Do men actually Affair down?

[Woggle]

Woman affair down as well. You should seen the scum I caught my ex wife in bed with. I threw out the sheets after that whole debacle because he was so smelly and gross.

[stella79]

((woggle))..I do believe that some people Affair down when it comes to just sex..having one too many drinks, ect...lack of judgement. But, MM/MW that go out looking for an A to meet their emotional needs, they usually look for someone better/different than their Spouses..At least that is my opinion..hugs Stella

[Woggle]

((woggle))..I do believe that some people Affair down when it comes to just sex..having one too many drinks, ect...lack of judgement. But, MM/MW that go out looking for an A to meet their emotional needs, they usually look for someone better/different than their Spouses..At least that is my opinion..hugs Stella

 

They usually fall for some nice speech by a smooth player. I see right through that kind of crap but that stuff gets people hooked. You see all these posts from MW who say the OM understands them better than anybody else when all he does is feed her what she wants to hear.

 

As far as men affairing down I see that as well. Look at Jesse James and Tiger Woods. These men usually fall for some drama queen who will get bored once they get their MM prize. Cheaters of both genders in general fall for crap and would not notice the real love in front of them if it were right in front of their eyes.

[stella79]

You make a good point Woggle..my XMM fed me all sorts of bull****.. and I should have known better..He knew exactly what to say to me to keep the A going.

I guess I said all the right things to him..only..I was honest with him..Those other guys like Tiger and Jesse James, have some sick sexual addictions..

[bananalaffytaffy]

Stella,

I hope you know now that "The One" will never ask you to compromise your morals or values.

I wish you the very best.

[Woggle]

MM 9 times out of 10 is feeding pretty bs to the OW. Why they fall for it so much I do not know.

 

OM tend to be really good at hooking women as well. I have friend who targets MW and he says it just beyond easy to get them hooked and get them to cheat. He doesn't even have to try.

[bittersweet memories]

 

As far as men affairing down I see that as well. Look at Jesse James and Tiger Woods. These men usually fall for some drama queen who will get bored once they get their MM prize. Cheaters of both genders in general fall for crap and would not notice the real love in front of them if it were right in front of their eyes.

 

Good point...they can have anyone they want gorgeous woman but they totally down graded. It was not just one night.

[bittersweet memories]

You make a good point Woggle..my XMM fed me all sorts of bull****.. and I should have known better..He knew exactly what to say to me to keep the A going.

I guess I said all the right things to him..only..I was honest with him..Those other guys like Tiger and Jesse James, have some sick sexual addictions..

 

Sexual addictions is an excuse to sheet. I say Bull crap..

[Susmay]

Hi, just a question, when MM go out sculking for A's, do they affair down? The e-mail I receved from WS was pretty harsh she said:

 

"You were just an easy target for him. You are someone with weak moral character, half decent looks but an ugly and lonely interior. If you were a strong and moral person that had confidence in yourself you would never be looking to a married man. Honey, every man affairs DOWN"

 

Just wondering what people's thoughts are? He chose me for a reason, I never thought a guy would jeopardize his family and finaces for someone that was below standards..MM "said", what attracted him to me, was my confidence and independance, something she lacked. I was so delusional...Sorry for ranting..I know I desevered her rage...but really, would a man sacrifice his entire world for a "horrible" person..? Stella

 

When it comes to things like:

 

- Looks (or beauty)

- Sex appeal

- Age (or youth)

- Income earning capacity

- Education level

- Intelligence

- Personality

 

I don't think it's a foregone conclusion that they affair down.

 

However it's almost trite to say that the MM needs to find someone that is willing to either share him with his W or somehow believe things that, to put it bluntly, are probably untrue, and straight from the Affair script.

 

Many MM would not be willing for their wives to have a secret affair, and quite possibly hold the view that women who do, are somehow lesser in "quality" than those that would never entertain having a relationship with a MM. In this sense I think many affair down.

 

Stella I think the BW in this case was just lashing out. While I have tried to answer your question I don't think it's really what you want or need to hear right now. You know he's treated both her and you very poorly. You need to protect yourself from what is now their mess. I understand it hurts to wonder what she and he think of you, but it is no longer relevant to you, you need to move on. I recall how you were telling about how it was true love in some of your earlier posts. This is what you need to get past now.

[CrissyQ]

Hi, just a question, when MM go out sculking for A's, do they affair down? The e-mail I receved from WS was pretty harsh she said:

 

"You were just an easy target for him. You are someone with weak moral character, half decent looks but an ugly and lonely interior. If you were a strong and moral person that had confidence in yourself you would never be looking to a married man. Honey, every man affairs DOWN"

 

Just wondering what people's thoughts are? He chose me for a reason, I never thought a guy would jeopardize his family and finaces for someone that was below standards..MM "said", what attracted him to me, was my confidence and independance, something she lacked. I was so delusional...Sorry for ranting..I know I desevered her rage...but really, would a man sacrifice his entire world for a "horrible" person..? Stella

 

 

This is not a easy question to answer,we are women we have no idea why a man has a affair only what we assume to be true.

