jojo Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 my bf just told me after i busted him that he had lied to me about when he and his ex broke up (tog. 3 years) because he didnt want me to think it was too soon for him to date or that he was not over her. i was pissed off but i was glad that he told the truth once i spoke to him about this. he said he didnt want to hurt me. although hurt, i consider this a light lie, and set the boundary as to no more lies, i dont care what they are but no more lies. this guy is wonderful in most aspects, we have been dating 6 months, and it just now came out. he says there is no more secrets. what are your thoughts? yes i beleive him with the no more secrets thing Link to post Share on other sites
Martyg Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 white lies are common in relationships it shows that he doent want to hurt your feelings but if the number of white lies starts to get out of control it can lead to bigger ones. but he seemed to have your feelings in mind when he lied so i'd trust him Link to post Share on other sites
jester Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 how common are white lies in a relationship. As common as relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
jojo Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 what are lies that you would put up with and others that you wouldnt? Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 if he masturbated in the shower, etc: i don't know why i would ask, but it's not my business and i don't mind white lies about it, even though i would just think it was funny if he had. if he is having trouble at work that he has not gone into his cave and ruminated about yet: problems need time to understand without woman's questions/hysteria sometimes; i respect that. he comes from a non-confrontational family, and it drives me crazy sometimes that he will small lie about stuff that he thinks will upset me, because i just don't care about stuff like whether or not he dusted his room. i think if you grow up with a tyrannical and imbalanced mother, you learn to lie for protection. but we're working on that together. things i white-lie about: a. how much i loved my ex-es b. how cool i think his friends are c. how much i like and admire the guys in my writing groups/retreats/sculpting class d. how much time i spend on his gameboy e. what i think of his mother f. what i think of the decor in 'his' room - hey, dragonball isn't for me, but it's his private office g. weird things i have done to save money - you really can make good pasta sauce out of ketchup; but thriftiness detracts from the glamour of the meal. h. feeling happy and intellectually satisified even when i'm not - this one is not good, and we're working on it too. Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 i think if you grow up with a tyrannical and imbalanced mother, you learn to lie for protection I KNOW that growing you with a tyrannical and imbalance mother teaches you to "lie for protection." But then, I'd still wonder why you'd ask your SO if he masturbated in the shower? I'd assume that I'd forgotten to clean up the evidence in some improbable way, and claim to have been using a new sample of liquid soap. Link to post Share on other sites
jojo Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 Originally posted by jenny if he masturbated in the shower, etc: i don't know why i would ask, but it's not my business and i don't mind white lies about it, even though i would just think it was funny if he had. if he is having trouble at work that he has not gone into his cave and ruminated about yet: problems need time to understand without woman's questions/hysteria sometimes; i respect that. he comes from a non-confrontational family, and it drives me crazy sometimes that he will small lie about stuff that he thinks will upset me, because i just don't care about stuff like whether or not he dusted his room. i think if you grow up with a tyrannical and imbalanced mother, you learn to lie for protection. but we're working on that together. things i white-lie about: a. how much i loved my ex-es b. how cool i think his friends are c. how much i like and admire the guys in my writing groups/retreats/sculpting class d. how much time i spend on his gameboy e. what i think of his mother f. what i think of the decor in 'his' room - hey, dragonball isn't for me, but it's his private office g. weird things i have done to save money - you really can make good pasta sauce out of ketchup; but thriftiness detracts from the glamour of the meal. h. feeling happy and intellectually satisified even when i'm not - this one is not good, and we're working on it too. what do you think about the lie my bf said? 1) he said he never bought lingerie from a store that i asked about (which he lied and said no cause he didnt want to talk about it) 2) he lied about when they broke up because he didnt want me to read into it and think he wasnt over her. (which he soooooo is! so over her) thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 hmm; i think your bf lied for the same reason - to avoid confrontation. i think he's basically honest but seeks to protect you; it's understandable. it does build up a culture of mistrust eventually, but i understand the impulse. p.s. lol - his mother actually used to ask him after every shower if he had masturbated (i never would) and put books in the bathroom with anti-masturbation rhetoric in them. evidently it hurts jesus when you masturbate. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 Yeah, your avatar is the minion of God who smites kittens after masturbation, correct? Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 that's him! one kitten per unit of spilt seed! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 17, 2004 Share Posted January 17, 2004 Heck - if I asked a guy if he'd jo'd in the shower, it'd be 'cause I'd like to add the mental image to my fantasy files. Link to post Share on other sites
jojo Posted January 18, 2004 Share Posted January 18, 2004 i agree with moi Link to post Share on other sites
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