moral person that had confidence in yourself you would never be looking to a married man. Honey, every man affairs DOWN"

 

Just wondering what people's thoughts are? He chose me for a reason, I never thought a guy would jeopardize his family and finaces for someone that was below standards..MM "said", what attracted him to me, was my confidence and independance, something she lacked. I was so delusional...Sorry for ranting..I know I desevered her rage...but really, would a man sacrifice his entire world for a "horrible" person..? Stella

 

STOP IT!!!! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!!

 

You are letting her anger make you doubt your worth!!! STOP IT!!!

 

You are a wonderful, loving, caring, intelligent, compassionate, passionate, fun, confident, independant, strong woman!!!!

 

Any man would be glad to have you, and that is why her husband wanted you, because you were all those things.

 

You will hear people say that all men "affair down" but that is just BS (both kinds!!!)

 

That is what his wife needs to tell herself to get through her day. She needs to feel that she is superior to you. She needs to feel that he never REALLY thought of leaving her for you. She needs to think that he never REALLY loved you.. she needs to think those things so that she can stand to look at him. She needs to think those things so that she can hold her head up high as being "the better woman".

 

I am quite certain that there are MANY attributes that you have that your xMM wishes she had.. the one thing that she can hold as being supoerior to you in, is that she managed to get him to sign a contract first.

 

Quit allowing her to abuse you. Block her emails. Ignore texts, change your phone number if you need to. Stop letting her use you as a whipping post. You have been used as one long enough, let her turn her anger where it should be, at the man who is still lying to her by denying his true feelings for you, and the full extent of your relationship.

[fooled once]

Hi, just a question, when MM go out sculking for A's, do they affair down? The e-mail I receved from WS was pretty harsh she said:

 

"You were just an easy target for him. You are someone with weak moral character, half decent looks but an ugly and lonely interior. If you were a strong and moral person that had confidence in yourself you would never be looking to a married man. Honey, every man affairs DOWN"

 

Just wondering what people's thoughts are? He chose me for a reason, I never thought a guy would jeopardize his family and finances for someone that was below standards..MM "said", what attracted him to me, was my confidence and independence, something she lacked. I was so delusional...Sorry for ranting..I know I deserved her rage...but really, would a man sacrifice his entire world for a "horrible" person..? Stella

 

I think his wife was just striking out at you. She has been hurt beyond words. The man she married, the man she pledged her love and future to cheated on her. And I bet he trashed you to her as some desperate woman who pursued him and wouldn't leave him alone.

 

She may not be familiar with anyone who has been in an affair and has assumed that only lonely, desperate women get involved with someone else's husband. While that may be true in some cases, it isn't in my view, true for every case.

 

Try not to let her words affect you and realize she is deeply hurt and striking out at you. Hopefully, she is making sure her deceitful, cheating husband is getting his fair share of her anger. Right now, she is probably too hurt to (and possibly being fed bullcrap by him) to direct it solely where it belongs ... on him.... as he is the one who married her, said he was dedicating his life to her and would honor her and cherish her. Her world is crumbling

[bentnotbroken]

My lover certainly didn't! His W was fat, ugly and not very smart either. She made a lot less money than me too. She got pregnant, so he married her. She immediately got fat and lazy. Didn't care about her looks, then didn't want to put out cause she was ashamed of her fat a$$. Cute kid, tho.

 

 

Interesting you describe her outside this way, I wonder how she would describe your inside....cute kid and all.

[stella79]

Thank-you Everyone for your encouragement and support. The e-mail and texts were so nasty (I never responded)..I took stress leave..I sat at home and hated myself..I made a bad choice, and I did have to question my own morals..

 

I guess she has to live with that man..and she does need to justify staying with him..I'm sure he will have a D-day #2, and it won't be with me!!! Big Hugs Stella

[bentnotbroken]

Thank-you Everyone for your encouragement and support. The e-mail and texts were so nasty (I never responded)..I took stress leave..I sat at home and hated myself..I made a bad choice, and I did have to question my own morals..

 

I guess she has to live with that man..and she does need to justify staying with him..I'm sure he will have a D-day #2, and it won't be with me!!! Big Hugs Stella

 

 

Don't respond. Right now isn't the time for you or her to be speaking with each other. I don't buy the hate oneself stuff. Been there done that and it served no useful purpose but to keep me from the promises of God. You should question your morals...we all should. It is part of the self assessment that keeps us from stagnating. Were you okay with the relationship? why or why not? These aren't questions that I expect you to give an answer to me or anyone else, just yourself.