 

Don't know if this would help but I have came across ALOT of men that I have heard say "she's not the type of woman that would get involved with a MM she's to respectable"not about myself but about which ever woman the guy was talking about at a certain time.

[jennie-jennie]

((woggle))..I do believe that some people Affair down when it comes to just sex..having one too many drinks, ect...lack of judgement. But, MM/MW that go out looking for an A to meet their emotional needs, they usually look for someone better/different than their Spouses..At least that is my opinion..hugs Stella

 

This is my opinion as well.

 

My MM had a pretty good marriage, and did not even realize anything was missing until he found it with me.

[delirious]

This is my opinion as well.

 

My MM had a pretty good marriage, and did not even realize anything was missing until he found it with me.

 

Yes that is the same here. My MM did not realise he did not have a good relationship until he met me. It shocked him that he had become so emotionally detached from her and forgotten that feeling.

 

As for affairing down, he started to compare me once with W and I smacked his face, even though I was winning, I did not think that was right for him to do that. Then he agreed with me that there was no comparison at all, we were just totally totally different in every way.

 

As for the OP Stella, years ago I found out that my then boyfriend was actually living with someone. Long story but we were dating for over a year and I stayed at his house several times(he put all her stuff away) amazingly. When I found out, I dumped him and rang her. She said "well you are not the first, and you will not be the last". Seems like I was the one that was shocked but what did that say about her. She wanted me to feel like I was not special, but hell, she certainly wasn't and was prepared for it to happen again by the sound of it.

[delirious]

MM 9 times out of 10 is feeding pretty bs to the OW. Why they fall for it so much I do not know.

 

OM tend to be really good at hooking women as well. I have friend who targets MW and he says it just beyond easy to get them hooked and get them to cheat. He doesn't even have to try.

 

I find this post very offensive and mysogynistic. AND if he is your friend, that says something about you.

[Fallen Angel]

((woggle))..I do believe that some people Affair down when it comes to just sex..having one too many drinks, ect...lack of judgement. But, MM/MW that go out looking for an A to meet their emotional needs, they usually look for someone better/different than their Spouses..At least that is my opinion..hugs Stella

 

They usually fall for some nice speech by a smooth player. I see right through that kind of crap but that stuff gets people hooked. You see all these posts from MW who say the OM understands them better than anybody else when all he does is feed her what she wants to hear.

 

As far as men affairing down I see that as well. Look at Jesse James and Tiger Woods. These men usually fall for some drama queen who will get bored once they get their MM prize. Cheaters of both genders in general fall for crap and would not notice the real love in front of them if it were right in front of their eyes.

 

Woggle,

 

I think you missed the point that Stella was making.

 

If a man or a woman has an affair purely to meet sexual needs, then affairing down is a distinct possiblility because they simply do not care one lick about the other person's moral fibre, intelligence, humour, etc.; however, when someone is seeking an emotional connection they look for qualitities they admire, someone who they feel they could be in a long term satisfying relationship with.

 

So I would say that for someone who is looking for a strictly PA, the chances are much higher that they will "affair down" as the personality characteristics of their affair partner do nothing to change the sexual relationship. They have no need to seek someone of the same or better ilk than their spouse. But the person seeking emotional intimacy with their affair partner will seek someone who, to their minds, is a "step up" from their spouse, at least in the specific areas they are trying to find (ie. compassion, humour, intellectual stimulation etc.. whatever they feel they are lacking with their spouse.)

[RedDevil66]

I think all affairs are about A'ing down. It's not about looks or status, it's about the moral code.

I'm a very good looking woman with lots of great stuff going on and the wife of the married guy I cheated with was overweight, not pretty, never worked, was depressed etc.

BUT, she had morals and integrity, he husband on the other hand did not. Nor did I, at the time, so sure he had a pretty girl to have an affair with, but I was ugly inside to lower myself to the standard of being a lying cheat.

 

 

Stella, I think this wife's email was hurtful, but if it's forcing you to question yourself in order to take steps to become moral and live a life of integrity, then look at her words as a gift and not a sword.

 

I think many men A Down since cheating is on the lowest level of morality and they need a willing partner in their pain-game, so find someone who's "lacking" at the time.

No one who is stable, happy and truly at peace with themselves has an affair. No matter what the cheater OW says on this board.

[RedDevil66]

I find this post very offensive and mysogynistic. AND if he is your friend, that says something about you.

 

this may be offensive, but it's the truth. If you know any player married men, they in fact do this and make it a game.

Woman are easy pray since we work on emotion and not logic.

[Just a stone's throw]

FA - not my experience. exMM and I were in it first for the sex and second for the friendship. I believed and still do believe him when he stated that I was out of his league, so to speak. He never thought someone like me would go for a relationship with him. I think he has a lower self-esteem which he masks by being overly cocky at times but I could see through it. Now, I don't believe I was out of his league, I think we were very compatible and on a similar level professionally, socially and financially as well as intellectually.

 

I don't think that either of us A'd down. I find that somewhat degrading to think that either of us would.

[Just a stone's throw]

And I guess if the A'ing down is in comparison to the BS, I would say that both of us are on the same level as the BS. Just that we got along sexually much better. So I guess we were A'ing up in that sense? Yes, we were both cheating and needed someone equally qualified with a lack of moral fortitude to do that with, which to our knowledge neither of our spouses would match up to. Maybe that is technically A'ing down.... now I'm confused.....

[lolapalooza]

Didn't Stella's MM throw her under the bus? Something like "desperate and good for sex, nothing else"? So if the BS is believing this BS (other word, not betrayed spouse), it would make sense that she thought her H "affair'd down"

Woggle,

 

I think you missed the point that Stella was making.

 

If a man or a woman has an affair purely to meet sexual needs, then affairing down is a distinct possiblility because they simply do not care one lick about the other person's moral fibre, intelligence, humour, etc.; however, when someone is seeking an emotional connection they look for qualitities they admire, someone who they feel they could be in a long term satisfying relationship with.

 

So I would say that for someone who is looking for a strictly PA, the chances are much higher that they will "affair down" as the personality characteristics of their affair partner do nothing to change the sexual relationship. They have no need to seek someone of the same or better ilk than their spouse. But the person seeking emotional intimacy with their affair partner will seek someone who, to their minds, is a "step up" from their spouse, at least in the specific areas they are trying to find (ie. compassion, humour, intellectual stimulation etc.. whatever they feel they are lacking with their spouse.)

[Fallen Angel]

Didn't Stella's MM throw her under the bus? Something like "desperate and good for sex, nothing else"? So if the BS is believing this BS (other word, not betrayed spouse), it would make sense that she thought her H "affair'd down"

 

That does not speak to what I said.

 

Yes, the BW does believe this; however believing it does not make it true.

[ADF]

The majority of women wouldn't choose to have an affair with a married man. Married men who go skulking for affairs know this. Thus, they often select women they see as needy, who have low self-esteem, who lack scruples, or who are otherwise easy targets. So yes, in a sense, they "affair down."

[scatterd]

The comment about being better then her because she was fat is plaine rude and has no meaning.She was having his kids cooking doing his laundry and such.Someday you might find all of a sudden your hormones are whacked out and gain tons of weight probably more because your thyroid took a dump on you.She had something you did not with the weight.Im under weight but I have enough sence to know men that cheat also lie so if thats true how do you really compare.This is about another woman being knocked and turns into a wife bashing thread.Us married woman have tons of qualitys we was single at one time too.Have a little compation for the wifes that have been hurt here.Have a good day!

[bittersweet memories]

I believe at first its all about sex and some MM eventually start falling for the OW.

 

But in the end of the day the truth comes out on D-day if this MM ever really had any love towards the OW.

[Fallen Angel]

The comment about being better then her because she was fat is plaine rude and has no meaning.She was having his kids cooking doing his laundry and such.Someday you might find all of a sudden your hormones are whacked out and gain tons of weight probably more because your thyroid took a dump on you.She had something you did not with the weight.Im under weight but I have enough sence to know men that cheat also lie so if thats true how do you really compare.This is about another woman being knocked and turns into a wife bashing thread.Us married woman have tons of qualitys we was single at one time too.Have a little compation for the wifes that have been hurt here.Have a good day!

 

Scatterd,

 

I agree that the comment to which you are referring was in very poor taste. The person who posted it is acting from the same place emotionally as the BW who said those horrible things to Stella. It is a defensive posture they assume in order to be able to feel superior to the other person.

 

I am sure that each woman involved had some quality that the man in question viewed as superior in one woman over the other. Otherwise what is the point of having them both?

 

The poster who spoke about the BW so disparagingly probably feels as though she is inferior to the BW in other ways, and so attacks the BWs physical characteristics.

 

The BW in Stella situation likely feels inferior to Stella in some ways and so attacks her "moral character" and in this way hopes to make Stella feel inferior.

 

It is a game of mental self-preservation, that has little or nothing to do with how the man in question views either woman.

[Woggle]

I find this post very offensive and mysogynistic. AND if he is your friend, that says something about you.

 

It's the truth. This is how players operate. he is my friend because despite all this he is a good guy and looked out for me at my powest point. He targets married women instead of single because he does not feel guilty about using a cheater for sex. His attitude is that they should not have been cheating in the first place.