[bentnotbroken]

Hey, I didn't make her eat all those Oreos and ice cream! She needed to put the fork down!

You wanna know her inside? She was a big fat mean battle axe who yelled all the time!

She was mean. I was sweet.

 

Stella, forget about her and what she thinks. She's right to be mad, but she needs to be mad at her dumba$$ hubs.

 

 

That's obvious.

[hopesndreams]

The BS makes good points. If you were as confident and independent as you claim to be, you would never have got involved with her husband.

 

Work on you. Be all you can be and then some. Don't lower yourself to be with a married man ever again.

 

His W should dump him instead of looking to you to blame. Yes, she is angry and rightly so, but getting involved in your life, is pointless to her. She will see that in time. You could have been anyone. You are not special to this unavailable man, never were, so don't delude yourself. She needs to concentrate on the scum she married and leave you alone.

[Getting_stronger]

Stella - NEVER EVER let someone else tell you what you should think of yourself.

 

She is angry, bitter, unhappy, sad, heartbroken, etc etc, and she wants you to hurt as bad as she is hurting. Do not give her the satisfaction of doing that to you. Don't let someone else decide how you feel about yourself. Do you hear me?

 

You have enough garbage to deal with, you don't need hers added to it.

 

CCL

 

Couldnt have said it better- Stella her pain is not directed at you- its directed at him.

[Woggle]

Both genders tend to do it.

[Fallen Angel]

The BS makes good points. If you were as confident and independent as you claim to be, you would never have got involved with her husband.

 

Work on you. Be all you can be and then some. Don't lower yourself to be with a married man ever again.

 

His W should dump him instead of looking to you to blame. Yes, she is angry and rightly so, but getting involved in your life, is pointless to her. She will see that in time. You could have been anyone. You are not special to this unavailable man, never were, so don't delude yourself. She needs to concentrate on the scum she married and leave you alone.

 

I'm throwing the Bullsh*t flag on this one.

 

Saying this devalues Stella.

 

If he had not found Stella would he have been involved in a rleationship with someone else? Perhaps, but there is no way to know that. But what we do know is that out of all of the women that he meets regularly in his life, he chose Stella. He chose her for a reason. (I would say the reason is because she is all the things I spoke about in my first response on this thread)

 

Men have a lot more choices available to them than most women like to give them credit for. There are a lot of lonely women, loking for men even married ones. I am quite certain that Stella was not his only option, but she was his only choice.

 

Do not devalue her or the love she had by giving her that untrue blanket statement and expecting it to somehow help her. That kind of thinking and attitude is very similar to what the BW is telling Stella, is it not??

[bittersweet memories]

Hi, just a question, when MM go out sculking for A's, do they affair down? The e-mail I receved from WS was pretty harsh she said:

 

"You were just an easy target for him. You are someone with weak moral character, half decent looks but an ugly and lonely interior. If you were a strong and moral person that had confidence in yourself you would never be looking to a married man. Honey, every man affairs DOWN"

 

Just wondering what people's thoughts are? He chose me for a reason, I never thought a guy would jeopardize his family and finaces for someone that was below standards..MM "said", what attracted him to me, was my confidence and independance, something she lacked. I was so delusional...Sorry for ranting..I know I desevered her rage...but really, would a man sacrifice his entire world for a "horrible" person..? Stella

 

I don't believe "ALL" MM affair down, but what i have seen most do.

 

Most MM would absolutely sacrifice. You are giving them way to much credit. They are far from being perfect. They think with their other head that has no brain.

 

Of course this man is going to tell you what you want to hear, don't forget he's a BIG FAT liar.

[hopesndreams]

I'm throwing the Bullsh*t flag on this one.

 

Saying this devalues Stella.

 

If he had not found Stella would he have been involved in a rleationship with someone else? Perhaps, but there is no way to know that. But what we do know is that out of all of the women that he meets regularly in his life, he chose Stella. He chose her for a reason. (I would say the reason is because she is all the things I spoke about in my first response on this thread)

 

Men have a lot more choices available to them than most women like to give them credit for. There are a lot of lonely women, loking for men even married ones. I am quite certain that Stella was not his only option, but she was his only choice.

 

Do not devalue her or the love she had by giving her that untrue blanket statement and expecting it to somehow help her. That kind of thinking and attitude is very similar to what the BW is telling Stella, is it not??

 

It's exactly what she should be thinking. It's called a reality check. And all those betrayed should dump the one that cheated on them..or did you not read that part?

[Fallen Angel]

It's exactly what she should be thinking. It's called a reality check. And all those betrayed should dump the one that cheated on them..or did you not read that part?

 

I read that part, but that doesn't relate to the part of your post I disagreed with. *shrug*

[hopesndreams]

Neither Stella or his W are special, to him. That's my point.

[bittersweet memories]

I'm throwing the Bullsh*t flag on this one.

 

Saying this devalues Stella.

 

If he had not found Stella would he have been involved in a rleationship with someone else? Perhaps, but there is no way to know that. But what we do know is that out of all of the women that he meets regularly in his life, he chose Stella. He chose her for a reason. (I would say the reason is because she is all the things I spoke about in my first response on this thread)

 

Men have a lot more choices available to them than most women like to give them credit for. There are a lot of lonely women, loking for men even married ones. I am quite certain that Stella was not his only option, but she was his only choice.

 

Do not devalue her or the love she had by giving her that untrue blanket statement and expecting it to somehow help her. That kind of thinking and attitude is very similar to what the BW is telling Stella, is it not??

 

 

If i remember correctly, I recall Stella in one of her past post(post has been deleted for whatever reason) she mentioned how she believed MM has had other affairs and something about MM trying something on a co-worker prior to her. (I Don't recall the exact words and story) but I know she was having a hard time going NC during this time. Do you recall that Stella? You are giving this guy to much credit..he sounds like a dog.

[Fallen Angel]

I am not giving this guy any credit at all. i am giving STELLA credit.

 

I refuse to accept that she is disposable and interchangable as many of you are making her out to be.

 

That is what the BW is telling her, and here you are saying the same thing. It is as untrue when you speak it as when the BW speaks it.

[aerogurl87]

Some men do cheat down, case in point Tiger Woods. Others not so much. But honestly why not go out and find someone whose actually single, messing with a married guy is just asking for a half fulfilling relationship and drama. I think anyone deserves better than that in life.

[hopesndreams]

I am not giving this guy any credit at all. i am giving STELLA credit.

 

I refuse to accept that she is disposable and interchangable as many of you are making her out to be.

 

That is what the BW is telling her, and here you are saying the same thing. It is as untrue when you speak it as when the BW speaks it.

 

What his W hasn't realized yet, is that she too is disposable and interchangeable. There are no winners here.

[SouthernSunshine]

That's similar to the voice msg I got from the W after she discovered the A. She said I was ugly, and she couldn't believe I got his dick hard. Ha! So funny, considering he was the one that made me promise not to laugh before he showed me her picture..

[stella79]

(((Fallen)))...Thank you for your kind words and support. I hope I'm not disposable..It's so good to be surrounded by understanding people..

 

My previous posts were deleted for suspicions that the BS was stalking me..not the case.. There were rumors that XMM was hitting on a co-worker..the rumor was true. He is a dog.

 

I don't believe he "affaired down", we were friends before the A, I wasn't just some girl he met in a bar. I fell in love with him, he is good looking charismatic..ect..He told me he wanted to leave his W for years but was afraid of losing his kids. I fell for his charms..Morally, it was against everything I believed in or wanted.. But, when you Think you finally found "The One", suddenly morals and values get lost in the haze... He did show his true nature, I fed his stupid ego..Sometimes I think that's what it was all about..He wanted to feel wanted and desired by someone other than his W.

 

She ended the e-mail saying this...

" He thinks you are desperate and only good for sex. Maybe he's told you that I am a bad wife, or that he just can't talk to me, but let me assure you, that we are supposed to be in this marriage for better or worse, thick or thin, and even in the times when we may have problems. Honestly, how would you feel if you became a home-wrecker? You might be sitting there laughing, but one day, it may come back to haunt you."

 

She is definately confused....These are her final words..I don't understand what she's getting at? He's the home wrecker..It's funny that just a few days before this e-mail he said he loved me and has no attraction for his W...Hmmm..